E M P T Y / 13

shingeki no kyojin

reiner x male reader insert [soulmate/moder au, angst]

[one shot / 3860 words]

based on this prompt

summary: When your soulmate cries, your eyes began to water. Unexpectedly so; you have seen cases where one of your friends randomly cries when both of you are talking. It worries you at first, but rapidly they explain is 'their soulmate crying'.

notes: would u believe i had this since september in my messy folders damn, i really wanted to finish it tho also, reiner x male readers ARE NONEXISTENT. WHAT THE HELL. thats very bad and should be changed!

masterlist

When your soulmate cries, your eyes began to water. Unexpectedly so; you have seen cases where one of your friends randomly cries when both of you are talking. It worries you at first, but rapidly they explain is 'their soulmate crying'. 

You have never felt your soulmate cry. Your eyes have never watered, no tears— not that you remember, at least. This made you thought that your soulmate is someone strong, someone that doesn't get played by their emotions that easily.

You admire them, even if you don't even know them.

You, on the other hand, have cried for every kind of thing— a sad movie, a fight between friends, stress... It makes you embarrassed, actually. You only hoped your soulmate wasn't irritated by your crying...

"Something on your mind?" You heard a deep voice approaching you, quickly recognizing the voice. You turn, seeing a tall blond— Reiner. He leaves two cups on the table, instantly recognizing the smell of chocolate. He sits across you.

You slightly smile, "just thinking about my soulmate, that's all." 

He quirks an eyebrow, interested by the topic. "You said you have never cried because of them, right?"

"Nope. Not that I can remember..."

"Must be an 'Annie' case. You know, she only knew Bertolt was her soulmate when the big idiot saw her with Eren. Remember?"

You laugh by the memory— it certainly was funny now, but not back then. Poor Bertolt had feelings for Annie, and when he tried to finally confess to her thanks to Reiner and you, the three of you saw the blond girl walking with Eren, looking pretty happy. The view made Bertolt instantly cry in distress, and both of you could saw how tears came from Annie's eyes at the same moment.

Fortunately, Eren was only a friend to Annie. The whole thing had a happy ending, and every on and then the four of you —maybe just three— of you laugh by the memory. Bertolt only gets embarrassed, but if it wasn't for him, maybe he would never know who his soulmate was at that time.

"We were lucky. Bertolt saved his own ass by crying in that moment..." You take a sip from your cup, pleasantly tasting the hot chocolate. "Also, thank god Annie wasn't against the soulmate thing..."

"Who could say a big guy like him is a cry baby. I'm glad they got together, though. If not, Annie would have been suffering everyday with the tears."

You agree.

"Oh— what about your soulmate? Do they cry a lot?" You asked, tilting your head. You and Reiner really don't talk about your soulmates that much; the blond is secretive with those things, not that you mind. 

"They do. But lately, they haven't..." He blinks, wondering, "I guess they are... sensitive? emotional? I've lost count on how many times I've been crying with them. I don't mind, though."

You nod. Neither Reiner nor you have met your soulmate... Makes you wonder until when you two could— if you ever do.

A small but pleasant chatter begins between the two of you. Reiner has been a good friend of yours since high school— he has always seen as the 'big bro': reliable and protective over his friends.

He, on the other hand —and by your ignorance—, sees you more than a close friend. Even if he hasn't been with you in your hard times, he always has cared for you. Bertolt and Annie always tell him to confess already; follow his feelings and tell you how he feels. However, seeing how thoughtful you are with your soulmate, how many times you doze out wondering about them, makes him back off from every time he wants to tell you.

Just like now, actually. The buff blond thought this would have been a good opportunity— just you two sitting on a table on the middle of a coffee shop, surrounded of voices quietly talking, minding their business.

He thought how cute you looked with that red scarf on— how adorable you seemed wrapping your hands on the cup, trying to warm your hands on the middle of this winter. Reiner desired to wrap his hands on yours, kiss your nose and make you warm.

But that couldn't be, because he surely wasn't your soulmate. But he didn't mind— he can be strong for you.

Or so he thought.

His thoughts got interrupted when he heard a cough coming from you. Reacting quickly, he gently patted your back, seeing as you didn't stop. The coughing eventually ceased after some couple of seconds, but that was enough to make him worried— he didn't see you choking on your chocolate or any type of problem.

"Wow there, that lasted long. Did you got sick?" Reiner asked, preoccupied.

You shifted uncomfortably on your seat. "I've been... feeling a little funny lately... But I think it's just a cold. Nothing to worry about." You answered, hiding your true health problems. Yes, you have been feeling weird lately— sometimes weak, and other times your coughing have lasted longer than this time, but you didn't think much of it.

The blond looked unsure, "I don't know... Have you went to a check up?"

"It's just a cold, Reiner. I'm sure I'm going to be fine soon— it's winter, after all. Colds aren't that weird to get during this season." 

You tried to reason, but you could tell he wasn't buying it.

"Nope. You will get to a checkup, and I will accompany you."

"But Rei—"

"No buts, cutie. Let's go!"

You roll your eyes, a smile plastered on your face. Reiner takes your hand and guides you trough the coffee shop until you are outside, and you thank him internally. You felt a little weak— your legs didn't want to obey and if it wasn't for the strong but gentle grip on your arm, maybe you would have fallen.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

"[Name] [Last Name]?" A nurse calls your name. You stand up with the help of Reiner, as he sees you trip over by your dizziness. 

"Wow there, feeling dizzy?" The blond asks as he helps you walk to the nurse. He doesn't say it— but he's becoming more preoccupied for you by the second. 

"A little..." You nervously chuckle, feeling a little worried. Trying to look well, you stand correctly with the help of Reiner, who's arms are protectively holding you still.

The nurse, seeing as the blond takes good care of you, guides both of you to a room. She knocks before opening, receiving an answer to come in. "Doctor Jaeger, [Name] [Last Name] is here for the check up." She turns at you and gestures to come in, opening the door for you.

Entering the room, you two are met with a blond doctor wearing glasses. He is taking notes in his notebook, but stops when he sees you. "[Name] and Reiner. Surprising to see you here. What's the problem?"

"Uhm, well, I just cough a little and I felt weak sometimes, but I'm sure it's just a cold and—"

"Don't believe him, doc. [Name] coughs like crazy and he trips over with his own legs." Reiner immediately interrupted you, irritating you. The blonde doctor humns in understanding.

"Sit here, [Name]. Will do the check up on you." He helps you stand and sit on another higher place. You felt like a child, honestly. He tells you what to do; cough, move your arms, open your mouth... Him and Reiner talk a little while your session.

When he finishes, Reiner instantly asks, "And? How is he?"

Zeke chuckles. "If I didn't know you I would say you are the clingy boyfriend." The blond jokes, winking. Reiner grunts, blushing just a little. You laugh, but cough instantly after. 

"Anyways, I will do more studies on you, [Name]. I don't see an exact anomaly on you, but you weakening doesn't say anything good." He stands up, "come with me, this shouldn't take long."

Zeke gestures Reiner to accompany him too. He guides you to a room with more instruments and medical objects, and he tells you to take off your clothes and wear the usual hospital gown while he gets everything ready.

"Don't you need help, babe? Come on— of course you do. Let me help." Reiner jokes, approaching you and placing both of his hands on your hips, trying to get your coat off. 

Blushing by his flirty acts, you smack his hands and stick out your tongue, "I'm not a baby! So if you excuse me..." You wait for him to release you, but his arms wraps around you tightly, and he hides his face on the crook of your neck. 

He's unnerving quiet, and that doesn't fail to worry you. It was weird sensing him so... nervous? weird? "Reiner...? Are you alright?" You try to make him talk, caressing his hands. 

He grunts, still hiding his face. He doesn't say it out loud— but smelling your scent calms his nerves. "I'm worried."

You laugh, relieved, "you don't have to be! It would not be anything bad. It's just a check up!"

He doesn't answer, and stays in the same spot. Reiner wants to confess how nice is being like this— it felts perfect. His strong arms around you, like some type of protector. He wants to stay like this forever.

But unfortunately, that can't be.

"Yeah, well, sorry for interrupting your loving scene but I'm a busy man and this will be quick." The doctor jokingly interrupts the intimate moment, trying to keep a serious face.

"We—We are not together!" You hastily say in embarrassment, trying to pry off Reiner's hands off you.

"Yeah, aha. Strip already, boy." Zeke closes the curtain and takes Reiner by the collar and takes him out, while the buff blond grunts and whines like a child.

While you change, you can't stop thinking about Reiner being so close to you. Just remembering his breath against your neck made you shiver and blush. Feeling his strong arms around you made you feel safe.

"You done?"

Blinking, you quickly change into the hospital gown and open the curtain. You can see Reiner sitting down on a chair with a grumpy face— it looks like he's pouting! You chuckle by the scene, and his face quickly lightened by your –beautiful– laughter.

He really likes you a lot.

"Alright, just stand here and I'll do the job."

Dr. Jaeger begins with the studies while Reiner sits there with a frown. He feels worried— a cold could be noticed right away, but Zeke didn't see anything of the sort. What could it be, then?

Looks like the 'check-up' turned more aggravating.

Zeke sighs and turns to both of you, and speaks:

"Well, I need you to come next week while I check these things." He approaches you and gives you a paper, "here is the prescription— the medicine is specially for when you feel weak, but I will not give more until I make sure what this is."

"Thank you, doc." Reiner speaks while you change, and he takes the opportunity to ask lowly, "is it serious? will he get better soon?"

"I don't know that, Reiner. Until I analyze the studies I could have an answer." He squishes Reiner's shoulder, "try to not worry to much. Also, confess already."

Reiner chokes, "W—What are you talking about?"

Zeke rolled his eyes, "I don't even know how he hasn't noticed. Both of you are airheads."

But before Reiner can speak, they hear your voice. "Done! Thank you for looking for me, Zeke!" You speak as you open the curtain, already changed in your usual clothes.

"No worries." He slightly smiles, flipping some pages of his clipboard.

You smile at him, and return your attention to Reiner. Blinking at him, you notice his face is reddish. “Uh? Are you alright? Your face is red." 

"Y–Yeah," he clears his throat, "let's go, I will drop you at your apartment."

Both of you say goodbye to Zeke and leave the place, not before getting the medicine Zeke prescripted you. The ride back your apartment was normal with Reiner doing most of the talking. You throw jokes here and there, laughing with Reiner by your silliness. He loves hearing your laugh— loves seeing your smile, the way your face blushes...

God, he is really losing his mind.

The ride ends by his disappointment. You get out of the car and before you leave, he speaks in a fake natural tone you can see trough.

“If anything happens, call me, alright?”

“But if someone breaks in shouldn’t I call the police?”

He snorts, “I can’t be serious with you at all, can I?” The answer he got was you sticking your tongue out, making him chuckle. You were so adorable. “Well then, see you tomorrow, dollface.”

The ride back home was him gripping the wheel tightly, his narrowed eyes focused on the road as he thought about his feelings and your health.

“Why dos he has to be so beautiful?! UGH!” He blushes in embarrassment at the thought of your beautiful and goofy smile.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

A week passed shortly after that. Unfortunately, you could feel coughing more and more, along with your weakening form. The medication had somehow calmed the coughing at first, but soon it grew worse. You were worried now, but you tried your best not to let Reiner know about your current health. He was already worried about you— you decided to bear it until the week was over to go to Zeke again.

And that’s how you are here, feeling the incredibly tense and heavy atmosphere in the room along with Zeke and Reiner. There was a silence in the beginning, until Zeke broke it with an unusual look on his eyes. You somehow knew something wasn’t right.

"We don't know what this is, [Name]. This... is different." He speaks with a frown on his face. It’s evident he’s tensed.

"But it isn't that dangerous, right?" You didn't like his tone at all— he looked tensed and uncomfortable. The air was heavier, you can see Reiner getting tensed too.

He stays in silence, like as if he's thinking about what to say— Reiner gets impatient, his foot is constantly tapping the floor, and his fingers move every two seconds. Why he’s taking so long to talk clearly? Reiner grew worried by the second as he thought of the possible answer that Zeke tried to say. 

You, on the other hand, wait patiently. Maybe, just maybe, this is just something not that harmful? Perhaps your illness was advanced but curable, right? There was nothing to worry, right?

"What you have... is— is a terminal illness."

Cold; shivers trough your spine; that's what you feel. As if someone cold hugs your form from behind— your hands freeze, and your eyes widened. You don't know what to feel, so you don't show emotion at all. The truth drops like a bomb— you felt something stung your heart and your stomach churn.

Reiner is the one breaking down. 

He instantly stands on his feet, his hands slamming on Zeke’s desk as he shouts with an horrified expression. "What?! No— this has to be a fucking mistake, Zeke. No, no, no!"

Zeke closes his eyes and sighs, "it isn't. We checked everything – something is happening to [Name], but we don't know what it is."

Reiner doesn’t want to believe that— he refuses. "There has to be something to beat that! There's— There's no way!"

You could see Reiner was frenetic— as he yelled at Zeke and denied the whole statement like a child, but you placed your hand in his arm and tried to calm him. He looks at you, and you notice how heartbroken he looks— but you guide him to sit again, and he obeys nonchalantly.

Looking at Zeke, —who is surprised by your calm demeanor— you quietly ask with dull eyes, "Is there a treatment?"

"We are looking into it."

"I see." You blink, "but what do I exactly have?"

"Your bones are getting weaker— as well as your respiratory system, explaining as to why you cough harshly and you feel your body weak everyday. As I said before, we don’t know what is causing it, but we will do everything we can to help you.”

You doze off after that. Zeke explains things you don’t want to hear— you just stare at him and nod unconsciously. You don’t hear Reiner talking with him, you just... exist. A heavy pain is felt on your chest and shoulders as you think of your future, if you had any. Were you really going to die?

“-understand, [Name]?” That’s Zeke’s voice speaking to you. Blinking, you notice Reiner and Zeke looking at you with their  frowns, and you guess anything they were saying wasn’t good. Clenching your fist, you answer with a short and low yes.

After some checkups and medication, Zeke advises you to go home and rest. You had to come tomorrow, as maybe they will arrange everything for your stay at the hospital. You just stare blankly at him, nodding automatically.

The ride back home is tensed and horribly uncomfortable. Reiner doesn’t exactly know what to say or do as he sees how... blank you look. It has been the first time he has seen you this unresponsive— but knowing the current situation, it’s understandable. He feels something heavy and painful on his chest— he stops his urges to cry and keep it together. He doesn't need to break like that in front of you— he had to be strong, even if he feels something so painful.

He takes your hand and squeezes it, as his other hand is occupied with the wheel. Reiner doesn’t look at you, his eyes fixed on the road.

He can feel your hand squeezing back.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

You tell Reiner to come in— it's evident you don't want to be alone with these... bad news. You want to be with someone, you need someone. How much time do you have left? And not even knowing your soulmate...

Life really is unfair.

As these thoughts cloud your mind, you find yourself chuckling at first, but it grows as an uncontrollable laughter. You take your head with your hands, laughing as Reiner can only watch in pain. He had never seen you like this in his life— not even Annie nor Bertholt. For once, he didn't know what to do to calm you. Placing his hands on your shoulders, the blond tried his best to bring you comfort, to let you know he's there with you.

You break down finally— the laughter stops abruptly as you breath heavily. Your throat hurts, your hands shake, your throat feels itchy. Your whole body feels itchy, and without thinking about it you harshly scratch your throat and arms. If Reiner wasn't there with you to stop your breakdown, maybe you could have hurt yourself really badly. He gets in front of you and takes your hands with his', looking at you with painful eyes. Gritting your teeth, you try not to cry, but the inevitable comes. Hot tears fell from your eyes, and hiccups get out. Sobbing, you can't help but cry harder as you grip tightly Reiner's hands, falling on your knees.

Reiner's eyes began to water unconsciously, and many tears came out from his eyes— as if something is making him cry.

And that someone is you.

He doesn't know how to feel or what to think in this moment— he loves you, and knowing you are soulmates is even better. But how is this found out isn't joyful or happy— it hurts, but that doesn't let him stop loving you.

"[Name]," he speaks, looking at you with narrowed eyes. You can see he's crying too, "we are soulmates."

Immediately stopping crying, your eyes widen and you look at him in disbelief. Just as the tears stop from coming, his tears stop too. It's as if time has stopped in this very moment with that revelation— your breath is caught in your throat and your whole body flinches. You felt sadder, and you cry again with more force than before.

"I—I'm so sorry, Reiner!" You can only say between your sobbing, feeling much more horrible. You were happy that it was him, but you knew there was no happy ending with you. Was this your fault? Why do you exist in the first place?

He shakes his head, smiling sadly at you. Both of you cry, sharing your tears. "Sorry? Babe, you are the person I always wanted."

"I'm gonna die... I'm sorry your soulmate is me!" You can't bear this painful feeling on your chest— you hug him and hide your face on his chest, your body shaking. He welcomes you, wrapping his arms around you tightly. His hand caresses your back in comfort, making you feel tired. Less and less tears come from your eyes, and only some sobs are heard.

