Ed But Not Ed Sheeran - Blog Posts

Skip dinner, wake up thīnner

(Btw y'all these are my own again)

Today’s Breakfast🤍

Being my own thiñspø🌸🤍

Y’all I’m kinda proud cause I see small differences 💕

Reminder:

You’re stronger than food🌸

Y’all I see differences on my bødy 🌸💕

I’ll show you

What do you guys think?

I mean, let’s be honest.

We ans want definitely look like this. I’d do anything for that🤍🌸

Gotta look like this next to my future boyfriend

so, as one does, i was checking how much ive lost since i started properly tracking again. And, as fucked up little brainicles do, i was disappointed when it fell in the range of healthy weight loss for the time span (7.3kg in 2mo)

and then i realized that i was upset??? about being healthy???? and close to the upper limit of healthy?????

like wtf??????

idrc about whats healthy when it comes to weight loss (like im here lol) but ive never... actively not wanted to at least go about it in a more helathy way??

like im fucking religious abt taking my vitamins so i dont get scurvy or whatever. (after writing this the fact that my hard line for healthy eating is "having my flintstones gummies everyday" is... something)

anyways tldr is i had a "shit i am so far into my relapse ive reached new levels of fuckery" moment :/

my dinner! spicy "ramen" (konjac noodles), egg, sugar-free jello and cherry coke zero (god i love cherry coke zero my lifeblood frrr ❤️ 🍒)

i used two noodle packets (10 cal each so 20) and one small egg (60 cal) the sauce/seasonings are 22 cal and the green onion is 8.

plus the jello (2 × 5cal = 10) is 160 cal total!!

so yknow how caffine is an appitite surpressant??

HOLY FUCK IS IT EVER???

2 energy drinks last night and i have have only the nice empty hungr¥ and no cr@vings all fucking day!!! literally all i have eaten is a bowl of shitty condensed tomato soup (love me my soup but the creamy stuff is way better)

update: i overate like a mf today so gonna try to purge when i get home.

ugh i'm so stuffed from thanksgiving. it was at my aunts so i couldn't really purge but i did a tiny bit. gonna try to purge when i get home because i hate the feeling of being full.

happy thanksgiving! tried not to get too much, just a little taste of everything. it was soooo delicious oh my gosh i love food sm.

hello lovelies! today is thanksgiving and i'm so scared because i have to eat so much. if i eat hardly anything then my family will get worried that im not eating again (which they'd be right but i don't want them to know!!). i'm at my aunts house but im still gonna try to purge as much as i can because im finally at my lowest weight (158lbs or 71kg which is still huge but im so proud of how much i've lost!). a lot of people my height (5'7/5'8ish) weigh what i weigh and they look skinny but the way that i carry my weight makes me look like a whale. i carry most of it in my hips and ESPECIALLY my thighs oh my fucking gosh i just look massive.

hi guys update!! went to the doctor again and the same scale gave me ANOTHER different number. my scale says 165, tuesday the dr scale said 176, thursday it said 171!! i didn't lose weight and i was wearing basically the same outfit so WTF!!!

i'm actually gonna cry bc i think my scale is broken. i went to the doctor today and when they weighed me it was TEN POUNDS MORE than what my scale says. ik damn well i did not gain ten pounds overnight SO WTF!!!!

~Wieiad~

10•21•24

Breakfast:

• ?g cashews - ~175c

Total: ~175

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~My friend got trail mix this evening and we had been hanging out all day so I took some cashews to not raise suspicion but I really wish I wouldn’t have T . T Ik it wasn’t 200c so I’m not too upset about it ig but my fast is ruined now :C

I wasn’t planning on fasting tomorrow but I might now..tbd..

~Tw 3d Question~

How effective is purging when you make yourself vomit? And what should I do for after care?

~Wieiad~

10•15•24

Breakfast:

• 146g ZS Vanilla Greek yogurt - 60c

• 8g Chia seeds - 40c

• 50ml Coconut milk - 10c

• 80g Pumpkin Puree - 40c

• Ground Cinnamon - 8c

• 68g Frozen Strawberries - 24c

• 33g Frozen Raspberries - 17c

• 30g Frozen Blueberries - 16c

• 45g Frozen Blackberries - 29c

Snack:

• 5g CB whole wheat tortilla - 7c

Total: 251c

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Went mia for a little while because my mental health was complete shit and I had no energy to post on here but I should be back now✨

