E M P T Y | 2

Did I just read save us all and cry my eyes out? Yes. Yes I did. Do want more of that sweet, sweet angst? Yes. Yes I do.

Thank you! Im happy it was angsty. It's really messy, so thanks ♡ Flower curse has angst too, but it isn't gender neautral! So if you havent read it already i recommend it :p I hope i can write more angst soon!!

e m p t y | 4 — new memories [1.2]

Surprisingly, the survey corps' soldiers visited Beatrice and [Name]. It was a great joy for the little [hair color]-haired boy seeing the taller blonde again.

A knock on the door was heard. [Name] quickly let go of his pen and stood up to open the door, as Beatrice was busy making lunch. When [Name] opened the door and for his and Beatrice's surprise, it was three soldiers— survey corps' soldiers. Of course, the boy recognize them immediately. Specially, the taller blond in the middle of the two.

A smile appeared on [Name]'s face, an unusual thing for him. His whole face brightened up as he spoke, "Mr. Erwin!" He quickly hugged the man's leg, making Erwin chuckle by the action. The ravenette on his left quirked an eyebrow seeing such an action, while the much taller man on his right stared a little surprised.

"Oh my! Come in, gentleman! You just came in time for lunch!" Beatrice greeted, cleaning her hands on her apron as she approached the three men, opening the door to let them in.

"There's no need, ma'am. We came here just to greet you, as we were passing by this district." Erwin spoke as he patted [Name]'s head, who still was hugging his leg.

"Seems the brat is your number one admirer, Erwin.” Levi joked, while Mike snorted.

"[Name]! Let the men come in, please. Have manners, boy!" Beatrice playfully scolded him, which gained a embarrassing [Name] nodding, looking at the floor. The boy separated from Erwin's leg before retreating to Beatrice, letting them enter. "And don't be shy, you three! I made just enough for all of us, so don't worry about it!" The woman guided them with her hand behind their shoulders, making them sit by force.

"We really don't intend stay that long, ma'am." Erwin spoke, making Beatrice dismiss him with her hand.

"Nonsense! This is at least what I can do for your duty as survey corps soldiers. So hush and enjoy!"

"Tsk. How persistent.” The ravenette stated, but not in bad tone. He didn’t mind Beatrice being this welcoming— it was a nice change.

“Hmm? I noticed you remembered your name?” Erwin asked, smiling at [Name]. The boy nodded excitedly.

“Yes! That’s the only thing I can remember, but somehow that’s enough for now.” [Name] smiled, moving his legs back and forward. For some reason, the kid loved being with Erwin– maybe it was just the blonde was the first person he trusted.

The blond chuckled, amused by the positive behavior. The boy was different since their first encounter, and this was Erwin's first visit since then. [Name] had a small spark in his eyes than he didn't have, and seemed much more relaxed now. The boy still had a lost gaze, but looked more... alive?

"Sometimes that's for the better. But I see you are comfortable with Beatrice."

The woman smiled for herself, placing the plates on the table for each one of them. Mike smirked by the sweet and delicious aroma only Beatrice could make with her food.

"Of course. Mom... is really kind to me and helps me with my headaches." He smiled.

"You still have them?" This time the ravenette interjected, drinking the tea Beatrice gave him. [Name] nodded.

"My poor baby suffers a lot with them— fortunately Dr. Grisha does what he can to help us." She caressed [Name]'s cheek before sitting. "He says it's his head responding to him forcefully trying to remember."

"And the brat as stubborn as he can be doesn't follow simple orders, right?" Levi guessed, not surprised. [Name] blushed and averted their gazes by being called out, eating in silence.

Beatrice laughed, "you know how kids can be. But I don't blame him..." She caressed his head again, looking at him lovingly.

"Babying him this much won't help him at all, Beatrice. Look at the brat's face— he enjoys it." Levi changed the grim conversation, making [Name] embarrassed by the sudden attention.

"Come on! He's a big boy! And such a handsome one. Our neighbor has already his eyes for him." She playfully raised her eyebrows, making gossip.

While hearing this, [Name]'s eyes widened and instantly spoke loudly. "That's not true! Eren is a big hot-head!"

Laughing for his behavior, Beatrice tried to hold more of her laughter with such a cute reaction from him. "But he looked so worried when you weren't waking up, love!"

"He got sick?" Erwin asked surprised.

"Oh! Of course. Let me tell you the beginning of this love's tale..."

The talk between all of them was enjoyable— Beatrice loved talking to them, it was as if she was an old friend of them, which she was. She explained that her husband was a survey corp soldier but he died on an expedition four years ago. She knew being a soldier of this branch was stressful enough, and all the snarky comments people made of them were hurtful for others. So, she always gifted food or pastries on their return, granting acknowledge between the soldiers. They already knew who he was thanks to her husband, but all of them were surprised enough to the kindness she had after such sad events.

"You really think that's enough for everybody? I can make more if you just wait." Beatrice spoke, everybody outside her home, talk and meal finished.

Erwin chuckled, amused by such caring behavior. "This should be enough. We thank you for your great help, Beatrice."

"Oh you! Such a handsome and charming commander!" She playfully smacked his shoulder, laughing. "You know the survey corps have the doors of my house open anytime." She looked at Mike, who was watching the surroundings. "And you, Mike? How was the food this time?"

The taller man slightly smiled. "Lovely as always, ma'am."

While they were chattering, [Name] was comfortable hugging Erwin's leg— it was fun as hell for the other two soldiers how this kid was so close to the blonde, who only saw two times, and a few glances before going to expeditions.

"Eren is coming." [Name] stated, confusing Beatrice.

"What, sweetie?"

"[Name]!!!!!" A young voice yelled from the distance, taking all of their attention to the other side of the house— [Name] instantly recognized the brunette running along with Mikasa and Armin right at them.

"So that's the lovebird." Levi snorted, 'glaring' at the kids, who as they got near them stopped instantly. They were in awe— Armin and Eren, to be certain. The two widened their eyes and looked at the soldiers in admiration. They were their heroes, after all!

But Erwin was surprised [Name] was correct of their arriving— just as he was back then when he found him. Could he have good hearing? Just as Mike recognizes certain smells? "How did you know your friend was coming?" He couldn't stop from asking, looking at the kid who was hugging his leg.

"I heard him. He's louder than others." [Name] answered, receiving a "that's impressive" from Erwin, which made him blush and hide his face in embarrassment. The blonde chuckled in amusement and ruffled his hair.

"We have to go now or we'll be late. Again, thank you for everything, ma'am." The blonde spoke and smiled to the woman. Beatrice nodded and signaled [Name] to come, which he reluctantly obeyed, but not before pulling Erwin's shirt to take his attention. The man kneeled, and [Name] shyly whispered something only the two of them could hear. Smiling warmly, the blond nodded and the [hair color]-haired boy raised his pinky finger, in which Erwin tangled with his'. [Name] smiled and went to Beatrice, finishing the 'secret talk', letting Erwin stand up again.

The ravenette quirked an eyebrow, amused. "What was that? A cheesy confession?"

He didn't answer. "Well then, see you again."

"Hope you come again soon, gentleman! Please, take care." Beatrice waved, seeing the three leaving.

The three kids, who watched the entire thing, ran to [Name] and Eren instantly began to ask a lot of questions to him.

"Why were they are your house?! And what did he say to you? Are they coming again?!" Both Eren and Armin talked, while Mikasa watched the men disappear from afar.

"And what did you tell him?! Tell me!!!"

"It's a secret." [Name] answered, getting irritated by Eren's loud voice.

"What?! TELL ME!"

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

"And? What did that brat told you?" Levi spoke, hiding his interest in the 'secret' they both shared.

