I Dont Know - Blog Posts

mfw when people don't follow the boundaries i never set

being edgy means adding unreasonable amounts of plant-based milk to your coffee when youre by yourself but getting it plain when going out with friends

"MINORS DNI" you DO know that i'm still gonna read that, right??? rightt????????

HELLO!!! I was missing here purely out of laziness (sorry). But I drew, there are finished drawings, but they look kind of so-so.😰 Unfortunately for you, I now have no characters from any fandom.😔 This is my old character straight from 2021 (dark past), who has undergone many changes (in taste, in character, etc.). :)

Children say out-of-pocket things sometimes. Charmy is not an exception.

Is it weird that I try to like one thing in particular on one site but there is like 1000 things that I love on the same site

So I try to do my best to keep it on the one thing I like

I have a mixed relationship with studying.

On one end, I absolutely adore it; the classical or gentle music I listen to as my pen glides against the page, the controlled chaos that litters my desk and the dim lighting of my lamp.

On the other hand, however, I hate it; the seemingly endless hours I spend studying and yet never learning, the few bits of knowledge I do retain about these subjects I despise barely enough to get me passed with a decent enough grade.

If only I could learn to love the ache in my hands after writing for hours again, the challenge of understanding new knowledge made fun again.

Monster inktober:Day #18 nymph

When looking up references for nymphs, I learned that they where from Greek mythology, which surprised me for som reason

Never Mind 8

Hi! It's time for new part of Never Mind. I can say that this part is one I like myself. It's not like amazing and so deep and emotional part but I like it.

Why I did it? Why I went to him? Why I crabbed him? Why I crabbed his neck and not hand? Why I made him die? Why I had to choke him? Why I did it? Why I started becoming a monster that had spoken even before I was born? Just why did I born if it never meant to happen? Those question ran circle inside my head and they were making me crazy. Why went there? I need him and not only now but I will need him in future. I was just looking him and watch him try to breath. He tried to get my hands off around his neck. But I didn't let go. I made him die. No one haven't told me to do it but I still did it. I choked him and listened him say 'I love you'. Goosebumbs ran on my skin and left cold touch on it. I didn't cry and I left like I was wachting myself outside my body. But I felt my cold andhollow body around me. The boy was the most dearest person to me. So why just the freaking why I did let him die by my hands?

-Hey, what are doig here?

A hand placed on my shoulder. I did not want anyone to come and bother me now. I stood up and hit him with all my strenght and the person fell onto floor.

-None if your buisness asshole

I grabbed the man's feet and dragged him to others. I have had other people knock out before him. I did not want anyone to bother me. Then I just went to desk and found paper and pencil. I wrote "I don't know, maybe I was afraid and maybe I still am scared. You won't wait me with happy smile on your face anymore, not after you find out that your son died by my hands."

Then I just looked the note little time. I left the note and took that beautiful pencil with me. Then I heard some weak voice from pile of unmissed people. I opened a window other side of the room. I put my hood cover my head, white mask to cover my face and still once I scanned the room, then I escaped through the narrow window to lightless night.

Changing everything

I have been going trough many things the last weeks... so I’m going to change my blog completely. Hope you guys don’t get affected because of me❤️ (Here are some people I think should know about this: @spudmcloughlin @ask-the-jsegos and @theawkwardfanartist ) I really don’t know why I @ these people, but since they @ me in their favourite follower post...

Anyway thats it for me! OwO

Tragic Villain Rant (ig???)

so, this is my first post (no idea what I’m doing), but I just kinda want to vent/rant about tragic/sympathetic villains.

obviously, when looking at villains and analyzing, taking into account motivations and past traumas that lead up to their current actions is vital! It can change the message behind a story, the impact on characters within the narrative itself, etc. And there’s nothing wrong with liking a villain (regardless of redeemable qualities) and finding aspects sympathetic!

that being said, I just get so frustrated sometimes when all I see about a villain is their tragic backstory. What about the implications and consequences? The aftermath? I know people who like these characters usually don’t actually ignore/excuse the terrible things they do, but still.

might get some hate (if anyone sees this, which is doubtful), but this is somewhat specifically about Sephiroth and Shen Jiu, though there are others

Fuck it

Imma start posting my shitty PJO Clarisse La Rue x OC fanficiton here 

If you’re interested but don’t want to read it here on Tumblr, it’s also posted on Wattpad, Quotev, and AO3

I am the supporting side character of the anime protagonist, but I also secretly wrote and rehearsed the friendship speech and the only reason I keep cheering so loud is so that the protagonist will say the damn lines that I rehearsed with them 17 times yesterday. 

