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Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 21 - Say Something

18+ ONLY

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: i’m really sorry for the long wait my loves. i got my heart broken and i just wasn’t able to continue writing. but i’m better now! hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. keep in mind that this is my first time writing smut so it’s probably horrible lmao. SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 20} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie @clp-84 @stickystay @reneinii @magalimachete @mysteriaqueen @linny-bloggs @loveyislost @amybarnes21

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

Toji didn’t chase people.

He never had, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to start now.

But three weeks had passed, and you were still avoiding him like the plague—ignoring his texts, pretending he didn’t exist at school, slipping away the second he got too close. It wasn’t just pissing him off. It was driving him insane.

He wasn’t the type to overthink things, but after weeks of silence, of replaying that night over and over again, he was starting to lose his patience.

So, when he found himself standing on your doorstep, fists shoved into his hoodie pockets, he barely hesitated before ringing the doorbell.

Your mom answered within seconds, raising an eyebrow when she saw him.

“Toji?”

“Hey.” He leaned against the doorframe, tilting his head slightly. “She home?”

“She’s out with her friends.”

Toji exhaled sharply, jaw tensing. He should’ve known. You were a damn escape artist at this point.

Your mom hummed, studying him. Then, with a knowing look, she stepped aside. “You can wait in her room if you want.”

He didn’t need to be told twice.

Walking up the stairs, he found your door slightly ajar and pushed it open, stepping inside for the first time.

It was exactly what he expected.

Your scent clung to the air—something warm and familiar, like vanilla and something softer, something that reminded him of you. Blankets were thrown haphazardly over your bed, little trinkets and books scattered across your desk. A framed picture of you and your friends sat by your nightstand, along with a small polaroid of you at your birthday party last year.

Toji ran his fingers over the polaroid before shoving it into his pocket, then sat on the edge of your bed, shoulders tense.

Now, he just had to wait.

You don’t expect to find anyone in your room when you get home, let alone Toji.

He’s sitting on your bed, one leg lazily propped up, scrolling through his phone like he has every right to be there. But when you step inside, his gaze snaps to yours, sharp and unreadable.

Your stomach twists.

You haven’t spoken to him in three weeks—not a single text, not even a glance at school. And now he’s here. Waiting.

“Toji—”

“Oh, look who finally decided to show up,” he cuts in, his tone dangerously casual. He tosses his phone onto your nightstand and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Was startin’ to think you died or somethin’.”

You force a shaky breath. “What are you doing here?”

His jaw ticks. “What am I doing here?” he repeats, voice low, like he can’t believe you just asked that. “Nah, what the hell have you been doing? Three weeks, and you couldn’t be bothered to text me back?”

Your mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

He scoffs. “Right. ‘Cause that’s all you do now, huh? Run away when shit gets real?”

“That’s not—”

“Bullshit,” he snaps, standing up abruptly. The sheer size of him, the intensity in his eyes, makes your pulse jump. “You didn’t even have the decency to say anything. Just dipped, like I meant nothing to you.”

His words hit harder than you expect. “That’s not true.”

“No?” He lets out a bitter laugh. “Then what? You wake up and suddenly decide I ain’t worth your time?”

“I was scared,” you admit, voice barely above a whisper.

Toji doesn’t react at first. He just stares, expression unreadable, before tilting his head. “Scared of what?”

You swallow hard. “I don’t remember anything after we left the party.”

His entire body goes rigid.

“I woke up, and I—” You wrap your arms around yourself. “I didn’t know what happened. I didn’t know if I did something I’d regret, if we did something that—”

Toji’s expression darkens. “You think I’d let something happen to you that you didn’t want?”

“No! That’s not what I—” You run a hand through your hair, exhaling sharply. “I just panicked, okay? I didn’t know how to face you after that. I thought maybe I’d ruined things between us, so I just—”

“Ghosted me?” he finishes flatly.

You wince. “I know it was shitty.”

“Shitty?” His eyes narrow. “Nah. Shitty is forgetting to text back once or twice. This?” He gestures between you two. “This was a fuckin’ choice.”

Your throat tightens. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Yeah? Well, congrats, blondie,” he says coldly. “You did.”

Silence stretches between you, thick and suffocating.

Toji shakes his head, pulling something from his pocket. When he grabs your wrist and presses it into your palm, you look down, recognizing your missing earrings.

Your heart clenches.

“There,” he mutters. “Now you got all your shit back. No reason to ever see me again.”

Panic flares inside you. “Toji, wait—”

“Nah.” He steps around you, heading for the door. “I’m done. You don’t want me around? Message received.”

He’s almost gone.

He’s actually leaving.

You don’t think. You just grab his wrist, yanking him back with every ounce of desperation in your body. “Please,” you whisper. “Don’t go.”

His body tenses under your grip, but he doesn’t turn.

Tears prick your eyes. “I’m sorry,” you breathe. “I am so, so sorry. I handled this horribly. I was selfish and scared, but I never wanted to hurt you.”

Toji’s silent, his shoulders stiff.

You clutch him tighter. “I missed you,” you say, voice breaking. “Every single day, I missed you. I just didn’t know how to fix it.”

His jaw clenches. “You don’t get to do that,” he mutters. “You don’t get to disappear and then act like I’m supposed to forgive you just ‘cause you feel bad now.”

You step closer, heart pounding. “Then tell me how to fix it.”

He finally turns, and the look in his eyes nearly knocks the air from your lungs.

Frustration. Hurt. Longing.

You reach for his hand. He doesn’t pull away.

“I swear,” you whisper, “I won’t run again.”

Toji watches you, expression unreadable. Then, with a rough sigh, he tugs you against him, wrapping his arms around you like he’s been waiting weeks to do it.

“You’re a real pain in the ass, y’know that?” he mutters into your hair.

You let out a wet laugh. “Yeah. I know.”

His grip tightens. “Don’t pull that shit again.”

“I won’t.”

He exhales, pulling back just enough to look at you. His gaze flickers to your lips.

“You gonna run if I kiss you?” he murmurs.

Your breath hitches. “No.”

That’s all he needs. His lips crash against yours, and it’s not soft—it’s desperate, frustrated, full of everything left unsaid. You clutch at his hoodie, pulling him closer, and he groans into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

His hands grip your waist, guiding you back until your legs hit the edge of the bed. He pushes you down with ease, his weight pressing against you, and heat floods your body.

Your fingers tangle in his dark hair as he kisses you harder, dragging his lips along your jaw, down to your throat. His breath is hot, his touch even hotter, and every inch of you feels like it’s burning.

“Toji—”

He silences you with another kiss, smirking against your lips.

“Bet you won’t forget this time,” he murmurs.

And then his hands start to wander.

You squeal against his lips as he roughly cups your plump ass cheeks and pulls you even closer.

He pulls away, heavily breathing and staring into your eyes for what feels like an eternity.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he mutters, his voice rough as he gently cradles your face and kisses you hard.

Your lips move against his, the world outside this moment fading into irrelevance. His hands find your waist, pulling you closer, bodies pressed together as if the space between you was unbearable. The heat of his breath, the way his fingers grip your waist—it’s dizzying.

