nicoledavisss

Latest Posts by nicoledavisss

August 3, 2019

Well, here we are again. Another night of frustration and bickering. When is it going to end? I do everything to make sure you’re happy and yet you still treat me like shit. Okay, I’m not SUPER motivated, I agree with that but for fucks sake, I at least try to motivate myself and do better and you know this. I do care and you just don’t see that. I know damn right, you’re on POF talking to other girls while we’re still in a fucking relationship. I ought to leave you for that shit but I love you too much. I just want shit to be the way it was when we first met. I want the old you back. The one who confessed that he was in love with me one night after he drank too much. The one who only wanted to cuddle and love on me. The idiot that makes jokes and tries to play fight with me. Now all I have is a man who doesn’t want to look at me half the time. All you do now is belittle me and make me feel like absolute shit. I hope you know that all of this is gonna make me never want to love again if we do end up breaking up for real. I just want us back. I miss it more than anything. You grabbing my hand and showing me off to the world whenever we walked together somewhere. All the times we used to go to the movies just because we had nothing else to do. The times we’d drive to the beach when we didn’t have the money. I won’t ever forget the time that I begged to have you go on vacation with me and Tyler because I wanted you to be there. You convinced us to go to Miami. I had such an amazing time with you. The time we drove to Key West and then made plans to go back and sell stuff. (Even though we never did it lol) I was still happy about the idea because you came up with it. I miss all the nights we would go for walks just to talk about whatever. I miss everything. Late night drives and talks. Please, give me another chance to show you that I’m better than this. I can’t help but cry and cry now because I’m disappointed in myself that I’m not even good enough for you. I really do love you so much.

you matter.

‘The Raven’ was almost ‘The Parrot’. When Edgar Allen Poe first conceived of the poem, he wanted a 'melancholy’ feel and planned to use 'nevermore’ as a refrain. Deciding that a talking, non- reasoning animal would be the best way to repeat the word, Poe first thought of a parrot - until he realized ravens are 'equally capable of speech, and infinitely more in keeping with the intended tone.’ Source Source 2

Late Night Thoughts 4/1/18

I feel angry and sad at the same time tonight. I want to scream, yell, shout, punch something, and cry all at the same time. I feel this way a lot lately and I don’t know what to do to make it better. Medication does nothing to help. The only thing that I’ve noticed makes any sort of difference is marijuana. Mary Jane is the only one who can make me feel better, but it’s only when I’m high that I feel better. When the high wears off, I feel miserable again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can smoke all the time, but I refuse to get behind the wheel when I’ve been smoking. What do I do when I have to go to work? How do I make this feeling of defeat go away? Do I just need to cry it out? Will that make me feel better? I thought that being alone was the problem, but I’ll be honest, I’d rather be alone than be with someone that can’t make me happy, or doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I think I just need someone who will understand and won’t judge me. I pretend to be happy but deep down, I’m hurting. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore. I just want to feel happiness all the time. But how? I thought that suicide was the way to go when I was younger, but I realized that taking your own life isn’t right. It may take my pain away, but I would never want to put that pain on those I love, even if it is just family. I just don’t know what to do or where to turn to. I try to talk it out with friends and family but it’s like they just don’t understand what I’m going through. I’ve thought about speaking with a therapist, but I don’t know how much they can help. I just want to feel better already. I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to fight this. It’s only gotten worse and I’m exhausted. I’m done fighting, and I’m done feeling like no one understands.

By terrifoss

Thank you for making my life better everyday. It means so much 💙

just a boy and his guitar

I want...

I want your Monday morning sleep soaked eyes, dream drenched voice, lazy bones. "Five more minutes please babe."

I want your Tuesday afternoon coffee break, glasses off, laughter on. "Just hold me for a while, it's been a hard day."

I want your Wednesday evening fingers through hair, teeth nibbling nails, neck craning, eyes glazing. "This paperwork never ends."

I want your Thursday night drinks for two, bones unbind, muscles let loose, flats, slacks. "Just me and you."

I want your finally Friday stretch soul smile, sun sipping light from the glaciers in your eyes, fingers unfurl, hand extends. "C'mon babe, let's go wild."

I want your weekend. Your movie marathon Saturday, reading by the fireplace, kissing in the blankets. Want your Sunday morning orange juice and pancakes, white sheets, tender skin, hair like the fourth of July. "Let's not get out of bed today."