"Don't be sorry— we are together in this, alright? You are not alone. I'm with you until the end."

No one moves. The only sounds from that room are Reiner's voice comforting you and your sobs.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

A month passed, and you were currently hospitalized under Zeke's care. You knew he was doing whatever he could to help you, but deep down everyone knew there was no hope for your future. He couldn't tell you when was your death sentence, but he guessed it wouldn't take much longer than three months.

You were really gone. There was no doubt as you couldn't even stand without someone's help— you couldn't walk anymore.

Annie and Bertholt came every weekend to check on you. They were devastated by the horrible news Reiner had to bring them— just as the two of you, they had to believe it with their own eyes. Seeing you in the hospital bed with all of these machines connected in your body wasn't a nice image— it was something they will remember forever, an image that will burn on the back of their minds.

Reiner was always there. He came everyday to take care of you— you felt nothing but a burden to him. He knew how you really felt when your eyes met; it was clear. But every time you felt this burden and guilt, his ridiculous and cheesy behavior appeared: he kissed everywhere; your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your neck, your hands... it never ceased to amuse you and making you laugh. It was something so childish, but in reality, you didn't mind. Even if you weren't the person you were before, that didn't mean anything to him— you were always going to be the person he will always love.

"I love you." He says, taking your hand and pressing it against his cheek. You chuckle by his behavior, making him blush in embarrassment, but smiles too. "What? Are you laughing at my love confession?"

"You look like a child. Always looking for my affection, hmn? You big baby." The two of you laugh. Caressing his face, your gentle voice say, "I love you."

Reiner was the happiest man alive when he was with you— it was really obvious by the eyes of his two friends. He always talked about you every day as if you were a treasure that nobody could find. It was... bittersweet.

He always was there to wake you up and help you walk trough the hospital's garden. You loved their flowers, and enjoyed it even more when Reiner was with you.

But there was a day when you didn't wake up and see the flowers anymore.

He cried, but there wasn't no one with him to share his tears with.

reiss mental asylum / ＳＰＥＣＩＡＬ♡ＶＡＬＥＮＴＩＮＥ

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

ＳＰＥＣＩＡＬ♡ＶＡＬＥＮＴＩＮＥ

i ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Good morning!" [Name] greeted excitedly, waving at everyone in the halls. Smiling, the assistant had a couple of red boxes in his arms. He was heading to his office to arrange his stuff— he had a little surprise for everyone today.

Arriving to his —or rather Zeke and his— office, the boy dropped the boxes on the desk. He had prepared everything one day before, and even baked in the late night. [Name] was always lively and excited in festive days— just like today was Valentine's day! Good thing there was a simple activity at the asylum— patients could receive and give gifts between them.

He had baked home-made chocolates, bought lollipops, have wrote letter for his patients and workers... He was pretty excited. His first gift was a bag with chocolates and a letter for his neighbor Porco, before he left for work. Surprisingly, the blond had too a gift for [Name]: a gift-card and a... obvious home-made chocolate. The amateur molding gave it away, but it didn’t make it less cute and sweet.

It was very special to [Name], because Porco’s behavior usually wasn’t like this. He knew from his friends that the blond wasn't that very gift-giving, much less a touchy-caring person, but that didn't mean he didn't treasure his friends.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

[Name] tries to close the door of his apartment at fast as he can, but his hands full of stuff doesn't let him, making it fall all over the floor. He puts and lets out a groan before locking the door and kneeling to take them. He's going to arrive late, so he tries his best to collect everything fast. He's occupied with it that he doesn't notice his neighbor leaving his apartment and looks at him with a blush on his face. The blond approaches [Name] and kneels to help him, making the [hair color] haired notice him finally.

"Porco!" [Name] excitedly speaks, "good thing I see you before leaving! I I have your—"

But before [Name] could finish, Porco handed rather harshly a box with chocolates on it, along with a gift card as he avert his gaze with a clear crimson on his face. [Name] takes it surprised, not expecting it. "Here." He just says, standing up with [Name]'s stuff on his arms, still not looking at him.

[Name] stares dumbfounded for a moment, before waking up from his daze and stand up too. He looks carefully at the gift— so that's what was Porco doing last night? The apartment's walls weren't sound proof, so [Name] could clearly hear Porco's loud swearing in the late night, same time he was baking. [Name] smiles with a blush decorating his face, "thank you, Porco! I really appreciate it."

"J-Just, don't talk about it!" With his free hand he covers his mouth in embarrassment. If anybody in the office heard about it, he would be bullied about it until his death, and with his pride present, he wouldn't want that at all.

The gentle male chuckles, before remembering the gift he has for his neighbor. Between all of his things, he finds a small red box with a letter tape on it, with the front reading "Porco" with a small heart on it. He hands it to him with a blush, glad that Porco takes it as he hands him his stuff. "Don't open it right now! Open it when you are at work so you can eat chocolate!" He laughs like a child, music to the blonde's ears.

"You are so cheesy," He coughs, hiding his shyness. He ruffles [Name]'s head, messing his hair as he speaks, "thanks."

Both of them leave the building together, but seeing all of the stuff [Name]'s is carrying, Porco doesn't mind dropping [Name] off.

"Good luck and uh... have a nice day at work."

"You too, and thanks for dropping me off!" [Name] says, opening the car's door to leave. But before he can exit the car, Porco takes his wrist wordlessly and gently pulls him. [Name] feels something warm on his forehead, and before he can realize what is happening Porco moves away, refusing to see him. [Name] can see Porco's face is all red, along with his own.

[Name] is not brave with this sort of things, but seeing Porco, of all people, do that, he didn't see why not. He peeks his cheek, surprising the blonde. The assistant smiles at him, and before he leaves he says, "don't forget to eat my chocolates!"

Let's just say Porco's mind is full of this moment repeating so much times he forgets where he is actually going.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Arranging his stuff with a smile, the assistant began to remind himself about his schedule. To not to being carrying everything, the best he could do right now was take his worker’s gifts. After all, before going to sessions there was a small free time in the cafeteria. Looking at the clock, he was just in time to go. Not wanting to waste any minute, he took each bag and boxes full of chocolates along with his letters and left hurriedly, carefully not dropping anything in his way.

Fortunately for him, he's greeted by Mike, who seems to have waited for him with a coffee cup in his hand. But as soon as he sees [Name] with his stuff, he approaches him. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Mike! Uhm—"

"Take this." He hands him the coffee to take all of the boxes and little bags. It's not much to Mike, as he is much taller than the assistant. [Name] says that he doesn't need to do that, but the blonde doesn't listen to him at all and begins to walk ahead, in which [Name] with a defeated sigh, follows.

[Name] takes a sip from the coffee, but his eyes widened at the wonderful taste of it, "this isn't coffee!" He smiles, enjoying the taste of hot chocolate in his mouth, "thank you, Mike! It's so good..." The blonde just smiles, enjoying [Name]'s chatter. He looked rather cute today— [Name] wear a heart clip on his hair, revealing his cute face more today. And he also smelled like sweet strawberries and chocolate, which was a good plus.

"Ah!" [Name] remembers, "wait a moment, please." Mike raises a brow, stopping in a not busy hallway. There are no much workers passing trough, so they are not disturbing anyone. [Name] looks trough the boxes, carefully not slipping any chocolate, until he finds the one he's looking for— a box with Mike's name on the letter. "This one is for you! I can take care of it until we get to to the cafeteria." He holds it with care, smiling at him.

The taller man just chuckles by [Name]'s childish behavior, and he can't stop himself from stopping him and kiss his temples. [Name] instantly blushes, but as soon as Mike finishes, he gets on his tip toes and kiss the blonde's cheek in return. It's sweet and cute to the taller man, and he can't help but be vocal about his thoughts, "cute." [Name]'s answer was a blush, as he hided behind Mike's, feeling shy. They returned to their walk to the cafeteria.

As they arrive, [Name] helps Mike placing the boxes on the table to let his rest. He hands him his gift and also a hear-shaped lollipop, gaining a laugh from the taller man. Levi, seeing the rather irritating interaction, narrowed his eyes as he saw all of [Name]'s stuff on the table. If he guessed right, a faint smell of chocolate was present. And seeing the rather... adorable hair-clip the assistant was wearing give it right away something valentine's thing was going on with him.

"This is chocolate?" The ravenette asked, taking their attention. [Name] nodded excitedly, already trying to find Levi's gift, placing his cup on the table. The ravenette noted the cup wasn't his— he narrowed his eyes at Mike, who only grinned slightly. So that’s why you left, you fucking tree. As he crossed his arms, [Name] joyfully handed him his gift, in which Levi took, inspecting it. "A letter?" Just as he was opening the letter, a loud irritating voice was heard approaching.

"Oh my!!! Are these gifts??? CHOCOLATE?!" Hanji grinned, looking at the gifts. [Name] immediately handed hers, and the woman took it harshly from his hands. "You are so adorable!!!" She pinched [Name]'s cheeks, making his eyes teary.

"Hanji!" [Name] tried to protest, but it went to deaf ears. It hurt, but thankfully Mike took Hanji's chocolates and shoved them into her mouth, silencing her and changing her attention to eating. The poor assistant rubbed his cheeks, thanking Mike by the help.

Levi, irritated by how Hanji was, opened the letter nevertheless. It was decorated with stickers and cute doodles, and it was pretty short. It made the ravenette remember the love cheesy letters he got from high school— just like the girls back then would try to have and do cute things with stickers, cute band-aids, small handwriting. He didn't particularly like receiving this type of letters, but getting them by [Name] was greatly different.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

♡ 𝒕𝒐: 𝒍𝒆𝒗𝒊 ♡

𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆! 𝒊 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒊 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆! ♡(ŐωŐ人)

𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎: [𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒆] (✿╹◡╹)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

He just stared blankly at the words, not sure of what to say about it. It seemed this was the first things he got from the assistant —the person that sooner or later would be his—, so he had to treasure it. Folding the letter back to it's past form, he put it in his pocket secretly. This feeling... was so troublesome.

"Oh! Where's Zeke? I haven't seen him." [Name] asks, instantly changing Levi's mood.

"Don't know." The ravenette answers, not interested to talk about four-eyes #2. Of course, Hanji can catch the change of mood, and as she already knows the actual situation revolving around little [Name], she decides to have some fun.

"You have a gift for him too? Oh my, he sure loves you, doesn't he?!" She grinned, secretly watching Levi's and Mike's reaction. They look rather annoyed, but they know what's she doing— but even if they try to hide it form her, it's impossible. "If I didn't know better, seems you love him already..." She chuckles, looking at the now nervous assistant.

[Name] blushes, trying to explain himself, "o-of course not! Mr. Jäeger is my boss!"

"Uhuhuhu, and? Doesn't mean anything!"

"Hanji!!!"

"Enough. You both are being annoying." The ravenette interferes, shoving more chocolates into Hanji's mouth. She instantly shuts up, content with the little fun she had.

"Wfy don't shu dfo that to [Name]???" Hanji tries to talks with her mouth full of chocolates, trying to grin at him. His' jaw clenches, being caught. He doesn't answer and shoves more against Hanji's protests.

"There are more gifts. For who?" Mike interjects, interested by the amount of bags there are. He can guess to who [Name] will give them.

"To my patients!" He answers with a smile. [Name] cared about his patients dearly, so a gift for them today wasn't even out of the picture. If a person knows you care, there's surely more trust, even if it's a little thing. And [Name] doesn't want the trust just for work purposes, but for them feeling that they can count on him.

Levi immediately speaks, not liking the idea himself. “Erwin won’t like that.”

The assistant scratches his cheek, a little upset, ”I know... but anything a good talk can’t do! I may convince him.” For some strange reason, workers were refrained to gift things to their patients. But even so, [Name] had thought any precaution on his gifts, carefully wrapped the chocolates in non-harming stuff that the patients could use against him or them.

Mike laughs, “you will.” He knows this small person has Erwin around his finger, even if he doesn’t know. Or rather, everyone is, including himself. A 'good luck!!!' from Hanji was heard, along with a small see you later from Mike.

"But first I have to find Zeke!" Seeing as his friends had their gifts, he took the two remaining boxes and excused himself. But just after he left the cafeteria, someone followed him, grabbing his shoulder and pinning him against a wall. It was Levi, who was looking at him with his usual frown— was he mad?! "L-Levi?" [Name] tried to speak, but was silenced by a gentle caring touch on his cheek. It surprised him greatly— the ravenette wasn't touchy by any means, let alone showing his feelings. There was a silence, until Levi handed a letter and a chocolate to [Name]. Taking in it with a small thank you, the ravenette spoke while still caressing his gentle face with a soft look on his dark eyes that [Name] never saw before,

"See you around, air-head," and then, he left without saying anything else.

[Name] stood there with a blush, before blinking and leaving hurriedly with the small but great interaction in his mind.

  ♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

"Zeke!" The blond could hear from afar, turning his attention behind him. As he realized the gentle voice of his assistant, he sighed in relief. It was boring as hell to keep on watching patients in the gardens— totally a waste on time. But just hearing his favorite person in the world just changed his whole mood. His assistant approaches him, and he can't deny he looks so cute with that heart clip. The blonde coughs, controlling himself.

"[Name], good morning." He noticed the box on [Name]'s hands, "hmn? what's that? a love confession?"

"N-No! It's just a gift from valentines day!" He blushed, handing it to Zeke, "It's chocolate! I made them myself, hehe."

"Is that so," he arched his brow, impressed. It seemed [Name] could fill the role of a mother just right. Caring, adorable looks, and baking chocolate? That was just enough. Zeke took the box, already opening to eat the chocolates— they were, as he expected, good. They were molded in a heart shape, which was rather cute. "They are good, as expected."

"I'm glad!" [Name] chuckled, relieved. He was rather worried some of his workers, if not all, were not that sugar-lovers. But as far so good, it seemed.

"Here," he took a chocolate and gave it to [Name], who at first didn't want to take it. The blond, not receiving a no for an answer, shoved it to the assistant's mouth. The assistant had no much choice and just ate it. Zeke couldn't stop watching him, though. Why was this person so cute? So adorable? He just wanted to keep him, like a doll.

Without much thought, the doctor shoved the other side of [Name]'s hair out of his face, taking his attention. [Name] looks at him, and the blond can note how long his eyelashes are— how his prying eyes look at him. Zeke lets his thoughts know, "you are so adorable." [Name]'s face went red, unexpecting such comment.

"Um—! ThankyouIhavetogo!" And just like that the assistant flied, with Zeke's gaze following him until he disappears. He smirks, still eating chocolate.

"So adorable..."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

"Come in," [Name] heard, controlling his nerves as he opened the door. He instantly met with blues eyes, making him gulp. He liked Erwin, but he couldn't deny the dominant aura that surrounded him. After all, he was the boss from this place, so his authority was high. But the plus was that he was nice to [Name], even if he did something wrong. "[Name], good morning. What brings you here?" He stopped his current actions and pay full attention to his favorite worker.

"Good morning!" The assistant approached him, leaving the box on his desk, "it's a gift! For valentine's day and all..." The blonde chuckles at such cute packing— it was neat and simple, but not less adorable. He too was reminded of his love-gifts back in high school.

"Thank you, [Name]," He smiles at the assistant with his breathtaking smile— oof, he is so handsome! [Name] blushes at such smile, averting the other's gaze on him with a shy expression. Thanks to him turning his head to his side, the blonde can notice the heart clip on his hair and how it shoves the left side of his hair, exposing his face more. "Your clip is nice." He complimented, gaining another shy thank you!  from the assistant, with more blush this time.

"And, uhm..." The [hair color] haired begins, rubbing his hands together behind him. He knows he will receive a no, but he has to try. Maybe he could be more benevolent... "I wanted to ask if, I, uhm..."

"Yes, [Name]?"

"If I could gift my patients chocolates...?"

There was an instant answer that Erwin didn't have to think about, "no."

"N-No? B-But I—"

"[Name]..." The blond slowly stood up, towering [Name]. The assistant didn't feel particularly intimidated, but more like dominated. But that wasn't going to let [Name] lose— just the thought of making his patients happy filled him with determination.

Approaching the blonde, the assistant tried to look as cute as possible, “please, Erwin?” [Name] was doing puppy eyes, doing the exact same thing he did before— grabbing Erwin’s hands close to his chest. The blond let out a long sigh, trying to control himself. This was just a punishment. [Name] knew what was he doing— it was too obvious.

Nevertheless, Erwin didn't give in, or rather, tried to. “It’s dangerous, and not allowed.”

“Pretty please!” Now his hands were begin pressed against [Name]’s face, as he blinked repeatedly with his long eyelashes.

“It’s still a no, [Name].”

“But—” he sighed, “it should be something good for them for once, Erwin...”