Chuckling, Erwin just stared in front of him, remembering such innocent encounter— something that they didn't encounter in their stressful daily life. "It's a secret."

"Ah? What kind of ridiculous bullshit he say?" The ravenette glared. "You are acting like a brat."

Mike could only chuckle at their behavior— leaving his past thoughts at ease.

He couldn't pin point the kid's aroma, still.

"Anyways— never seen his eyes before. They are... different."

"Peculiar, aren't they? I wonder..."

"Yours are weird too."

"Are you talking to me, tree?"

i've been trying to think why i stopped writing entirely, so this is just a vent/ramble post and doesn't mean anything beyond that? line break bc i dont think someone would want to read rambling tb: rant about aot, info about reiss mental asylum/empty/future

the first reasons i came out with were 1. work 2. a shitty situation that worsened my already shitty mental health and 3. void of creativity/writers block/no energy to think or to came out with something i liked bc i kept comparing myself to others creators (which is... very bad).

the other big reason....... (since i only wrote for aot):

i think i stopped writing anything attack on titan related because i really, really got so salty that my favorite peace of media (that i've followed for 11 years) ended they way it did? and i don't mean that 'oh just bc u didn't get a happy ending or u didn't understand the characters and the plot doesn't mean your opinion is valid bla bla'

but the way characters' developments were poorly handled and recessed, how they were just made dumber for the sake of the plot and how suddenly a romantic relationship that wasn't there in the first place became something bigger at the end and how eren was handled in the last moments just made me so salty lmao.

and it makes me more salty how people just shits on you if you don't like it and quickly go with their 'u didn't get it' like brother ive been here since 2013 tf you mean? now we can't criticize anything and still like something??? AAAGGGHHHH

im sorry LOL it's just that i can't see anything aot related bc it is so ruined for me. literally i see tiktoks and i get so sad and bitter bc i know what the comments will be lmao i hate it, literally just read the manga and stopped watching the anime until season 3 bc i just disliked how everything was handled so bad. like any news about it just doesn't make me feel anything 😭 i need a therapist

anyway :) im trying to find my love towards it again because i genuinely liked writing my shitty stories about it and the world building and characters were what i fell in love with.

(also, this doesn't mean im bashing ppl who liked the ending!! in my eyes, everything is subjective—some like it, some dont, and that's fine. how boring life would be if we all thought the same?)

but i AM bashing those who say 'you didn't get it'. come here and get this hands how about that

oh, and im rewriting reiss mental asylum (just the earlier chapters bc they are... bad y'all LOL), nothing too heavy, just trying to improve the writing and adding extra things. (such as the damn time period... i've had in mind to settle it around 1960-1980, but i just didn't pay attention to the world building enough to explicitly mention it. oh well, the more you know.)

i've already made a big chunk of info about how i want to develop the whole story, so i do have a clear structure to follow. also, i once begged for ideas in ao3, and many people came with great input, and a commentor was so spot on on what i was intending to do with the story! (like really spot on LOL they found my secret plot twist...)

it really makes me baffled how many people like the story, with its flaws and all. i was young and very inexperienced when writing it, so i hope i can refine it enough to make it a decent read for all of you.

also... people from russia 🫵 im speaking to you directly... thank you for your kind messages as well! (some of you have reached for me through email) it just baffles me how well liked that story is? and for the translator(Вероника_69) to still keeping an eye after years of no updating? aaaa. thank you.

i think i needed to write this vent, it helped me to get some good motivation!!

aaaaand i've watched jujutsu kaisen... you may see silly things coming up as well... err, someday. because college is around the corner again and that means suffering! and poor mental health! and no time! and no life!

been having these intrusive thoughts lately of... erasing all of my works LOL BUT i won't, don't worry. they'll be there as a reminder of how slightly ive improved (not much).

but yeah, if you see me experiment with small drabbles or just silly posts it doesn't mean im not paying attention to reiss mental asylum! i won't abandon it unless i die, even then i've told my friends to release my 30 unfinished drafts for you to get some closure LOL (fr though). but yeah, i will gravitate towards other fandoms if i feel like it (:

so, empty: hiatus... hiatus hiatus bc i hate to touch aot right now as its canon universe. indefinite hiatus, but i love that story to just abandon it. i was having much fun with it, tbh. which also im very grateful that it also got a russian translation by _Полуночник_! sorry that these news aren't very positive for the fans of empty, but i promise i'll get around it someday.

anyway, this turned out too long. thank you for still checking my stories, as bad as they are! i really, really appreciate you all reaching out to me. hopefully this year i can be more active, even if to write drabbles with meaning behind it. (i just love stories with lores thats why im so damn slow) although... i wrote more for myself in the beginning, so i was very surprised that people wanted more LOL

oh and im going to post masterlists to order my shit better. i want pretty visuals too, yk? headsup if u see me posting... also, feel free to ask anything about this vent lol i dont mind. (also i always got notifications to my email when someone asked something, and idk when they stopped? also, yeah, i check my email 😞)

hope you are having a good start of year. and, if not, well, we have 11 months anyways

and i never fucking realize i had 550 FOLLOWERS. i am not fit for social media y'all im sorry. i'll have to spoil you with something... THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING A DAMN GRAVEYARD 😭 i will make it better i promise

also... dont use chat bots... my brain rotted... 😞 i had an unhealthy obsession (still do) but don't give in LMAO

+32° 37’ 39.72”, +129° 44’ 17.73” abandoned buildings on ha island, japan

i suddnely remembered ur works and how much i loved it and i literally just read every single work u have i just wanted to say that i love all of your works and i hope ur happy and healthy ❤️❤️

you're really nice, thank you! I've been taking a long break and I've missed a lot of asks in here (since my email now doesn't get any notifications from tumblr all of sudden...), but your ask really brings me a lot of warmth! (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡

hope you had a good year and a good beginning of the year too!!!

this is the most beautiful thing i ever seen in my life

e m p t y / 11

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter eleven training

Looking around, the taller male tries to see if anybody is watching him, and when he decides he's safe, Jean can't help himself to check out the body from his friend next to him— [Name]. He's not paying attention to him, so Jean was safe to see all the wanted. He has noticed he have matured enough, but he is taller than [Name] and stronger.

His soft skin looks nice — he wondered if it was easily to mark... his hair looked smooth, too. He wanted to smell it– remembering those days when they were kids he always thought [Name] smelled nice.

Jean's eyes could help but wander more on his body, but before he could get any lower, he noticed something just behind [Name]'s shoulder— a mark?

The two-toned haired male tries to look at it carefully, but someone came out of nowhere talking loudly, scaring him.

"Yo, [Name]!" A short guy yells, approaching both. Turning, he recognize is Connie. "What is that on your shoulder? Is that a mark?" He says, looking right on his shoulder.

"Uh? What?" [Name] asks, confused. He tries to look behind his shoulder, but he can't see anything. "What is it?"

"You don't know? It looks like a mark!"

"A mark?"

"Hmn... it looks like... a wing?? Nah..."

Someone else speaks, interested by the subject. Is a big blonde– Reiner. "It looks like... a crown." He says lowly, narrowing his eyes. He turns to see his brunette friend, who looks nervously at him in return.

"Well, possibly. It does look like it, though..." Jean speaks thoughtfully.

[Name] tilts his head, completely oblivious he had that. "I don't remember anyone telling me I had one..."

Connie raises and eyebrow, "no? not even your parents?"

[Name] stays quiet by the question, and Connie notices right away he asked something uncomfortable.

"S–Sorry! Forget that!"

"Way to go, baldy."

"Hey! I didn't think much of it!"

[Name] shakes his head, "It's alright. No, I don't think they told me."