I like you analysis ,i have a interpretation of this short film where clair thinks that she is the responsible for the family being like this, well actually I saw this idea in a video that explained the short film but I shared it.

Every time I look at Jack Staubers Opal I’m blown away by the symbolism. For context; Jack Stauber made a short film in connection to Adult Swim. The story itself follows Claire navigating her household, where we are introduced to her neglectful family. It’s a really good short!! I recommend you watch it before reading this.

Tw: Child neglect, drug abuse, Nicotine abuse, lots of fantastical elements in connection with coping

I’m not gonna beat around the bush, this short is disturbing. Amazing, but disturbing.

Claire does not lead a comfortable life. When I’m comparison to everyone else, Claire is very obviously malnourished. In the Opal house, she has a burger in front of her. You expect her to eat the burger… but she dances with it. She has no idea what you even DO with a burger, she’s never eaten one. On top of this, when Claire comes back from looking at the sign, the grandpa say she SMELLS different, implying that she stinks. The house is littered with trash and papers. Grandpa and Moms living habits exasperate the situation, we see bloodied tissues and pill bottles everywhere

On top of this, we notice Claire isn’t even a person to her family, more of a tool. During the sequence where we see Claire’s face being molded, we see how she relates to the family. She’s the Grandpas eyes. She’s the fathers face. The moms pill.

The grandpa is blind and addicted to nicotine. He often wonders why it sounds so easy to breathe??? Much like Opal, he’s trying to cope through living in a fantasy. He imagines the people on the tv love him. The tv after all, is the only thing that stays with him. It gladly enables his behavior. Claire tries not to enable him, but unltimately she is the only one taking care of him. She hands him his cigarettes, even though she tries to hide them. She’s terrified of him, but she’s the only responsible one taking care of him

The father is coping through his narcissism. He has mirrors around him constantly because he needs to be SEEN. There are a couple lines hinting that his relationship with his wife is not great. He is just a small adult that’s trying to grow. He NEEDS to be perfect. He copes by looking at his mirrors and constantly grooming himself. Whenever we think he’s reaching out for Claire, he’s actually reaching for a mirror. Claire puts up with his behavior in the hope that one day he might reach for her instead. He is the safest adult in her life, and she isn’t even truly acknowledged by him unless it’s to boost himself

The mother is an addict and drug abuser. She is extremely aware of their living situation, and she thinks of herself as a martyr. Instead of trying to fix their situation, she has succumbed to her vices. She needs Claire to be her daughter, so she can feel some control in her life. Claire is the only innocent one out of all of them, and she NEEDS Claire to be her savior. She grasps at Claire because that’s the only reason for existing. Because after all, they don’t live. They survive.

In her real house, they only see Claire for what they need. They only use Opal as a way to boost themselves up. In the other family, Opal is SEEN by the other family. They love her. Her troubles are miles away.

The family that doesn’t exist loves and sees her more then her real one.

Hey there!

I Made a Discord server

https://discord.gg/bXY4qN2q

Singing your praises to the stars have kept me alive for the last few centuries, but now that you've found another to orbit around, will it make a difference if I burn brighter than the sun until my wings have caught fire and I look like the dream you see in your sleep?

I can forget the pain of a few burns if it means keeping you warm.

The new semester is about to start, and as always, I plan to -this time- make the most of it. This time, do all my homework the day I get it. This time, stay motivated. This time, wear a cute outfit every day. Etc.

And I know that, this time, I'm gonna fail again.

The constant pressure and never-ending cycle of due dates truly suck out all the fun and excitement of university.

Or maybe that's just me.

Squid Game Season 2

Soooo… I have a lot of ideas and I need some direction….