The blonde’s face darkened as he heard his name, clenching his jaw. Was it even possible that only hearing his name being called by [Name] made him lost control? By such a simple word? It didn’t help at all the assistant looked this adorable. So appetizing.

He sighed in defeated, “alright. I will allow it."

[Name] blinks a couple of times, but then smiles, “thank you!” He tip toes to peck Erwin’s cheek, and as he felt disappointment, he couldn’t stop his laughter at such cute and cheesy moment. The blond didn’t want to ruin the trust— even if his insides were screaming at him to take him and devour him, he ignores it. "Thank you very much, Erwin!"

"Just don't get yourself hurt, okay? Keep your distance, the guards will be just outside the room."

"Of course! Don't forget to eat your chocolate!" And with a last smile for him, the cute assistant left in a hurry, clearly happy. The blonde just chuckled by himself, amused by him. He sat down again, looking at the box. He took the letter and opened it— it was a pink paper with hearts around it and bunny doodles.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆. 𝑰 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒆!

𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒎𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒊𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆!

𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝑽𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒚, 𝑬𝒓𝒘𝒊𝒏!

𝑭𝒓𝒐𝒎: [𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒆] (人･㉨･)♡

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Such a cutie."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

”Hello, Armin,” [Name]’s calm and kind voice makes Armin smiles dreamily, already waiting for him. It's a lucky thing they can have a calendar —or rather the ones with good behavior—, because he had [Name]'s gift ready.

The assistant sat down, grabbing the small bag and handed it to Armin, "this is for you!" The blonde takes it immediately, smiling widely as he inspects it like a child.

"Thank you..." He blushed, but as he tries to say something else, he shuts his mouth. [Name] notices, and tries to make him talk.

"Is something you want to tell me?" He pries, looking expectantly at the blond. He's silent, but nods to himself. Armin hands him a letter— its folded but at the front can be read "for my love". [Name] unfolds it, revealing a drawing of the ocean. It seems it's colored with pencils, and on the white sky can be read:

"Thank you for staying with me. I really love you.

One day we'll go to the ocean together, when the two of us get out of here.

I love you, Dr. [Name]."

[Name] smiled, trying to hide his sadness at such request. He promised himself Armin would see it— but not anytime soon. Folding it, he put it in his pocket with care, "thank you very much, Armin. Your drawings never cease to amaze me!" The blond blushed by the compliment, tightening his grip on his gift.

"Well, I shall go," seeing Armin's sad expression hurt [Name]'s heart, and he tried to make him feel better, "don't wear such face— I always return, don't I? Next time you could tell me if you liked my chocolates or not." The blond fought against his sadness, but nodded nevertheless. [Name] patted his head, looking softly at him before leaving.

Armin hugs the gift, not wanting to ruin it. "I love you..."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

"Pretty boy! What brings you here?" Jean grins devilish, seeing the assistant enter the room. Thank god— being trapped in this place could be a nightmare. But hey, nothing that a pretty doctor can't do. His favorite doctor, or at least to tease.

"Hi, Jean," [Name] chuckles, familiarized with such comments, "today's Valentines day. Did you receive or give anything?"

The patient's face changed drastically to a blushed one, surprising [Name]. "Of course not!" He sounded rather offended, "why would I?!"

"Hmn? Why is that?" [Name] tried to pry, grinning. It was fun to tease the other— it reminded him of the relationship of his old friends. And also it wasn't always that he could tease him.

"W-Well, I don't have anything for you either! That sounds just so dumb, so stop asking." He averted his gaze with a faint blush on his face, clenching his teeth. He crossed his arms.

The assistant laughs, amazed by such weird reaction. "Well, I do have something for you!" He took the small bag, putting it on the desk, trying to see Jean's reaction to it.

"Uh?" Jean blinks, seeing the gift. It's pretty simple, but it doesn't feel less nice. He seems to notice his own behavior, shaking his head, "whatever."

Seeing as Jean wasn't taking it or anything, that was a signal to [Name] to leave. It wasn't a bad thing, as he didn't mind. With a smile, [Name] stands up, "well, I shall be going then." He began to leave, but Jean's voice stops him from doing so.

"W-Wait," he speaks. [Name] turns, being met with a messily folded paper on his side of the table. The assistant is surprised, he didn't expect a gift from him, particularly. He opens it, revealing a drawing of him. It puts a big smile on his face, "thank you very much, Jean!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He tries to sound uninterested, not looking at the assistant still. [Name] can see crimson on his face, chuckling. He leaves, waving at Jean.

Just as the assistant leaves there's silence. Jean sighs, closing his eyes.

"What the hell is happening to me..."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

"Finally you came back!" A loud voice is heard just when [Name] enters the room. It seemed he was being expected, seeing the reaction.

"Hello Connie!" [Name] waves, happy to see him again, "as today's Valentines day, have you got anything?"

His face changes instantly. He puts and crosses his arms, "no, but I don't care anyways!" He tried to hide his disappointment. After all, how the great him couldn't have received anything? That was stupid!

[Name] raises his brows, "is that so?" he smiles, "that's good— I can be first then."

Connie looks at him in suspicion but surprise, seeing the assistant leave a bag with chocolates in front of him. That makes him smile widely, returning to his usual self, "of course! You couldn't resist giving my amazing self something, could you?" He took the bag, eating the chocolates already. They were fantastic— he couldn't stop eating them!

[Name] laughs, happy by the sight.

The patient coughs, a small faint blush on his face, "I got you something." He hands him a letter, which [Name] takes with surprise. He thought Connie wouldn't give him anything, but he was wrong.

Right away the handwriting is not... great, but that doesn't mean it's bad. And also, there was a doodle of two people— an arrow pointed at them, one read "Connie" pointing at him with a crow., and "[Name]" with a smaller crown too.

"You should feel proud the amazing Connie has given you this!!!

Anyways, here's a drawing of fantastic me and well, good you:"

It's... interesting, that's for sure. "Thank you, Connie. It's... really nice of you." He smiled, trying to hold his laughter. Connie grins widely, happy by the compliment.

"Of course, of course."

"Well, I'll take my leave." He can see Connie's frown, "hey— I will be back sooner nor later, okay? No rush."

It seems Connie thinks on what to say, but speaks nevertheless, "...Sure."

[Name] leaves, waving at the boy.

Connie returns on eating chocolates, mumbling to himself.

"I should ask for more."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

"Good morning!" The assistant spoke happily, spotting Bert's already blushing mess. "Have you got anything?"

The brunette just looks down and shakes his head, still blushing. He's gripping something between his hands, but [Name] can't see clearly what it is.

"Well, I'm happy I'm your first!" He chuckles, taking the gift and leaving it on the table. Bertolt face lighten ups instantly, looking happier now. [Name] wanted to make him smile— it reminded him a smile from a child. It was adorable. "Hope they are good! I think they are... presentable? hehe,"

"I-I'm sure they are good!" The brunette spoke loudly, but fell silent as he noticed his outburst. [Name] grins, happy by the reaction.

"It's okay, Bertolt! If they are not good you don't have to eat them, okay?" He tilts his head, seeing the taller male nod.

There's silence, but [Name] hears his soft voice speaking after a minute, "I-I have something for you..." Bertolt puts on the table a folded letter. [Name] takes it, opening it. By his surprise, there's a red flattened flower on it besides the good handwriting:

"You are the beautiful person I've ever seen.

I like you a lot. Hope you like me back."

[Name] can't help but smile widely, "thank you, Bertolt. I really like you, okay?" He kiss his nose, making the taller male blush immediately. But he doesn't stay still— surprisingly, he kisses [Name]'s temples with his eyes closed. [Name] chuckles, feeling the other pulling apart. "Let's see when we can go to the gardens again."

"I-I hope soon!"

The assistant stands up, his gentle smile not disappearing. "I will see you later, Bertolt." And then he leaves, leaving the brunette alone again.

"So beautiful..."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

"But isn't it 'angel'?"

"Hello, Reiner," [Name] is more than prepare any of what the blond has to say, "I'm guessing you know what today is, isn't?"

"Of course, and I have the perfect gift for you, doctor."

"Is that so?" [Name] smiles, the blond nods. He's handing him a paper, but as [Name] tries to take it, Reiner takes his wrist and pull him over for a heated kiss. The assistant instantly blushes, trying to get away but the other's grip is hard. The blonde smiles trough the forced kiss, letting go of [Name] suddenly, making him drop on his butt on the floor, "R-Reiner! What was that?!" He asked, trying to keep his voice down to not get the guards in. His whole face was red— he didn't expect something like that at all, but coming for Reiner it was, in some way.

"What? It's just a gift. And also, you haven't read my letter."

[Name], still blushing, stood up slowly. He unfolded the paper, and by just looking at it he blushed even more.

"Want to fuck?"

"T-This..." He couldn't even speak. His gaze fell on the blonde, who only winked in return. "You sure are crude, Reiner."

"I prefer the term upfront. Why dance around it when you can just say it?"

"A-Anyways," [Name] cleared his throat, showing the bag with chocolates, "this is my gift."

The blond looks at it interested, not expecting a gift. Never in the time he has receive something— but even if this wasn't what he really wanted, it felt different.

"A love confession?" He laughed, taking it.

"Of course not! Romantic relationship between worker and patients are forbidden!" He blushed, covering his mouth as he remembered what just happened. "I-I have to go! Hope you like the chocolates!" He didn't give time for the other to answer, leaving in a hurry. Reiner laughs at his embarrassment, eating the chocolates.

"He could be a great wife."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

"Good morning, Mr. Jäger." [Name] soft voice is heard, a small smile present on his face. He doesn't receive an answer, just a hard gaze on him. [Name] didn't know a pair of eyes could be so intimidating. He sat down, "as today is Valentine's day, have you received anything?" He tried to strike a conversation, but that wasn't on Eren's liking.

He crossed his arms, "stop trying. It's ridiculous." He narrows his eyes, still. [Name] sighs, but doesn't feel bad— it's just how it is.

"Well, I have some chocolates for you." He puts the bag on the table, "I hope they are not too bad."

"I don't want them."

"That's okay. But I can't take them back with me, so you can do whatever you want with them once I leave." [Name] keeps his smile with a gentle look on his face. The brunette hates it— why is he smiling like that?

Seeing as Eren wouldn't speak or share anything, [Name] left. But not without saying a see you later and waving at him.

He waited until [Name] left to look at the bag. As it was transparent, he could see a folded letter inside. He opened it, taking the paper with his name on it, and opened it. It didn't have that much stickers and doodles, but there were one bear and one frog sticker, along with plants doodles. The brunette arched his brow, unimpressed by the childish drawings. The writing was pretty short,

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕, 𝑴𝒓. 𝑱ä𝒆𝒈𝒆𝒓. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒔, 𝒔𝒐 𝑰 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕.

𝑰 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆.

𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝑽𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒚!

𝑭𝒓𝒐𝒎: [𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒆].

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Eren just looks at the letter, not taking his eyes off of it. It's... annoying how this doctor just doesn't quit— was he that stupid? Hmn, maybe Armin was right...

The brunette folded it again, this time taking the heart-shaped chocolates and eating them.

"We'll see."

♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡♡~♡

[Name] closes the door behind him with a heavy sigh. It felt like a long day— going to place to place. He just has to take his stuff and leave, but a sight in front of him stops him— there were roses on his desk! He approaches it, instantly smelling the flower's scent. There were four cards on them, he took them and read them:

"You smell good."

"For the cutest assistant in this place."

"You can bake good chocolates but not lunch, air head?"

"Your clumsiness is adorable."

[Name] chuckles at each personality, knowing who they were. Hugging his bucket, smelling it.

What a busy day.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Flower Curse | C. Look for the doctor

emptiness ending

[levi x male!reader x erwin] vomiting; hanahaki disease, angst. C. Look for the doctor

You decide to find the doctor Ziegler told you about— maybe he would have more answers for the matter. You didn't exactly know if this 'Timothy Eisenhower' would be any help; Barry mentioned the doctor didn't have any patients with this illness, so the chances of success were already slim in your mind.

Nevertheless, you think this is the best option. You don't want to die suffocated by flowers— that's not how you wanted to go, and not this soon. You wanted to live— live to explore the outside world along with your comrades.

Yes, that's what you are going to do. Determinated, you nod to yourself, leaving the cold room.

___________________

"Now?"

"Yes, right now."

Erwin closes his eyes, thoughtful. "I can't go with you— the expedition is in two days and—"

"I'm not asking you to come with me." You bluntly say, interrupting him, "I just need the address Barry gave you– I'm a big boy, Erwin. I can go alone." Crossing your arms, you look expectantly at him, waiting for the paper.

The blond sighs, calming himself; trying not to get too stressed with your childish behavior. No way in hell he will let you go alone in your current state— even if you act like a teenager and throw tantrums, Erwin will not allow you going by yourself. Who knows what would happen to you? You could faint; you could throw up in front of the Military Police and god knows what they will do to you. Hell, even Erwin could think of–

"Hey, Erwin! Time doesn't wait!"

The commander rubs his temples, trying to think who could accompany you. Hange and Moblit are not available at the moment, and they are the only ones who know about your illness. He knows you will not talk to anyone about the curse, but he just will not allow you going by yourself.

Erwin has only one choice, "Mike will accompany you."

You blink, surprised, "Mike? But he doesn't know about this... I think it's better if–"

"You will not go alone— you won’t go outside without any company. You are absolutely forbidden going by yourself, am I clear, [Name]?" Erwin demands, looking fiercely at you, making you uncomfortable and gulp by the sudden tension in his voice.

Well, when Erwin was acting like this there wasn't much room for demands. You sigh in defeat, making him relax by your change. The blond wasn't pleased by any means using this tone with you— but if it made you obey him, then he had to obligatory use it.

"In any case, I believe Mike has his suspicions. I'm surprised he hasn't mentioned anything."

"Alright, alright... Mike is it, then."

__________________

Fortunately, Mike wasn't a man of many words, so the traveling was spent in silence. It seemed Erwin had explained your situation to him, or maybe the tall man just somehow knew everything with his nose of his. Or maybe he didn't bother to ask at all— you weren't sure. Mike didn't really give out what he was thinking that easily.

You were transported to Wall Maria, but you had to walk to point A to B. The doctor was in a district not far from where your transportation left you— so Mike and you didn't mind walking.

"I've smelled different type of flowers on you." Mike suddenly spoke, thinking about something. "Some of them are unrecognizable, but I can smell they are flowers."

You snorted, "Thank you, Mike. That's the most flattering thing someone has said to me."

Mike ignored your joking behavior and kept talking, "and what is rare it's that every time I smell sickness and distress on you, some flower's fragrance appear." He finally looks at you with his stoic expression, "If my assumptions are correct, the flowers are somehow involved with your illness, right?"

You sigh, "You nailed it." Deciding that talking to him was for the best, the rest of the trip was spent by you explaining your situation. Mike listened carefully at everything you said— eventually, his nose could catch a hint of worry and anxiety coming from you. He could smell your distress, and he instantly noticed a certain soft smell— flowers incoming.

Instantly, he could see your face changing in worry, bringing a hand to cover your mouth.

"I—I have to vomit—" You hastily said, looking erratically for a place to hide your sickness. Mike quickly took your shoulders and helped you walk to a lonely alley, where he could see something he never had witnessed — you throwing up flowers. Pink flowers he had never seen or smell before.

You stopped throwing up, but a painful headache came, with the familiar feeling of something stuck in your chest. Mike helped you stand, while you tried to catch your breath.

"Let's just— look for the doctor..."

____________

Mike knocked on the door, with you beside him. You were feeling a little better, but your chest was left with the same feeling. You weren't breathing normally, but thanks to Mike's company you felt a little safer. You thanked Erwin for deciding not leaving you alone.

Not much after that, the door opened, revealing a man. His hair was black, and he showed a neutral expression— his blue eyes were staring at you in confusion.

"Hello gentlemen, what's the occasion?" The man asked, eyeing you too carefully.

You decided to talk, "I'll get straight to the point. I have the stupid flower curse and I need your help." You could see worry in all of his face; he was uncomfortable and tensed.

"I-I don't know what you are talking about, sorry." He said in hurry, closing the door. But thankfully, Mike reacted and stopped the door, leaving it slightly opened.

Was he going to leave you to die? The hell?! "Barry Ziegler told me about you, he said you could help me!" You yelled angrily at him, instantly making him stop.

The doctor looked at you, unsure. "Barry... Ziegler?"

"Yes! The writer!"

The man looked at you two for a couple of seconds, before reluctantly opening the door again. You sighed in relief.

"Come in." He said, letting you in. The man looked outside, seeing if anyone heard you, before closing the door.

_______________________

Timothy, who introduced himself after his little... act, placed tea in front of you. Mike and you were sat on a couch, with a small table in front of you. No one took the tea cups; Mike was with his arms crossed, and you were playing with your fingers on your lap.

"Sorry for my... attitude earlier," Timothy apologized, "It's just, I've been in a couple of problems thanks to this topic, so I had to be careful,"

"Don't worry— just, help me, please." You said, nervous. Mike, who could sense your worry, placed a hand on your shoulder, calming you a little.