I want your ordinary and your stress, rest, release. I want your bad day and that terrible night. I want you drunk in my arms, forgetting the place but never my name. I want your lazy and your lonely and your fist full of fight. I want you every day, in every way, for the rest of my life <3

Still Dream Of You

Is it bad that I still dream about you? Still think of what life would be like today if you never left. Why everytime I close my eyes to sleep, there you are, sitting beside me telling me that everything is okay. Holding me, kissing me, loving me. I still can't shake you from my mind, and I have no idea why. Just last night I had a dream about you. We were hanging out somewhere with a group of people I knew and you were sitting across from me. You kept looking at me and smiling but not saying anything. Then you talked, and oh my heart melted at the sound of your voice. So gentle and so soft. I can still hear it now. You asked me what my plans were for the night and I told you, unfortunately, I had to work and you said that's too bad because you wanted me to join you because you were going bowling (weird, since that's something you never did). And I said, well I can always call out. I mean, I do have tomorrow night off anyway and I've only called out of work 2 times since I've been there. And then your face lit up and you blushed at the thought of me joining you. You said, are you sure? And I said, of course. I would be more than happy to call out and join you tonight. You said, awesome with a smile on your face which in turn made me smile. I then mentioned that I would need to go home and shower and what not before we went out and you said that you had a shower I could use at your place, blushing as you said it. I said okay, blushing as well. Everything turned black and then we're at your house. So bright and cheery. I can just barely remember the layout and the furniture. I can remember, me getting out of the shower and you waiting by the door (as if you haven't seen me nude before). I get out and I remember you touching my neck, so softly. And then you just grab me and kiss me. My world exploded as I felt the same spark I felt when we had our first kiss. I melted into you like we were one again. I woke up after this, I guess my mind didn't want me to see any more as I had woken up almost 3 hours before my alarm was scheduled. I don't know why I still dream of you as if you're coming back into my life. I would love that more than anything but I'm not sure if it'll happen or not. Maybe it's a sign? I don't know. All I know is that as always I miss you.

I’m free

I’ve finally moved out of there. Moved out of the shit hole I was in. The place where I couldn’t have any privacy and was paying half of the bills when there were 5 people living there. I was done, and I finally made the move and I couldn’t be more happy because for once I finally have privacy. I’m so happy with the place I live now. It’s beautiful. The neighborhood is quiet and the area is so relaxing. I’ve been through a lot when I was living where I was before but now things aren’t so bad. I have nothing to stress about. Nothing to worry about. The feeling is so foreign to me. I’m genuinely happy. I haven’t felt this happy since I was with my ex so it honestly feels amazing. I don’t think anything can really trump my mood. My now ex roommate was threatening to take me to small claims court for the rent money but she has no probable cause when she’s broken every single rule in the complex and I broke none. She moved people in without putting their names on the lease; she changed the deadbolt on the door when the 2 that moved in with us at first moved out cause she was afraid of them showing back up to the apartment. Who would want to? I didn’t even want to come home after work everyday cause I couldn’t stand being there. She also has her dog and the other one has her cat and neither of them paid for the animals to be there. So, I told management about all of this. You wanna threaten me, I’ll get you kicked out for negligence. Try me. 

This is it

today is the day. the day I move away from the shit hole I live in. No more getting disrespected and treated like a pile of shit. No more being everyone’s mule and driving everyone around like I’m their taxi. I’m so happy that I’m leaving, so happy to be rid of the negativity in my life. I don’t even care if they get mad. I’m gone. I can’t wait to get home after my shift tonight and pack my things and be gone. I can already feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. Things can only get better from here <3

>:(

getting really tired of my money getting played with at work. I’m supposed to be getting paid $10 an hour and our payroll system still says that I’m getting paid $9 an hour. I’m not gonna keep saying something about it to anyone. I’m getting fed up with it.... If I have to ask one more time, I will change my line of business. I can’t work for a business that could give a rats ass about it’s employees.... it’s either the company or the TL’s don’t do the shit they say they are gonna do. I’m getting sick of it.

why are you so passionate about this

Paramore: Grow Up

Some of us have to grow up sometimes, 

and so, if I have to I’m gonna leave you behind

How Petty

I’ve come to the realization that people now a days can be downright petty and ridiculous. Yeah, I’m sure some of you have known that from the beginning, and yeah it took me a little longer to notice. Reason I’m writing about this is because I’ve had some “friends” who thought that it was a good idea to be super petty. Example number 1: I currently live with a good friend of mine that I’ve known since freshman year. When I first moved in with her, things were great. It was just the two of us and her dog. The apartment was super clean and neat and things were awesome. I was genuinely happy. Well some shit happened and we had to move out of that particular apartment into another one in the same complex. I thought things were gonna be the same... Man was I wrong. First off; when we were in the process of moving, she had invited 2 other people to stay with us in a 2 bedroom apartment without so much as asking me how I felt about it. That really irked my nerves because the people that lived with us weren’t the cleanest and it was too much. There were too many women in that apartment and we all started fighting and what not. Well, in the midst of them living with us, they would eat or drink things that weren’t theirs. So my roommate started labeling things that she bought so the other 2 living with us wouldn’t touch anything. Understandable. Well when they finally moved out, my roommate continued labeling things that she had bought. Clearly I didn’t buy it so I know not to touch it of course unless I asked you, so why be petty and label? Well this has been going on for months and now that her ogre is gone, it should change. I hope. Now on to the second “friend” I had that decided to be petty for no damn reason. So I work overnights and it sucks sometimes because some of my friends want to go out and they want me to tag along. Well one Saturday night came along and my friends all wanted to take a vacation to Cocoa Beach. They rented a hotel right off the beach and wanted to go get away from everything and they had invited me out there with them; of course I wanted to go but I knew that I had to go to work, so I called out. Big deal, it was my first time since I started this job so I wasn’t worried about it. And I’m glad I did because I had an awesome weekend. Now fast forward to the Saturday after this one: when Hurricane Matthew came through here me and a few friends went to one of their grandmothers house to stay safe from the storm. Well we went there on Thursday and left Friday afternoon. My job was closed down for those 2 days for obvious reasons. Unsafe conditions to work in. Well Saturday rolls around and I knew I had to work, so I prepared like I normally would and my friends had made plans to go out and have a night out at a club called Southern Nights; which is a gay club. They wanted me to go really bad, so I thought about it all day and finally decided to call out. We went out and had a kick ass night. One of the best nights I’d had in a while. Well one of the people I work with that called themselves my “friend” decided it would be funny if they put my business on blast AT MY JOB. When you wanna risk someone’s job, risk your own. If you have to be so petty to risk someone else’s job; you’re pathetic. I just wanted to get this off of my chest as it’s been bothering me since it happened.