Somewhere between the push and pull of your embrace, your steps falter. A gasp slips past your lips as you lose your balance, your fingers clutching at his shirt for stability. But he’s just as lost in you, and together, you tumble onto the bed, the mattress dipping beneath your weight.

A breathless laugh bubbles from your throat, but it’s quickly swallowed by another kiss, his lips capturing yours again before you can say anything. The sheets crumple beneath you as he shifts, one hand braced beside your head, the other trailing down your arm. Everything about him is overwhelming—the way he tastes, the way he feels, the way he looks at you like he isn’t quite sure how to stop.

Your heart pounds, anticipation thick in the air. The moment stretched between you, heavy with the unspoken, waiting for whatever came next.

Toji starts pressing wet kisses on your jaw, slowly making his way down your neck, leaving you gasping and whimpering.

A cocky smirk finds his lips as he lets his hands wander under your shirt, gently caressing your soft skin.

A shiver runs down your spine as you gently push him away, your hands trembling slightly as you sit up. Your fingers curl around the hem of his shirt, and for a moment, you hesitate. The weight of his gaze burns into you, intense and unreadable, making your pulse race.

Swallowing hard, you finally tug his shirt up, your knuckles brushing against the firm planes of his stomach as you lift the fabric over his head. He helps you, yanking it off the rest of the way and tossing it carelessly to the floor. The sight of him—his toned chest rising and falling with each measured breath—leaves you momentarily breathless.

Toji watches you with dark amusement, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Damn, you gonna stare all night, or…?”

Heat rushes to your face, but you refuse to back down. Instead, you roll your eyes and place your hands on his bare shoulders, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your palms. “Shut up,” you mumble, trying to sound annoyed, but the way your voice wavers betrays you.

His smirk deepens as he leans in, his nose brushing against yours. “Make me.”

Before you can respond, his lips find yours again, more insistent this time, his hands skimming down your sides. His fingers ghost over the hem of your top, a silent question. You nod—just barely—and he takes that as permission, peeling it off you with agonizing slowness.

The air feels cooler against your exposed skin, but Toji is warm—burning, almost. His hands settle on your waist, pulling you closer until you’re practically straddling him. Your fingers explore the contours of his shoulders, his biceps, the hard lines of his chest.

His lips trail down the side of your neck, lingering just below your ear before he murmurs, “You good?”

You exhale shakily, nodding. “Yeah.”

His hands travel lower, tracing the waistband of your jeans before he effortlessly undoes the button. A nervous thrill shoots through you, anticipation tightening in your stomach as he tugs them down, his touch both careful and firm.

Your own hands fumble with the drawstring of his sweatpants, your heart hammering as you push them down his hips. He helps you, kicking them off until they join the mess of discarded clothes on the floor.

Now, only a thin layer of fabric separates you both, and the realization makes your breath hitch. The air between you shifts—charged, expectant.

Toji cups your face, tilting your chin up so your eyes meet his. “You ready?” His voice is softer now, the teasing edge gone.

You nod again, more certain this time. “Yeah,” you whisper.

His lips curve into something almost gentle before he pulls you back in, pressing you into the mattress as his hands begin to roam once more.

With an unusual gentleness he spreads your legs and slowly pulls your lacy panties off. His breath hitches in his throat and for the first time in his life Toji feels speechless.

It’s not like he’s a virgin and has never seen a naked woman before but you’re on another level. He finds himself staring at all of your naked glory only to be interrupted by you closing your legs.

“The fuck you doin’?” he asks, his voice gruff.

“You’re staring!” You whine in embarrassment causing him to grin in amusement.

“So? I’m enjoying the view. Now spread your legs f’me, blondie.“

You do as he says and smack his biceps when you notice him smirk again. Your mouth opens to form a response but all you can do is let out a soft gasp as you feel Toji’s warm tongue part your lips and slip inside your warm pussy.

He holds onto your trembling legs while he eats you out as if it were his last meal. You try to close them to get away from the foreign overstimulation but he merely fixes you with a sharp glare before continuing.

Breathless moans leave your flushed lips as Toji lets his wet tongue drag an agonizingly slow lick directly to your swollen clit. You arch your back, burying your fingers in his unruly hair as you come undone.

You think this is it and are about to sit up but Toji only grumbles in displeasure and laps up your juices with his tongue, making sure to revel in your taste. A soft whimper leaves your plump lips as he starts sucking on your aching clit and you can’t help but to pull on his hair. “Toji… s’too much,” You mumble bleary eyed.

“I’ll get’cha next time,” He replies with a smirk, which only widens when you tug on the hem of his boxers shyly. “Use your words, princess.”

You mumble something inaudible causing him to frown at you. He tilts your chin up, caressing your lower lip with his thumb before grabbing your hand and pressing it against his huge bulge.

“Use your words.”

“Please,” your voice sounds breathless but he just clicks his tongue sharply and shakes his head.

“Please what? You’re a big girl. Spit it out,” he quips, slowly guiding your hand into his boxers.

“Please fuck me,” you choke out, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the feeling of his hard cock in your hand.

“Finally.”

With that Toji quickly rips his boxers off, revealing himself in all his glory.

All of the embarrassment suddenly seems to disappear as you’re met with the entirety of his length.

“What. The. Fuck.”

“The fuck you mean?”

“It’s too big. I’m not even trying to stroke your ego but that… thing, is going to split me in half.”

“No it’s not,” he snorts and guides your hand back towards his length, encouraging you to wrap your hands around him again.

You do so with some hesitation but relax slightly as you slowly start moving your hands up and down. A low groan leaves Toji’s lips and you can’t help hut smirk at the sight of his features contorted with pure bliss.

„Fuck princess… You gotta chill or i‘m gonna cum,“ He groans as he pries your hands off of his hard cock.

You feel your face heat up and look up at him as he gently pushes you back onto your bed and gets settled between your legs.

“You ready?” he growls — not really asking. Then he slams in, slow but deep, dragging it out just to feel you take every inch. The stretch burns, your walls clenching around him, helpless to the way he fills you. You let out a broken moan, back arching, fingers digging into the sheets like they could ground you through it.

Instead of moving like you expect him to Toji just stays there, buried deep inside you, letting your pussy pulse around him.

“Fuck,” He mutters, hips flexing. “You’re so fucking tight.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply and starts moving.

He drags out of you slow, just enough to make you whimper, before slamming back in hard. Deeper. Your mouth falls open, but no sound comes out—just a breathless gasp.

“That the spot?” he murmurs against your neck, his voice thick with heat.

His hips roll again, slow and exact, hitting it perfectly. You nod, dazed, gripping whatever you can reach as your body arches up into him.

You nod, unable to speak and bite your lip to stifle your embarrassingly loud moans.

Toji looks at you in displeasure and leans in closer, softly panting into your ear.

“Cmon princess. Wanna hear those pretty sounds again,” He whispers as he picks up his pace.

You wrap your arms around his strong neck and bury your face into the crook of his neck, moaning as you feel him hit that spot.

“Fuck yeah,” He growls, his head moving downwards to press heated kiss all over your neck.