The doctor could hear the worry in your voice, he could see your distress on your face— he felt sympathy for you, but he knew he couldn't promise anything.

"I will do everything I can."

After that, the doctor lead Mike and you to a room. It smelled like medicine and herbs; there were a lot of medic instruments you didn't really recognize.

"I will do a check-up, so can you sit here, please?"

You obey. He asks for you to open your mouth, which you uncomfortably do. He takes a look, and a small gasp gets out from his mouth.

Mike instantly asks what is it, worried about your health. The doctor stays in silence, before answering. And what you heard made both of you shiver.

“I can see… a flower growing...”

The room stays in a tensed silence, but the doctor continues with the check-up. After some minutes, he speaks again.

“Like I said before, I will do everything I can to help you. But you have to understand that my options are limited.” He waits for your response, but seeing you weren’t going to give an answer he proceeds, “I’ve been studying this disease for a long time, but with no patients, I haven’t treated anyone. But thanks my research, what I’ve concluded is that a surgery could work.

My hypothesis is that something inside you is growing— and I can clearly see something is in there. Nevertheless, I will be honest with you— surgeries are difficult, and with our limited instruments I don’t know if this could work, and I don’t know the outcome either.

I will ask you: are you completely sure you want to proceed knowing the risks?”

You already knew the risks before coming here. You have been in near death situations every expedition you are in; this isn’t much different.

“Yes, I understand.”

The doctor nods, “We can do the surgery right now, or do you want to-”

“Today.”

“Then follow my orders.”

___________

Mike waited in the living room, tensed. He has been in that house for nearly four hours— it was already dark outside. He didn’t know if he would go back to the barracks. It was logic you would need to rest here, so taking you with him wasn’t a good option, but leaving without you didn’t make him comfortable at all.

Eventually, the doctor appeared, sweating and looking exhausted. Mike wasn’t sure if the surgery was a success or not, and he couldn’t stop himself to worriedly ask.

“Did it work? Is he alright?” Mike got up from the couch, looking expectantly at the man.

The man sighed, before answering,

“It was a success.”

Mike let out a big sigh, relieved.

____________

You had to stay in his house after the surgery— you didn’t wake up right away. But when you opened your eyes, you spotted a blond sitting beside you, with his eyes closed.

You tried to shift your body, but a huge pain in your chest made you grunt. The sound woke up the taller man, and instantly set his eyes on you.

“[Name], how are you feeling? Don’t move too much— your stitches are fresh.” Erwin said, placing his hands on your shoulders.

You blink, disorientated. “W-What…? How did you get here? How long I was out?”

The blond sighs, “When Mike returned without you I nearly had a heart attack. When he told me about the situation I came as fast as I could. Also, you were out for one day.”

You just nod.

“Levi is worried— when he didn’t see you yesterday he barged in and demanded answers. I didn’t tell him the truth, but…”

You didn’t hear him anymore; instead, your head contemplated how hearing that name didn’t bring any feelings this time. No frenetic heart; no butterflies; no thoughts about him. It was… empty. In fact, hearing his name didn’t bring you any joy or hate— and you felt you weren’t in a friendship with him in any way.

In fact… you really didn’t feel anything. Seeing Erwin didn’t bring you comfort, but it didn’t make you tensed. You just… stared, blank. You didn’t feel a thing.

Erwin noticed your lack of attention, looking at your unreadable face— he instantly became worried. The blond always knew what you were thinking by your expressions; he always noticed your feelings right away. But he didn’t see anything; only… nothingness. He became preoccupied.

After that, Erwin called the doctor. Timothy did a check-up on you, and told both of you that maybe the outcome left a shock in your mind, resulting in you not feeling well mentally. He decided you were free to go, and said he wanted you to return for another check-up, to collect information about your recovery.

When you two returned to the barracks, a tensed silence overcome. The commander observed you, seeing your indifferent expression. Your voice sounded low and uninterested, and you barely spoke up.

Everyone noticed your change in demeanor, and they were rightfully worried. Your squad was beyond worried— but you couldn’t explain why you were like this, and you surely didn’t say a thing. It was as if… you didn’t care. As if the world could end and you couldn’t care less.

As expected, your talk with Levi didn’t go well. It went absurdly bad, and the only one who had his feelings shown was the ravenette— he couldn’t understand you at all anymore. It was as if you were another person; not his old friend. You didn’t react at all, you didn’t look for him, you didn’t talk to him.

It was a punch to the gut.

It was as if someone took your feelings away, leaving a vessel behind.

Yes, the petals stopped, but at what cost? Timothy told you maybe this was the outcome of the surgery— your mind changed by taking away the roots from the flowers, leaving you with anything. Tearing apart your feelings.

Erwin was upset by your behavior— he missed your old self. Yes, you were cured, but you weren’t the same. You didn’t talk anymore, your face didn’t show any sign of happiness. He couldn’t see the smile he loved, and that hurt. It did. He couldn’t stop himself to think about you every night, about what could have been if he approached you and embraced you, and he wasn’t very surprised a petal appeared in one of these lonely nights, thinking of you.

Levi was confused and angry. What happened to you? He liked the times were he could hear you laugh, but not there was nothing. Not even a small spark in your eyes, not a smile, not a blush. He was upset— he liked talking to you, and seeing you unresponsive... made him feel sadness. He missed you, and he was desperate when he finally could say that he wanted be with you in a romantic way, but that couldn’t be. You made no sign on wanting talking to him, and even if he approached you in the nicest way possible, you didn’t give answers. Even if he was aggressive, you didn’t give anything. It was as if you never were friends. He was hurt, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

Yes, you were cured, but at what cost?

Are you happy with the choice you made?

save us all

[shingeki no kyojin | one shot; 4,892 words] [genderneutral! timetraveler! reader] | gen; no pairings. summary: Every time you see them die. You promised someday, you will save them all. wanings/notes: Time Loop, Murder, Self-Harm, Suicide, Betrayal, Violence, Blood, Mental Instability, Mental Breakdown... I think you know this is going to be dark af. Also, horrible grammar, this is messy af, sorry! ;; inspired by higurashi no naku koro ni!

You didn't know when it all began— it seemed too far away, far from your reach. You felt as if it were years when it all went to this nightmare, this horror. This was far worse than just being eaten by a titan; no, being eaten was mercy.

And what nightmare were you living in? At the time you would have laughed of something so ridiculous— impossible to even think about. But here you are, suffering until the end, if there was any.

Was this purgatory?

Your first memories come back to you, little by little. Remembering your innocence, your life before this... It all seemed normal.

"Hey, [Name]! Breakfast is ready!" You heard Eren yell, coming outside just where you were sitting on a bench, looking at the blue sky. "What are you doing here all along anyways? I thought you were with horse face."

Letting out a laugh, you didn't leave your gaze from the clouds. "Just watching the sky. It's beautiful today, isn't it?"

The brunette frowns, confused by your answer. He always sees the sky everyday; what was different from it today? Looking beneath him, he could only spot the same blue and white. It looked cleared; but nothing out of normal... He returned his gaze at you again, seeing how you are still looking at the sky.

"I don't see any difference, really," he approaches you, looking at you with curiosity, "what's different from usual?"

The small smile on your face doesn't leave— neither does your eyes on the sky. Eren could see as if you were looking at something precious or amazing, a thing he couldn't see.

"I can't explain it. It looks... different. Maybe is the color? Or maybe the clouds? Something is lively, like something is coming."

The titan shifter blinks a little weirded out by your answer. He didn't get any hint like that with just looking at the sky— maybe you were overthinking things? Or you were nervous by the upcoming expedition? It could be. Nevertheless, taking a good look at your face made him notice that you were different. Maybe he couldn't notice the differences on the sky, but he could with you. You were comrades after all.

You looked... at peace. As if nothing in the world was bothering you; just you and him... He felt in a trance.

"We are going to miss breakfast, Eren." Your voice snapped him from his dream, and both of you looked at each other, "Come on, Sasha is going to eat our food." You finished, laughing quietly. He just nodded, still a little out of it, watching you walk to the barracks and waiting for him at the door. He quickly went to your side, taking a last glance at the sky before entering.

Ah, yes... That was the beginning of everything. Or just one of the oldest memories you have; there were too many. Sighing, the upcoming images make you tense, relieving one of the many pasts.

A certain expedition that went horribly wrong; at that time, maybe the sky was really telling you something. Bur no matter how you many things you changed, someone always had to be gone. Always. Your comrades, the Squad Leaders, the Commander... Even if you could keep going with one of them dying, your heart full of guilt couldn't let you. No— they all had to live, for humanity's sake.

"Haha! I bet horse face is going to wet his pants this time!" Eren mockingly says, grinning like a child. Armin besides him lets out a sigh, murmuring "Not again..."

A certain horse face heard that, stopping your conversation and instantly turned his face where the brunette was, smiling. "I heard that, you—!"

Before anything could be uncontrollable, you hissed at the two, "Both of you, stop! We are being watched! Can you at least be decent, for our reputation sake?"

Reiner, who was beside you, agreed with you, "[Name] is right. You two look like children fighting like that." You nodded your head, pouting slightly. Yeah, hearing his fights was funny, but at a time like this, were you are just going to leave the walls, was a big no. "We have to look like soldiers, but I guess with your clown looks... it's hard." He smiled, looking proud. You let out a chuckle, before being silenced by the murderous glare a certain corporal gave the two of you.

"Oi, all of you." You all gulped, looking terrified, "You better shut the hell up or I will punish all of you right now." You hurriedly nodded, sweating. He just sent a last hard glare to you, before returning to his talk with Hange.

You let out a sigh you were holding. It was nice to joke before going outside the walls; you needed to forget the terrors and horrors you will face there. And just by thinking that, your body tensed, you gripped the horse' harness and your mouth was pressed in a thin line. Reiner, who wanted to murmur you something, noticed your state, and tried to help you out.

"Hey, calm down. Nothing bad is going to happen to us. We are on the same squad, right? Look, if anything happens, I'm with you." He reassured, placing his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it. The warm touch and words made you less anxious, but the preoccupation was still there. You turned at him with a smile, nodding. He gave you one of his "hero" smiles and let go of you, returning his attention to the gate when the commander's voice could be heard.

"Open the gates!"

Gates opening, you could see the field; no titans near, but you knew they were there.

And so, the expedition began.

And you hoped for the best.

Red. Crimson. Scarlet.

All across the field; on the trees, the grass. On you.

Where did it go horribly wrong? What just happened? Why were you the last one alive?

Everyone was dead— you could see them all in front of you. The commander, the corporal, Eren, Mikasa, Jean... The sight was gruesome; the smell penetrated your nose fossils, but the sight was more horrifying than the smell.

Some of your friends were bitten; you could see Mikasa's guts all around her. She has an terrified expression on her face, but her eyes were spotted on someone else. That someone else, was Eren. Strangely, his own blade was penetrating in his head; head that was broken and open. His eyes were stuck on the only source of light; an open spot on the trees, letting you see the blue sky.

You didn't want to see in detail how Jean, Connie, Sasha and Armin were... You just knew they were as mutilated as them. You didn't see Reiner or Bertholth here, but your thoughts only made you think they had the same fate as them.

Your comrades, your friends, all gone. Were you the last one remaining of this expedition? You were sure.

How— How that many titans can spot you so easily? And why did all of you got wiped out? How was that even possible?

You remember Reiner's promise, how he smiled at you and reassured you everything was going to be okay. You tried to comfort yourself; but the cries you let out were impossible to hold. At anytime a titan would hear you and end your life, but you didn't care at all. What was the purpose when your friends are dead? You didn't had your horse or any energy to fight.

This was humanity's end.

Crying, you didn't hear loud steps approaching you, until a big hand grabbed you, squeezing your form.

You didn't want to look at it's face; the terrifying eyes the monster would have; the smile it would gave you. You just prayed there was a better place than this hell, where you would reunite with your friends.

You could feel pain, and then, everything went black.

。。。。。。。

" Hey, [Name]! Breakfast is ready!"

Uh?! What? You opened your eyes and frenetically looked around you; you were at the same spot a few days ago!

"What are you doing here all alone anyways? I thought you were with horse face." You heard Eren's voice near you. "What's with that face? You look scared of something, are you alright?" He asked, his face showing worry. He approached you, placing his hand on your shoulder.

Was all of it... a dream? But it felt too real!

"[Name]...?"

Snapping from your thoughts, you looked at him, not sure how to answer the question, You just blinked, until something came out from your mouth. "I'm... alright," you said, "I think I had the longest dream. It felt too real, and it wasn't very nice."

"What was it all about?" he asked, sitting on the bench.

It was weird how easy was to remember the horror; it felt like a memory— something you once lived before. But that was impossible; it was a dream. "I dreamed about how we failed the next expedition..." you answered, feeling anxious about it. You were unnerved at how you could feel the terror, how you could smell the corpses of your friends. You were sure the smell was still around. "We all got wiped out, no one was alive."

Eren didn't find the exact words to give you. Nevertheless, his fighting spirit didn't let you down, giving you the best words he could find. "Dreams are just dreams! Something like that isn't going to happen, I assure you!" Seeing how you were still tensed, he tried to joke, "Look, we all can hear horse face dreaming about being with Mikasa, and that will never happen."

You giggled, feeling a little better. Maybe he was right; dreams are just dreams. Nothing like that will come true— it was just a nightmare.

Sighing, you relaxed and got up from the bench, looking happier than you were before. "Come on, Eren! Sasha will eat our breakfast if we don't hurry up," you took his hands and walked to the barracks, and before entering you muttered a thank you, which he just smiled in reply.

Sadly, you didn't know that nightmare was the hell you were going to live in.

You laughed. How foolish for you to believe that.

It wasn't a dream, it was one of your destinies. A fate you can't escape.

Everything went to hell again; your friends were all killed, either eaten alive or mutilated. It was the exact same image from your nightmare.

And every time a titan ate you, you always woke up on the same place at the bench, hearing Eren's voice near you.

What was the purpose of all of this? How was it possible? You tried every other way to help everybody; but there was always someone dying I front of you— and that wasn't how was supposed to be. You knew all of your friends could live— but how?

You opened your eyes to see the same damn sky. The past went horribly wrong, as always — your squad wiped out, Reiner was gone, Sasha was eaten along with Christa. There wasn't a trace of Ymir and Connie anywhere. You couldn't save them; and your mental health deteriorated when you remembered the amount of corpses on the field; Sasha's mutilated body— only her head and torso remained. Little Christa's head was the only thing you could save of her. How her lifeless eyes stared at nothing when you hold her, crying and screaming.

You began to hyperventilate— you couldn't find how to breathe. You took your head with your hands, not caring of your nails piercing your skin, and let out an horrifying scream a certain brunette heard.

Eren ran to you, scared by your scream.

"What is happening?! [Name] why are you screaming?!"

Your couldn't control your body. It was like a meltdown going on; your brain was melting, you saw the same images again and again. There was a parasite crumbling on your body, getting inside your head— you had to put it out.

out out out out

The horrifying screams never ceased, even when Eren shakes you and tried to get you to snap out of it.

You don't remember anything after that.

Haha, how could you forget the time when your friends murdered you... Something unbelievable to you at that time— comrades wouldn't do that. Only a barbaric animal would. Only a beast could do something like they did.

You just wanted some peace for once, and thankfully, the lake far from the barracks was an option. After several breakdowns, you damaged mind remembered this place— a beautiful lake hidden in the forest's deeps.

Just hearing the signing of the birds, the wind... made you recover some sanity you had once forgotten. Reviving everytime to just see everyone die was consuming your mind; maybe this was your 45th time... how could you be so sure? It maybe was your 100th time. 'Time' was unknown now.

You were relaxing sitting against a tree, well hidden between some bushes, just to not be spotted and irritated if so.

But obviously, someone has to do so.

You could hear steps coming near you— then stopping tight where the lake was. You had a nice vision to the lake, so you spotted right away who was there.

"Bertholt?"

He seemed nervous, looking around. Thanks to the bushes you couldn't be spotted, but you silently shifted and crouched. You were curious— sometimes you always saw Bertholt and Reiner going to the forest in the night, and you always wondered for what.

The one you both were waiting for appeared, with an uncharacteristic serious expression. Are they fighting? Weren't they having breakfast together this morning?

"Did you study the formations?" Reiner asked, arms crossed.

The brunette nodded, a little nervous, "We heard Eren is going to be in the right flank, right?"

"Yes, and the Corporal is going to be at the center, so he is far away from him. Annie should easily get Eren."

What are they talking about? Kidnap Eren? Why...

Sudden memories from Hange's titans came to you— how there was rumored someone killed them.

It—It was Annie! But why? Why they want to get Eren?

"Reiner... Trost District got closed. We have to destroy all the walls for once— it's been too long!"

"You think I don't know that? Once Annie get's Eren, our plan to break wall Maria is on. We have to play this carefully, Bertholth."