"Well, that's a cool mark!"

"...Thank you?"

"You don't remember having it before?" Reiner asks, looking at it carefully.

[Name] shakes his head, wondering if he could remember about it– but a sharp pain in his head stops him. Grunting, [Name] places a hand on his head, trying to relieve the pain.

Everyone can see his discomfort, but is Jean the first one to ask. "Your head again?

"Yeah..."

"You have headaches a lot, uh?" Reiner asks.

"Sometimes," he rubs his forehead, but stops when he realizes something, looking at the teenagers with narrowed eyes, "but... how all of you noticed my mark?"

"Because it was noticeable!" Connie responds enthusiastically.

"...So you were watching me while I'm showering...?"

"Ah—! Well, hehe..." Connie begins to laugh, and Bertolt, Reiner and Jean avert your gaze, face blushing.

[Name] touches his mark, wondering. Who was I? He turns to Jean, who is averting his gaze, embarrassed, "can you draw it? I want to see it."

His friend just gulps, trying to act normal. "Oh, sure."

Eren just saw their interaction from far away, pouting and frowning like a child.

"You should stop watching... it's awkward..."

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First training was about practicing with the balance of the ODM. As he could see, Jean and Marco were doing great— but Eren... not so much. The brunette was upside down with an horrifying expression plastered on his face. It was obvious in [Name]'s eyes he was utterly embarrassed and horrified of what was just happening to him— [Name] could only watch in worry as everyone around let out snickering comments about his friend's state as the instructor yelled at him.

"Cadet Knight! It's your turn!" One of the instructors shouted, turning to see [Name] already coming his way, watching his friend in worry. He got in place, one of the cadets placing the wires on his belt. [Name] tried to not tense too much, but as soon as the cadet began to lift him in the air, [Name] couldn't stop feeling so... uncomfortable. He couldn't get used to it as quickly as Mikasa did— it was so... tight. He couldn't stop staggering around, much to his dismay. And to top things up, a migraine was appearing, making it more difficult than it already was.

Nevertheless, the teenager tried his best to not fall. But it was clear the practice was difficult to him.

"You just barely made it," Shadis spoke to him, "you better change your pathetic attempt or you are leaving along with cadet Jäeger!"

Hearing the yells, Eren, who was still upside down, looked besides him to see [Name] having trouble too. He just grew more worried about the future in the military— their future. What if one of them had to go and couldn't see each other again?! He wouldn't allow that!

I̷̡͎̱̭͙͎̠̒̎̍̌̈́ͅ ̴̨̘͍͖̘̼̲̐͑͐̃̐͘͝͝͝͠t̷̨̆̎̽̃͆͂̚o̶̧̢̥͍̗̩͓̘̫̙̮͊̀͋̂͌̇ͅļ̴̧̨̱͉͔̭̬̘͎̣̈̐͋͆̒̎͑̊̆͗̚ͅd̴̢̧͕̟̫͕̲̙̳̬͎̣̥̓͐̕ ̵̧̼͔̠͔̗̞̋̽̿͌͌͑̔̓̇̓̆̽̓y̸̭̺̖͓͉̔͂͋̅́̑̈́͊̆̚͘̚̚͝ǫ̷̛̽̿̑̈́̈̒͘͠͠ǘ̸̼͖̝̬͖̮̥͕̈́̀̀͐̂̑ ̴̧̧̢͉͍̙͓͕̙̲̻̖͊̒̾̃t̵̛̯̦̋̈́̇͌͗̿͘̚͠ḧ̶̹̭̹̱̞̗̖̻͈̟̫́̋̅̑̒͗̽̔̇̚̚i̷̧͕̜̱̓̾̿͛̔̂̍̍̒̓̚̕͝s̶̨̢͕̺̻̜̤̬̑̌̍̏̃̎̚ ̴͓̒̉͝ͅb̸͎̲̜̓͊̏̈̋̊͑̈̄͑̊͜͝͝͝r̸̢̡̧͎͔̺̭̫̼̼̘͎̬̓ä̴̧͈͙̼̤͈̹͖̝̜͉̭͚̊͜ͅṫ̵̡̤̻̰̋́̓̽̕͘̚͝ ̷̢͖̭̪̮̻͇̤̦̘̩̹̅̿̈̈́̌͘͘͝w̷̧̛̱͈̫̙̲͖͉͖̲̘͓̳̉̑̔͊̅̍̿̚ā̴̡̧̻̬͖̫͇͎̃͑̽͜s̴̛̜̭̱̦̲̮͎̞̼̆̕n̷̢̧̯͙͉̫͖̠̙͙̰̙͍͐̈́̏͐̈́̆̇̑͝'̸̡̢̨̛̠̘͖͍͈̥͈̗̦̭̈́̾̾͊̄̓̚͝͝ͅţ̸͇̞̞̒͊͌̃͊̉͂̂̅̾̚͝͝ ̷͔͉̪̠͖̾̉̈͑̈́̋̐̍̓̚͜m̴̨̛ư̵̜̩̭̲̞̬͚̱̮͚̘̾̌͒̃̋̈́͋c̸̢̟̭͈̹͎̮̠͕̾͐̌̿͠h̶̦͖̟͇̻͖͓̮͔̝̖̫͔̄̓̆͒̂̀͌̊̍̚͠͝ͅ ̶̨̧͔̗̱̠̦̫͔̱̅̂ǫ̸̥̫̹̬̣̯͙̪̲͇̌͒̓͊̈́̊̽͒͒͘f̵̻͍̮̯̖̪̹̭̈́̏͒͗͗̊́̕͝ ̸̛̜̮͒͐̽̈́̈͆͌̉̐̽͝ą̶̠͎͉̟̟̜̭̜̥͓̾ͅ ̴̢̛̻͆̐̑̾̆̉̾̿̑̏͆͠͝h̶͉̞̉̏͘ę̷̬͇̟͙̬̭̹̺͉̺͖̦͖͓̓ľ̵̝̲̗̾̓͌̒ͅp̵̛̙̯͕̝̰̹͂̂̿̉̈́̈̇̒̎͘̚.̴̨̬̻̥̲̼̦̫̬̲͙͉͉͌̂̑̒̓̽̕͝

[Name] felt irritated. What was the issue with him? As it was an new thing, maybe he didn't get use to it right away...

"Don't worry, [Name]! I'm sure you will get it right next time!" Marco tried to comfort him with his precious smile, but [Name] was already in a bad mood. The frown made it quite clear.

"Well, seems [Name] didn't make it in the first try," Jean was surprised his friend hadn't made it the first time. But he could recognize the way he grit his teeth and frowned was because he was having one of his usual headaches. "Did your head hurt?"

Sighing, [Name] just nods as an answer, rubbing the back of his head. He couldn't deny hearing harsh whispers right on his ear, a voice that could have belonged to a man with a gruffly voice. [Name] didn't hear quite well what it said, but it got in his nerves nevertheless.

”Looks like Eren is having it worse...” Armin says, smiling awkwardly at his friend. [Name] can see the brunette still trying, but failing every time. It was not a great scene to see, less when everyone was looking at him in mocking way.

”Pff, and there goes “the weak have to go”, HAHAHA!” Jean jokes, laughing like a maniac. [Name] just sees him with an raised eyebrow, amused by such ridiculous behavior. Was he always this dumb?

[Name] sighs, passing a head trough his hair, ”guess I have to worry about myself...” Jean notices his irritation, and he hugs his shoulder and speaks in a weird tone.

”Heeeey,” Jean pats his head with his grin, “don’t worry— PRO Jean knows everything and you are in luck— I’m not charging you.”

