Not Crying - Blog Posts

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Cole never could’ve imagined this-- any of this-- when Adam Richards had approached him to be his English tutor freshman year. He’d known who Adam was, of course, because everyone did. It was normal to have a crush on the hot and funny and sweet quarterback, as evidenced by the conversations he had with the cheerleaders, except for the fact that Cole was a boy, too. He’d made peace with it, figured it would pass when Adam graduated and Cole would hear about his engagement to Chrissy Cunningham one day from some nosy mom in the Melvald’s checkout line. That was how things were supposed to be. But then, one night in February after a few hours of studying for an English test, Adam had kissed Cole.

Everything changed that day, and Adam quickly became the subject of all of Cole’s thoughts. They were inseparable for three years, and those were easily the best three years of Cole’s life. In every way, Adam was Cole’s balance: where Cole was shut off and withdrawn, Adam was open and giving, where Cole was book smart, Adam was emotionally intelligent, where Cole was cautious, Adam was trusting. Cole wasn’t religious at all, but he truly believed they were meant to find each other, and he never hesitated to tell Adam as much. So when Adam died in the ‘freak accident’ just before they were going to run away together, Cole’s life halted. Since then, he’d felt like he was a ghost, moving through the motions of life despite being completely detached. He didn’t really care what happened to him, not if it was without Adam. And when Adam came back? It was supposed to be good, and easy, and they were supposed to move on. It was still good, Adam was still Adam, but it was impossible to ignore the reality of the situation: that Adam had died and come back, and there were side effects.

Still, it was worth it to try-- to push it to the side for a few hours at least. When Adam offered to plan a date, Cole was elated. When he showed up at Cole’s door with their usual from Benny’s, Cole had wanted to cry. He had longed for this for so long. He’d gathered a few things in a bag of his own-- his dusty copy of The Odyssey, a chapstick, his house key, a few rogue pens and highlighters, and at the very bottom of the bag, his flask. Just in case things went South, not that they would, he just didn’t really go anywhere without it these days. Cole left the bag on the floorboards of the passenger seat and climbed into the truck bed with Adam. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, Cole scooted closer to him and nestled into his chest, angling his face to the sky to look at the stars like they’d done dozens of times before. “Mhmm,” he hummed contentedly, smiling at the memory. “We were so worried someone would find us,” he chuckled. “Worth the risk.” All of it was worth the risk-- Cole would always choose Adam, always. Cole shoved Adam away jokingly, “In my defense, what the fuck are jumper cables?” He laughed, though, unable to resist Adam with that grin. As they shifted and Adam leaned against Cole, he ran his fingers through the other’s hair gently. Everything about this felt so right, and Cole felt completely at peace. As Adam kissed his cheek, Cole caught his chin and lifted it so their lips met. “I love you,” he responded, feeling pressure building behind his eyelids. Not tonight, surely he could go one night without crying. “Thank you for this,” he said, kissing Adam’s forehead with a smile. 

WHO: Adam Richards & @loverboymontgomery​

WHAT: What were Richgomery doing during town hall????

WHERE: A backroad of Hawkins, somewhere near Lover’s Lake

Adam had met Cole during his sophomore year, not long after being named starting quarterback. Cole was in his English class - a year ahead of others in his grade, and far better at understanding literature than Adam could ever hope to be. The second he’d seen the snarky brunette who always had something to say in class, Adam had been hooked. For a long time he thought that maybe he just saw the other guy as someone he really, really wanted to be friends with, but eventually, it clicked why he was so obsessed with Cole. And once Adam’s grade began to drop in English because he just didn’t understand why people used metaphors or similes or whatever ( why couldn’t everyone just say exactly what they meant all the time ? ), asking Cole to help him seemed like it would solve two problems for him. Suddenly, he could spend all the time he wanted alone with Cole, getting to know him and liking him more each day, and he could bring up his grade. 

It hadn’t taken long before something had shifted between them, and Adam had made the first move. Kissing Cole without knowing how the other felt about him was scary - historically speaking, kissing another boy without asking typically didn’t end well for guys. But, Cole had kissed him back. He had been so kind and sweet and patient while Adam figured out how to tell Chrissy about it all, which had thankfully gone well. Then, Adam and Cole had gotten three beautiful years together in high school, full of them slipping love notes into the other’s locker, hanging out in Adam’s car together after football games, saying I love you for the first time, riding together on the bus to away games, studying together, and even slow dancing together at Prom in one of the empty classrooms. It had been perfect. Every single thing about their relationship in high school had been beautiful, untainted by any of the complicated feelings that existed there now because of Adam’s death and the grief it had caused. So Adam hadn’t been surprised when Cole had sadly admitted to wanting to go back to that - to get to experience how happy they’d been. How simple it had felt. And Adam had decided to rise to the challenge and do his best to plan a night for them where they could feel like that again. 

They had each planned plenty of dates for the other in high school, but there was always a trick to it. It had to still feel like a date - not just two friends hanging out - without drawing too much attention to themselves. They weren’t like Chrissy and Jason or Chance and Bev; they couldn’t share a kiss or hold hands across the table. Being openly affectionate in public wouldn’t end well for them, so they’d always had to get creative. Tonight, Adam had ordered them takeout from Benny’s, getting their usual order as well as a milkshake to split. He’d loaded his truck with blankets and pillows, and driven them out to a field on the edge of town. The farmer who owned the land was older, he wouldn’t even notice them parked back here off the main road. After they’d eaten and gotten everything set up, Adam sat back against the pillows, looking up at the stars. “Remember when we did this for the first time?” He asked Cole, leaning closer to him. “The summer after we’d gotten together.” Adam had gotten his truck around then, and had taken Cole out on drives all the time. “Oh, or that time you freaked out and swore a snake had gotten back here, but it was just my jumper cables?” Adam laughed, grinning at Cole. Shuffling closer to Cole, Adam laid down, resting his head on Cole’s shoulder. There had been so much weird tension between them lately, and Adam had felt like he had no idea how to even address it, let alone fix it. But right now, he wasn’t worried about it. He just wanted to enjoy a date with Cole, not caring about bomb or the Doppelganger or the Mindflayer or anything else. Just the two of them, here, together. “I love you,” He said softly, leaning up to kiss Cole’s cheek.