Dive Deep into Creativity: Discover, Share, Inspire
Words Words Words - Blog Posts
Recording of Aki Y. (Waring: Slight Body Horror and REALLY long post)
If I die in this world,
Who will know something of me?
I got to record this, through the tremors erupting from my body, and hope that our guardians can decipher this.
-Aki Y.
[...]
"The lifeforms of Earth are ignorant to their fragility. They can be easily exploited by their blissful imagination."
"I agree with you, these creatures often think they're superior. Yet they can't see that we are inside. Breathing in them, LIVING IN THEM. And this machine will be the key to our assimilation."
"And then our master will be invincible."
[...]
01010111 01100001 01110010 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100001 00001010
01010111 01100001 01110010 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100001 00001010
01010111 01100001 01110010 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100001 00001010
It's spreading...
The lesions consume the host,
It's skin will not outlast
the many worms burrowing within.
They wear a void [but as long as breath comes from the mouth]
Not even hope [their bodies never stood the slightest chance]
CAN COMFORT THE SOULS OF THE UNTOUCHED [THEIR PRAYERS ARE SILENCED]
All they see [to cease the darkness digesting them]
Is a galaxy of light & warmth [it's not theirs, it doesn’t belong to them]
Even a fake sky will suffice. [As their souls fight for their lives.]
As the deep ocean rises over time itself. [No one will be granted protection and love.]
War will be no more and all wisdom will be lost...
The mystery will be revealed
and shall the old world be reborn.
Come to us Holy Messiah of Silence.
"Before I die, I want to be somebody's favourite hiding place, the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe."
—Andrea Gibson
today is worst day, i am off killing myself.
+
our existence and future is predetermined by variables around us.
some things that make you better, and some things that don't.
when I consider that I imagine I should just off myself today.
I got shock figuring out I am 22, not 21 years old. I lost track of time so badly I forgot that. I thought I was 21 and convinced myself. But I actually am 22 now. Wow, last 5 years of my life were hell. In fact, I'd say everything after 12 was already hell. It was empty void. That's why I really hate videogames, why did I spend so much time playing garbage like Dark Souls? Jesus. Uh... Fuck, I am 22 years old, holy shit I am fucked. It's time to think about my future priorities. a month in mental asylum then few years of absolute suffering and misery, anything after 2015 is blurry to me, I feel like I stopped existing as entity. I wasted a lot of time on social media, a lot of time chasing nothingness, things that possess no power in the world.
And now it's actually 2025?! My brain feels like nothing has been happening and I was genuinely rotting away. I am glad I managed to release some of these touhou videos, I am glad I managed to bring churro back. But everything in my spirit feels miserable, it's pretty obvious I am not cutout for humanity's methodology. I haven't made any friends nor any partner, I do not have any form of support at all. Not even one of family. And with my personality, with my way of being, I doubt I'll ever be able to get any. My ego is in shambles and anger as of right now. It's funny right? It's a small detail but if I said 21 it would have made me FEEL as if I accomplished a little of something. By taking a date one year further now it makes me feel like I am REALLY LATE. After all, I took a while to condition myself to the premise of "atmosphere", this is how "things are supposed to be or play out". I feel insignificant today and like the world is jusjt gonna step on me to death and there's nothing I can do. I am people pleaser, because i felt socially forced to act like one. Like that was a means of survival that I half-hazardly accepted while not feeling it in my heart. Now even complaining makes me feel like age is crawling as penalty for speaking words here. Indeed, nobody really cares. It's all fake, people only care about things that cost zero risk. Associating yourself with something weak makes you weak, isn't that right?
So, what will be my priorities for the rest of my life?