October 11, 2016

I haven’t been on here in a while and I’m not particularly certain why. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, so many things to say that I’ve just kept bottled inside. I guess I’ll start off with you. The one person I always think about when I know I shouldn’t. I think about you WAY too often for my own good, and honestly I think that’s where most of my bottled feelings come from. For some reason, I still miss you. Why? I don’t know, I can’t answer that. I think it was just something about you that makes me feel this way. And honestly, I’m getting a little tired of it. Yes, I love you. I always will; but for my own good, I’ve finally grown the strength to let go. Forget about you, like you did to me almost 3 years ago. I’ve needed to do this for a long time, I don’t deserve to hurt like this anymore, when clearly you aren’t hurting. As for your now ex, I hope she was worth the heartache she’s probably putting you through right now since you two just broke up not even 2 months ago and she’s already dating someone new. I wouldn’t have been there for you, through everything. I would’ve made you happy no matter what it took, you know that. But still, you chose to leave me. Leave me alone to suffer in silence. Well; I’m done. I tried to contact you so I could again, understand why you felt it was a good idea to leave the one person who would love you for eternity. But, it’s too late now. I’ll find someone better than you, someone who will actually love me more than you seemed to. You will always hold a special place in my heart but I can no longer sit back and hurt because of you. Thank you for all the memories you gave me, but this is me finally letting go. Have a great life. Goodbye. 

To the one person I regret ever moving in with; I’m done being your punching bag. I’ve known you longer than any other person in that house and you treat me the worst and I’m not standing for it anymore. And if you think that I’m paying half the rent when there’s 3 people in that house; you’ve lost your damn mind. After everything I’ve done for you, put up with for you. You still find it okay to treat me poorly. No, enough is enough. I’m done cleaning up after you and that thing you have living in MY house. And when you invited people to come stay with us FOR FREE without even asking me about it; thanks for fucking asking. That was very rude and disrespectful of you. When I make a small mess; you throw a fucking fit. But when there’s dog shit and dog piss everywhere and your ogre made a mess in the kitchen as it so regularly does, it’s never an issue. Whatever. I can’t wait to leave because I can’t live in a house with a giant child and an ogre. If that’s how you want to live; I don’t want any part of it. You’ve ruined our friendship, and I never want to speak with you after how you treated me. And as far as the ogre hitting you again, you probably deserved it. The way you treat people makes me sick. Making other people pay your bills because you wanna be lazy and not work. You don’t even act like a friend unless it’s convenient for you or someone is paying for your stuff. I hope karma catches up with you soon; because you are the definition of a piece of shit. I felt sorry for you when you asked me to come live with you because you had no one to help you; now, I regret EVER moving in with you. I am NEVER living with someone like you ever again. You’re disrespectful, rude, nasty and an all around shitty person.

To all of the people who think it’s okay to treat me as a punching bag; fuck you. I’m not someone you can just throw around and make fun of because you think it’s funny. It’s not. That’s all I have to say on that matter; I’ve just had enough. I need a vacation away from people in general. That’s gonna be hard to do... But the sooner I can, the better because I’ve got so many bottled up emotions and feelings that I need to just be alone with my thoughts somewhere I feel tranquil and my home is not that place. Not at all. Maybe I’ll drive somewhere and find a nice secluded spot to be alone with my thoughts. I’ll have to do some looking around but I’ll find somewhere. As far as moving, I’m moving alone. I cannot live with someone else, let alone multiple people; they just aggravate me too much. One day soon that’ll happen. As soon as I can save up the money to move, I’m gone from that hell hole I call home at the moment...

I really do. Still to this day. I'll never forget how happy they made me

@markiplier how flipping true is this

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