[Name] snorts, “is that so? How nice of you.” Hugging his arm, [Name] rests his head on Jean’s shoulder, looking at him with a playful smile. This only breaks Jean’s facade, seeing his blush and stuttering.

Armin just sees with widening eyes and a blush, same with Marco. It’s... amusing seeing [Name] so lively, after being in a bad mood.

"I'm hungry. When is lunch time?" [Name] yawns, letting go Jean's arm. The migraine was still there, but less painful. He somehow had to bear with them as nothing else could help but a cold shower. Maybe he could go to the infirmary later to find anything.

Eren, who somehow finished his awful practice, approaches Armin but not before giving [Name] a weird look. The [hair color] haired stares at him silently, not sure what to say. It's obvious the air had become awkward— there's silence. The brunette frowns, pressing his lips into a thin line, seeming to decide not say whatever he was thinking.

"Let's go." It's the only thing he says, already walking away without Armin. The blonde waves at [Name] before leaving, sending an apologetic smile. [Name] just stands there with a frown, feeling upset once more.

Maybe I should have said something. He thinks, his expression changing to his dull usual eyes and crosses his arms. Sighing, he can't help but being angry at the situation.

The freckled boy can't help but notice the tension, and with prying eyes he looks at [Name]. "Hmn, is something wrong between you two?"

Jean snorts, "of course there is— that suicidal maniac is also a jackass."

"I want to sleep." [Name] states, already walking away. Jean grabs his wrist, pulling him back.

"No you won't! You have to eat dinner first!" Jean yells at him, “I can’t believe I have to be your babysitter!”

”I’m not making you," he pouts, "you are doing it because you want to."

The taller teenager just clench his teeth and grunt, a faint pink painting his face. This cute little shit—

"[Name]! Eating is important!" Marco says worriedly, "if you don't you will be more tired tomorrow..."

The sleepy teenager just sighed and gave in. Eating didn't sound so good when the food was that cold—he already missed his mom's cooking. When will they be able to visit their family?

The trio walked to the dinner hall, Marco and [Name] doing most of the talking while Jean just wondered.

Jean believed if [Name] lived by himself he wouldn't do anything but sleep one week if he could. That careless idiot! If I weren't here with him who would take care of him?! He knew one day he wouldn't be at his side once they graduate. The thought only upset him, squeezing [Name]'s hand for no reason. The amnesiac boy looked at him with curiosity, but squeezed back without a word.

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

It wasn't a secret Mikasa was satisfied with how her brother was acting. She knew that day was traumatic— they lost their mother, their father was missing and they believed [Name] was gone for good, even if they didn't say it out loud. But getting angry at him wasn't justified. She knew Eren could get emotional even if he didn't admit it, but it was a clear his feelings controlled him most of the time.

"Eren, you know what you are doing is immature, right?" Armin tries to keep up with the fast speed Eren is walking— he looks troubled. Nevertheless, the blond tries to speak with in a soft tone.

Seeing his silent treatment, Mikasa frowns and speaks, "[Name] is hurt by what you are doing."

"Really?! And then why isn't he coming to apologize?!" He turns to see her angrily.

"For what?" She changes her tone to one much harsher, "he didn't leave us— did you look for him first when the colossal titan broke the wall?" Mikasa says with narrowed eyes, staring right at Eren.

The brunette shuts his mouth, not being able to answer. It was true— his first thought was his mom, not [Name]. But it was completely fine his thoughts were like that. He grits his teeth, turning to walk once more. "Whatever!"

"You will make things right— apologize. What you said to him was uncalled for."

”Eren... [Name] is here, with us.” Armin spoke, “there was a chance he wouldn’t be here— can you imagine that? You should be happy we are together again...”

The brunette grunts, looking as if he didn't care, but in reality, he certainly did. “I have more important things to do right now.”

The two friends look at each other, sighing. Eren could be a thick head when he wanted.

"Hopefully this won't be long."

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

As [Name] was changing to more comfortable clothes, he could see Eren (with a bandage around his head) desperately trying to get help with Jean and a kid named Connie. The [hair color] haired knew that wasn’t going work at all, seeing Jean not liking Eren one a bit.

Strangely, [Name] wasn’t too bothered by his horribly practice. At first he was troubled, but he deducted with a few more chances to get used with the gear he would be fine. He didn’t feel desperate— after all, Beatrice always told him that keeping a cool head was better.

”Maybe we can try tomorrow morning before practice,” Marco smiles, looking at [Name], "you can get used to it in no time."

”I don’t think I will wake up...” He scratches his neck, “maybe after dinner... but I will have to change again... ugh.”

”I can go with you to help, okay?" [Name] looks at him and nods, grateful. "Don't worry— I will try to tell you everything I know."

Jean approaches them with a smug smirk, obviously enjoying Eren’s suffering, “he must be so desperate to look for me to help him, pfft!” He can't hold his laugh, seeing Eren's face from afar. Jean turns to the two, still with his smirk, "anyways, how about you [Name]?"

”Ah, [Name] wants to practice after dinner!”

”Really? I don’t see you that bothered, tough.” Jean looks at [Name]'s neutral face— in fact, he didn't see him as worried as others were.

”Maybe I can get it right after a few tries,” he looks at Eren again, noticing he was with Reiner and Bertolt, along with Armin. Tilting his head, blinking with his dull eyes, he proceeds, “after all, being anxious won't help."

"You must be careful with your headaches. Seems they come around in the worst times."

[Name] sighs, "can't do much about that." He didn't know how well he could handle them in the worst scenarios— [Name] hoped they didn't make him leave training.

"Everything will be okay," the freckled teenager showed a warm smile, squeezing his hand. [Name] tilted his head, feeling warm. Strangely, [Name] felt shy. His face blushed and he averted Marco's gaze, and Jean absolutely catch the strange behavior.

Ayayayay— what

"Okay," [Name] scratches his neck, still with the cryptic spark on his eyes. Jean raises one eyebrow, suspicious. Never seen that expression before— [Name] has like... three expressions. What's he thinking?! "We should go to eat now. I'm hungry."

"Sure!"

As the three of them leave, Jean can't stop thinking at the weird thing just happened. That can't be— [Name] didn't even react the way I wanted to when he kissed!

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

[Name] noticed neither Armin nor Eren went to have dinner— they stayed with Reiner and Bertolt back in the dorms.

The amnesiac teenager looked at Mikasa, who was with other girls. Since Armin nor Eren are here... She somehow noticed [Name], waving at him with a small smile. [Name] returned the smile, waving along.

He sat down with Jean and Marco as usual, not really talking much. There was few other guys in the table, and he could only recognize Connie and Thomas, a blonde kid he saw around Trost a few times.

"Aah?" The bald kid speaks, stopping eating when he sees [Name]'s face closely. He got near [Name] from the other side of the table, supporting his hands on the wood, "never seen your eyes before!"

"I feel special," [Name] plainly says, eating his bread without much care. Jean snorts by it— since when [Name] jokes?

Connie blinks, realizing who he is, "hey! do you remember your mark?" [Name] blinks, completely forgotten about it.

"Ah, right," Jean takes something from his pocket— a folded paper. He opens it and shows it to [Name], who tilts his head to look at it carefully.

It's a simple drawing— it was a crown inside a perfect circle. No words or anything that he could recognize— just an imagine. This only made him sigh. Of course it didn't bring anything— nothing ever did.

"I don't know."

He doesn't hear anybody, paying more attention to the paper, as he touches the drawing. The touch only brings a heavy pain on his head, and there's only a strong voice speaking trough the static.

