“🙂”

Alec: Jace is late.

Clary: How? I had Luke call him at 8 this morning and pretend it was 11.

Isabelle: I printed up that fake schedule for him saying we’re starting at 9 instead of noon.

Simon: I set all of his watches and our clocks to say PM when it was really AM.

Alec: Uh, shit. Guys, I think we may have overdone it.

Jace, bursting into the room: WHAT FUCKING TIME IS IT?

Me: “Yeah, my girlfriend—“

Them: “Wait. Your girlfriend? Like boyfriend but a girl?”

Me:

Me: I ship it 

Person: -but they’re not gay 

Me:

Fin: Guys, I think it’s time I tell everyone that…I’m bisexual. I just hope everyone is okay with it.

Squad 312: That’s fine-

Fin: Haha just kidding I don’t care what you fuckers think.

Me, a gen-z bisexual at the beginning of this year after 20gayteen ended.

me: *defending lgbt rights*

someone: are you like gay or what?

me: i can defend their rights and still be straight fuck you

also me:

Person: Would you rather date Adam or Mira?

Kai: *awkward bi laughter*

Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT

I updated the Love situation in Shadowhunters

“im trying to be efficient” is still Baz’s funniest most underrated line