I am definitely alone and I am also not strong to defeat the world on my own, I am tired of ironyposting. I am fucking tired of watching shit youtube content. I am tired of social media hijacking my mind (when really i would've preferred living in a tribe than this fucking -technocratic place) well.. 1. I will try to work on churro as much as I can so this site works and I will use my finance to support it. Since I won't ever have a child, I can share it with the site. It can be costly for future servers and for advertising on whenever I can, but it is my genuine goal to both spend my time and money on the site. That said, I cannot do it while also working, because a few hours aren't enough to code any substantial changes or fix bugs. I will work on trying to take a gambit of perfecting the site while NEET at the moment. My second goal is touhouposting, I thought that I will have periods where I upload videos on youtube and continue doing it. Playing videogames might not be good way to spend free time, but nobody really liked me and I don't communicate so I feel this is better efficient way than all these times I tried making friends. I will probably upload touhou videos every 4 days if my time allows it, but I will eventually run out of time to edit.
So, the touhou thing isn't eternal, give it like 5 years maybe max, I hope to end it at 3. They will be published even if I die but they ought to be entertaining videos.
With that said, gym and training play huge role of my daily life. So that also takes a lot of time.
And procrastinating, I gotta talk about the worst. I am bad at dealing with abstract things, they waste my time more than anything. I am already a loser incel the way I am but when I deal with something that doesn't have a clear goal it will be bothering me. I need to manage my time so I spend the LEAST time on things that requrie entertainment over work. This stuff is something that is hard to fight when you got addicted to brainrot.
As for drawing, drawing is genuine effort workoholic example, so I priotize drawing in free time over meaningless conversations with people who only care about themselves anyway + doom feedscrolling (awful i hate it i am not gonna do it anymroe notgonnadoit My life looks pretty shady according to human standard, but I never went to bars or anything like that, in fact maybe its peopel who are shady and they have the majority. So, what do I do after I get churro perfect and upload all vids I wanted? hm....
yep, I'm probably gonna die. I wouldn't know anything anymore, it'd be nice to have son who would manage churro, maybe I can adopt somebody at very late age as ultra-cuck or something, I am getting tired of typing....
Limited edition DILDAAR KALAKAAR prints.
Now available.
Alejandra Pizarnik, tr. by Yvette Siegert, "Extracting the Stone of Madness", Extracting the Stone of Madness: Poems 1962 - 1972
some inexplicable feelings & words.
blythe baird // isabel allende // clarice lispector // of age - the frights // olivia laing // unknown // alexandra latos.
YOU CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH LOVE, NOT EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BROKEN & SICK.
unknown // w. s. mervin // jane seville // denice frohman // florence + the machine // jennifer franklin // frank bidart.
i swear it is physically impossible for me to read a mary oliver quote without immediately having to hold back tears. "you do not have to be good" and "someone i loved once gave me a box of darkness. it took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift" and "i don't want to end up having simply visited this world" and "to love what is mortal against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go" and "it is a serious thing / just to be alive / on this fresh morning / in this broken world" and oh fuck it's happening again
How do I look away now that I have seen you?
on being seen and known and understood
Rachel Mennies, from "April 18, 2017", The Naomi Letters//Rick Riordan, Mark of Athena//picture: Mihaly Zichy "romantic encounter", quote: Micah Nemerever "These Violent Delights", edit @promqueendyke // Micah Nemerever, "These Violent Delights"//Marie Howe, "The Affliction"//Anne Carson, "Red Doc>"//NA//Taylor Swift, "Daylight"//Elizabeth Gilbert, "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage"//Little Women (2019)
thinking about that one quote from the simpsons about how much homer misses marge
when elena ferrante said “there are people who leave and people who know how to be left” and when richard siken said “someone has to leave first. this is a very old story. there is no other version of this story.” and when sally rooney wrote “if i told you where my car is right now, i don’t think i’d be able to leave, i think i would have to stay here just in case you changed your mind about everything” and when mikko harvey said “the number of hours we have together is actually not so large. please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.”and when karese burrows wrote “i have never seen a door that doesn’t look like you leaving. look at me writing this poem. even here i don’t mean anything i say. except that I still want you. that whatever is in me still loves you deeply. it is a light i can’t turn off. i clap my hands and nothing happens.” and when margarita karapanou said “i never expected you to actually finish anything. you were always leaving. i always picture you with a suitcase in your hand.”