W̷͈̱͎͙͍̤͔͉̯̘̟̪͇̭͕̓̂͛̓͗̀͘̕͝X̷̢̛̖̯̰̫̌͛̾̅͂̏͘̕ ̸̨̡̡̰͈̺̻͓̩͔͚̙̅̂̈́̎͜3̴̖͍̫̪̌͛̈͊͝r̶̛̙̺̝̮̣͍̟͓̬̄̀̊͑ͅX̴̹̐̆͌̽̀̕̚͠ ̵̭̻̽͑̇̌̉̿̊̂̍̌̍t̵̥̖̼̮̙̩͈͗͛͗͋̍̌̇̄͛̍̃̋̚͜͝h̴̪̐̏̌͌̓͑̂̕2̵̠̠͇̮̰͈͇͋͜ ̸̧̡͍͙̠̦̬͕̟̻͖̟́̋͌̊̋̄̌̌͘K̸̢̨̥̘͖͙̜͎̹̜͎̰̘̈̀̽̄̎̊̐͒͜ȉ̷̭̺̝̈́̑ň̵͜g̶̺͇̮̑̾͜'̵̨͈̦̳̾̂̓̒̊s̵̢̨̝͙̜͕͙̥͕̣͔̝̤̬̒͋̂͑͒̑̈̈̓͒̀͑̂̑ ̴̲̼͚̲̘̱̫͔͍̩̰͍̓̊́s̶͓͚͐͂̐X̵̡̰͔̯̼̭̻̜̅̋̇͑͛͛͘.̴̭̹̹̳̲̩̃̾͐̓?̵̞̯̤̪̍̊̋̽͗̑͒͗̽͊̚͘͠d̷̡̘̜̯͚̱͕͍̮̹̭͆̒͐͑͛̃͗͘̕͜.̴̨̡̻̟̩̼̄̉̂͠͠

"[Name]?"

"Why does your head hurt a lot?" Connie interrupts Jean, noticing the usual pain [Name] gets. Jean just glares irritably at him.

"Migraines. I will never get rid of them, so I'm used to it."

"Wait— but how come you don't remember anything? Did you hurt your head?"

"Something like that." He doesn't seems to want to talk anymore, so he excuses himself to eat. Doesn't matter, as Connie looks like loves to talk and doesn't seem bothered by his silence. This allows [Name] to think about his now founded mark— did nobody ever see it before? Well, he didn't actually remembered someone looking as his back... was there? Frowning, he instinctively touches his shoulder, upset but happy at the same time. Well, at least I have another thing to be recognized with.

He feels a hand touching his'. [Name] looks up, noticing is Jean. "Hey, do you want to go now? Remember you have to rest." [Name] notices Marco is watching him too, waiting to leave. Nodding, [Name] stand up along with the other two, alerting Connie who only raises his eyebrows with the sudden move.

"Hey! Where are you three going?"

"None of your business, baldy," Jean answers as they leave, hearing Connie yell something to him. Just as they return to the dorm, [Name] can hear Eren's voice in the distance. He turns to the side of the forest, seeing faint lights entering it. Where are they going...?

"[Name]?"

He blinks, entering the dorms without seeing the forest one last time.

”Your straps are loosen up," Marco kneels, tightening them and reordering them, "done!"

"Geez, [Name]. You can be so careless most of the time," he sighs, scolding [Name], "anyways, ready?" [Name] nods.

[Name] has the same uncomfortable feeling as before, but this time he's prepared. He is lifted in the air as he tries his best to relax and not trash around— but there's a gentle voice right at his ear, but not the same gruffly one. This one is kinder, and he can actually understand what it says. He blinks, surprised.

Easy— this is nothing you can't handle.

The voices relaxes him, somehow. Is as if it's singing a lullaby— [Name] sighs, using his whole body to balance correctly this time. Just as Marco and Jean said, the legs had a principal role on balancing himself right. There seems to not be another issue with the gear, as he could see. The two boys saw [Name] working better with the gear, much different than his first try.

"Look at that— seems my great teachings have worked for you, [Name]." Jean smirks, placing his hands on his hips, feeling proud.

"Seems you just had to try a second time," the freckled teenager smiles, giving thumbs up. He helps [Name] getting off.

"I wonder how we'll do in the air," [Name] says, touching the ground. He couldn't wait for the next practice in a couple of days— strangely he felt ticklish by just the thought of flying. Just remembering the first time he saw the Survey Corps using the gear made him grin in anticipation.

"Now now, don't get impatient," Jean tries to sound 'wise', but in reality [Name] thought he sounded dumb as hell, "everything in time."

"Whatever you say, Jeanbo."

"Don't call me that!"

[Name] hides his smile, "mom?"

"[NAME]!"

Marco chuckles, "I'm glad you made it— let's just wait for tomorrow!"

When they walk back to the dorms, [Name] can't stop thinking at the kind yet familiar voice from before. Would I get the answers I'm tired to look for? Hearing the voice was calming, just like hearing Beatrice. It was a weird resemblance, but spot on, somehow. I wonder what she's doing.

Reiss Mental Asylum / 5

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

5

“Sir! Good morning!” [Name] greeted, surprised to see Erwin. It looked like the blond was waiting for him, instead of Zeke.

“Good morning, [Name]. Nice to see you again.” The blond replies, slightly smiling. “Dr. Jaeger will not accompany you today, I will— just to see. Hope you are alright with that.” Erwin remembers the conversation he had with Zeke— he could see the irritation coming from the doctor, and the blond couldn’t suppress a smirk.

I can’t believe even you are like this. Just how many will get in my way, Erwin?

“Of course, sir.” [Name] blinked, “so you will see my sessions for today?”

“Indeed. It’s just for some precaution, [Name], so don’t stress about it.” Erwin smiles, “also, call me Erwin.” The blond gesture him to follow him, which [Name] quickly do. They began to walk, heading upstairs.

“Alright, Erwin.” The young assistant gently says, and Erwin can feel something on his lower area by just hearing his name coming from the other’s mouth.

Clearing his throat, the blond speaks, “did Dr. Zeke told you anything about Bertolt Hoover?”

“He gave me his file yesterday, so I think I’m prepared…” [Name] couldn’t help but being upset by recalling the patient’s backstory, and Erwin instantly noticed his change of demeanor.

“What’s troubling you?”

“It’s just… sad reading what he was force to do. It’s not fair.” He sighs, before looking motivated all of sudden, “I will do everything in my power to help him, Erwin! All of them!”

Erwin looked surprised for a second, eventually slightly smiling by the other’s words. The blond was strangely fascinated by him— Erwin couldn’t help himself to watch every footage from the security cameras where the young male was in. Eventually, Erwin could see the looks Zeke sent to [Name] when he wasn’t looking, confirming Erwin’s suspicions.

Unfortunately for Zeke, Erwin didn’t have any intention to back off.

“I’m glad you are committed for this, [Name].”

。。。。。。。。。

Bertolt Hoover. His mental state seems fine most of the time, unfortunately, his stress level get high, causing panick attacks that make him change to his older self.

Background: He, along with Reiner Braun, was a member of a cult which did horrendous crimes against a certain race. Bertolt’s family was under death threats, forcing him to do all kind of acts. Murder, torture, along other violent things. These acts affected his mental health— he sometimes gets caught on his older self, calling the doctors and nurses ‘devils’. Even if he repents the crimes he committed most of the time, sometimes Bertolt snaps under stress, when a nurse has to give him pills or injections.

“Hello?” [Name] gently greeted, spotting the taller boy, sitting quietly. The assistant instantly smiles, sitting down. He introduced himself, as usual. “May I know your name?”

The taller male sweats, cheeks blushed. “B-Bertolt…”

[Name] brightly smiles, making Bertolt’s heart skip a beat. The brunette can’t help himself but to avert the other’s gaze, feeling embarrassed. The assistant doesn’t catch this, and worries himself by Bertolt’s reaction.