“Keep on making those pretty sounds for me baby,” He groans against your flushed and slightly sweaty skin.

You were losing your mind. You were getting closer to the edge with each thrust, each rub, and each low growl in your ear.

“Toji… Fuck! M’close..”

“Yeah? Me too- Fuck. Cmon princess… fuck..! Cum f’me.”

You break. Your body shakes beneath him as you clench around him so tightly that he lets out a broken moan. Your scream comes out of your throat, loud, broken, and genuine.

“Ohhh fuck,” he gasps and pulls out just in time to stroke himself twice, thick ropes of cum painting your stomach.

You find yourself lying together, breathless and tangled in the aftermath of everything. Your mind was still a whirlwind, but it was no longer filled with panic or fear. Instead, you were left with a strange sense of clarity.

You and Toji had crossed a line, and now you would have to deal with the consequences. But for now, all that mattered was that you had each other.

You quickly got dressed, the awkwardness now settling between the two of you. You tried to ignore the weight of the situation, but when you both walked down the stairs, you were hit with the reality of what had just happened.

Your mom sat at the kitchen table, her eyes wide and a knowing smile on her face.

“Good evening, you two,” she said with a raised eyebrow, clearly enjoying the discomfort on both of your faces. “I hope you’re both feeling alright.”

You stare at your mom in shock, your mouth wide open as you try to process the embarrassment of the situation. Your mother heard you have sex. Great.

“Toji, you’re welcome to spend the night. I just want you guys to be careful and use protection. Maybe try to keep it down. Your father and I would like to sleep once he gets home,” she says and winks at the both of you.

“Thanks, Mrs. [Y/L/N],” Toji says smoothly, his tone casual. “We’ll keep it down.”

Your mom just smirked, obviously finding this entire situation far too amusing. “Alright then. Just be mindful of the noise,” she added, her voice filled with an almost teasing lilt. “Wouldn’t want to hear anything I’m not supposed to, now, would we?”

Toji’s eyes flickered toward you, and you could see a faint smirk tug at the corners of his lips, but you didn’t want to look. You couldn’t look. You were mortified.

“Well,” your mom said, her tone light. “I’ll let you two get on with it. Good night.”

You and Toji stood there, frozen for a second. Then, with a shared awkward glance, you both slowly made your way to the fridge.

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 20 - Radio Silence

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullyingtaglist:

an: he just like me fr #crashout SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 19} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie @clp-84 @stickystay @reneinii @magalimachete @mysteriaqueen @linny-bloggs @loveyislost @amybarnes21

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 19 - Heat of the Moment

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: Do you guys want full on smut or should I just keep it like this??? SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 18} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie @clp-84 @stickystay @reneinii

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

The party was in full swing by the time you arrived with your friends, the bass from the music vibrating through the floor as costumed students filled every corner of Gojo’s massive penthouse. Halloween decorations covered the place, from fake cobwebs to eerie glowing lights, and the air smelled of alcohol, perfume, and the faintest hint of weed. You adjusted the ears on your head, smoothing down the tight and form fitting top of your Lola Bunny costume as you scanned the crowd.

It didn’t take long to spot him.

Toji stood near the drinks table, pouring himself a whiskey into a red Solo cup, the black and white Ghostface mask lazily pushed up onto his head. His bare chest was fully on display—his excuse for a “costume” being nothing more than black sweatpants and the mask. The defined muscles of his torso flexed as he moved, tattoos standing out against his tan skin, and you could already see girls eyeing him from across the room.

A smirk pulled at your lips as an idea formed in your head.

You weaved through the crowd and crept up behind him, waiting for the perfect moment before leaning in close. “Boo.”

Toji tensed, his hand twitching around his cup as he turned sharply, his usual scowl in place—until his eyes landed on you.

His expression froze, mouth slightly parted as he took in your costume. His green eyes darkened, gaze trailing over your body, from the fluffy ears on your head to the dangerously short shorts that barely covered anything. His tongue swiped over his lips as he blatantly checked you out, and for a second, you swore he forgot how to speak.

Then, just as quickly, his expression twisted into something irritated. “The fuck are you wearin’?”

You blinked, taken aback. “A costume?”

He scoffed, his eyes flickering to the guys around you, lingering on the ones that had been stealing glances your way. His jaw tensed, and before you knew it, he was yanking his hoodie from where it was tied around his waist and tossing it at you. “Put that shit on.”

You caught it, brows furrowing. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” He crossed his arms over his chest, biceps flexing. “Walkin’ around damn near naked—everyone’s starin’.”

“Oh, so what, you’re allowed to be shirtless, but I have to cover up?” You put a hand on your hip. “That’s rich.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

He scowled. “It just is.”

You grinned. “You’re jealous.”

“Jealous?” He let out a dry laugh. “Of what?”

“Of all the guys looking at me right now,” you teased, stepping closer. “Bet you wanna fight every single one of them, huh?”

Toji’s eye twitched. “I swear to god, Y/N—”

“Relax, big guy.” You threw his hoodie back at him with a wink.

Toji opened his mouth to retort, but before he could, a familiar figure brushed past the two of you.

Gojo.

You both immediately turned your attention to him, watching as he strolled by, one arm lazily slung over the shoulders of a girl. She was dressed in a police officer costume, tight-fitting but understated, a stark contrast to Gojo’s usual flashy preferences. His criminal costume complemented hers, a lazy attempt at “matching,” but what caught your attention was the way she clung to him—not in an attention-seeking way, but in a way that made it clear she was anxious and had her guard up.

Toji let out a low whistle. “So he really got a girl, huh?”

You crossed your arms. “Guess so.”

“She don’t look like his type.”

“She’s not.”

Toji glanced at you. “You met her?”

“Yeah, yesterday.” You sighed, shifting on your feet. “I might’ve been kinda mean to her.”

At that, Toji’s expression shifted. His brows furrowed slightly, lips pulling into a pout that he’d never admit was a pout. “Why?”

You shrugged. “I dunno. I guess…I was just surprised. I thought he’d go for someone different.”

“You mean someone like you?”

Your eyes flickered to his, and you could see the irritation swimming beneath them. He didn’t like the idea that you might still care.

You smirked. “Maybe.”

Toji scoffed. “You’re full of shit.”

You only laughed before turning on your heel and disappearing back into the crowd.

As the night went on, you could feel Toji’s gaze on you, your eyes meeting across the room every so often, a silent tension building between you. The occasional glances, the way his lips quirked up whenever he saw you laughing, the way you’d purposely sway your hips just a little more when you knew he was watching—it was a game, a dangerous one, but neither of you wanted to stop playing.

By the time 2 AM rolled around, you were tipsy, the alcohol buzzing through your system as you stepped out onto the balcony to get some air. You leaned against the railing, enjoying the crisp night breeze, when a familiar voice rumbled behind you.

“Coulda sworn I told you to cover up.” His voice was rough, low, edged with something that sent a shiver down your spine.

You turned, crossing your arms as you met his gaze. “You’re still on that?”

He smirked, stepping closer, his presence impossibly heavy. “Nah. Just figured I should remind you.”

“You’re annoying.”

“You love it.”

“Do I?”

