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I think about her and how she felt before she decided to die and I can only run around in circles until I am dizzy with it when I think about how she replied to me before ending it. Why didn't she say anything? Why didn't she put me on the phone? I would've answered. I would've picked up on the second ring as I always do.
I feel like less of a person without her. She was my family. She was closer to me than my own sister. We vowed to get out of our family together. We were going to grow old together. Sending TikToks back and forth captioned "us in 50 years" and sharing half-made plans of travel.
Our last sleepover she laughed so hard I thought she were going to pee herself. We shared a bed like we were little again and I woke up with her elbows in my spine as she always ended up.
I think about how she didn't want to bother me with her decision. I wish she did. I grieve her and I want the time we could've had. I would take her resentment and hate if it meant she was here and not dead.
Going over a year without suicidal thoughts brings a lot of awakenings. I am lovable, people can like me, although now I guess I have to plan for the future I never thought I could make it to. 13 year old me never gave a thought into high school classes, but now I'm being told to start thinking about what I want to do for college... It's so crazy to think that I've made it farther than I ever thought I would. And there's still more to look forward to. If you told 13 year old me that she makes it past 15, she'd probably break down at the thought of having to live that long. What she wouldn't think about is all the good things that have happened since.
I remember leaving my middle school for the last time, the best feeling ever. I remember going to summer camp. I remember going to my high school orientation and feeling hopeful for once. I remember the crash soon into the school year, yes, but I also remember how that led to the first moment of me feeling fully loved and accepted by my peers. I remember being comforted through a panic attack in the hallway at the Halloween dance. I remember my first audition at this school, I remember when I didn't get in. I remember trying again the next time and seeing my name on the cast email. I remember getting to be closer to all the people I had been admiring from afar all year. I remember all the fun outings, and the sleepovers, and the silly conversations that I get to have every morning. If 13 year old me knew I grew up, she'd think I'm still miserable. But now, even through the hardest times, I am loved and cared for.
Keep living yall. Things can work out.
Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends
Katsuki angst Inspired by the song "when the room goes quiet"
TW: suicide!! if this bothers you in any way, please click off now! Your mental health matters!!
Bold= Lyrics
Regular= The story
358 words. So, a short drabble
I found you in the ruins
When she saved him, he was depressed and usually took it out on others
Completely broken Absolutely gone
Crazy wild I patched up your pieces
She tried to save him, she tried her best and all of his friends saw this.
Lit up the dark
But you were too busy Tearing yourself apart
So she asked:
What will you do when the room goes quiet?
When the whiskey's gone, and you can't deny it
Who will you run to when it's all too real?
When I've found my wings and you're stuck right here
You said "always," but always ran dry
You're just another reason I know how to cry
Don't come back
Don't come back
Goodbye
And she tries to leave but being scared of him hurting himself she doesn't.
Yeah, I gave a damn
Kept making excuses
“Oh maybe he's just tired”
Turned love into a war
“Please you got to stop hurting yourself.” She says as she wraps his cuts in bandages
And let you call the truces
But you played the victim In every scene
“Katsuki what are you doing?!”
And somehow I'm the villain
“Please you got to stop hurting yourself.” She says as she wraps his cuts in bandages
In a crazy movie you've got me in
You're running from your past, but it's still here
Haunted by chances you didn't take
“You'll be the number one hero. I believe in you, my love!”
You bought the ticket to your own sadness
Chasing the dreams you can't remake
What will you do when the room goes quiet?
Don't come back
When the whiskey's gone, and you can't deny it
“You have to stop drinking, it's not good for you!”
Who will you run to when it's all too real?
“You… Cheated?”
When I've found my wings and you're stuck right here
You said "always," but always ran dry
You're just another reason I know how to cry
“Please! Stop!”
Don't come back
Don't come back
Don't come back
Goodbye
She places the flowers down at his grave, a single tear slipping down her cheek.
“Goodbye, Katsuki.”
@vuvvishere @zuicidegay @chrislikesgorillaz @baileythebean @nothing-notable @rottmeltson
@averagetmntfan
Listen folks, right now we have a situation with @emily59729 I won't get into details but remember, if something bad is going on in your life or if you feel like you wanna end it all, call 988 suicide helpline, 24/7 service and they will listen and help you the best they can. Please.dp give their number a call before you make a decision you regret
My friend with depression, please don't do it. There's a reason you're here. Cry not cut. Write it out. Think of something that makes you happy, contact someone who makes you happy. Please don't leave this Earth yet. I know it's shitty but there's always something to make it less shittier.