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good juice

had some good juice

unpopular opninion

soup fr aint that good

Caretaker catching Whumpee gently by the shoulders and drawing them close as they start to doze off on their feet. Whumpee melting into their touch, head dipping forward to rest against Caretaker’s shoulder.

maybe i should post at all

I have replaced the dragons in Skyrim with the state of Ohio.

you flex your muscles at the gym and nothing happens but across the room my shirt inexplicably rips apart

Villain: Golvelker Skoff, The Deacon of Dereliction

“ They Hate us, you know: The Gods. Not in the way you or I might hate someone, but in the way one hates mold growing in the back of a pantry, or a particularly ugly spider that had crawled over you at night. The only difference between you and I is that I know the means by which to stay beyond their reach, while you tarry in the light by their feet and invite the crunch of the celestial boot” 

Setup: There are three groups that will never forgive a grudge: dwarven traditionalists , the clergy, and the dead.  Woe then to anyone who crosses Deacon Skoff, an undead dwarven holyman who’s spent the past century indulging a hatred for all things blessed by the gods. 

Usually secreted away on “ vows of isolation” in a forgotten hermitage, Golvelker uses false identities within church correspondence to keep abreast of any appearance of the miraculous and divine. When he catches the scent however, he travels in disguise or sends conjured minions out to obtain these mystic specimens, employing all manner of dark magic to aid in their capture. 

His ultimate goal? Dissect the hallowed until he can learn ways to circumvent divine wrath, overcome blessed protections, and eventually poison destiny itself. 

Adventure Hooks: 

The Expansion and renovation of a local princess-bishop’s castle leads to the discovery of a long sealed vault full of monsters and relics from before the last purge. Excellent work for a group of aspiring adventurers, though they will have to put up with a gaggle of church reliquarians poking over their loot like a gaggle of gulls by a fishing net. Into this knot comes Deacon Skoff in one of his disguises, muddling the proceedings in every way he can while his own team of tomb robbers infiltrate the delve. 

Rampaging wraiths have overtaken the excavation of a storied battlefield, seemingly called up in response to an overzealous historian uncovering their bones. In fact, these specters were called up by Skoff, who wishes to steal the historian’s true discovery: A 15ft tall winged skeleton, partially encased in stone, which may be the ossified remains of an archon called up by the warprieats of one warring faction snd struck down by the battlemages of another. 

Following tell of a miracle healer, the party comes to a guarded village shrine only to find that disaster has occured. The healer, an aasimar child gifted with potent healing powers and fostered by the temple from a young age, has been kidnapped. Evidence suggests bandits, but an eagle eyed party will mark the coming and going of a conspicuous clerical carriage in , as well as appearance of a visiting scholar of the faith always on the edge of the witness’s testimony.  

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