“Mhm.”

You stared at each other, the air between you charged, thick with something unspoken. The tension had been simmering all night, bubbling under the surface of every lingering glance, every brush of your fingers when you passed each other.

And now, it was spilling over.

Your heart pounded as you tilted your head, voice softer now. “What are we doing, Toji?”

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he let his gaze drop, slowly trailing down the curve of your neck, past your collarbone, over the fitted top hugging your chest. His tongue flicked out to wet his lips before he met your eyes again, darker this time, the green nearly swallowed by black.

“You tell me,” he murmured.

Your breath caught.

Something shifted.

Before you could second-guess yourself, you closed the space between you, your hands hesitating for only a second before grasping the waistband of his sweatpants, tugging him just a little closer. His chest brushed against yours, and the heat radiating from his skin was almost overwhelming.

His fingers brushed along your waist, barely there, a teasing touch that made you tremble.

You tilted your chin up, while he lowered his head to lean in closer, lips just inches from his. “I think you wanna kiss me.”

Toji huffed a quiet laugh, but it was strained. His fingers flexed against your waist, gripping you tighter, as if to steady himself.

“Yeah?” His voice was husky, a challenge laced beneath it.

You nodded, your nose brushing against his.

“You gonna do something about it?”

Toji’s patience snapped.

His mouth crashed onto yours, rough and hungry, like he’d been waiting all night for this moment. His hands found your hips, pulling you flush against him, and the heat of his bare chest burned through the thin fabric of your top. His lips were soft but demanding, his teeth nipping at your lower lip before he soothed the bite with his tongue, tasting the faint trace of alcohol on you.

You whimpered against his mouth, fisting the fabric of his sweatpants as his hands roamed your body, fingers digging into your thighs, your waist, anywhere he could touch. He kissed you like he was starving, like he needed to memorize the shape of your lips, the way your breath hitched when he tilted your head back to deepen the kiss.

His hands moved up, fingers slipping into your hair as he tilted your face, pressing deeper, devouring you. You felt the rough scrape of his stubble against your skin, the sharp contrast between his firm grip and the lazy drag of his lips against yours. He was overwhelming, intoxicating, and you couldn’t get enough.

You tugged at his waistband, making him groan against your mouth, his hands squeezing your hips in response. He pulled away just enough to mutter, “Keep doin’ shit like that, and I ain’t stoppin’.”

Your lips were swollen, breath shaky as you stared at him, both of you panting, drunk on each other.

You licked your lips. “Maybe I don’t want you to.”

Toji grinned against your skin, his teeth grazing your jaw before he kissed you again, slower this time, savoring every second. His hands slid under your hoodie—his hoodie now draped over your shoulders—fingertips tracing the bare skin beneath it.

“Fuck,” he muttered against your mouth. “You’re dangerous.”

“You like it.”

“Damn right, I do.”

And then, with a heated pull, he had you back against him, pressing his lips to yours with a force that left you breathless.

It was the last thing you remembered clearly.

The next morning, you woke up in unfamiliar sheets.

Your heart pounded as you blinked against the morning light, the events of last night hazy in your mind. Your head was killing you, and your limbs felt heavy as you slowly turned your head—only to see a very shirtless Toji sleeping beside you.

Your stomach dropped.

Oh, shit.

Panicked, you sat up, heart racing as you looked down at yourself—no clothes. No fucking clothes.

Your hands trembled as you quickly got out of bed, scrambling for your outfit. Your thoughts were jumbled, memories a blur, and you couldn’t even piece together how you’d ended up here. The only thing you knew was that you had to get out.

Toji stirred slightly, his brows furrowing in his sleep, but he didn’t wake up.

Holding your breath, you grabbed your heels and tiptoed to the door, slipping out as quietly as you could.

You didn’t stop moving until you were outside, the morning air biting against your bare skin.

And then, finally, you let out a shaky breath.

What the hell did I do?

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 17 - Sideline Tension

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: We’re getting there! SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 16} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie @clp-84 @stickystay @reneinii

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

The sound of cleats against pavement, the distant echo of whistles, and the low hum of chatter filled the air as you walked toward the football field beside Toji. The late afternoon sun bathed everything in a golden hue, casting long shadows across the ground.

And now, here you were, strolling side by side, the atmosphere somewhere between comfortable and charged with unspoken tension.

Toji, dressed in his fitted football gear—black compression shirt snug against his torso, emphasizing every sculpted muscle, and his practice shorts hanging loose around his powerful thighs—looked ridiculously good. It pissed you off how effortlessly attractive he was.

“You sure you ain’t gon’ get bored out here?” His voice was lazy, teasing.

You scoffed. “I think I’ll manage.”

He glanced at you, smirking. “Doubt it. I don’t exactly see you as the ‘football fan’ type.”

“I’m not. But you invited me, so…” You trailed off, keeping your expression neutral.

Toji clicked his tongue. “Oh, so if I tell you to do somethin’, you just do it?”

You turned your head to glare at him. “No, dumbass. I just figured I’d come see what the hype is about. Since you act like you’re some football god.”

He chuckled, amused. “Tch. You act like I ain’t.”

“Wow. Humble much?”

He grinned, running a hand through his hair. “Why the fuck would I be humble? I’m good as hell at this shit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you muttered, rolling your eyes.

As you reached the field, you noticed a few people glancing your way—mostly girls. Their eyes flickered between you and Toji, some whispering, others just straight-up staring. You pretended not to notice.

“Don’t get shy on me now,” Toji murmured, low enough that only you could hear.

You shot him a look. “Why would I be shy?”

He smirked. “You tell me.”

Before you could reply, one of his teammates called out to him from the field.

“Aye, Zen’in, quit flirting and get your ass over here!”

Toji clicked his tongue in annoyance but turned to you, walking backward as he smirked. “Sit tight, sweetheart. Try not to fall in love watchin’ me.”

You flipped him off as he jogged away, and he just laughed.

Now alone, you made your way up to the bleachers, settling in with a perfect view of the field.

And goddamn.

Watching Toji play was something else.

The raw athleticism, the power in his movements, the way his muscles flexed and tensed with every sharp pivot and sprint—he made everything look effortless. His control over his body, the precision in his throws, the speed with which he dodged and weaved past defenders, it was undeniable. Even someone like you, who barely gave a shit about football, could see why people hyped him up.

You weren’t the only one staring.

Toji!”

His ex.

She sauntered up to him in her cheer uniform, a full face of makeup despite having no reason to be dressed up at practice. She rested a hand on her hip, tilting her head.

“So, is Coach lettin’ you play again or what?”

Toji barely glanced at her. “Yeah.”

She pouted. “That’s all I get? Not even a hi?”

Toji sighed. “Hi. Bye.”

She huffed, stepping closer. “You been ignoring my texts.”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Toji, c’mon,” she whined, reaching out to touch his arm. “You know I didn’t mean to piss you off.”

He took a step back. “Don’t touch me.”

She narrowed her eyes, and then—

Her gaze landed on you.

Her face twisted. “You brought a girl to your practice?”

Toji exhaled sharply, running a hand down his face. “I swear to God—”

“You never let me come to your practices,” she cut him off, glaring. “But now you’re bringing some random bitch?”