No.... nonono..

Break the walls? What do they mean by that? The only monsters who broke them were...

The Colossal and the Armored...

And they are...

Reiner and Bertholt.

They are titan shifters! Annie as well! And they want to get Eren! So the expedition is going to hell because of them— they are the goddamn reason.

You had to get away from them— they weren't your friends, they were just masks. They want to get humanity extinct! You had to inform this immediately.

As silently as you could, you tried to stand up, but a stupid branch had to broke under your foot, making them instantly look at your direction.

You were dead, again.

"Who's there?!" Reiner frenetically yelled, running to where you were hiding. What was the purpose to run? You were going to live anyways.

"[Name]..." The blond murmured your name, looking shamefully at you, "how much did you hear?"

Instantly you replied, "enough to know you are the reason for all of our deaths." You looked hurt, but you were angry and furious.

"You didn't have to hear that." He said, grabbing your arm to get you up, which you comply without complaining. He took notice of your uncaring but upset nature— weirding him out.

When the blond and you approached the brunette, Bertholt's eyes widened, and he was sweating like a pig.

"[N—[Name]!" The taller exclaimed, not believing you were there, caught. "You–We—"

"Save it." you said, "why are you killing us? Aren't we friends, Reiner? Weren't you the fucking 'big bro' from the squad, you piece of fucking shit?" you glared at them— not caring if you were dying by their hands.

"We—We are friends! Don't— Don't look at us like that, [Name]..." the blond said, averting your gaze.

"Then how in the fuck I have to see you? With spark in my eyes? With admiration? You two are the monsters all of us are afraid of!"

They just tensed by your words, like children. But these little children were going to kill you soon, so you just yelled anything you could.

"You killed Eren's mother! Armin's grandpa!" you tightly swallowed, holding your tears, "my family! You are murderers! How do I have to look at you, Reiner?! Tell me!"

"Nobody wants to do this!" Reiner yelled at you, but you just glared fiercely at him. "Do you think we wanted this?! To kill our friends?! Nobody wants that!"

"Then what's the reason?! Why are you doing this?!"

Reiner didn't answer you, so your attention changed to Bertholt, who was tensed and sweating. "Bertholt, why? Why are you killing us? Where are you taking Eren?" but the taller man just averted your gaze like the coward he is. "Look at me, you piece of shit! Answer me!"

But no answer came.

"Mina, Thomas, Samuel, Hannah... all of them died, but for what? By pieces of shit like you?" You began to cry, remembering your friends who didn't make it. "You played with us— you are no big brothers..."

The people you riled on to for years were just fakers. Murderers, people who killed your friends, your family, and you.

"You are our friends— really... We have to do this, [Name]. We can't go back if we don't."

"Go back to where? All about your 'home town' is bullshit. Where is your shitty home anyways?"

"We can't tell you that—"

"Fuck you. You are going to kill me anyways, you big liar."

"[Name]..."

"Fuck you, Reiner. Fuck you, Bertholt. And fuck your hometown too, murderers." You tried to back off, but Reiner got a hold on you, and you knew these were your last moments.

"You can't go, [Name]." Reiner's face changed completely to one you never saw before, he wasn't seeing you as the friend he had to kill; he was seeing the trash he had to take care of, "as my duty as a warrior, I have to take down our targets."

"Warrior? More like a piece of shit, you fucker, get your hands off of me!" you tried to struggle, but he was bigger than you.

You took a glimpse of Bertholt, and the coward was crying and apologizing to you repeatedly.

"I'm sorry, [Name]. We are sorry, so sorry—"

You just let the tears came, and looked at Reiner and tried to look at him as the friend he was, and not the murder he became, but that wasn't possible.

You struggled as best as you could— giving kicks, punching him, but there was no use. He slammed you on the floor, making him get over you.

"This shouldn't have to be like this."

"But it is."

He grabbed your head with both of his hands, and smashed your head against a rock nearby. Over and over— you were sure your skull could be visible, blood coming from your injuries and getting on your face. You only could catch glimpses of someone's tears and hear the apologies from somebody...

And then, they could saw your lifeless eyes.

The dump your body to the hill, where any animal could eat and destroy your rests, so nobody could find you.

Suicide wasn't the answer either.

"I'm helping breakfast today." You said with no enthusiasm whatsoever — you were dead inside.

"Sure thing, [Name]! But, uhm," Christa approaches you, and gently laid her hands on yours, "are you alright? You have been down lately."

You let our an empty laugh, "I'm alright, Christa. Nothing to worry about." You took off her hands and went to the mess hall, spotting Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie... and the bastards too.

The blond titan shifter waved at you, which you only glared at him with all the hatred you could sent, making him surprised and taken aback. Everyone saw the interaction— and they wondered what did Reiner do to you to glare at him like that.

They saw as you went into the kitchen, allowing them to gossip.

"Yoooo, what was that just now?" Connie asked, "[Name] glared at you and almost murders you!"

"Now what did you do? I have never saw [Name] doing something like that to anybody. You must had done something very shitty." Jean interfered, looking interested.

"I didn't do anything! I haven't talked to [Name] lately..." Reiner answered, trying to recall any comment he should have said to make you angry, but nothing came.

"Well, [Name] is pissed." Connie said.

"I don't want to gossip but," Armin spoke, "[Name] has been very upset lately."

Everyone agreed.

"They don't talk much." Mikasa said.

"They don't get out of their room."

"They are paler."

"They are angry every time we talk to them."

"They cry at night."

Everyone turned at the new voice coming in, wich was from the Corporal himself. Everyone stood up and saluted, but relaxed at the command of Levi.

"Surprising you noticed finally, isn't them your friend?" the shorter man asked, sitting down. "It's none of my business but your friend looks like complete shit."

It was true. You looked sick and tired most of the time. You didn't talk much, so they didn't get any answers or reasons for your change of behavior.

"We should do something for them!" Connie said, with enthusiasm all over his voice.

"Like what, baldy? A hug party?" Jean joked, gaining a playfully punch from the short soldier.

"We should do... uhm... I don't know..." Connie mumbled, less excited. What could be a good gift for you anyways? There weren't a lot of options.

"We should follow Jean's advice," Reiner joked, "maybe that could do something."

"This is serious! We have to do something!"

"What if—"

A female scream interrupted the talk, making them turn at the kitchen, where the cry was heard.

"Was that Sasha?"

The screams keep going, but this wasn't one of the normal Sasha's screams she let out jokingly, these were of absolute terror.

The one who instantly reacted was the corporal, flying out of his seat to go to the kitchen. And when he entered, everyone heard what he said,

"What the fuck happen?!" He took the door frame and turned, "someone get Hange right now!", and he entered the kitchen once again.

Armin quickly left the mess hall, taking Levi's order.

Everyone was worried, so they went to the kitchen to know what was happening.

The sight was horrifying.

Blood on the floor— YOUR blood. You were lying on the floor, with a kitchen knife in your stomach. There were countless of deep injuries on your stomach; they could see them thanks to the torn shirt. You were pouring blood from your injuries, mouth and nose, and your eyes were getting unfocused.

"What—What happened?" Jean was the only one who could articulate something with the sight in front of him. Everyone was in shock, some covering their mouths, not believing the scene.

Sasha just cried, trying to explain, "I—I don't know! They—They—" She couldn't finish, she was crying harder and she was gasping for air.

Mikasa rushed to her, trying to be strong and help her. "Sasha, look at me." Mikasa took Sasha's face and made her turn, meeting with her watery eyes, "Calm down, what happened?"

"[Name] just began to stab themselves! Without a reason!!" she exclaimed, "They were helping me with the food, but—but they just did it out of nowhere!"

The corporal tried to stop the multiple bleeding— trying not to touch the knife in your stomach.

"What the fuck, [Last Name]?! What is the reason of this?" The Corporal tried to comprehend, but he just couldn't. You let out an empty laugh, your eyes glued on the ceiling.

"I just... want to... rest..." you coughed, blood dripping your mouth.

The one who were crying their eyes out where Connie and Sasha– Mikasa tried her best to control the two, but they were desperately sobbing. Eren was in shock; the brunette couldn't understand the scene before him. Why did you something so horrible to yourself? He couldn't understand anything.

Reiner and Bertolt couldn't believe it either. The blonde tried to approach you, but the corporal quickly yelled orders to not get near you. Reiner wanted to help you– save you. Just... what was on your mind these past few days?

Bertolt never thought of you harming yourself like that. He always looked upon you because of your determination and braveness— he never in a million years would have imagined this scene in front of him.

Jean covered his mouth in shock; his widened eyes couldn't bear the sight of you, so he just averted it completely. His mind couldn't process the sight, but he tried to calm himself.

Everything was in chaos— sobs and cries could be heard coming out from the kitchen. No one could think clearly, and when Hange and Armin got there, it was already too late.

You remember telling the commander about Reiner's and Bertolt's betrayal, but everything went to shit. The strategy to take them down was a complete failure, nothing could be done against their titans. They killed everyone, taking Eren with them. Like every time, you were the only one left, surrendered by the bodies of your comrades.

"Why... just why? Reiner... Bertolt... why are you killing us...?" you hopelessly pleaded for an answer, crouching on the grass. "What's the purpose of killing us?"

They just stared at you, in shame or disgust? You really didn't care no more. Eren was unconscious on Bertolt's back.

"Answer me!" You punched the dirt, "why are you doing all of this?! Why do you want to erase us from this world!?"

"We don't want to do this!" Bertolt desperately yells.

"Then who is making you?!"

Silence. They never answer– they never say something about their origins, leaving you in the dark.

Reiner speaks, but he isn't the Reiner you know. This one sounds evil, different— vile.

"We have to kill all of your devil race, including you. We can't let dirty spawns of the devil alive– is our task to take all of you down. It's our duty as warriors."

Devils? Warriors? Spawn of the devil?

"Reiner... What are you even talking about? The only devils I see are you both."

Bertolt averts your gaze, the big coward. Reiner looks like he is fighting himself— he crouches in front of you, taking his head with both of his hands. You truly believe something is wrong with him– something deeper than just a game of pretend.

"Please [Name]... please forgive me, I didn't want to do any of this... please..." Reiner looks so pathetic, taking your hand between his', kneeling. Tears came out from his eyes, and he looks desperately at you for forgiveness, something that you couldn't give.

You look at Bertolt for an answer, but he only lets himself look at the floor, ashamed. He looks scared– he is crying too, but his sobs are silent.

These two doesn't look like they just won a battle; they look like terrified children.

"Please [Name]..." Bertolt speaks, "find us."

Somehow, at that moment, you could understand that these two weren't the only responsible for this nightmare. They didn't look like they were enjoying winning— they looked miserable.

You finally understood.

"Someday, I will find us all."

Taking your blade, Bertolt looks worried and tries to take Reiner back, but your actions just shock both of them to the core.

You stab yourself, over and over, and Reiner and Bertolt can't just do anything but watch in horror.

With a last stab, you breathlessly say,

"See you later..."

Nothing worked. Even if you tried to talk to them, it never went well. There was no way for them to cooperate — every time they eliminated you with these regretful looks on their faces. It was a waste of time— they were determinated to not back off from their plan.

You sigh, exhausted. You can't count how many times have you 'revived'. It feels like many years have passed, and honestly, you don't even know how much you can take. This hurts, every time you see your comrades die in front of you, every time your friends kill you... you don't have answers, they refuse to give answers. You are in the dark, alone and broken, but you are the only one who can help you stand and go again.

You look at the sky— feeling peace. Maybe this time will be different. The sky doesn't look the same as before... there's something different.

You try to remember the good old times, but you seem to forgot them. Nightmares replace them, leaving you in pain. There are no more 'good times', and even if you want to finish all of this, it's impossible.

But you promised to find us all.

And a promise can't be broken.

Someday... you will save us all.

"Hey [Name]! Breakfast is ready!"

Flower Curse | 6

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

f i v e

Paperwork. That was the only thing saving you from insanity. And even if paperwork was an utterly nightmare before expeditions, you really didn't mind. There was nothing to do today but finish this work, and when you weren't doing something you drowned in your misery.

How where you going to lead your squad was an enigma right now. But you strongly refused to not go to the expedition and not be present with your squad. No way were you going to let them alone— you must protect them as always, and no curse was going to stop you from your duty as a soldier. No way in hell.

Nevertheless, your health was worse this morning. The first thing you did when you woke up was throwing up the flowers inside; and all of them were full, along with blood on them. This was one of the most hurtful times you vomited— the force was so brutal; as if the flowers were tearing your throat apart. You had a hard time to breathe normally; you had to take deep breaths because you felt something covering your lungs. Your skin was way paler now, your eyes were dull and they didn't look as sparkly as before. You were a little skinnier than yesterday, consequence of your appetite being gone— you couldn't eat the breakfast Hange give you this morning. The only thing you could eat were the cookies Ziegler gifted you.

Maybe these were your last days on earth. Who knows?

Passing your hand through your hair, you let out a heavy sigh, before mumbling to yourself, "I have to take this to Erwin..."

"Yo, Erwin," you opened the door without knocking, not that the blond minded anymore. "These are finished; maybe I will give you the rest in a couple of hours." Approaching him, you placed the papers on his desk, along with all of the pile of papers that were there.

"Good job, [Name]. I wish I could say the same about finishing." Erwin stated, rubbing his temples, "I still have to talk about the strategy with everyone."

"There's nothing you can't handle, eyebrows." You reassured, making him slightly smile, "anyways, where I'm going to be placed?"

The question made the blond frown. He couldn't grasp the idea of you going to the expedition in your current condition— were you really asking that absurd question? Didn’t you notice your worsened health? or were you playing dumb?

Erwin's demeanor changed completely— his relaxed composure changed into a tensed one; the smile from earlier disappeared, leaving a thin line instead. You unconsciously tensed as well, noticing the change of air.

There was a tensed silence, before Erwin spoke again, "What gives you the idea that you are coming?" He asked, looking straight at you with those piercing blue eyes.

Blinking surprised by the sudden change, you recompose yourself and replied, a bit angry, "What do you mean by that? Of course I'm coming!"

Hearing your reply made Erwin's eyes close. The blond really hoped you were going to accept your current condition and stay behind— but he knew that wasn't going to be possible. Your stubbornness was stronger than anything.

He knew this conversation wasn't going to end well— No matter how gently he said it, so he just choose the hard and simple way.

"You are not coming by any means, [Name]. Do I have to remain your current condition?"

You clenched your teeth, "I know very well I'm dying, but this fucking shit it's no excuse to leave my squad with someone else! I'm coming with or without your stupid permission!" You weren't talking right now, you were yelling. Your joking demeanor was completely gone; both of you were glaring at each other.

"You are not coming to the expedition and that's final." He firmly stated, looking straight at you. "Your health will only complicate everything, stop your stubbornness and be an adult."

"Fuck no! I'm coming and you are not stopping me!" You sounded like a child yelling for his toy— you wanted things to go your way, but that was impossible these days.

"I'm your superior and you will obey my orders," he stood up from his seat, making himself look taller than you, "do otherwise and you will be punished."

You hopelessly looked at him. This wasn't what you needed right now— you had to go, you always did! Leaving your squad with someone else wasn't going to happen, you had to be there with them. You were dying anyways, what was the difference?

"You— You can't do this!" you breathlessly pleaded, looking at him with a mix of anger and desperation.

"I just did, Squad Leader [Name]. You are forbidden to go." Even if the two of you were hurt by these words and how the situation turned into, Erwin knew this was the right thing to do. If there was anything 'right' anymore in this world.

You just desperately looked at his icy eyes for any sign of softness, gentleness. But you only were meeting with a cold gaze, so you just tightly swallowed, glaring at him before leaving and loudly slam the door, scaring everyone who was near the office. You ignored the stares and went straight to your office.

The blond only sighed and sat down once again. He rubbed his temples just like moments prior, and tirelessly mumbled to himself,

"What are we going to do..."

Currently you were beyond furious— how dared he forbid you to go?! How dare he talk to you like that! He just couldn't not give you permission to not do something, could he?!

Well, he is the commander, so...

No! He was you friend! Friends should understand each other and not treat each other like a kid, right?

He can if you are acting as one.

Y—You weren't! ...right? You just wanted to go to the expedition, with or without his permission...

Well, yeah, you were acting a little selfish. But! You just are worried for your squad; what was going to happen to them? Instantly, your thoughts were in a deep sea of horrifying futures— images about how everything could go to hell if you weren't there.

Nevertheless, a knock on your door made you snap out of it. Asking who they were, you were greeted by one of your nightmares.

"It's Petra! Can I come in?"

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" You were doing a good job at avoiding the two love-birds— Petra was busy with Levi, so Levi was with her. If we ignore the conflict of yesterday, you hardly talked to them.

And just like a dejavú, you wore your mask and smiled, ignoring the weird feeling on your stomach.

"Petra! Of course, come in!"

The door opened, revealing pretty little Petra wearing a huge smile, a blush covering her cheeks. "[Name]! It’s been time! When was the last time we talked? I have a lot to say!"