{Alice Oseman, Radio Silence/ Emily Palermo, from Untitled/ Franz Kafka, from Diaries/ Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar/ Marya Hornbacher, Waiting/ Nikos Kazantzakis, from a letter to Galatea Kazantzaki wr. c. May 1922/ Mahmoud Darwish/ Anna Akhmatova, from The Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova; "The Old Portrait"/ Lyric Hunter, from "A Garden," Swallower/ Albert Camus/ Varsha/ Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Meek One}
does anyone have the post thats a leonard cohen quote talking about being empty
“You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy. You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like. If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.”
— Julien Smith, The Flinch (via wnq-anonymous)
“if you’re ever lucky enough to have dreams about someone, and wake up right next to them, then you’ll know how i’ve felt the past week or so. with you i don’t have to be anybody. my name is just “yours.” i am stuck in a song. we are just sharks and butterflies. vicious and fragile. my neck isn’t the same without you gnawing at it.”
— ryan ross; thursday, december 22 2005
i swear it is physically impossible for me to read a mary oliver quote without immediately having to hold back tears. "you do not have to be good" and "someone i loved once gave me a box of darkness. it took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift" and "i don't want to end up having simply visited this world" and "to love what is mortal against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go" and "it is a serious thing / just to be alive / on this fresh morning / in this broken world" and oh fuck it's happening again
when anne carson said “what are we made of but hunger and rage?” and when anne carson said “i do not want to be a person. i want to be unbearable.” and when anne carson said “i am talking about evil. it blooms. it eats. it grins.” and when anne carson said “revenge is a form of desire.” and when anne carson said “to feel anything deranges you.” and when anne carson said “why does tragedy exist? because you are full of rage. why are you full of rage? because you are full of grief.” and when anne carson said
How will the world end?
it’s genuinely not something i think too much about. there are people to love and dishes to do in the meantime.
—longing for love
what i could never confess without some bravado by emily palermo // nickie zimov // homosexuality by frank o’hara // normal people (2020) // the unabridged journal by sylvia plath // holly warburton
Love as Acceptance
Caitlyn Siehl // Leonard Cohen, "Anthem" // Rumi, "Bitterweet" // trans. Anne Carson, "Euripides" // Sade Andria Zabala, "Coffee and Cigarettes" // tumblr acct @/gayassnatural // Anne Carson, "H of H Playbook" // William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 116" // Clementine von Radics, "Mouthful of Forevers" // Toni Morrison, "Jazz"
can i request some poems about rain?
hi anon, of course! rain is among my top 5 favourite things. here are some rain-soaked poems & i hope you enjoy reading!
e. e. cummings, “somewhere i have never traveled,gladly beyond” | nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
Ocean Vuong, “Immigration Haibun” | How sweet. That rain. How something that lives only to fall can be nothing but sweet.
Andrea Gibson, “I Sing the Body Electric, Especially When My Power’s Out” | You are so full of rain / There is so much that is growing
Conchitina Cruz, “Alunsina Takes a Walk in the Rain” | Today, the news tells me you are scheduled to be lonely.
Elizabeth Bishop, “Sestina” | She thinks that her equinoctial tears / and the rain that beats on the roof of the house / were both foretold by the almanac
Tatsuji Miyoshi, “Great Aso” | Rain is falling. Rain is falling. / In hushed silence rain is falling.
Octavio Paz, “As One Listens to the Rain” | listen to me as one listens to the rain, / without listening, hear what I say / with eyes open inward, asleep
Hayan Charara, “Ode to an Abandoned House” | May you live forever, / may you bury me.
Marguerite Duras, from The Lover
Text ID: Very early in my life it was too late.
“Love is so embarrassing. I bled in your bed. I’m sorry. I have built you a shore with all my best words & still, the waves.”
— Claire Schwartz, from Bound