At that, Toji turned fully toward her, his expression dark. “Man, fuck off.”

Then, without another glance, he walked off toward the locker room.

But his ex?

She was pissed.

And she was coming straight for you.

“You must feel real special, huh?” she sneered, stopping in front of you.

You raised a brow. “Excuse me?”

“You think you’re hot shit ‘cause Toji brought you here?” She crossed her arms. “Let me guess. You let him fuck, and now you think y’all together?”

Your jaw tightened. “First of all—fuck you. Second—what I do with Toji ain’t your business.”

She scoffed. “Oh, please. He’s mine.”

You laughed. “Clearly not.”

Her face reddened. “Listen here, you little sl—”

“Get the fuck outta her face.”

Toji’s voice cut through the tension like a knife.

His ex turned, startled.

Toji stood there, gaze cold, expression unreadable. “What the fuck you doin’?”

She hesitated, then quickly masked it with anger. “Why the fuck did you bring her here?”

“Why the fuck do you care?” he shot back, unimpressed. “Ain’t you got somebody else to bother?”

Her jaw clenched. “You—”

“Nobody gives a fuck.” He grabbed your wrist, pulling you away. “Let’s go.”

You let him pull you along, not even looking back.

Once you were both inside his car, the tension snapped.

You exhaled a laugh. “Bro, what the fuck was that?”

Toji leaned back in his seat, rubbing his jaw. “That bitch is insane.”

You grinned. “‘Toji, baby—why’d you bring her—’”

Toji groaned. “Yo, shut the fuck up.”

You laughed harder, and after a beat, he chuckled too.

The rest of the drive was smoother. You talked about the upcoming tournament, football, and the game schedule before arriving at his place.

His house was empty, his parents at work, his brother nowhere to be found.

“Make yourself at home,” Toji muttered, heading for the shower.

Toji’s room wasn’t what you expected.

You thought it’d be messy—chaotic, even—but it wasn’t. It was simple, kind of bare, but still very him. The walls were a muted shade of gray, a few framed football posters hanging up alongside an old, slightly torn banner of his favorite team. His desk had a couple of notebooks scattered on it, some loose pens, and a few protein bar wrappers shoved into the corner. A pair of weights sat abandoned near the door.

His bed was unmade, but not in a disgusting way—just a little disheveled, like he didn’t bother fixing it in the mornings. His pillows were slightly flattened, and his dark gray sheets were bunched up near the foot of the bed.

And then there was your scarf.

Neatly folded under his pillows, like it belonged there.

You stared at it for a long moment, your heart doing something weird in your chest.

The sound of the bathroom door opening snapped you out of your thoughts.

When you turned, you almost choked on your own spit.

Toji stood in the doorway, hair damp and messy, wearing nothing but a pair of low-hanging gray sweatpants. His abs—toned, glistening with residual water droplets—were on full display, and for a second, you could only stare.

His lips quirked. “Damn. I ain’t even say nothin’, and you already droolin’?”

Your brain took a second to reboot.

“Shut up,” you muttered, crossing your arms.

Toji chuckled, rubbing the towel over his hair. “Nah, you shut up.”

You rolled your eyes, turning back toward his bed. “So what are we watching?”

A brief argument ensued over Netflix choices, ending with Outer Banks playing on his small TV. You both got comfortable—him lying lazily against the pillows, you sitting with your legs crossed beside him. The occasional banter, the random commentary on the show—it felt normal, in a way you hadn’t expected.

And at some point, Toji knocked out.

You didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep until you felt his weight shift, his arm draping over your waist.

Your breath caught.

He was warm. Heavy. Relaxed.

His face, usually set in a cocky smirk or a lazy glare, looked softer like this. His long lashes rested against his cheekbones, lips slightly parted. He looked peaceful.

You let him sleep, settling deeper into the pillows as the episode continued playing in the background.

And when you eventually dozed off, it was to the feeling of his steady breathing against your skin.

When you woke up, it was still dark outside. The TV was still on, the glow of the screen casting flickering light across the room.

And Toji—Toji was still holding you.

Your heart did that stupid thing again, and you slowly shifted, trying to untangle yourself from him without waking him up.

It didn’t work.

He stirred, blinking groggily, his grip loosening as he groaned. “The fuck…” His voice was raspy with sleep.

You sat up, stretching. “You knocked out on me.”

Toji blinked a few more times, slowly realizing the position you’d been in. His jaw tightened slightly, and he cleared his throat, sitting up as well.

For the first time, he looked shy.

“You didn’t have to let me sleep on you,” he muttered, running a hand through his messy hair.

You smirked. “Didn’t have much of a choice, big guy. You latched onto me like a damn leech.”

He scowled. “Shut the fuck up.”

You laughed, nudging him with your elbow. “I should probably head home.”

Toji rubbed the back of his neck, still looking slightly embarrassed. “Yeah. Aight.”

The drive to your house was mostly quiet.

Not awkward—just quiet.

You both seemed lost in thought, the air between you still buzzing with whatever had just happened.

When he pulled up in front of your place, you turned to him with a small smile. “I had fun today.”

Toji snorted, his usual cockiness returning. “Yeah, yeah.”

You rolled your eyes. “Just say you had fun too.”

He smirked. “Aight. I had fun.”

You scoffed. “That was the most insincere shit I’ve ever heard.”

His grin widened. “Take it or leave it.”

You rolled your eyes again, reaching for the door handle. “Whatever. Good night, Toji.”

“Night.”

You stepped out of the car, giving him a small, shy wave before heading inside.

And Toji…

Toji watched you go, his fingers subconsciously tightening around the steering wheel.

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 16 - Ex’s And Oh’s

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: What should her name be? Does she even need a name? Tell me your thoughts and ideas please! SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 15} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie @clp-84 @stickystay

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 13 - What comes after

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: sigh… i love him idc. SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 12} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie @clp-84

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

The drive to the location Toji sent you feels longer than it should. Maybe it’s because your mind is racing, or maybe it’s the late hour amplifying the stillness of the world outside. You pull into the dimly lit park, heart pounding, and spot him immediately—slouched on a bench, an empty whiskey bottle dangling precariously from his fingers. He looks utterly defeated, the sharp edges of his usual confidence dulled by whatever demons have led him here.

You step out of the car and approach cautiously. His head tilts slightly at the sound of your footsteps, but he doesn’t fully acknowledge you. Instead, he mumbles something incoherent, his words slurred.

“Toji.” Your voice is firm, sharper than you intended. “Get up. You’re coming with me. Your parents can‘t see you like this.“

He looks up at you with bleary eyes, his face flushed from alcohol. “Y-you came,” he slurs, his words tumbling over each other. “Missed you… swear I missed you. I’m sorry, okay? For everything. Just… I’m sorry.”

You don’t reply, don’t give him the satisfaction of even a hint of forgiveness right now. Instead, you focus on getting him upright, looping one of his heavy arms over your shoulders and guiding him to the car. His steps are unsteady, his weight pressing into you as he leans more than he should.