I’m itching to write something for this show (strangely did not have the same urge after the first season)

There’s a foreign blood pumping through his veins, calling out to him in the heavy silence, turning his once warm hands to ice. He wonders if the others can hear it, that harrowingly loud, screaming rush, that withholds sleep from him and chases his every waking moment; no amount of meditation could satiate it, that cloying weight that never ceased.

---

Or, Zhuo Yichen has trouble reconciling his past nature with his present.

---

Soooo.... I finally mustered up the time to finish this little fic!

So... I may or may not be writing a fic...

In the spirit of avoiding my grading papers (the horrors of graduate school), I've begun to toy around with a Fangs of Fortune fic/plot bunny that may or may not come to fruition...So, here is a very very brief snippet from the brain worm that has invaded my thoughts:

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“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”

– Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Every twitch of his-the wings sends an arc of pain, present but not real, racing up his spine. Fingers desperately strain against the urge to tear them off, to rip the unsightly appendages from their new, still healing joints, where pale skin met sinew and feathers. They were heavy, an unholy weight that unbalanced him, body and soul. He hated it, this nagging, roiling violation, tainting the very core of who Zhou Yichen was- who he would never again be. 

Yichen hadn’t left his chambers for some immeasurable period of time, for the sake of contemplation, or so he very much attempted to convince himself. Really, in some darkened recess of his mind, he knew, hidden, but not wholly, was the aching shame, a sensation that burrowed its way into his very bones, gnawing and taunting at every turn. Each footstep in the corridor, much louder than ever before, every hushed whisper setting his teeth on edge.

Teeth he pointedly didn’t acknowledge had sharpened into fangs. 

—

On his third day of self-ascribed solitude, Zhao Yuanzhou finally makes himself known. 

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Anyway, would love to hear anyone's thoughts!

So I Just Finished The Brothers Sun…

And I’m obsessed!!!!!

The whump: immaculate.

The family dynamics: a hot mess.

A new favorite sad man: Charles 🤌.

Soooo… I have a couple of fic ideas rolling around in my noggin, and wanted to see what some of y’all might be interested in (I will write even without an audience 🦅🦅🦅).

Ideas are welcome 💪

The Beginning (?) of My Prom/Nont Fic… 👀

Lemme know what y’all thank about my mini ramblings 💪

Soooo…I’ve definitely seen some…unique opinions on MDL about episodes 8 & 9…

I’m genuinely unsure why everyone is so caught up on this perceived ‘cheating’. Both kissing scenes, especially Junmo’s, were expertly done. It’s super clear that these are two characters who are in impossible situations, and we can clearly see that Junmo is pressured into the situation. Honestly, it was a bit uncomfortable to watch.

I’m trying not to be frustrated by everyone who is either bashing on Junmo and his wife, or are completely missing any level of nuance this show is trying to offer…

Anyway, thought time over lol 😂

"I know what you are" please tell me lol idk

I will finish this one later because i'm very ill today🤒

Thanks to all who Like that. Probably Not many but thank you 😘

there are days when my name lingers on the inside of your mouth; too reluctant to be explicit, too obvious to be discreet.

and it makes both of us tiptoe around each other till you say, "one last time" and spend the night in my dad's t-shirt that i always forget to bring back home. we have a hard time returning things, you and i. we make a home out of borrowed items because the reality of owning something that's just ours is scary; we are not who we wanted to be and if any of us got any closer to what we prayed for, i am not sure we'll recognize what we see. right now, i see you with my blurry vision because i can't find my glasses again and you have no idea how to look for things. you once told me you only started missing your grandma after she was buried. you do that; confess bizarre things just after coming. i don't mind it but i think i love you only when you are falling asleep beside me. the rest of the time we spend together, i nurture a mild hatred towards you so that we don't promise each other a forever we will grow to resist. well, even our hypotheticals are a calculated risk. there are days when your name lingers on the roof of my mouth so i just shove my tongue down yours so that we can never talk about anything real; reality bites, i'm sure you've noticed.

We Fight

People bray, and shout, and scream                                                               They fight and rage against the machine.                                                           Yet fire still falls from the sky                                                                                Mothers pray and children cry                                                                               And voices are still silenced beneath the bloodstained sand and sun and snow, and tomorrow still torrents towards us from a strange and distant land.