Sxrgeant - Blog Posts

natasha gives a slight hum at the acknowledgment that he doesn't know where Sam is or what's next. and she can relate to that on many levels. the not knowing what comes next. she hasn't known that for a while, instead, focusing on each day as it comes. life is easier that way along with a little less overwhelming.

the silence between them envelops her for a moment as she sips her drink, allowing it to settle between them comfortably. but as quickly as it's there, her head is turning, listening as he speaks, responding with an uneasy smile as she processes. "thank you, james. i'm glad that i'm here with you." she means it because as uneasy as she is in the world around her, this right here is familiar and comfortable.

"but don't go all soft on me now." eyes narrow slightly with a smile that twinkles despite the words that she speaks.

He finds it easy to talk to her, still. It’s been a good long while since they’ve actually sat down and had a real discussion, and yet the words flow from his mouth comfortably. He knows, somewhere deep embedded in him, that he’s not going to find judgement with her.

“I don’t know.” He answers both questions at once, a small shrug of his right shoulder. He thinks Sam is in DC, but he hasn’t heard from him. He will, at some point. If that means a friendly chat or gearing up, he won't know until he answers the phone.

“I wanna say something.” He says, after a long moment of extended silence– the type that doesn’t need to be filled. He’s filling it now, because he doesn't see the point in biting his tongue. He looks at her, something genuine in his gaze. “I’m really, really glad you’re here, Natalia.” He doesn’t mean just here, where they’re sitting, and he hopes she understands that.

"[ chin up ] sender lifts receiver's chin to stop them from hiding their tears" says @sxrgeant

contrary to popular belief, there's nothing poetic about coming back from the dead. for natasha it was like being dipped in water from the top of her head to the toes on her feet. chills surrounding her when she found herself back on earth. remembering that she'd been falling and then suddenly she was home. she should be fortunate, she should consider it a blessing. that's what people kept telling her. but natasha can't—no matter how hard she tries—she can't find it in herself to feel anything but frustration that the sacrifice she had made and the peace she had believed she would find were gone. and then the sadness comes in waves that despite her best efforts, natasha can't find the joy to be reunited with the people who love her and mourned her.

time. anyone she told these feelings to had sworn that with time she would feel better. but how the hell would they know?

her eyes are raised, feeling as heavy as her heart, staring at him for a moment, almost unaware that she had been crying. there's a shaky exhale as the palms of her hands come up to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"i'm so sorry, james. i'm not much fun to be around these days."

maybe she needed to get back to work, find a place where she could do more good rather than staring at the four walls that surrounded her, claiming that she was retired.

@sxrgeant gets a starter because i said so

she's intrigued by the thought of people living their lives after she'd been on vacation... (what else did you call it when you faux die for a stone to help save the universe?) and she has to wonder if that's what it was like for the people who were blipped. she's heard that it was like no time had passed but everything around you was different. natasha would call her time from vormir to the time she was back on earth similar. like she'd been there one second and the next she was home but it seemed everything had changed. listening to everyone else share their stories helps her forget that she's not supposed to be here. it alleviates from some of the constant anxiety that she's constantly radiating. she listens intently to james share his story, chin supported by her hand as she sits legs crossed in the seat across from him. "so where's sam now? i mean, what's next?"