Dive Deep into Creativity: Discover, Share, Inspire
What you just described is like.. a critical chunk of the Human Condition.
The feeling of not being capable of the thing you're "meant" to do is such a human struggle, and it's something that everyone feels. It fundementally stems from the fact that our instincts are unaligned with our way of life, and when those instincts aren't met, we become miserable.
So we feel abandoned even if we are surrounded by friends and family, because we have abandoned ourselves by abandoning our instincts. We get punished, and try to compensate. By creating. We want to put our mark upon the world, to let others know we existed. That's why we built pyramids, and later wrote graffiti on said pyramids, and later yet made Tumblr posts about Greek graffiti on the pyramids.
And the thing is, creating doesn't fix the Human Condition, the same way acceptance of the loss of a loved one doesn't conclude your period of grief. But it ensures we can at least die knowing we achieved things. A small consolation, but nevertheless, we chase it. And there's nothing wrong with that.
The thing with humans is we create. We create such advanced things that draw deep parallels into our own selves. Not only that, we draw those parallels. We compare everything, we build those thoughts and put ourselves into the shoes of others.
And this is a silly thing to be upset about. I absolutely do know that. I watched the Steven Universe movie. Great movie, amazing music, adorable stuff. Mature as well of course, since the show itself has a lot of deep and important topics that are enjoyed by young and old.
I'm sure someone already said something about it before. But Spinel. She was sweet. Designed for fun. Designed for Pink. To avoid boredom, to keep her happy. And seeing yourself so plainly in another character and the parallels of trauma can be heart shattering.
To be created for someone's joy. And then they grow bored, annoyed. Bothered by your existence. They become too mature for your antics. They anticipate the trouble you can bring. Neglect, abandonment. To be left alone so long when all you wanted was to bring joy and pride. To know they dropped you off for others they did find joy in. To be forgotten.
Not only that. Knowing that you have trauma and don't really want to cause trouble in the end once you're awake to your actions, yet can't stop yourself. The pain runs under the skin. You lash out, and you can't take it back after. You can't begin again. Moving on is hard. You can't go back to your Pink, you can't fix those old friendships either. Or worse, Pink is your family. And now, you can't even go back to them either. The shock and darkness that would follow. It's just a lot to consider.