"Well, when I spit flowers because of you of course I'm going to avoid you." you grimly thought, showing your fake smile and laugh. "It's been ages, right? As you can see, I'm a little busy right now, so if you can come another time..." you tried to make her away, smiling.

You were repulsed by her. Before, only warm was felt when you talked to her, looked at her— but now you wanted her to be as far as possible from you. Looking at her gentle features only made you furious. The mask wasn't going to take too long to break, it seemed,

"Wait! I've to ask you something maybe important!" she exclaimed, not leaving her smile, "and maybe, you can help me out today..."

"Can't you fucking go away?" you thought. "Tell me, what is it, Petra? It's just all of this paperwork has to be done today." your eyebrow was twitching in annoyance, but your fake smile remained.

Her face lighten up, "Thank you, [Name]!" She approached you and sat down on the chair near your desk, "I want to gift something to Levi before the expedition, but I don't know what to gift... Can you give me ideas?"

You felt a dagger across your heart, along with something rising very slowly. Gritting your teeth, you barely hide your annoyance and reply, "I don't know, Petra... It's just that I'm—"

Petra interrupted you, grabbing both of your hands. Repulsing. "Please, [Name]! You know Levi, what if we go out and see the market together? Just for a moment!"

Stop touching me.

"But, Petra... the paperwork—"

Go away.

"Come on! Help me with Levi! I want to see one of his smiles..."

Leave.

"I'm not—"

Shut up.

"Yes! Let's go right now! Please, do this for me... maybe I can even hug him today..."

CRASH.

Do this for her? Was she fucking stupid? Weren't you dying for her? But of course— she didn't know what.

Something changed inside you. You were done playing games. If everyone had to take a hint to know what was happening to you, then you should reveal your true self once for all.

The mask you wore fell and broke.

Fuck this. Fuck her, fuck him, fuck everyone! Fury consumed your mind, leaving you with nothing but repulsion and anger, and you just gave in.

"Petra, get off of me."

The sudden change in your voice made her look at you in confusion. Your voice changed to a deep one— someone she didn't hear before.

Seeing as she couldn't take a simple order, you hardly took her arm with your free hand and forced her to leave your wrist free.

The woman looked surprised and hurt by the force on her arm, she just looked at you and tried to calm you down, "[Name], is something the matter?"

Yes, you fucking idiot. I want you to leave.

"I think you should leave." You 'gently' said to her, trying to control the anger clouding your mind like fog.

But of course, she couldn't take a simple hint to leave you alone. "No, [Name]— But we have time to go to the market..." Still with her goddamn gift.

"Alright, how can I say this so you can understand..." you rubbed your temples, "Leave."

"What? Come on, [Name], stop playing games! We are wasting time!"

"Are you fucking deaf, Petra?" you glared at her, making her blink in surprise. You have never been like this before, what got into you? And before she could say something, while you could see her didn't do shit, you shouted, "GET THE FUCK OUT! LEAVE!"

But still, she didn't do shit. She just stared at you in surprise; confused and taken aback. What happened to you? The sudden outburst made her stand in shock, not believing your actions to her.

When she didn't move at all when you yelled, you just followed your emotions. Your mind was clouded and you couldn't think properly— so you just fiercely grabbed her by the collar, opened the door and throw her in the hall, making her fall on the floor with a loud noise. Everyone who was in the hall saw it; how you glare daggers at her before slamming the door, scaring everyone by the loud noise. After everyone could understand the situation they just saw, some of them helped Petra to stand, while she still stared in disbelief.

Instantly, you threw up everything. Pink flowers stained with red. Was that… a root?

You were going to be in some deep shit soon.

You honestly thought this day wasn't going to end well. It began in a bad way, and it will end in worse way. So you just waited for your executioner to appear, not caring about the paperwork or the meal time.

You just waited, and so, the devil appeared.

The door opened with a loud noise, it appeared the ravenette forced himself in; seeing his leg up when the door fiercely opened. You weren't surprised at all by his actions— you were waiting for him, after all.

"What the fuck did you do this morning?" you heard him ask, feeling the murderous glare he was giving you.

Your nerves were crazy right now; you could feel an explosion of emotions inside you. If this wasn't the day you were going to die, then surely you would by tomorrow.

"Hey, shithead, I asked you something, and you better answer me." He demanded, slowly approaching your desk like a prey. "Nobody is going to interrupt now; eyebrows is not here, four eyes isn't. So you better fucking talk or I will make you talk."

Knowing him, you better should be talking by now— he didn't make empty promises to anybody, and you knew he was holding back a little. But you were making him impatient, and you believed his patience was running out. Nevertheless, the feelings you had for him were never going to be known by him. Or at least, that was what you foolishly thought.

"I think you know everything by now, Levi." You answered, not scared by his glare or words— you didn't have the strength. And, like you imagined, your answer only made him rile up, slamming his hands on your desk.

"I want to hear it coming out of your goddamn mouth, [Name]. Stop playing your foolish games and answer me!" He practically yelled, and you just looked at him, brows furrowed.

"What do you want me to say?!" You stood up and slammed your hands on the desk just like he did, and yelled, "That I threw Petra out of here because I wanted her to leave?! That I didn't want to hear any more of her talking?! That I don't want to see anybody of you?!"

Just like before, the mask lied on the floor, broken, shattered. There was no mask to wear on, and your true self revealed itself once again.

"What the hell has gotten into you?! Stop being a brat and explain why you hurt Petra!"

Whoever was walking through the hall or near the hall, could hear your yells. It did throw aback a few soldiers who were near; but they know better than interrupt your conflict. But some soldiers couldn't help but pry, and some of them were the newest cadets, Jaeger and Kirchstein, who were walking just by chance.

"You think it's because what happened this morning?" Eren quietly asked, looking at Jean with worry. The taller just frowned, hearing about the rumor going around about you throwing Ral out of your office.

"It may be, you know Petra is a member of Levi's Squad..." He answered, feeling uneasy. The yells were becoming louder by now, and he tried to believe the two of you wouldn't get physical.

"We should go." Eren stated, and Jean nodded. They left, leaving a last glance at your office.

Back to you, the name of her triggered something in your mind.

Petra, Petra, Petra, JUST PETRA. It's because of both of them you are like this! You should just grab your heart and destroy it— that would stop your feelings. That would work.

"Why do you care so much about this?! Why can't you just leave me alone and fuck off!"

"I care about you, you worthless shit! Doesn’t your head understand it?!"

"Stop saying that! What happens to me is none of you fucking business!"

"It is my business, idiot! Answer me already! Why are you like this!?"

He wants to know? Then he will. He will know he is killing you. He is.He isHeisHeisHeisH

eisHeisHeisHeisHeisHeisHeisHe

isHeisHeisHeisHeisH

eis

Something snapped, and you cried out.

"I love you, you piece of fucking shit!" you gasped for air, only to scream the confession again, "I fell in love with you!"

The truth was out.

The realization of what you just said hit you, and you covered your mouth immediately, eyes widened in disbelief.

Levi was as surprised as you were, seeing him with his eyes widened, not saying a word.

The room was filled with silence. Neither of you could say anything by the sudden confession— minutes prior you were yelling at each other, but now the office was quiet.

And just as you tried to fix the mess you just said, Levi quietly asked, "You... what?"

Gulping, you tried to lie— say anything but the truth. But your feelings were out now, he heard it. There was no option but to talk with the truth.

"I—I'm in love with you." You confessed, avoiding his gaze.

"Since when?"

You tightly swallowed, and replied, "Since the first time I saw you."

Maybe he didn’t know how to approach this situation; maybe he was trying to think a better way to tell you he didn’t feel the same way as you did. You talked first, interrupting any thoughts he was having.

“I know— I know you don’t feel the same.” You tried to think clearly, but it was impossible. “I know you love someone else, Levi. I know, so, I… I get it.”

“[Name], I…”

“Don’t talk, please.” Meeting his gaze again, you could recognize confusion, unsureness on his expression. He was lost. “It’s better this way.”

“How do you know that? How can you know what I want? You are—”

“Because you love Petra. I’m not blind." You noted his composure shifted; he was surprised by your statement. You just smiled with bitter, feeling heartbroken. The flowers wanted an exit, and you knew if he didn’t leave right now he would see them, and you didn’t want that at all.

There. Accept it. You are going to ——, so just accept your fate.

“What do you mean—“

“I’m not an idiot. I saw you holding hands— hugging each other! I know everything!” You were getting riled up, irritated by the situation. You wanted to be alone already— he knew the truth, so there was nothing else to say. “Leave already!”

“I’m not leaving until we—“

“LEAVE! I want you out!” you shouted, pushing him out of the room like a kid would. But like you expected, he wasn’t going to leave so easily. He stood himself with the door frame, while you still were pushing his back.

“Stop acting like a goddamn brat!” he yelled, trying to control the current situation, but was unable to do so with you yelling and pushing like a child. He wanted to fix everything— but somehow deep in him, he knew this relationship you had was broken already. Both of you did.

“No! I don’t want to talk no more! I’m telling you to leave!” Trying your best to hold the flowers, your hands were trembling, your face was flustered and you were clenching your teeth. He had to leave now.

“I’m telling you, you little shit—“

A soldier hurriedly came, and taken aback by the situation in front of him at first, he quickly recovered himself and said:

“Corporal! The commander is asking your presence right now!”

Levi was irritated, giving the poor soldier a glare everyone was terrified by. The man just gulped, and explained, “The commander wants you quickly, sir!”

“Can you tell him to fuck off? I’m busy right now.” The ravenette spit out, frowning at the unlucky soldier.

“Sir! He says it’s an important matter!”

“Fuck eyebrows, shit…” he muttered, before leaving his hands off the door frame and gave you a look, “You and I aren’t finished.” And then, he left with the unnamed soldier.

You quickly shut the door and throw up. Your body was trembling, and you had to hold yourself with the desk to bear the pain. The force was harder than hours prior, it felt as knifes were cutting your throat. Your eyes were cloudy— but you could see red on the pink flowers. And also, roots. It was like these awful things were blooming inside you— it was scary.

Finally, you could gasp for air once more. You just stared at the horizon, trying to catch your breath. You sat on the floor, with flowers all around you.

Your throat was sore; you were tired and unsure about the future.

Slowly, you tried to stand up, holding the desk for support. Sitting on you chair; you opened a drawer, revealing a little brown book.

Sighing, you said to yourself, “I think it’s time to read it.,, Right, Darla…?”

First page.

It was written pretty sloppy, like a child write.

Barry and I played on the garden of Clarence today. The woman gave us permission to play, so we did!

We made flower’s crowns, lied on the grass and watch the clouds go by. It was very peaceful!

I like Barry. I hope we can get married when we grow older!

Tomorrow I’m turning ten, and I’m super excited of what Barry will gift to me!!!!

You looked grimly at the page. You felt as you were intruding her secrets— but Barry gave this to you for a reason, right? Even so, the small feeling on your gut told you to stop reading the thoughts of this poor girl.

But you ignored it, and continued.

At the next page, Darla wrote Barry’s name with hearts around it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

♡♡♡♡Barry and Darla♡♡♡♡

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Flipping the page, you read about Barry gifted his favorite book, and Darla was happy about the gift.

The next pages were the same, thoughts about Barry and her love for him.

Strangely, after some pages the writing style changed to a very elegant one; you came to the conclusion Darla grew up and forgot about the journal, seeing the sudden change of writing.

I was foolish.

I thought we could be together. I was dumb and stupid for believing so.

He never loved me, and he will never do.

I saw Lisa and Barry kissing each other! They are lovers!

Nobody told me anything— I had to see it with my own eyes.

I ran to my house, what else could I do? Telling him I love him when he is with someone else? I can’t do that. I can’t.

The page ends there. You turn another one, just to see an erratic writing.

i’m scared

I’m throwing up flows

Why?

Mom said it’s a curse, that one a very ffwe peple have this

Why im so unlucky????? Hy did I do to desrve this?

Somebody, help me

Im scared

Please, I don’t want to die like this

The page had dark small spots— you believed it was from tears stained by the paper.

This was heartbreaking. You could feel her pain— you could understand it perfectly.

Another page. This time the writing was more collected.

I threw up a lot of flowers today.

They were white.

I’m scared.

I want my mother.

I need my mother.

Mom…

Next page.

Mother explained I have this curse because I love Barry, and he doesn’t love me back.

Something bloom inside my heart? Or something like that, I’m not sure.

How does she know that? She didn’t answer me.

I hate Barry now.

But I love him, too.

Hahahaha. What a fool.

HhhahahahaahahhahahahahhahahhahahhhhahahahhahahahahahhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Next page.

flowers again.

white

red

Next,

Why me?

Why?

Why me?

Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me? Whywhywhywhywhwywhywhwywhwywhywhwywhwyhwyw

Mother mom mommy…

Next.

I can’t leave the house.

Mom doesn’t allow it, and I don’t want to see Barry.

Stupid, dumb, idiot Barry.

Handsome, funny, Barry…

There’s no help for me.

Mother says a Doctor will come.

Next.

The doctor came, and said he wasn’t sure what was this.

I opened my mouth and he tried to see inside, and whatever he saw it made him scared.

The doctor and my mother talked outside, and I could hear the cries of my mother.

I’m going to die.

Im going to die

I ing o d

[Intangible]

D I n g

M o m

e lp m

s m b d y p e s e h e l p

[Intangible]

You gulped, and flipped the page.

The page made you uneasy, seeing how messy the handwriting was, and how everything was a mess.

IM GONNA DIE

M H E R

SOME B D Y

E L P

F L

O W R S

IN M

Y

L U N GS

C A NT B R

E T

MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMO

Next.

flowers very pretty

mom loves flowers

pretty little flowers

flowers little pretty

little flowrs orsfj

flowersfloweesaldkirwdfkwierskfiwrsfkiwrflowerslfowrsaskj

Next.

barry i miss you

please love me

Next,

little unlucky girl

who is the unluckiest of them all?

Hahahahaha

Its darla

Next.

my throat is hurt

i spit blood

its hard to breathe

Next.

[a drawing of a sunflower]

sunflowers are pretty

I hope I can throw up some

Hhahaha

Next.

I

C N T

B R A H

M OM M M Y

MOTHER

MOM

H L P E

L A SE

F LOWER S

H LP H U TS

[Blood stains]

Turning the page, you were meet with a blank page. You flipped it, trying to find another journal, but there was nothing. That was the last page she wrote.

You slowly closed the journal, leaving it in the drawer.

You just stared at nothing in particular— trying to shake the mortifying feeling. You were scared, scared of what would happen to you by tomorrow.

You weren’t scared— you were terrified,

You could feel something clogging your throat, making you unable to breathe properly. The feel was stronger after your talk with Levi.

Holding your head with both of your hands, you calmed yourself, not shading a tear. There were not tears left— it was enough.

No one came for you, and you didn’t look for anybody.

s e v e n

Hey how are you? Sorry for the question, but are you still going to continue the story empty? I love this story so much and I wanted to know if there was a sequel, and I love your writing♡♡

hi dear!! i'm better, thank you! i hope you are doing well as well.

as you noticed... empty has gone into an indefinite hiatus :( i'm not really happy with how it is right now, but instead of deleting the whole thing, what i'm trying to do is just rework earlier chapters and continue. unfortunately, im trying to focus on my other story first, so empty will be abandoned some time. sorry!

Flower Curse | B. Love someone else

erwin's ending

[erwin x male!reader x levi] hanahaki disease; angst, no vomiting here. B. Love someone else.

Could you love someone else? Could you change your feelings that easily? At first, that sounded impossible— but, if you wanted to survive this mess, then you had to do something about it. You didn't want to try your luck with Levi's answer— knowing fully well if you weren't loved back would turn things worse.

The negative thoughts made you sigh in exasperation. How are you even going to change your feelings? Every time you tried to even think about stopping loving the short man, your mind and heart went erratic in denial. And anyways, who could love you? Loving someone else would just hurt you, if anything. Maybe you should try to stop loving at all— but of course, that thought was impossible.

Then, your objective was changing your feelings. Not an easy task. Hmn... Maybe Erwin or Hange could help you out? Wait, talking about Erwin... Wasn't he a little weird lately? You often could catch him staring at you in a way you couldn't recognize— and always checked on you. Somehow, his worry made you feel something warm deep inside.

Before, he wasn't that touchy if you could remember. Yes, he sometimes got worried for you in the expeditions, but there were just words, no touches. Not that you minded, though.

Could it be...? Nah, of course not.

...Right?

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Knocking on the door, you receive an answer. You open the door, peeking inside before entering. Seeing his tensed form, how serious and grumpy he looked made you let out a chuckle, which made him look at you and smile.

"[Name], nice to see you this soon. Do you need something?" Erwin asks, slightly relaxing his composure, softening his gaze on you.