The entire drive back, he’s rambling. “You… you don’t get it,” he slurs, his head lolling back against the seat. “You think I’m just some… some asshole, huh? You hate me. I can’t… I hate me too, okay?” His words are fragmented but raw, the emotions behind them impossible to ignore.

You grip the steering wheel tighter, keeping your focus on the road. He keeps going, his voice breaking every now and then. “I never wanted to hurt you… never wanted to… God, you probably think I’m a piece of shit.”

You don’t respond. You just drive, his drunken words filling the silence.

When you finally reach your apartment, you manage to drag him inside. He’s heavier than he looks, and he isn’t exactly helping. As soon as you guide him into your room, he collapses onto your bed, sprawling across it like he owns the place.

“Toji, get up,” you say, exasperated.

“Nah,” he mutters, burying his face into your pillow. “This is… I’m good here.”

You roll your eyes, but there’s no real malice behind it. Instead, you sigh and kneel down, tugging his shoes off one by one. When you straighten up, his eyes are on you, glassy but sincere.

“You’re… too good,” he murmurs. “Too good for me. Always have been. Don’t deserve you… don’t deserve this.”

“Toji, just sleep,” you say, voice softer than before, despite your frustration.

He doesn’t listen. “I’m sorry,” he continues, his voice breaking. “For everything I said. For… all of it. You… you didn’t deserve that. Not you.”

Your chest tightens at his words, but you don’t respond. Instead, you awkwardly climb into bed beside him, keeping as much distance as possible.

“I mean it,” he mumbles, his voice barely above a whisper now. “You’re… you’re the only good thing. Always have been. I just… I ruin everything.”

Tears sting at your eyes, but you blink them away. “We’ll talk in the morning, Toji,” you whisper, your voice trembling.

He nods faintly, and before long, his breathing evens out. You lie awake for a while, your mind racing with everything he’s said.

When you wake, the sunlight streaming through the window, you’re wrapped in his arms. His grip is loose but firm enough to hold you in place. You tilt your head slightly, studying his face in the soft morning light. There’s a scar on his lip, jagged and slightly faded. It hits you, a memory he once let slip years ago—that his older brother, Jinichi, gave him that scar during a fight. What had struck you most then was how casually he’d mentioned it, as if it were normal.

The thought churns uneasily in your stomach. His parents never punished Jinichi for it, just like they never seemed to care about all the other ways they neglected him. No wonder he resented his family, always carrying that bitterness like a second skin.

You carefully extract yourself from his hold, slipping out of bed without waking him. After a quick trip to the kitchen, you return with a glass of water, some painkillers, and a simple breakfast.

To your surprise, he’s already awake when you walk in. He sits up slowly, rubbing his eyes, and you wordlessly hand him the plate.

“Thanks,” he mutters, his voice hoarse.

The two of you eat in silence, the tension in the room palpable.

When you finally break the quiet, your voice is steady but firm. “Do you want to talk about last night?”

He glances at you, then looks away, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. “Yeah,” he says, barely audible.

You wait, giving him the space to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, his voice low. “For… everything. I ain’t good with this… this kinda shit, but… I know I fucked up. A lot.”

“You did,” you say, your voice soft but unyielding. “And I can’t just… pretend like everything’s okay now. You’ve hurt me, Toji. A lot more than you probably realize.”

He nods, still not meeting your eyes. “I know. And I ain’t expectin’ you to just… forgive me like that. But… I’m gonna make it right. However long it takes.”

You study him for a moment before nodding. “We can try… being friends. Maybe.”

His lips twitch into something that almost resembles a smile. “Yeah. Friends.”

Neither of you mentions the way you woke up tangled in each other’s arms.

As you clear the dishes, Toji sits back, lost in thought. In his mind, he recalls waking up in the middle of the night, your face illuminated by the moonlight. He remembers thinking how beautiful you looked, how peaceful.

Your full lips had been slightly parted as you slept, and his hand had rested lightly on your hip, almost as if it belonged there. He’d never noticed the softness of your skin before, but last night it had been impossible to ignore.

It hit him then, like a punch to the gut. You were… everything. Too good, too kind, too beautiful.

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 12 - Ghosted and Guilty

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: pretend like it‘s different times. got lazy teehee. SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 11} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 11 - Dinner and Disdain

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: how we doing…? SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{chapter 10} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings @actuallyvalerie

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

The dining room was tense, the air thick with unsaid words and resentments. Toji sat across the table from you, his head tilted slightly, eyes cast downward, focusing intently on the food on his plate. The clinking of silverware was the only noise cutting through the silence between you both. Your parents and his adoptive parents chatted away like old friends, their laughter and warm tones only emphasizing the heavy wall between you and him.

“Y/N, you barely touched your food,” your mom said, her voice cutting through your quiet frustration.

“I’m fine, Mom,” you said quickly, stabbing at a piece of broccoli just to stop her from asking again.

Toji’s mother, a kind woman with a perpetual smile, glanced at him. “And Toji, you’ve barely said two words all evening.”

Toji grunted, his usual noncommittal response, shoving another forkful of food into his mouth.

The parents exchanged looks but didn’t push. Soon enough, they excused themselves to enjoy the garden, leaving you and Toji to clean up the aftermath.

You immediately got up, stacking plates in silence. Toji did the same, moving with the kind of deliberate awkwardness that came when two people who desperately didn’t want to be near each other had no choice.

The sound of water running in the sink filled the void as you scrubbed at the dishes, refusing to look at him. Toji stood a few feet away, drying off a plate. He kept glancing at you, opening his mouth once, then shutting it again.

Finally, he sighed. “Look, I…”

You stiffened but didn’t turn around. “What?”

“I, uh…” He shifted uncomfortably, gripping the towel tighter. “I just wanted to say… I shouldn’t have said some of the stuff I said. At my place. It came out wrong.”

You froze for a moment before finally turning to face him. “Came out wrong?”

“Yeah,” he said, his tone defensive already. “Like, I didn’t mean all of it. Just some of it.”

“Just some of it?” you repeated, your voice rising as anger bubbled to the surface. You put the plate down, turning fully toward him. “Do you even hear yourself, Toji? Do you even care about what you said or did? Or is this just you trying to get rid of your guilt?”

His jaw clenched. “I ain’t tryin’ to get rid of nothin’. I just—”

“You just what?” you interrupted, your voice cracking. “You think you can say sorry, and it magically undoes all the years of hurt? All the shit you put me through? You think I’m just going to forget the way you humiliated me, ignored me, and treated me like I was nothing?”

Toji’s face hardened, though his eyes betrayed a flicker of guilt. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Didn’t mean to what, Toji? Didn’t mean to make me feel like I was less than human? Because congratulations, you did that perfectly.”

His fists clenched at his sides. “I wasn’t tryna make you feel like that. I just—look, I didn’t ask for you to be in my business when we were kids, okay? You were always actin’ like you could fix me or somethin’, like I was some damn charity case. That shit got under my skin!”

Your chest tightened as tears welled up in your eyes. “You think I was treating you like a charity case?” you asked quietly. “I just wanted to be your friend, Toji. I just wanted to help.”

“Well, I didn’t need it,” he snapped, his voice harsher than intended.

