YES I Want To Look Hot. NO I Don’t Want Anyone To Be Attracted To Me Ever. Shocked And Appalled That

not the newsies reunion i expected but the newsies reunion we needed

please watch it all vvv

I was talking to my friend the other day about a dude I know, and I called him a “funky lil’ guy”. The response I recieved was somewhere along the lines of “he’s literally taller than you so you can’t say that”

My guy, you simply do not understand. Funky lil’ guys aren’t little, they’re lil. It’s purely vibe based

Tim Curry must turn all the scenery he chews into pussy. It's the only way he can serve that much cunt.

Just learned there is an hour long remake of the Princess Bride with different celebrities playing the parts in each scene, filmed at home on people's cellphones during the lockdown. The commitment to the bit & various props and costumes are so so funny. The seminal duel between Inigo & Count Ruben is played by Javier Bardem & Bryan Cranston and they both kill it. Anyway, here's the full mobile version and here's a version that tells you who each person is.

Jason was tired

Tired of his own family treating him like an outsider

Of Bruce being more Batman than dad

Of feeling like he wasn’t enough

Tired of that case, the monument to his fucking death

Of being the “good soldier” that died, as if he was still dead

Tired of the nightmares

Of waking up screaming for a father that would never come

Of dying over

And over

And over again

But most of all,

He was tired of being really fucking angry all the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So he did what he should have done a long ass time ago and got out of the toxic environment he’d spent most of his life (and death) in.

He got himself legally resurrected

Found a great therapist

Got his GED

Made sure his criminal enterprise would be well looked after

Went to med school

Became a doctor

He finally started living his life, not the one Bruce wanted.

I think we should write unnecessary sequels to public-domain classics.

I wanna read Dracula 2: Sherlock Holmes and the Curse of Dracula's Ghost. I wanna read Pride and Prejudice 2: Elizabeth Has a Gun.

Okay but modern AU where Jaskier greencard marries Geralt’s ex, Yennefer, who he kinda hates, because she’s in trouble and he can’t resist helping people and also plans to hold it over her (in a bantery kinda way) and thinks it’ll be funny to rub in Geralt’s face when he inevitably comes crawling back to Yennefer.

They pass the interview with almost zero prep because it turns out back when they were jealous rivals for Geralt’s attention they learned way too much about each other. Then they have (supposed) hate sex when they’re drunk because 1. why not? 2. they’re both curious and 3. they’re both still kinda pissed off at Geralt the booze make it seem like the perfect revenge. 

Jaskier finds inexpressible amounts of glee in referring to Yennefer as his “ball and chain” and “old lady” and other unflattering nicknames for a spouse, and Yennefer enjoys ruining his every attempt at getting laid by waiting for him to make a pass, then storming up and slapping him and bursting into tears about him “ruining their marriage” by betraying his loving wife.

Then they sleep together again because neither of them is getting laid and they’ll each begrudgingly admit the other is good in bed (Yennefer says it’s the only time his incessant strumming is enjoyable).

Then the next thing they know they’re horrified to discover they’ve been in a committed sexual relationship with all the appearance of a romantic relationship for several months. They haven’t had a genuine fight since… well, Jaskier can’t remember. And Yennefer’s been at nearly every gig he’s played since they got married, and he’s got into a routine of giving her a foot rub when she drops onto the sofa after work, and the love song he wrote about her that was intended to annoy her has started to sound distressingly genuine no matter what he does, and Yennefer was terribly rude to Valdo when they ran into him and may or may not have keyed his car, and really, they’re better at being married than either of their parents were. They’re pretty good at being married full stop to be honest, and that’s when they’re not even trying.

And okay, so maybe he kinda doesn’t hate her after all. Maybe.

Dude even had the audacity to say “you’re slipping” when will only cut one of the three stings holding horace’s hands together

Why have I not seen LITERALLY ANYONE talk about how in Erak’s Ransom, when Will saves the group, Horace yells “Will!!” And holds up his tied hands AND WILL SHOOTS IT AND FREES HIM??? LIKE THAT WAS SO COOL WHY DO WE NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT????? The fact that, number one, Horace knew Will was skilled enough to do it, number two, Horace TRUSTED Will not to shoot his hand, number three, Will understood what Horace wanted him to do, and finally, the fact that WILL WAS ABLE TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?? Now obviously rangers are very trained and blah blah blah but THATS STILL BADASS????

i gotta be honest boobs are so cool

Okay, so I feel like there could be a situation where Percy’s mortal friends (come on, he has at least one or two) end up getting dragged into godly matters by mistake and so they learn Percy is a demigod. Naturally, this is very shocking for them. Well. One of them. The other is pretty chill about it.

At any rate, I'm just picturing them somehow on Olympus and then you get an interaction like:

Friend 1: wait so you're part GOD?!

Percy: uhhh, well-

Friend 2: that explains the weird cursing. Who says ‘Holy Hera’?

Friend 1: Like a GOD?

Percy: *awkward smile*

Friend 2: which god?

Friend 1: A GOD?! Is it a super powerful god?

Percy: oh. uh-

Friend 1: Well?!?!

Percy, looking at Poseidon but also trying to be humble af: um. He’s alright...

Poseidon:

Percy: I mean, he is- like, powerful. Obviously. Being a god and all.

Friend 2: is he more powerful than the average god?

Percy: ummmmm what even is the average god?

Friend 1: omg that makes him sound powerful. Are you a powerful god’s kid?

Percy: no! I mean- sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean that! I meant- he’s, like, uh- well. Okay. Look. He...he is a sea god. So. There's that.

Friend 1: HE IS THE SEA GOD?!?!

Percy: there are actually lots of sea gods!

Friend 2: but is he the one everyone talks about?

Percy: Triton from the little mermaid?

Friend 2: dude

Percy: I'm really trying here. Uh, a little help?

Poseidon: no

Percy:.....that’s fair.

Friend 2: just tell us if your dad is mega powerful

Percy: Fine. Yes. He is. Happy?

Friend 1: AH! Amazing! Are you powerful then?! Have you ever fought a god?

Percy: look, technically-

Friend 2: did you win?

Percy, looking at Ares: Stop. Asking. Questions.

Friend 1: omfg you kicked a god’s ass didn't you?? Who was it?

Percy: …..pls.

Annabeth: it was Ares

Friend 1:

Friend 2:

Friend 1: THE GOD OF WAR?!