Zuckles: I Keep Getting Caught Pickpocketing Swagger Cause I Keep Saying ‘yoink’ Outloud When I

 iM WHEEZING

Yesterday i lost my glasses. And decided to document my frustration until……… I really wish this was planned, but i gotta admit, I took a big L.

when you make a great pun but your friends are tired of your shit

me: *taking a test*

my brain: Capri Sun

me: please, focus, I’m literally begging y-

my brain: respect the pouch! respect it! respect the pouch! respect it! respect the pouch! respect it! respect the pouch! respect it! respect the pouch! respect it! respect the pouch! respect it! respect the pouch! respect it! respect th

what does it say about me that this is the post that broke me

brain: do you have your wallet?

me: *slaps my ass so hard everyone in the target can hear it*

me: yeah

“What does the chef recommend?”

“Sir, this is a mcdonalds”

Kryoz: i can’t believe this

Smitty: believe what?

Kryoz: that you’d do this to me

Smitty: what did i do-

Kryoz: YOURE MAKING YOURSELF LOOK CUTE AGAIN STOP IT IM TOO GAY FOR THIS

Dissociation is the worst defense mechanism; your brain is like “existing here in the real world is gettin kinda difficult so how about you chill out here in the void instead.. oh is this an inopportune time? Are you in the middle of a conversation? Taking a test? Yeah? Ok great welcome to the v o i d”

me: i’m gonna pull an all nighter tonight

person: i feel ya what are you studying for?

me: who said i was studying? 

me: 

please listen to this poor man losing his shit as he reads an article blaming millenials for killing the mayonnaise industry that was written by a babyboomer upset people don’t want to eat her bland salads anymore