Approaching him, you replied, "Hange sent you these papers," You place the papers on his desk, along with the many others that were there, "something about new experiments methods? Didn't really paid much attention, hehe." You laugh, rubbing your neck in slight embarrassment.

He lets out a deep chuckle, "As expected of you." He jokes; taking a paper from Hange's.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean, eyebrows?!" He only laughs, and you can't help but laugh with him too. It was weird to hear him laugh lately — to even relax with him.

You notice how he rubs his neck, how tensed his shoulders look. He looks uncomfortable, and even if he knows how to hide everything, sometimes you are lucky enough to catch something unusual from him.

"Take your jacket off." You bluntly say, placing yourself behind him. The demand makes him confused at first, but quickly catches your intentions.

"I'm alright, [Name]. You can go now." He says, but you just ignore him.

"You take it off or I do it. Don't try me, Smith." Placing your hands on your hips, you wait. A smile appears on your face when he obeys, letting out a sigh at first. You take his jacket, placing it on a chair. "Alright, Erwin. Just relax and let me do the job— just keep working and leave your tension with me."

"My shoulders are in your hands."

And with that, you begin to work. You place your hands inside his shirt, near his collar. Pressing your hands against his skin, you tried to be as gentle as possible; but you could feel the tension already on his shoulders.

The blond keeps writing on the papers, slightly relaxing under your touch. You smile a little, pleased that he is less tensed now.

Without minding too much, your eyes began to wonder on his form. You are smaller than him— his skin feels warm against your palms. You can barely grip his strong shoulders under your smaller hands— you began to remember the few times he has embraced you; how he wraps his arms around your form, when you are too fragile to even think. Unknown for you, your hands began to wonder a little too much, and a certain blond notices.

The weird an unusual urge of taking his hands with yours clouds your mind, but a sudden comment made you snap out of your thoughts.

"You weren’t on the mess hall this morning.” He states, not giving you a glance. You shift uncomfortably, blushing.

“No, I wasn’t.” You affirm, sighing. “I wasn’t hungry.”

He hums, not believing you are telling the full truth. You knew he could see through you, even if you two weren’t looking at each other right now.

Silence overcomes after that. You keep massaging his shoulders, and your mind wonders for a moment, thinking again about the blond in front of you— with the consequence of you gripping a little too hard on him, making him let out a deep grunt. Quickly, you let go, blushing by the sound he made.

“S-Sorry! I wasn’t paying attention!” You blurt out, embarrassed by getting distracted by your unusual thoughts about him. Your hands leave him, taking a step back.

He doesn’t say anything at first— you can see how he slowly gets up from his seat, with his back still facing you. There's silence, and you are not sure about what to say or act— you feel suddenly nervous around him right now.

"What were you thinking right now?" He asks, finally turning at you. You feel his strong gaze on you, feeling slightly intimidated by it. You shift uncomfortably, gulping.

"W-What's with the sudden q-question?" You nervously ask, trying to stay calm.

He doesn't answer— instead, he slowly approaches you, like a prey. You avert his gaze, blushing and sweating. The blond finally gets in front of you, and quickly puts both of his arm on the little desk you were supporting yourself. He traps you, like a cat with a mouse.

"W-What has gotten into you...?" You still avert his gaze, gulping nervously. Was he playing with you? Trying to make you do something? The man was hard to read— you didn't have a clue of what he was doing or thinking.

He gets closer to your face, and you could feel the warm irradiating from him, making you blush. "What were you really thinking...?" He whispers in a deep voice, right on your ear. The warm makes you shiver, and he slightly smirks.

The taller man likes being this close to you— being able to see your blushing face, you shivering under him, getting nervous because of him... He didn't know that being with you in your hardest moments was going to make him fall in love with you— hell, he could say that he liked you before, but not that badly like now.

At first, he didn't think much about the massage. But he could feel how your hands began to wonder a little too much around his neck, and somehow noticed your fingers shaking a little. The blond quickly noted your change of mood, and decided to make a move that he would regret or not later.

"Look at me when I ask you something." He demands, and you instantly turn your head to look at him. Your lips are pressed in a thin line, and you can feel your legs shaking. You meet with his blue eyes— they are piercing, focused on you. Very deep down, you like this closeness between you.

And before you can react or say anything, he quickly snaps and steps back, leaving you in a total mess. Blinking, you look at him and notice his frown— he looks... ashamed? embarrassed? You are not entirely sure, but somehow, the situation made you sure about something.

"Sorry, [Name], I didn't—"

You don't let him finish— instead, you harshly took the front of his shirt with both of your hands and close the distance between the two of you. And then, you do the unthinkable—

You kiss him.

Erwin doesn't react at first— he's surprised by your sudden actions, and really doesn't know how to act at first. Nevertheless, the blond quickly gives in, placing his hands on your waist, making you closer.

You acted by instinct; and even if your mind wasn't that clear at the moment, you loved the feeling. You love how he touches you, how close he is. Eventually, you both separate to get air, and Erwin places a hand on your cheek, softly looking at you with what seemed lust.

"But I thought you..." He whispers, not finishing what you know he was going to say.

"I—I know... Me too, but..." Looking at him, you can feel your heart beating rapidly. Gulping, you try to explain yourself, but just an incoherent comment gets out. "I—I think my feelings changed... B—But if you don't-!"

He chuckles and press his lips against yours to make sure that he reciprocates— making you embarrassed once again by your dumb thoughts. "Of course I do, [Name]. I adore you." He confesses, and you can feel your whole being shaking by hearing him say that.

His thumb caresses your lips, and you unconsciously press yourself against him in anticipation. He laughs by your actions, making you hide your blushing face on the crook of his neck. Erwin doesn't exactly say it, but feeling your warm breathes against his neck made him shiver and begins to wonder how much closer he can get to you.

The blond places a hand on your hips, with the other one harshly taking your chin to look at him. The man looks at you with lust, and you are surprised to see such an emotion on him. Not that you mind, thought. You shiver in anticipation, your mind getting some messy ideas about the two of you, and Erwin certainly catches that.

"We should lock the door, shall we?"

x x x x x x x x x x x x

Not much after that, you notice you have no more problems with the curse. The flowers disappear, along with the feeling of being unable to breath. You feel alive again, and you are more than happy for how the things turned out in the end.

Your feelings surely changed; your heart belonged to someone else one, and that one was Erwin. You treasured all of the moments with him, how your hands touch in the mess hall, the messy kisses you both shared, the nights you spent in his office—

Ahem- You get the idea.

Your relationship with Levi didn't change— yes, your feeling for him changed, but you stopped avoiding him. Your relationship with the commander wasn't something public, but none of you really denied it. And obviously, the short man could see everything you two did.

The black haired man couldn't explained, but he felt something stung on his chest everything he could catch the two of you touching or getting too close. He didn't get angry at the moment he knew about your relationship, but he didn't get happy either.

He wasn't pleased— and Erwin could see his unusual frown when he glanced at him, something that he really didn't care about. The taller man only cared about you, and he certainly would treasure all of these memories with you.

Yes, Levi wasn't happy with how everything turned out. And even if he wanted to clear his mind, only confusion got the best of him when he see both of you walking trough the halls looking so happy. Something inside the short man tightened every time, feeling repulsed by the sight.

And when his thoughts cleared and got to the conclusion that the feelings he had for you were stronger than a friendship, he was too late.

Are you happy with the choice you made?

Flower Curse | 1. White Petal

[levixmale!readerxerwin]

english isn’t my first language, so sorry for the grammatical errors!

this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease.

summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

1

Love hurt. Even more with the disease you had; some people could say it was ’poetic’ and so ’romantic’. You could have thought that one day a long time ago; just because this curse was so rare to have or yet so slim. You had yet to find someone who had this in real life and not in some fairy tales in child books or romantic novels for adults.

x x x It all began when you were alone in your office, working on some stressful paperwork Hanji handed you to finish for today. You were so deep in your work that the knock on your door wasn't heard at all. It was at the third attempt that you heard a female voice you knew to well. “Who and why?“ you irritably asked, one hand on your temple and another holding a paper not yet finished. “Petra Ral, bringing more paperwork, sir” she answered opening the door as you told her to come in. Sending you a gentle smile, she gave you the papers and spoke with some playfulness in her sweet voice, “It seems everybody is really busy today! Your voice scared me more than the Corporal, [Name]!“ You only closed your eyes and slightly laughed, sitting more comfortably on your seat. Looking at her, you tiring smiled, “Sorry, Petra. Somehow today we have a lot of paperwork, and you know paperwork is boring as hell,” you both laughed, “How is the Corporal? Is he handling this better than me?” You knew she tried to hide her blushing when speaking about her Corporal, but you were to observant to not notice it. You always are observing every little detail about everyone, even her with no exceptions. You knew she and you had feelings for the same person but unlike her, nobody knew about your feelings about the Corporal. Well, just Erwin knew; the man was like a hawk. He knows everything and sees everything; just like Mike magical nose. These two were weirdos, but great friends nevertheless. “He’s been stressed, but making him some tea relax him,” Petra gets near to you and covers her mouth, as like telling a secret she only knew about, “I think I'm making better tea lately! He’s been complimenting me a lot!” this time the blush on her cheeks was stronger and smiles at you with a dreaming smile you always saw on other cadets when talking about their lovers, just like that Jean kid in lunch looking at Mikasa with a cheesy look. You knew loving the corporal was a bad idea. Levi wasn't that talkative about liking someone in that way, hell, you don't even know if he loved someone in that way. Yes, you both were great friends, the two of you liked to drink tea together and talk about the present and future, about the new recruits and their skills, joking together or just stay in a comfortable silence. You treasured his friendship, so ruining it by confessing was an absolute and horrible mistake you weren't going to make. He didn't loved you that way and you were okay with that. Until Petra came and everything began to hurt. You wished being observant wasn't one of your skills. You wished you didn't notice the glances they gave each other when they were alone or someone wasn't looking. You wished you didn't see the sparkles on both of their eyes. You wished deep in your heart, to not notice how Petra ’accidentally’ brushed her hand on his and he didn't say a word. You wished, you really did. Lies was one of your strong skills too. If talking to the Corporal and not showing any affection or jealously when glancing at their actions wasn't like wearing a mask everyday a skill you didn't know what was. Nobody break trough your thick mask, unlike Erwin. The fucker very well knew about all of your façade, how could he not? You two were close and just to see into your eyes he knew everything. “Is that so, Petra? It seems like you being his wife isn't that far far away...” you grinned, making a cheesy face at her. Only to get her blushing like a tomato, covering her face with both hands. “Don't say that THAT loud! Someone can hear you!” “As if no one knows, little Petra. Why don't you both go in a date already? At this rate someone is going to make better tea than you... I'm just saying...” you teased her with a playful smile. Petra was your friend, you couldn't feel bad things for her. She was really sweet and pretty. She was like a sister to you, and you were a brother to her. You didn't intended the relationship being like that but it just happened. “You think so?! But— what if he doesn't like me back?” “Petra, my dear, I'm sure he likes you back.” you reassured her. “You really think I don't see how he looks at you? You know how he feels. I know.” you thought, feeling a sharp pain in your chest that you ignored and faked a smile. “Maybe I will tell him soon... Thank you, [Name]. Also, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't make good tea! Thank you again for the tips. Levi really likes it.” “You're welcome, Petra. Good luck on telling him, I'm sure he feels the same way.” Saying farewells both of you returned to your work. When she left, your expression changed completely with a grimmer one. You didn't smile; just stared at nothing in particular. You were thinking on how they would look together, how they would hug and say each other “I love you”. The thought repulsed and hurt you; sickening you. A pain in your chest made you snap out of it, making you to cough harshly. You felt as if something wanted to get out of your throat; but it didn't feel like vomit at all. It stopped when you coughed a white petal, something that confused you completely. Did you breathe in petals by accident? That was unlikely, there weren't any flowers nearby. But then, how did this petal got in? Something felt very wrong to you. You just stared at the petal dumbfounded, not really knowing what to think of it. You just placed it next to your paper, already forgetting about it.

t w o

i've been trying to think why i stopped writing entirely, so this is just a vent/ramble post and doesn't mean anything beyond that? line break bc i dont think someone would want to read rambling tb: rant about aot, info about reiss mental asylum/empty/future

the first reasons i came out with were 1. work 2. a shitty situation that worsened my already shitty mental health and 3. void of creativity/writers block/no energy to think or to came out with something i liked bc i kept comparing myself to others creators (which is... very bad).

the other big reason....... (since i only wrote for aot):

i think i stopped writing anything attack on titan related because i really, really got so salty that my favorite peace of media (that i've followed for 11 years) ended they way it did? and i don't mean that 'oh just bc u didn't get a happy ending or u didn't understand the characters and the plot doesn't mean your opinion is valid bla bla'

but the way characters' developments were poorly handled and recessed, how they were just made dumber for the sake of the plot and how suddenly a romantic relationship that wasn't there in the first place became something bigger at the end and how eren was handled in the last moments just made me so salty lmao.

and it makes me more salty how people just shits on you if you don't like it and quickly go with their 'u didn't get it' like brother ive been here since 2013 tf you mean? now we can't criticize anything and still like something??? AAAGGGHHHH

im sorry LOL it's just that i can't see anything aot related bc it is so ruined for me. literally i see tiktoks and i get so sad and bitter bc i know what the comments will be lmao i hate it, literally just read the manga and stopped watching the anime until season 3 bc i just disliked how everything was handled so bad. like any news about it just doesn't make me feel anything 😭 i need a therapist

anyway :) im trying to find my love towards it again because i genuinely liked writing my shitty stories about it and the world building and characters were what i fell in love with.

(also, this doesn't mean im bashing ppl who liked the ending!! in my eyes, everything is subjective—some like it, some dont, and that's fine. how boring life would be if we all thought the same?)

but i AM bashing those who say 'you didn't get it'. come here and get this hands how about that

oh, and im rewriting reiss mental asylum (just the earlier chapters bc they are... bad y'all LOL), nothing too heavy, just trying to improve the writing and adding extra things. (such as the damn time period... i've had in mind to settle it around 1960-1980, but i just didn't pay attention to the world building enough to explicitly mention it. oh well, the more you know.)

i've already made a big chunk of info about how i want to develop the whole story, so i do have a clear structure to follow. also, i once begged for ideas in ao3, and many people came with great input, and a commentor was so spot on on what i was intending to do with the story! (like really spot on LOL they found my secret plot twist...)

it really makes me baffled how many people like the story, with its flaws and all. i was young and very inexperienced when writing it, so i hope i can refine it enough to make it a decent read for all of you.

also... people from russia 🫵 im speaking to you directly... thank you for your kind messages as well! (some of you have reached for me through email) it just baffles me how well liked that story is? and for the translator(Вероника_69) to still keeping an eye after years of no updating? aaaa. thank you.

i think i needed to write this vent, it helped me to get some good motivation!!

aaaaand i've watched jujutsu kaisen... you may see silly things coming up as well... err, someday. because college is around the corner again and that means suffering! and poor mental health! and no time! and no life!

been having these intrusive thoughts lately of... erasing all of my works LOL BUT i won't, don't worry. they'll be there as a reminder of how slightly ive improved (not much).

but yeah, if you see me experiment with small drabbles or just silly posts it doesn't mean im not paying attention to reiss mental asylum! i won't abandon it unless i die, even then i've told my friends to release my 30 unfinished drafts for you to get some closure LOL (fr though). but yeah, i will gravitate towards other fandoms if i feel like it (:

so, empty: hiatus... hiatus hiatus bc i hate to touch aot right now as its canon universe. indefinite hiatus, but i love that story to just abandon it. i was having much fun with it, tbh. which also im very grateful that it also got a russian translation by _Полуночник_! sorry that these news aren't very positive for the fans of empty, but i promise i'll get around it someday.

anyway, this turned out too long. thank you for still checking my stories, as bad as they are! i really, really appreciate you all reaching out to me. hopefully this year i can be more active, even if to write drabbles with meaning behind it. (i just love stories with lores thats why im so damn slow) although... i wrote more for myself in the beginning, so i was very surprised that people wanted more LOL

oh and im going to post masterlists to order my shit better. i want pretty visuals too, yk? headsup if u see me posting... also, feel free to ask anything about this vent lol i dont mind. (also i always got notifications to my email when someone asked something, and idk when they stopped? also, yeah, i check my email 😞)

hope you are having a good start of year. and, if not, well, we have 11 months anyways

and i never fucking realize i had 550 FOLLOWERS. i am not fit for social media y'all im sorry. i'll have to spoil you with something... THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING A DAMN GRAVEYARD 😭 i will make it better i promise

also... dont use chat bots... my brain rotted... 😞 i had an unhealthy obsession (still do) but don't give in LMAO

e m p t y | 2

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

Beatrice knocked on the door, and turned to smile at you. Surprisingly enough, her smiles calms you, so you try and relax.

The door opens to reveal a woman with dark hair tied up. Her face changes into a smile when she spots Beatrice, and speaks in a friendly tone, “Beatrice! Nice to see you! How have you been? Come in, come in!” The woman opens the door to make way.