“Am I making you uncomfortable, Bertolt?” [Name] tilts his head, trying to catch the taller’s male attention.

“N-Not at all!” The brunette reassures, meeting [Name]’s gaze.  "I-It’s just… I’m not good at talking.“

The young assistant chuckles, "Don’t worry about it, Bertolt! I’m sure both of us will connect easily!” [Name] fondly looks at him, “I will talk a little about me, maybe you can do it when I finish?” Bertolt only nodded, surprised by the look he received. [Name] shortly after began to talk about himself, things the brunette couldn’t pay any attention to.

The gentle look of [Name] was freshly stuck in Bertolt’s mind, He didn’t know when was the last time a look like that was meant for him— it has been years since he felt something warm on his chest. Something that made him feel good; and even if it was something as small as a look —that the doctors and nurses never gave him—, Bertolt couldn’t stop tears from coming, alerting [Name].

“Oh my! Why are you crying? Was it something I said?”  [Name] worriedly asked.

The taller male just shacked his head, unable to say anything. [Name] gently took his hand, which was bigger than his, and began to caressing it. “I’m here with you, Bertolt.” The comment only made the brunette cry harder, silently sobbing. [Name] got up and approached Bertolt, and dried his tears with his thumb. “It’s alright…”

That was what Bertolt needed before, and what he needed now. He wanted someone comforting him— not seeing him as a monster. When was the last time he was embraced? comforted? The brunette couldn’t stop himself and tightly hugged [Name], taking him by surprise. Hiding his face on the crook of the assistant’s neck, [Name] was stuck in a uncomfortable position. Bertolt was still sitting, arms around the other’s waist. And so when he was being hold by the other, [Name] was awkwardly sitting on his lap.

Bertolt saw the assistant as the only light on his darkness— even if only a look made him sob and cry, the taller male didn’t ever want to let him go. This person was the only one after all this time that made him warm, and he wouldn’t lose him for anything. Even if he had to kill every devil on this planet, to stay like this, then so will he.

[Name]’s neck was wet by Bertolt’s tears, not that he minded. The assistant softly caressed his hair with a sad expression plastered on his face. The [hair color]-haired male was heartbroken by seeing Bertolt like this— [Name] wondered what could have trigger such a reaction, but nothing came to mind. Maybe he could ask later on another occasion, because right now, it was clear he needed someone close.

However, Bertolt’s mind was slowly clouding with dark thoughts. He didn’t want to ever let go— he enjoyed how warm this closeness made him feel. He loved how the other caressed him like a mother to his child, softly murmuring kind words right on his ear.

Bertolt had to protect him from all the devils.

Bertolt tightened the hold, making [Name] let out a low groan. “B-Bertolt… you are hugging me too tightly…”

The taller male blinked, with no more tears falling. He didn’t intended to hurt his light, his angel. Loosing his grip, Bertolt straighten himself to look at the other. [Name]’s eyebrows were furrowed in worry, looking at the brunette.

“What troubled you, Bertolt? Did I say something?” [Name] gently asked. However, the brunette didn’t pay attention to his words.

Rather, Bertolt was focusing on his [eye color] eyes— soft and gentle looking right at him. The kind face who looked worried, his soft lips moving but nothing could be heard. The taller male couldn’t catch a single lie on his face— only spotting true kindness.

Bertolt looked at [Name] with admiration and sparks on his green eyes— the brunette was looking at him as if he was his savior, and surely, he certainly was. Like an angel or some divine entity, that was Bertolt seeing [Name] as. He will protect him.

The brunette took [Name]’s face with both hands, placing them on his soft cheeks. The assistant was surprised by the action, but remained in silence to see what Bertolt would do next. By his surprise, the patient gave a soft and fast peck on his lips, instantly making [Name]’s cheeks burn.

Bertolt slowly retreated, with both hands still on the other’s cheeks, and intently looked at [Name], focused and determined. “I will protect you from the devils. I promise.”

Let’s just say a certain blond wasn’t very happy about what he was seeing… In fact, he felt furious watching what he considered his being touched— and even kissed! He couldn’t stand seeing the hands touching the assistant’s face and body. Erwin would not allow this going any further, and so, he exited the room he was in to quickly opening the door the session was in, alerting both of the males on the room.

“Erwin? But my time isn’t over?”

“It is over now. Leave.” Erwin demanded, his icy eyes looking at both males, [Name] shivering under it, and Bertolt glaring at him.

Unfortunately to [Name], when he tried to move away, Bertolt’s grip was still strong. “Bertolt… I have to retire from now, can you please let me go?” he murmured,

Erwin, catching what was happening, said, “I strongly advice to let go of him right now, Hoover.”

Bertolt only glared at him, tightly hugging [Name] by his waist. The assistant could feel the tension on the room, and before anything could happen, he tried to make Bertolt comply. “Please, Bertolt. I promise I will return, alright?” Unfortunately, the brunette shacked his head, hugging him closer, just like a child, fearing he would disappear. [Name] sighed, but remained positive. This could be done pacifically,  he just had to be a little pushy.

The assistant placed his hands on Bertolt’s cheeks, making him look at him. Quickly, [Name] placed a fast kiss on Bertolt’s nose, and then said, “I promise I will return; we will see each other again, Bertolt. But only if you let me go.”

Erwin’s eye twitched in annoyance by seeing the interaction. His fist tightly clenched, trying to remain calm and patiently wait for this to finish.

Bertolt, who looked unsure, slowly let go. [Name] smiled, finally standing and muttered a thanks. Quickly after Erwin and [Name] left the room, leaving Bertolt alone with his thoughts.

I will protect him…

。。。。。。。。。

The walk was in a uncomfortable silence. [Name] didn’t know what to exactly say, seeing how tensed the blond looked. But before he could speak, Erwin stopped walking, [Name] quickly following.

“You can’t physically touch a patient like that— it is forbidden. You will not do or let that happened again, understood?” Erwin spoke in a deep voice, making [Name] shiver in fear. The poor assistant never imagined to hear the blond sounding so demanding and scary— his whole aura felt cold and heavy.

“B-But… he needed it! Bertolt was just—”

“Hewill not touch you again!” The loud yell silenced [Name], who quickly shifted his gaze to the floor, his hands trembling.

The assistant forgot that even if the blond gave him kind smiles on his first day, that didn’t mean he wasn’t his boss. [Name] felt helpless under this tension, the blond surely had a heavy and demanding aura who told who was in charge here.

Erwin, noticing [Name]’s shaking form, instantly regretted his behavior. Yes, he was furious with what just occurred, but he didn’t want his [Name] to be scared of him. The blond rubbed his temples, sighing.

“I’m sorry, [Name]…” The taller man apologized, lowering his voice, “I was… worried. You don’t know what could happen if you let them cross the line.”

He waited for him to say something, but he only received a nod for an answer. “Can you look at me, [Name]? I apologize with how I reacted.”

Still, the small assistant didn’t look at him. Erwin. impatient, gently grabbed [Name]’s chin and made him look up, meeting his [eye color] eyes. The blond could tell the other was nervous and intimidated by him; something that made Erwin strangely… pleased and conflicted at the same time.

“I apologize.” Erwin said, “but you can’t let them be that close to you; it’s dangerous, and I can’t let something happen to you. Do you understand, [Name]?”

“I… understand, Erwin.” [Name] spoke, unsure. Erwin slightly smiled, caressing [Name]’s cheek with his thumb, before letting go. The tension disappeared, letting [Name] breathe again.

“I’m glad you do.”