~Fast~

42.5 hours in and I just got sick * . * I feel a lot better now so I’m not breaking my fast quite yet, but I’m doubting I’ll complete all 93h.. I set it as that many hrs because it’s the most ideal fast I’d like to do, but I haven’t done a fast longer than 3 days in wayyy too long, and sadly I’m struggling a bit physically.. not even 48hrs in T . T but at the VERY least I’ll make it to the 48h mark, anything less is pathetic and I’ll be even more of a disappointment.(I would never talk to anyone else like that btw, only to myself lol)

Starting a fast :3

~Wieiad~

9•29•24

Breakfast:

2 Iron gummies - 10c

2 Zinc gummies - 20c

2 Vitamin D gummies - 15c

2 Vitamin 3 gummies - 20c

2 Biotin gummies - 10c

2 Omega-3 gummies - 25c

T: 100c

Lunch:

125g Chicken breasts - 134c

43g Sweet potato hash brown - 65c

T: 199c

Dinner:

85g Oikos TZ Vanilla Greek yogurt - 50c

8g Highkey choc mini cookies - 37c

8g Highkey double choc brownie mini cookies - 40c

3 Highkey sandwich cookies - 70c (I forgot to weigh them T . T)

T: 197c

Total: 500

Water Intake: 51 FLOZ

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~Macros~

Carbs - 63g

Protein - 40g

Fat - 18g

Fiber - 13g

Sodium - 1,008mg

Calcium - 143mg

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I lightly seasoned the chicken and put pepper on the hash brown, and I weighed the seasoning but my scale stayed at 0 so I can’t track it as easily. I’m just gonna add it as a few calories and consider my total intake to be 500…Not too bad of a day tho. Sodium is high but there’s days when it’s really low so I’m not too concerned; I drank a couple diet cokes and that’s what pushed it so high.

~ Vent ~

Something I keep thinking about is that my childhood friend told me ~4 months ago that she couldn’t imagine me skinny after she saw how different the pantry was at my parents house. Which is valid for her life experience with me, and great motivation, but wtf…. I’m kind of scared to meet up with her again after I lose more weight. I don’t want her to say anything else about my body.. and she’s one of the luckiest people on earth because she grew up SKINNY, and literally just because of genetics. Her whole family is thin.. lucky mfs lol -but we used to hang out frequently and we’d both eat a lot growing up, and she still does. The last time I hung out with her, she got a honey bun from a convenience store after she ate a sausage the length of a paper plate, and a slice of chocolate cake like 30mins-1 hour before… It’s possible she has some mental stuff going on as well because of struggling to gain weight, but to make such a comment about another person isn’t very mindful. My brain is kind of taking it as “I can’t imagine you being a healthy weight”. - not that I wanna be lol - but sis basically said that without actually saying it.. She knows I grew up FAT AF, a damn boulder, so I’m just struggling to understand how she could say that. In most cases, a persons health is the most important thing, and what she said really makes me feels like she wants me to stay big subconsciously. But, she picked the word skinny and not healthy, so maybe I’m just thinking too much into it lol.. Either way though, it’s still motivating me to do better so ultimately it doesn’t matter, but it does make me anxious about my relationship with her; and the pantry is so different now too compared to what it was the last time she saw it. So actually, I am very scared of her coming over lol.. and I don’t like that I feel that way, I love her a lot. I’m just not as comfortable around her now :c

~Wieiad~

9•26•24

Breakfast: Blueberry protein bar - 180c

Lunch: N/A

Dinner: 191g Plums - 88c

109g Kiwi with skin - 66c

140g Red Delicious apple with skin - 83c

87g Oranges - 41c

~Macros~

Carbs: 92g

Protein: 15g

Fat: 7g

Fiber: 17g

Sodium: 331mg

Calcium: 141mg

Total cals: 458

Water intake: 68 fl oz

Not too bad ig…. Just glad it’s not above 500 lol

I’ve felt my heart beat being crazy for the past few hours so I ended my fast before I really wanted to :c

Side note: These protein bars are amazing! A bit pricey and 180c… * . * -but very good! And not only did it kind of help my heart beat issue but now I’m definitely not hungry lol 10/10, do recommend✨ I have another flavor by the same brand that I’m going to try tomorrow :)

How often should I have a metabolism day?? Rn my daily calorie intake is ~500, sometimes I go over but not by much.

✨Lunch✨

Soba noodles 99kcal

Shrimps 64kcal

Cucumber 11kcal

Kimchi 6kcal

Leek 4kcal

Sweet soy sauce 10kcal

Total 194kcal

I was heavily restricting yesterday and guess how much weight I lost?

✨nothing ✨

I want to kms

I was 57,9kg this morning!!!

Fucking finallyyyyy

I’m so motivated to reach my goal weight by Christmas

What a lovely morning

I gained 0,5 kg after restricting. I know it’s just a water weight and not actual fat but it’s so disgusting. I want to kms