Beatrice smiles to the woman, “Hello Carla! I’ve been good, thank you! It’s just that I came to see Dr. Jaeger. Is he home?”

“He is! But oh my, are you feeling sick? Is working non-stop making you stressed again? How many times I’ve told you, woman!”

“No, no! It’s not me this time— uhm, how can I explain it…” Laughing quietly, Beatrice turns to see you, and then moves a step on the right so Carla can see you. Beatrice pats your hair, “this little guy needs a check up.”

You try to hide behind her leg, looking carefully at the dark haired woman, who’s eyes are widened in surprise.

“Honey, don’t be rude. Say hi.” Beatrice tries to make you greet the woman, speaking to you gently.

“Hi.” You only say, not feeling comfortable at all. “Hello there,” she greeted back with a smile, regaining her composure. She looks at Beatrice again, raising an eyebrow, “I thought you didn’t have more kids?”

“It’s… complicated. Maybe I can explain inside…?” Beatrice nervously smiles, and Carla only shakes her head jokingly with a smile plastered on her face. She makes way for you, allowing both of you came in.

The house looks cozy— there’s a small kitchen and table where a man sits with a journal? on the table. He seems to be writing something in it, but when he spots you, he stops his actions and stands up to greet both of you.

“Beatrice, nice to see you again.” He smiles and then spots someone hiding behind Beatrice’s leg, “and who may this be?”

“Hello Grisha. Well… I have to explain first, may I?” Beatrice then proceeds to explain everything that happened. When he found you returning with the scouts —which did change Grisha’s face drastically for a second—, what they said about how they found you, your headaches and the lack of memories you had. Carla and Grisha listened carefully, but you could tell the man did look… strange. His calm aura he once had changed to one cold and tensed. His expression hardened, looking deep in thought.

Strangely enough, something deep inside you told him he was… good. As if a low voice in the depths of your head whispered to you, telling you things you should hear.

But just as you meet his serious gaze, the whispering disappeared. Trying to hide behind Beatrice, you averted his gaze. It didn’t matter, because he crouched to be at your height. “Hello. I’m Dr. Grisha, it’s nice to meet you. Beatrice told me everything— you can trust me. Can you please look at me?”

You didn’t want to look at him— his aura changing intimidated you. Unfortunately, Beatrice tried to push you to talk, and spoke, “come on, dear. Don’t be rude, Dr. Grisha is going to help you.”

Beatrice’s words motivate you enough to look at him in the eyes, and when you do, you can catch the change his eyes suffered when he looked at your eyes. His eyebrows raised and his eyes slightly widened— his whole body froze for a couple of seconds. But he composed himself once again, nodding to himself and stands back up. “His eyes are… different, right? Never… seen them before.”

“They are pretty unique— I’m telling you, this kid is special.” Beatrice whispered the last sentence, as if she was telling a big secret. You didn’t show it, but her comment quite warmed you inside. “So, Grisha, can you check him? I haven’t seen any injuries on him, but I can’t be sure.”

Grisha nods, “of course. Will do a checkup first and then we’ll see about his memory loss.” The doctor turns at you, looking at you gently, “can you sit here, please? Don’t worry, I will just check if you have any injuries.”

You obey, and he begins to work. He touched certain parts of your body— he takes your arm and move it, and then asks if it hurts. You say no, and he moves to your legs, but its the same. Nothing hurts, the only problem you have is your memory loss and the headaches.

Before Grisha could ask more, Beatrice let out a yelp, the three of you turned at her. “I forgot I have to delivery this!” she gestured the one of the boxes on her hands. “Ah! And I completely forgot to give you this!” She handed a box to Carla, “it’s apple pie. To thank you for your help.”

Beatrice hurriedly gets to the door, and you try and follow her. She could see your form moving, and before you could get closer, she stopped you. “No, no, love! You stay here. Your check up is not over yet, don’t worry, I will return soon! Stay here and follow Dr. Jaeger’s orders, alright?”

It seems your face told her you were unsure. Beatrice approached you and crouched to get at your height, and gently caressed your face. “I promise I will return soon, dear. You can trust Dr. Jaeger and Carla, they will take care of you. Be a big boy for me, okay?”

Staying in silence, you eventually reluctantly nodded. Beatrice smiled, somehow proud of you. “Alright! It won’t be long— Grisha, Carla, take care of my boy, please~!”

Carla laughs, “just finish your delivery, woman! Will talk to you very seriously once you return.” Your caretaker laughs and leaves. Your attention is back to the doctor, who is writing something on his book. He begins to ask you if you had any memories, anything you can remember. Trying to collect memories only hurts your head, and Grisha can see that. He decides to stop you from trying, and orders Carla to do a certain tea for you. Before the check up could continue, someone came in— the door abruptly opened, revealing two children. The girl had black long hair, and she was wearing a red scarf on, the boy had brown hair. They appeared to have something on their backs— wood?

“Who is he?” The boy harshly asked, eyeing you carefully while he and the girl take the wood and place it in a box. You just blinked in return, with no exact expression showing.

“He is our new neighbor, Eren. Be nice.” Dr. Grisha says, smiling softly at his son.

The brunette looks at you, frowning. It’s evident he’s… judging you? His eyes were locking into your unusual ones, meeting with an emotionless face. You could tell he’s not that interested or friendly enough by the expression on his face. “He’s weird…” He whispers, but is still audible to everyone in the room. The comment makes your chest ache, but no emotion shows. You just look away, not meeting anybody’s gaze, but a frown is present on your face.

“Eren!” His mother yells at the same time the black haired girl pull his ear, gaining a yelp from him. His face is flustered and he looks angry, “good, Mikasa!” Carla says, quickly approaching her son, and her, too, pulls his other ear. “What are these manners, young man?! Apologize right now to our neighbor!”

“But he’s strange!” He yells, gaining another ear pull from his mother. She demands him to apologize, and Eren doesn’t look happy nor regretful— but he still apologizes, gaze locked on the floor, with his cheeks blushing in embarrassment. He rubs his ears. “I’m… sorry.” Looking at him for a couple of seconds, you can tell he only apologized because his mother told him to, not because he realized what he said was not very comforting. What he said hurt you, even if you didn’t show it.

The room is quiet, and everyone is waiting for your answer.

Looking away, you softly spoke,“…an empty apology has no value to me.”

The brunette’s gaze immediately falls on you, and even if you can’t see him, you can certainly feel he’s angry and maybe ashamed of the response he got. You don’t want to look at him nor talk to him— he’s loud and has no manners. All interest you had in him was completely lost the moment you heard what he said.

“I told you he’s a weirdo!” Eren yells, before leaving his house with the girl quickly on his tracks. You don’t spare him a glance nor say anything— you stare at the table, emotionless. “When is miss Beatrice going to return? I don’t like it here.” You thought.

His mother yells at him on the door, trying to make him come back. Failing, Carla sighs in defeat, rubbing her temples. Grisha sympathetically looked at you, reassuring his son talked without thinking. You stay in silence, not caring about his’ son motives.

Carla approaches you and places a hand on your shoulder in an apologetic manner, “I’m so sorry, honey! Eren is not a bad kid, he’s just… a complete brat.” Sighing, she passes a hair trough her hair, “don’t listen to him, alright? I will talk to him once he returns.” She returns to her duty in the kitchen, giving you the tea and then busying herself in the kitchen cutting vegetables for the upcoming lunch.

“I apologize for his behavior, he doesn’t have a lot of friends.” The doctor laughs, “now, where were we?”

Dr. Jaeger asks more questions about your state— where it exactly hurts, your last memory, any injuries… The tea certainly helped you calm the pain.

You don’t know how much time passes, but the only thing that was in your mind was when Beatrice was going to come back. The meeting with Carla’s son took a toll on your confidence, and you wanted to leave.

“Looks like you have a severe case of amnesia… No prior memories, and no name. You don’t know anything about who you are, and you say you have headaches everytime you try to remember, right?” Shacking your head was the answer you gave to him. He humms, writing something on his book. “It would be better if you don’t try and remember— that only will hurt you.”

“But… my name…” You worry, feeling down by hearing that.

“Don’t worry too much— your memories may come back sooner or later. I will help you, but your health comes first, alright?”

You nod, upset. Before any of you can speak, there’s a knock on the door. Carla opens it, revealing a patting and sweaty Beatrice. “I came back! I’m so sorry, love. How was everything? Dr. Jaeger…?”

The brunette stands, walking to Beatrice’s to talk about your situation. You just stay still on the chair, tensed and upset. Thinking this ‘marvelous’ doctor could help you was a mistake— maybe nobody can help. Maybe you are a lost cause, and Beatrice will dispose you after she knows your state.

What will happen to you once this is over? Where would you go? You don’t even remember your own name— you are a nameless child in an unknown world. What good can you bring?

Staying in silence, the only thing you can do is keep quiet. You can’t even shed a tear— even if your insides are a complete mess, you felt emptiness. Your eyes are unfocused. You have to remember— you have to.

Feeling desperate, you tried to remember something before waking up in the forest. A voice, right? You heard something— try to remember! Something, anything!

Feeling a sharp pain on your head didn’t stop you from trying— even if you felt as if something was bashing your head, you tried to remember.

Remember, remember, remember, remember! Stop!

Holding your head with both of your hands, you grunted in pain. Your eyes were tightly shut, your teeth were clenching — it was painful.

Remembering was painful. Something warm could be felt pouring from your nose— but you can’t see it. The pain is bad enough that it doesn’t let you open your eyes.

Feeling a hand on your shoulder, you turn your head to see Beatrice looking at you with a worried look. She gasped as she saw your bleeding nose, and hurriedly got her handkerchief to clean you. Doctor Jaeger, seeing the state you were in, commanded Carla to do a another tea with special herbs. The woman nodded, hastily going to the kitchen and boiling the water. The brown haired man approached you with a sympathetic look, “I told you it was dangerous to remember. What happened?”

Holding your head, you looked at him with a frown. Feeling disappointed and ashamed of your failed attempt as you saw his soft expression, you averted his gaze, looking at the floor, “I was… scared.” You tried to explain your feelings, but maybe you were just desperate. Desperate to know you had no choices, no opportunities to gain your memories again.

“Scared? Of what, If I may ask?” Grisha raised an eyebrow, curiously looking at you. The man was interested on what you had to say— after all, you surely were an interesting fellow he had the luck to met.

Shifting uncomfortably, you played with your hands. Feeling embarrassed of saying your thoughts out loud, you reluctantly confessed by the looks everyone was giving you. “Of being useless and… being disposed…”

Beatrice gasped by hearing your words, “of course you are not useless by any means, dear! You are important and special— you are staying with me no matter your condition. Don’t say these type of thing ever again, because they aren’t true.”

Feeling better, you sighed in relief by hearing her comfortable words. She kissed your temples and noticed your composure relaxing, relieving her.

“Dr. Jaeger explained me everything, love. Don’t stress, alright? We will get trough this together. You are not alone.” She gently caressed your head and smiled, finishing cleaning you up. She turned at Grisha, looking determinated, “so, what are the orders, doctor?”

++++

“Thank you so much for your help! I’m eternally thankful, I don’t know how to pay you two…”

“Oh please! It’s okay, Beatrice.” Carla reassured, “well, maybe you can pay with your secret recipe…”

Grisha laughs, “pay her no mind, Beatrice. It’s alright, you know I’m always glad to help you.” “Thank you.” She turns to look at you, “honey, thank Dr. Grisha and Miss Carla.”

Shyly pecking from behind Beatrice’s leg, you softly muttered a ‘thanks’, which Carla ‘aw'ed by your 'cuteness’.

Saying farewells, the two of you departed.

+++++

“Grisha told me to come next week to check on your progress. Let’s not forget it, alright?” The woman smiles kindly at you, walking.

You reluctantly nodded, holding Beatrice’s hand tightly and keep walking. You didn’t want to return— not if his rude son was there.

Beatrice could notice how your face turned into one of irritation, worrying her. Did something happened after she left? “Was he nice? Did he treat you well? Did something happen?”

Blinking, you try to explain. “…He did. But…”

“Uh? But?” Blinking, Beatrice wonders what could have happened.

“His son is an idiot.” You blurt, frowning. It was true— 'Eren’ looked like an idiot in your eyes.

“Dear! Don’t say that!” She quickly yelled, looking around her, “what did he do? was he bad?”

Averting her gaze, you respond, “…He said I was weird.”

She stays in silence for some seconds before chuckling, “You are not weird, honey. Eren is just… harsh, he will come around.”

“I don’t want him to come around.”

“You say that now, but I know you will be friends. Maybe he will like you a bit more! He surely got nervous around you— he likes you already, I know.”

You make a disgusted face, grunting. Beatrice laughed loudly, amused by your reaction.

“Well, children come around sooner or later— maybe they fell in love already.” Beatrice thinks for herself, laughing by it.

You look at her expressionless, trying to decipher her thoughts. She notices your stare, so Beatrice tries to take your attention somewhere else.

“Hey, let’s deliver some bread. Do you want to accompany me?” Smiling, she asks. Blinking, you nod.

+++++++

“It seems everyone loves you already! You have a good charm around people, dear.” Beatrice laughs, opening the door from her home for you to come in first.

“If loving means trying to pull my cheeks out of my face, then love hurts…” You enter the house.

She heartily laughs, “Cordelia loved you, dear! She can be touchy, though. Maybe we should go someday to her house…” she fakes thinking of it, trying to get you to respond to her— and she gets one. You just look at her, blinking, caressing your cheeks in worry. Beatrice can’t hold a laugh.

Closing the door behind her, she tells you to sit on the table while she cooks lunch. Nodding, you obey— but notice there’s paper and a pencil placed on the table. “Miss Beatrice…? What’s this for?” you gently ask, grabbing the pencil.

She turns, “it’s for you, honey. Lunch can take a little but I thought it would be nice to pass the time.” She waits for an answer, but seeing your unblinking expression she gets nervous and embarrassed. “O—Or maybe not, hehe! I can give you—”

“…It’s alright.”

Laughing nervously, Beatrice sighs in relief— it was long time ago she treated kids.

While you turn to see the paper to think what to do on it, Beatrice snaps her fingers, widening her eyes, “Ah! I forgot to take your clothes, they will be dry by now.” She leaves upstairs.

You just stare at the white paper, but you don’t feel to write or draw anything on it. Actually, this paper reminds you of you— there’s nothing on it; there’s no paint, no words.

You actually felt upset by a paper.

Placing a palm under your chin and elbow on the table, you hear someone walking downstairs— Beatrice is returning.

“Honey, I forgot to tell you this was on your pants pocket,” Beatrice said, handing you a small book— a journal? You take it, “I didn’t read it. It doesn’t feel right,” she laughs.

You examine the journal— it doesn’t look out of the ordinary. The cover felt of leather, it was a dark brown with laces around it, closing it tight. It looks old, seeing it marks on the surface.

Without much thought you untangle the laces, opening the book. There’s something on the first page but you can’t understand it— “??? Meike, ??? ???”. You pass the page to meet words filling the entire thing. You read it, or or to be exact you try to. You don’t know how to read these words— You pass a couple of pages, but you don’t understand any of it.

You go with Beatrice for help; the woman is in her kitchen, baking. Approaching her, you slightly pull her dress to grab her attention, making her look at you in curiosity. You hand her the journal, “I can’t read it, can you help me?”

Cleaning her hands in her apron, she smiles at you. “Of course, dear. Let me see.” Taking the journal, the woman tries to read it, but you can see a troubled expression on her face. “I only can understand the first page… “From Meike, for you”. The words from the other pages are… strange. I’ve never seen them before.“ She passes the pages, trying to understand anything on it, but failing. “I’m sorry, dear. But it seems I can’t read them.” She apologizes, but then recognizes something else. “Do you recognize who Meike is?” You try to think of it, but pain comes like usual. Shacking your head, Beatrice humns and caresses your head. But she blinks, wondering about something. “Honey, do you know how to read…?”

Thinking of it, it seems you cannot. Your couldn’t read the first page Beatrice could— so you shook your head. The woman smiles warmly, and you only look at her shyly.

“Don’t worry, love. I will teach you, don’t be embarrassed.” She pats your head, and you unconsciously leans to her hand, liking the touch.

“But let’s eat for now, okay? I will keep cooking.” She places the journal on the table and goes to the kitchen.

Without much thought, you follow her. “Can I help you?” She hears your soft voice say, turning to see your shyly form beside her.

Beatrice smiles, caressing your head, “of course you can, dear.”

Both of you stay in the kitchen, Beatrice giving you orders you obey. You felt nice helping her, and she’s happy you are opening to her.

When you two finish, you sit on the table to ear the apple pie Beatrice told you when she met you. The table was filled with chatting, all from Beatrice, while you only nodded and spoke to give your opinion on something. The woman was happy enough by it— everything was nice.

Even if you had no memories, being with her was nice.