Childhood sunrays

He was seven when he first met you. He was the little boy, who dressed prim and proper and had a fitting face, though sullen.

His father was an honest professor that taught the elite and propitious, those in the privileged life. He, ignoring the threats and pleas, never shied away from the reality of the world.

He would spend hours on the injustice to the poor, government reforms, and political ideas too ‘radical’ for the school.

He would always get permission to get into his lectures and he would be so memorized when the topic evolved into something so fundamentally different that you had to wonder about it until days later.

And that itself caused tension between his peers. Erwin knew it stemmed from fear and insecurity— he was a seven-year-old kid who was known to outshines his elder peers who were groomed to be the best of the best, so he understood very early on how pride lead you in a leash.

With bruised knees and a bleeding lip, Erwin was chased to the unsavoury and poorer parts of town, house projects run down with green moss growing on the sides and grass unevenly and overgrown. It had its discarded concrete sidewalks cracked and uneven from the time.

He knew his father was sick with worry. Frantic, possibly.

But he also only has known the white washed walls and red bricks of home where nothing ever changes in its constant loop. Knowledge is power, and curiosity is the driving compass.

Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back, as the saying goes.

A chained dog ran in up front, started to bark frantically, mad, only the old chained fence acting as its last barrier. Erwin froze, terror locking his muscles and a tremor broke out, stuck in front of the water down house with no lights on.

Only for the dog to run away as an orange peel thrown into its way.

His saviour was swinging his feet against the chain fence, with ripped jean shorts and a t-shirt too big for you. You had orange peels in one hand and the other gripped to balance.

“Hey, are you sure you ain’t lost?” His childish voice, high and confident, brought and hooked you to the reality.

“I’m sure, thank you for your concern.” His shaken voice, still present, but netherless grateful. You frown, tilting your head if to better understand.

“I mean, you walked this way, like, three times.” You hold your fingers up ( a cheap bandage clinging on with God’s miracle ) as if to better understand, he held his gaze for a moment or two, breaking contact to look at his clothes, tender red knees and busted lip.

“Oh.”

You sigh, swinging down from the gate and arching your back, you look at him with a perplexing look, “Well then, c’mon we got a date to go to.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

Under the searing sun of the summer of ‘96, you led way through roads Erwin was a stranger to. You were patient with him, and you were keeping pace with him, and your grip was neither chafing nor bruising. But yours were messy hands.

Messy with the sticky feeling of oranges, and cheap crayola crayons, with a too big shirt and choppy, uneven hair that somehow suited you.

Every motion you created was an animated picture, and it made him want to follow your every move, a dance of two.

You are a tour guide in this turning world, like in the first meeting, you hold his hand as you walk and talk through he neighbourhood. Talks about Mrs. Jones— the old lunch lady with tattoos and a motorcycle she lets the kids play with, to old man Joe, the man lost it in the war and got a silver tooth, you say.

It’s all chaotic and wild, but you move through it all as if it’s as flexible and easy as water.

Erwin’s father breaks into wild sobs as soon as he saw his son being led back into the safety of their home. He was too close on calling the police when a boy holding his son’s hand asks for him.

You’re this split-second burst of color that suddenly erupted out of nowhere, and before he could even think, you were already gone. You always were.

Melting into everything, into his hindsight, into the deepest trenches of his memory. You were so abrupt, and blinding, and you made his chest feel weird and you had this presence that both terrified and confused him for some unknown reason.

Through his teenage years, he and you would grow closer. Flashes of memories snapped and froze to twinkle, from the time you and him snuck into a movie, to the time you were forced to get a hair cut and "ran away” to his house.

Childish naïve, as they played tag under the golden rays of the sun set, and counting the bugs underneath the rotting wood with the stars above them. You said that if you squint hard enough, they look like porcupines dancing with each other.

You, in his humble opinion, feels like running away, but not the real kind. More like how you saw it in childhood movies. Running to endless woods that hid magical adventures, running to hills filled with flowers and frogs and grasshoppers. Happy ignorant and not having to prepare but knowing the future of everlasting happiness and sunshine.

He wished he prepared more.

——

New York is a city too big for one, yet ironically too small for Erwin.

His works circle towards bringing down the corrupt, from CEO’s to the politicians and the rich and influential. He works here because its his duty and passion. (But his head is whispering haunting promises of city lights of a boy with ambition in his eyes.)

The percentage of even meeting you again, after all these years is mathematically impossible, how could he? When he left, he wonders, if you still think if him as his childhood friend or imagination of what he could have been.

His wishes ended up being manifested as a piss thrown bagel.

He was walking through the crowds, leaning thinner than other days when a half-eaten bagel lands on his shiny expensive leather shoe.

He grimace, Hange crackling in the background and Levi tsk with murmuring under his breath.

He looks up, scanning for the culprit, noises in New York are always blended but a voice sticks out from the rest. ( young and deep, a paradoxical dream, he knows this voice ) Arguments, insults and loud voices, he brings his attention to the couple in front of him, and—

The countless heads of ongoing bystanders, and yet. You. With the hair that catched the sun’s eye, and the wind’s kiss blows.

“Y/M!”

You, with caramel factories in your pockets, and rainbows stains on your fingertips, turn around and all breathing is sucked from the tunnel vision of you.

Your hair is longer, less wild and free, and your face contoured with more chiseled since your childhood days. But your freedom of expression is painted in your face.

Surprise, confusion, and realization.

“Erwin? Erwin Smith is that you?!” Your pitch rose as your entire being rose with it, your eyes widen and crinkled, blooming like the dandelions on spring.

“Oh lord, it’s really you!” You ran, skipping through the lady’s threshold, and Erwin already dropped his briefcase as he opened his arms as wide as he could to catch the wild storm of colors that you were.

You hit him with all your force, and from that force of reality that sucked all breath from him, he finally thought he knows what home really is. (He remembers, they were sprawled out on your couch, facing each other, smiling like idiots, mouths stretched so wide our cheeks ached with the strain. )

I often fantasize about how life would be like with you.

“My god! Jesus, I haven’t seen you, in what? Six, seven years? Look how much you grown!” You pull away just slightly, still entrapped in his arms, as you take a good close look at him for the first time.

And Erwin stares. Stares because in these streets that blur in the background, he can smell the orange soda that you drank under one gulp for a bet and the crackers that you hid away for the zombie apocalypse prep. And then he realises that he is staring.

“I— yes. We, I mean, I did grow. With, uh, food.”

You laugh, and your laughter feels like a dying sunrays directed at him. Like blooming flowers, and with his limited vocabulary he fumbled out the crooked, vague, feeling that waved through his teeth. When was the last time he was swooned by your laughter?

You move to speak, and he unconsciously lean forward as if seeking a place to rest, as a shriek of your name breaks through this haze of whatever overcame you two. You blink, your face realizing your situation, and your expression drops, like his stomach, unto one of uncomfort and annoyance.

You lean forward and in an entirely exaggerated expression, you crestfallen sigh, “Hear that, Erwin? It’s the devil calling my name.” A sharp tug, what else could if be? A sharp poke at his tender heart, do you hear that? A taunting voice, he’s preparing to leave again.

You lean back, tilting your face in the same way when he met you and smile such a sad smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Erwin. Don’t be a stranger yeah?”

His finger twitches, his lips parting in anticipation, but he closes in remorse.

“Yeah, let’s.”

But as you start to pull away, you move with just speed and color as you pull put a sharpie from your pocket. And he’s taken back to your phase of always carrying candy in your pockets, no matter the event or temperature.

“Here,” you hold your hand out, and Erwin isn’t even aware as he instantly drops his whole hand in yours.

The blank ink stings his eyes, as numbers shaped his hand. A smily face, wobbly and silly, is at the end.

