If I Had A Dollar For Everytime Diego Said ‘grassy Knoll’ Or ‘JFK’ This Season I Could Probably

Me: I don’t have any seemingly recognizable human emotions that you could pin me under. I’m impenetrable and indecipherable. The ultimate warrior archetype.

Also me: listens to 6lack at 2am imagining a bad breakup and craving a booty call to supress these sudden feelings.

Huh.

Wei WuXian:

*Looks for LAN ZHAN all the time in the first life*

*Always chasing after LWJ in the first life*

*Got branded for a dude*

*Always saving and helping LWJ in the first life*

*Seeks him out even after death and reincarnation*

*Constantly giving him ‘eye-fucking invitations’*

I mean he lusts after him worse than any straight couple flirting I’ve seen...it’s a wonder he didn’t make LWJ’s block list.

And LWJ suffers through all of this and more, ever so patient and generous.

I bet if he had a phone, LWJ would be his emergency contact which would of course make JC extra mad.

Even the gods went, you’re not a villainous soul but please go find your man, he’s pining too hard on earth.

Meanwhile, the Untamed:

Two bro’s chilling in a bath tub five feet apart because they’re what? Not Fuckin’ Gay.

I’m tired of finding my own way in life, I’d like a glow-in-the-dark map right about now.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I’ll head into the kitchen in the dark, get me a glass of water, sigh and whisper ‘hydrated’ into the empty void.

There are two types of people:

Type A: Life is a mess but every app on the phone is categorized into neat folders and knows exactly which folder to navigate to for an app.

Type B: Got life figured out but the phone is an unholy mess waiting to erupt like a dormant volcano. Knows where to find stuff, but anyone else trying to navigate is just heading towards a level 7 migraine.

Did a little soul searching...I am in fact, a narcissistic little shit with no concern for consequences but if someone mentions a cat I will build a shelter with my bare hands and protect it from the elements.

Good morning to everyone but Wen Chao. He can get his from the Xuanwu tortoise.

I run on sex, sleep, chocolate and anger and if that isn’t wholesome I don’t know what is.

Keep hearing about everyone picking up a new skill during the lockdowns and well I’m proud to announce that I can now successfully unravel and re-ravel my self at will.

Italians were hella right in combining pasta, olive oil and garlic. I’m convinced that they’ve got eternal truths hidden in their cuisines at this rate.

Just add pecorino to something and your day is made. Or black pepper. Or some fresh tomatoes. And that’s it. Keep it simple and fresh and heavenly.

I’ve been throwing money at the wrong things my whole life.