You let out a shaky breath, the tears falling freely now. “You know what? You’re right. You didn’t need it. And I didn’t need to spend years of my life caring about someone who couldn’t care less about me.”

Toji’s mouth opened as if to say something, but no words came out. He stood there, frozen, as you wiped at your face.

“I’m sorry for being pushy and overbearing back then,” you said, your voice trembling. “I’ll keep my distance from now on. You can have your space. Just stay out of mine, and maybe we can finally move past this.”

With that, you turned back to the sink, your hands trembling as you finished washing the last dish. Toji stood there, silent and motionless, as if struggling to find something—anything—to say.

But nothing came.

You placed the clean dishes on the rack, brushed past him without looking, and walked out into the garden to join your parents. Toji stayed in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, the weight of your words settling heavily on his shoulders.

When you reached the garden, you plastered on a smile, though your cheeks were still damp. Your parents took the cue to wrap things up quickly, and soon enough, you were leaving.

Toji didn’t come out to say goodbye.

Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 9 - Behind closed doors

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: I hope you guys can understand him a little better now… (please stop telling me to just kill him off LMAOOO 😭). I also wanted to mention that none of the relationships I write about will be perfect because that’s just not realistic. Dark times are upon us my babies but things will get better…. one day…. hopefully…. Smooches 💋💋💋

{chapter 8} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

You knock on Toji’s apartment door, your pulse racing in a mix of nerves and anger. You don’t even know why you’re here. After everything he said—everything he did—why should you care about his busted knuckles or his bruised ego? But still, here you are, a bag of first-aid supplies in hand, waiting for him to open the door.

When it swings open, Toji stands there, leaning casually against the frame. His dark eyes sweep over you, and his mouth pulls into a smirk. “The hell you want?”

You push past him without answering, stepping into the small, sparsely furnished space. The smell of antiseptic and cigarette smoke hangs faintly in the air. You drop the bag onto his coffee table and turn to face him.

“You’re hurt,” you say simply.

“So what?” He shuts the door with a deliberate click and crosses his arms, leaning against it. “I didn’t ask you to come.”

“Someone has to take care of you,” you reply, already pulling supplies out of the bag. “Since you clearly won’t.”

He scoffs, sauntering over to the couch but making no move to sit. “You always gotta play the nurse, huh? Like you’re so damn perfect.”

“I’m not doing this to feel perfect,” you snap, glaring at him. “I’m doing it because you’re too stupid to take care of yourself.”

Toji snorts but finally sits down, sprawling out with a casual arrogance that sets your teeth on edge. “Whatever. Make it quick.”

You kneel in front of him, taking his hand and inspecting the bruised and bloodied knuckles. The silence between you is heavy, broken only by the faint hiss of antiseptic as you clean the wound. His hand is stiff in yours, tense but not pulling away.

“You gonna tell me what happened?” you ask quietly, not looking up.

“What’s it to you?” he says, his voice laced with irritation.

“It’s not like you to get detention. Not anymore, at least.”

He lets out a humorless laugh. “Maybe I felt like knockin’ Gojo’s pretty face in.”

You pause, glancing up at him. “Why?”

“Why not?” His gaze meets yours, hard and unyielding. “You seem real concerned about him, though. You two fuckin’ or somethin’?”

Your eyes widen, heat rushing to your cheeks. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m just askin’,” he says, leaning back with a smug grin. “Since he’s always all over you. Thought maybe you finally gave it up to him.”

“Shut up, Toji,” you snap, your voice trembling with anger.

“Why?” he taunts, his smirk growing. “You embarrassed? Or maybe you don’t like that I called it out.”

You stand abruptly, tossing the first-aid kit onto the couch beside him. “You’re such a dick, you know that? I come here to help you, and this is how you treat me?”

“I didn’t ask you to come,” he shoots back, his voice rising. “You just showed up like you always do, thinkin’ you can fix everything. Like you can fix me.”

Your breath catches, his words cutting deeper than you’d like to admit. “I’m not trying to fix you,” you say quietly.

“Bullshit,” he spits, standing to face you. “You’ve been tryin’ to fix me since we were kids. Always actin’ like you’re some kinda saint, like you’re better than me. Like you’re better than everybody.”

“That’s not true,” you argue, your voice trembling.

“Yes, it is,” he growls, stepping closer. “You think I didn’t notice? You think I didn’t see the way you treated me? Like some charity case you could pat yourself on the back for. Poor little Toji, right? Poor, angry, stupid Toji.”

You shake your head, tears stinging your eyes. “That’s not how it was. I just wanted to be your friend.”

“Friend?” he laughs bitterly. “You forced me to be your friend. I didn’t want you around, but you didn’t care. You kept comin’ back, smilin’ like an idiot, actin’ like everything was fine. And then one day, you just stopped. Guess you got tired of playin’ with your little project, huh?”

Your throat tightens, and you can barely get the words out. “I stopped because you made my life hell, Toji. You bullied me. You tormented me every chance you got.”

“Maybe you deserved it,” he snaps, his voice cold and cutting.

The words hit you like a slap, and you take a step back, your hands trembling. “You’re a selfish asshole,” you say, your voice breaking. “You’ve always been one.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe I got my reasons,” he shoots back, his voice rising.

“Then tell me!” you yell, tears streaming down your face now. “Tell me why you’ve been such a goddamn nightmare!”

He freezes for a moment, his chest heaving as he stares at you, his jaw tight. And then, suddenly, he explodes.

“You wanna know why?” he shouts, his voice raw and shaking. “Because you don’t know when to leave shit alone! You don’t know when to leave me alone! I didn’t want your kindness, or your pity, or whatever the hell you were sellin’. But you kept pushin’. Kept actin’ like you were so much better than me, like you could fix me. And it pissed me off, okay? It pissed me off because I knew it wasn’t real. I knew you’d get tired of me eventually, just like everybody else.”

You stand there, stunned, as his words wash over you.

“And you know what the worst part is?” he continues, his voice breaking. “You did get tired of me. You left, just like I knew you would. So don’t stand there and act like you’re some innocent little angel, ‘cause you’re not.”

You open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off with a sharp gesture.

“Get the fuck out,” he snaps, his voice cold and final.

“Toji—”

“I said get out!” he yells, his voice echoing through the small apartment.

Your chest tightens as you grab your bag and head for the door, tears blurring your vision. You don’t look back as you step outside, the sound of the door slamming behind you ringing in your ears.

Not gonna lie I would have slap the shit out of nanami cause how are you going to embarrass me in front of them people (ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง

Who is she? PT 3

You can't take it anymore.

ft. Satoru, Suguru, Choso, Nanami, Sukuna, Toji

CW: Angst, men being men, arguments. 🙄

A/N: Hi besties! Hope you enjoy part 3, more to come! Also I'm sorry if someone had already requested to be tagged when I posted this. Unfortunately I won't be taking any more additions to the taglist as it takes a lot of my time to go searching around for people. I'll be keeping the ones already tagged of course! If you had requested before and I skipped you just shoot me a message and I'll add you.

