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This Time For Sure. Yeah - Blog Posts

addyad-adv
2 months ago
cover page: a zine titled "this time for sure" by portfiend. a stick figure holds their arms outstretched. content warning for suicide as a theme.
a column of years (2016–2025) labeled "this time for sure." in 2025, a stick figure reclines in a chair, saying, "this year i'm going to make art that is true to myself.
stick figure looks triumphant. they say, "haha yes! i can use art to express passion joy desire lust? identity recovery having fun!" the stick figure falls off a cliff in the same pose. "...what does passion joy desire lust identity recovery having fun even look like???"
a diagram shows a stick figure with a brain (logic, reason), guts (fear, guilt), and a missing heart (emotion, love, desire). caption: "this may be a problem"
"you can draw whatever you want, as long as you are not hurting yourself or other people." stick figure says, "what the fuck does that mean? what if i AM hurting myself? what if i AM hurting other p--" they are interrupted by a giant centipede attacking them. later, bandaged, figure says: "if i draw the things my mind was actually constantly begging me to draw, it would be a lot of stick figures committing suicide. i have no idea why. i'm not even suicidal"
a graph describes "artistic subject matter per year". from 2015 to 2018, the artist draws lots of meaningless and juvenile art. from 2023 onward, the artist almost never draws and it's still mostly meaningless. a chicken fills the rest of the space to discourage the artist from drawing stick figures committing suicide.
i tried to turn this page into something honest, but the task felt impenetrable. the only thing that would come through, coherently, consistently: "i would rather be dead than childish". why?
rewinding back to 2016, the figure says, "wow, i actually survived the new years. oh well." faded: "this time for sure". at the bottom, the lyrics to Los Campesinos! - The Sea Is a Good Place to Think of the Future: "And all you can hear Is the sound of your own heart And all you can feel Is your lungs flood, and your blood course But, oh, I can see Five-hundred years dead set ahead of me Five-hundred behind A thousand years in perfect symmetry A thousand years, no getting rid of me A thousand years in perfect symmetry"

this time for sure (2025)

a zine i wrote about struggling to create art, broadly. consider this a spiritual successor to Some Artist You Are

if you would like to download this as a single printable or digital image, or give me money for some reason, you can do that over at itch.io: this time for sure

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fanart yearning hours img this time for sure. yeah
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