I Don't Know What To Do - Blog Posts

I have an urge to share with my thoughts about own fic with rdr OCs after I was crying and crashing my heart while listening to this song four days straight. Now I don't and just can't think about anything else than this angelic song and the animation I imagine in my head. But the problem is that it'll be spoiler (if anyone even read it), and I only released first chapter last month (after I was working on it from summer).

So the only one with who I can share it, is my friend with who I'm sharing and telling everything, but she don't have the opportunity to play rdr, and only know about the game from my yapping 💔💔

I wanna draw on this mf so bad but they're part of such obscure media that makes me think they're one of the only ones left in the world

I need to stop flirting with my friend oh my

She's giving me standards that I'm afraid no-one else shall fulfil and I

What do I do help me help me

Our texts are so unhinged but I

I don't think it's a joke anymore

Ffffuuuuccckkkk

Said in a singsong voice

Opened Tumblr today and so far have seen three Hamilton posts in under three minutes.

running a meme page for your city and having your bullies trying to befriend your memesona or wtv

So, um, I feel like I need approval for most of my actions, so here I am. Well, I have not yet reached 18 year old, but I'm kinda worried about what I will do when I grow up and if my parents will be okay with it.

I already have an idea, I plan to get into the gastronomy industry(a not so good one in my country), but I go to one of the best and expensive schools in my country, And I feel really bad about it, because if I go to a really good school+a expensive one, I should be something big to pay back right?

But I just don't feel like I can be something big! Just not my thing. Life is a competion now! Getting a job is a competition! Especially jobs like medicine etc. I don't like competition, that means I have to fight for something, I DON'T LIKE FIGHTING.

Anyway, back to the topic, I want to be something simple, not a doctor, not a scientist, I want to be a chef or maybe even a bartender(sounds like a dream job to me). I know I'm still young, I know I have time to think about things, but being in a school like mine, where each one of us is expected to be something big, it feels like I have no choice. I also want to mention that I don't have the best grades in things like math or science(the others are good....except French), they would probably be better if I put in the effort (which I don't).

My friend has a similar case, she wants to be an English teacher, her psychologist (clearly not from school (although the school is good there are a lot of shitty people and bullying)) says that the school does nothing to help her at all in achieving that goal. And she is very good at English, a C1 if I'm not mistaken (English is not our first lenguage).

So, I need opinions, please

I just took a character design class and I made this little clown who lives in an abandoned theater, they are poorly done because I did it in a hurry and now my hand hurts but it was fun

Under the cut is the first draft

You know, this is funny because I realized that my favorite characters are always two gay men..... and I've never really been attracted to either of them.... I just like romance... and I think I might be aroace or at least demi aroace.... and it kinda makes me sad that I might never be in a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone... I want to be, but I've never been attracted to anyone truly...

They say if you look at your favorite characters from past fandoms you'll be able to tell what your type is and I can say for certain mine is

sad/crazy black haired boy

Fuck my life. Nothing compares to the feeling of devastation that hit me when I woke up this morning. I can’t believe it. I won’t. The next four years are going to be fucking awful. How did this happen? I actually don’t know what I’m going to do now. I almost cried earlier. I couldn’t shower. I could barely eat. I can hardly process this. I just can’t. I can’t do this. 

‘‘Get Busy Living (In The Purgatory Of Your Real Life)’’

Once upon a time, I was a young boy. Born under a nighttime haze. With skin of stardust and tears like burning oil. A soul so bright nothing could damper it.

Now my soul is full of pallor. And my skin is grey. I have memories formed of the harshest sunlit days and the coldest moonshine nights. I could only grow into the threadbare skin they gave me.

~

I think back to nothing fond at all. These days the darkest parts of my brain are put together like a jigsaw puzzle filled with missing pieces and misplaced optimism. 

He is my only light. A boy just like me but infinitely more perfect. Beautiful, confident, sewn together with golden threads. Clean and pure. The antithesis of everything I've become.

‘’Get busy living’’, they tell me. But how am I supposed to live if he's not here to pave the trail ahead of me with his golden, elegant glow? You’d understand if you ever stood in the full glory of his love. Without him, it's not living, not really. It’s only a day-by-day slideshow, built to exist and li[v]e. 

~

I pale in comparison to all that he is. (He is the best part of me.) My blood is motor oil and my scars are rust. My features are burns against untainted, snow white flesh. I was made for the purpose of art, yet I have become what I always feared was the ugliest part of me. 

My soul is corrosive. It’s eating me from the inside out. Bones break and hearts shatter. But I’ll serve my broken body on a silver platter, in the hopes that he will take me as I am. That he will accept what little I have to offer.

~

He’s made me that boy again. The person I lost over the years. (Could I finally start to live?) The sky is full once more, lit up with the light of ten thousand galaxies. He is the man in the moon, watching over me even when he's not standing beside me.

~

My heart beats in time again. The stars align and I’m given back the matches that gave me that flicker to begin with. A small fire starts up in my ribcage, and I think that maybe I’ll have a bright light leading my way once again. Something to keep me warm and to give my soul back its glow. Stardust skin and the feeling that I’ll never be alone

hbd

i miss you so much all of a sudden.

Cry

its 12 am i cry coaurse inever made a good decion (i regret every decion i made ) in my life and i dont know waht im doing i want to kill myself becourse i cry and its the birthday of my friend im such an asshole but i cant stop feeling bad im just a horribel person i guss (my friend is awsome happy bday ! ) (to be fair every bithday ends with someone crying in my group) (i should maybe go to therapy again) (i cant go a week without crying why)(hope i dont puke

Reddit????

I didn’t even- I don’t have another account?? Someone falsely reported me. Do I have a chance of being unbanned?