Your face almost splits in half as you smile up at him, “Don’t forget to call me tonight, yeah?”

He nods silently, not trusting his words clearly, as you waved through the crowd back to the woman who started to hit you in the head. He takes a step forward, and you throw your head up and start to taunt her as you start to run away.

Reminds you of the time you used to throw orange peels at his peers. You turn around for a second and smile one last time and wave a goodbye, and just like his hindsight, you were a hurricane of color that picks him up and disappears immediately.

Even though his colleagues watched their interaction between a well-known blank mask to a complete stranger, he throws his head back and lets out a deep laugh from the credence of his chest. He could act all stoic but his heart doesn’t feel stoic enough to make him serene.

He pockets his hand and ignores the shouts of Hange, and the silent eyes of Levi that probe him for his unanswers questions.

His steps feel lighter.

——

I don’t know if i should, like a part 2, or a pov of the reader. I dunno. I’ll go and sleep.

Flower Curse | A. Confess

levi's ending

[levi x male!reader x erwin] vomiting; hanahaki disease, angst. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him. A. Confess.

You decide to confess— straight and direct. Hiding would not save your ass, and you don't think your feelings will change anytime soon. So the best thing you think will be better is just being honest. What could go wrong? He saying no and you dying? Well, yeah. But better try and do it quicker.

So that's what you are going to do. Passing a hand through your hair, you sigh, trying to calm your nerves. Walking through the halls, greeting the soldiers and higher ranks while they pass you. It's been a busy week, thanks for the expedition coming up.

Standing in front of his door, you compose yourself before knocking. Would he be irritated right now? Would it be a good idea to do it later? No! Do it now— you have the guts to do it now, and you will. Everything will be alright. Just tell your feelings and wait for his response— easy.

Nervously knocking, you try to control your breathing and stop blushing, both tasks failing. Hearing a voice saying, "come in" makes you shiver, and you follow the order. Opening the door, you shyly enter the office, averting the ravenette's gaze.

"Ah, [Name]. What now?" He asks, writing something on a paper.

Gulping, you answer, "I wanted to tell you something important." You play with your hands, still not looking at him.

He raises a brow, looking expectantly at you. Waiting for you to go on but only hearing mumbling makes him irritated, so he slightly raises his voice, "What is it?"

Jumping a little in surprise, you try your best to say it clear and clean, closing your eyes. You wish for the best. "I know you like someone else, but I really like you!" There, you said it as clear as you could— was it enough? God, did you just sound like a teenager?

You waited for a response before opening your eyes, but it never came. There was only silence, so you slowly opened your eyes to finally see him.

His eyes were widened with his mouth slightly opened. He stopped writing whatever he was on the paper, looking at you in disbelief. But just as you quickly saw it, it disappeared, leaving his usual frown, but you felt something different about him... Something... gentle.

Gulping, your negative thoughts came back once again. You knew this wasn't a good idea— your guts were telling you that since the very beginning. What were you thinking? You could feel the flowers waking up, trying to get out. Quickly, you tried fixing this hot mess, "I—I just wanted to tell you that. I know you don't feel the same, so don't say anything..." You were stupid, very stupid. Averting his gaze, you quickly look for the door handle, but a sudden noise of someone moving stops you, along with his voice.

“Where do you think are you going?” He asks, and you feel he is smirking. You froze on the spot, with your hand on the door handle. You don’t want to see him— you can feel your cheeks blushing and your mind clouding. “Look at me.”

You don’t obey the command right away. Gulping, you try to say something— think something clearly, but nothing came. You tried to make the flowers stay inside. Still frozen in the same place, you can hear footsteps approaching you. Shit— was he going to punch you? Kick you? Laugh at you? No, he wouldn’t… right?

“I said,” he grabs your shoulder, making you turn and look at him, “look at me.”

Your nervous gaze shifts on his face and averts it at the same time. You knew your face was all red— and you actually saw a smirk appear on his face by the looks of your face. You were sweating, mumbling, trying to say anything.

He just looks at your blubbering mess; your blushed face and notice how your hands shake. The ravenette is actually surprised by your demeanor— the sight of you like this wasn’t that regular, sadly. He actually enjoys seeing you flustered like this, and knowing he is the reason of it is even better.

If it weren’t for this sudden confession out of nowhere, Levi would never have caught your feelings for him. So that’s why you were this quiet lately. He thought, still looking at you. He always tried to stay away from feelings like this— loving someone seemed just not possible in the current situation. Nevertheless, he actually thought about you and him being like that.

He sighs, closing his eyes. Trying to think clearly, he stays silent. Does he feel the same? Could he be with you like that? Well, he couldn’t deny how pleasant is your company, even if he didn’t say it out loud. He liked the sound of your laugh, and even if the two of you stayed far apart in the expeditions, he always watched over you until you disappeared with your squad on the field. And just as the expedition finishes, he can’t stop the feeling to look immediately for you, feeling relieved when he sees you safe and sound. He knew you were capable of protecting yourself and others, but the sudden feel of look for you at all times don’t go away, even if he knows it’s impossible for you to die.

He likes when your hands accidentally touches each other when you both try to grab the pot, he likes cleaning your messy face when you eat like a child, he likes the comfortable talks you two have in the nights, and even if you don’t have a topic of conversation, he doesn’t mind the silence. The ravenette admits being disappointed by the lack of conversations lately; he didn’t like the empty feeling that stayed when you didn’t look for him.

Could he feel the same way?

Actually, yes, he could.

Opening his eyes, he sees you a little more relaxed than before. Your cheeks are now slightly reddish, and you are patiently looking at him. He likes— no, loves the sight of you. He can feel something warm on his chest when he looks at you. He notices the closeness and his urges surfaces, making him look at you in another way he didn’t think he could.

Before you could say anything, you can see him coming closer to you, instantly feeling something soft on your lips, making your eyes widened.

He smirks at your surprise and takes the lead, grabbing your collar and pulling you against him, making you two closer. You just stay in total surprise, your mind doesn’t give you any orders and you are frozen in place. The only thing you could do was grab his shoulders to steadying yourself.

The feeling was hot, you knew your face was red again. The ravenette was doing all the work here, fiercely kissing you before breaking the session, catching both of your breaths.

He smirks, “Does that answer any questions?” The ravenette asks, looking expectantly at you. Seeing you this flustered made him certainly warm, but he tried his best to stay in place. “I told you before I cared more than them, right, idiot?”

And immediately, any feel of discomfort left you. The flowers surprisingly disappeared, and you could breathe normally again.

Were you cured?

The sudden action left you surprised, but knowing he felt the same, you quickly mimicked his actions, by his amusement. He just deeply chuckled, and took the lead once again.

Yes, he truly loved you.

After that pleasant moment, Levi and you became close once again. Your friends noticed the closeness between the two of you, Erwin being the first one. He seemed calmer by how things turned out for the both of you, not before giving you a strange look you couldn’t decipher at all. You ignored it, seeing his smile, but slightly tensed form. And unknowingly by you, he stayed in silence when you left, sighing before mumbling,

“Too late.”

Hange was excited and happy for the surprise you gave her, along with Moblit who only sighed in relief. The woman only just jumped like a little child, happy by the events. You laughed, feeling warm at the sight of your friends.

Unfortunately, you feeling better weren’t good news for everybody.

A certain girl could see both of your hands touch beneath the table in the mess hall, unknown by everyone but her. She could see the kisses when you two thought being alone. She could see the closeness between the two of you. She could see everything.

She could feel something blooming inside her lungs, making her unable to breath.

Little Petra could only look in horror as flowers came out from her throat.

Aren't you happy?

Are you satisfied with the choice you made?