Edit to add another funny ask about this 😂

PT. 2

Tag list:

@v1x3n @haruchiyoreen @riameriash @kitises @collectionofdolls @redmushr0om @satorushousewife @linaaeatsfamilies @soobsdior @sa4vvyyt @heh123321 @iluv-ace @erishishigami @pimento-mori @aphroditesworld15 @lov3vivian @entr4p3 @exquisitenesss @linaaeatsfamilies @ilovegetosuguru @trsh-kitty @yunho-leeknow @peachesvault @herefor-tojis-tits @piggaloaf @boyimjustaloserforyourlove @hoshies1 @maybe-a-bi-witch @dreamingoftomorroww @sleepyoriana @moncher-ire @kuroosluthoe @serendididy @garejuremuzum @tojisrealwifey @prettysleppy325 @d1gital-data @luvsymai @yourname-exee @satorusprites @agustdeeyaa @pandabiene5115 @justbelljust @miscellaneous-misty @sweetlyvibe @namjooningera @sh0ot1ngst4r @hvnnibvni @dazaisfavgf @your-favorite-god @jkrafe @ietss @justonemoresworld @kisswoshita @rawwrrgal @castiel2dope @chckn-pi @rax-writes @astragat @chckn-pi @haloyesme @aneternallyexhaustedpigeon @sataurnv3 @jasminelee324

devoted f.toji

pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader

cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k

a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers 🥹 i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon

despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.

happy ending | alternate angst ending

being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.

toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.

toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.

you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.

you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.

when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.

being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.

that's what you loved, no– love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.

and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.

-

you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.

"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.

"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."

"i know."

"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.

you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.

-

you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.

"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.

"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.

"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.

"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.

"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.

"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.

"i―" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.

after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.

"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.

toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.

you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.

"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.

"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.

"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.

"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."

"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"

"ma―" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.

"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.

"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.

"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.

finally. he thought.

"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.

"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.

"i was surprised too."

"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.

"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.

"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.

he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.

"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.

-

you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.

"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"

"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.

"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.

"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.

"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."

"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.

"yes, now go and sleep okay?"

"okay."

-

megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.

"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.

"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.

-

"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.

"she's not sad-"

"yes she is."

"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.

-

megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.

"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.

"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.

"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.

"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.

"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.

-

it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.

why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.

"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"

"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.

"pancakes or rice?"

"rice!"

"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.

"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."

"sure, let's go out after we eat."

-

toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.

"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.

"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.

-

you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.

"toji? are you there?" you called.

it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.

this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.

once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?

toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.

"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.

and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.

toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago

he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.

"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.

"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.

"papa will go with us later!" he said.

"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.

he laughs at your reaction.

"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.

"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.

"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.

maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.

-

"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."

"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."

"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."

"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."

"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."

"okay, see you next time then?"

"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.

"of course, thank you. bye."

"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.

he was eavesdropping.

toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.

"a friend of mine."

"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.

you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.

"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?

sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.

-

toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.

toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.

toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.

toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.

toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.

"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."

toji was the man of your dreams.

he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.

"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.

sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.

toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.

there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.

toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.

now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.

you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.

for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.

-

toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.

"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.

"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.

"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"

"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.

you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.

"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.

"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.

"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.

"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"

"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."

"are you okay with that?" you asked.

"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.

but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.

"not gonna answer my question?"

"oh? what was it again?"

"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."

"toji-"

"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."

"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.

"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.

"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.

every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.

"good night." you mumbled.

"good night." he replied and everything was dark.

i love you, toji.

those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.

-

toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.

toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.

"i love you, toji."

he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.

"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.

he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.

is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.

toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.

it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?

you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.

-

"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.

toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.

"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.

a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.

"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."

"i'll say it if you want."

"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.

"yeah, i guess so."

-

you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.

you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.

"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.

he doesn't need to know.

"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"

-

you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.

toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.

he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.

why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.

toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.

he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.

he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.

"is there a patient named (name)?"

"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."

"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"

-

"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.

megumi approached you as he embraced you.

"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.

"a while ago.."

"where's your papa?"

"i woke up when he left."

"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"

-

as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.

"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.

"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.

she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.

"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"just went out. who's that for?"

"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.

"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.

toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.

"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.

"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.

"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.

toji didn't left the room that day.

you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.

you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.

"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.

"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.

"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.

you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.

"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?

"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.

"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.

"i'm not. why asking?"

"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.

you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?

it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.

"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.

"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"

"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.

you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.

"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."

you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?

as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.

heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.

maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.

-

"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"

"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.

not bad. toji thought.

"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."

"i know." toji replied.

choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.

"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.

"yes, i want to talk to you."

both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.

-

toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.

"what's funny." toji rasped.

"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"

"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."

"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.

"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."

"(name) told me a lot about you."

"i'm hoping it's the good ones."

"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.

"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.

"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."

"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.

"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"

"no, she doesn't." toji said.

"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."

"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked

"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."

"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?

-

"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.

you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?

you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.

you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.

-

"toji!" you scolded.

it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.

"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.

you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.

only because of the stupid words you said.

"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.

"let go." he mumbled.

"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.

"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.

toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.

"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.

you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.

he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.

"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.

"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.

toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.

"mama." megumi cried.

"it's fine now, he's just tired."

"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.

maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.

-

you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.

you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.

megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.

he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.

"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.

megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.

megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.

he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.

you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.

you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.

megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.

"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"

"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.

-

"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.

"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.

"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.

"okay, i love you mama."

"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."

-

when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.

he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.

toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.

"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.

megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.

"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.

"ha? where's she?"

"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.

toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.

toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.

megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.

"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."

-

"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.

"no." toji responded plainly.

"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.

-

toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.

he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.

he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.

you saw him as you sit up from the bed.

"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.

toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.

"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.

"i already drove him to school."

"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"

-

has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.

is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?

you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?

toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.

he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.

megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.

"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.

toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.

"(name)." he called.

"mh?"

"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."

not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.

the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.

megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.

megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.

but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.

"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.

"i said i'm sorry." he said.

"it's fine, you were drunk."

"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.

"don't worry, it's not that deep."

it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.

you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.

you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.

"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"

"yes."

"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.

"really?"

"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."

"but i do take rest."

"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"

"n-no."

"you're lying."

"i'm not."

"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.

"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.

"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."

"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.

"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.

"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.

"are you even hearing yourself?"

"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."

"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."

"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."

"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.

"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.

"(name). take a proper rest."

-

you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.

the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.

"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.

he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.

"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.

"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.

"i'm here." you said.

"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.

and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.

"why did you leave me?" he said.

there he goes again.

"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.

why does looking at him hurts.

"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."

what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?

you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.

"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."

-

you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.

"mama!" he said as he embraced you.

"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"

"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.

"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.

"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."

"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.

"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."

your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.

"of course, mama won't leave. never."

"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.

"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.

"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.

"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.

"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.

"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.

"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.

"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.

"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.

-

toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.

he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.

"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.

"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."

"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.

"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.

"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.

"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.

slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.

"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.

"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.

'can you stay please?'

how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.

toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.

"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.

"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.

toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.

"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.

"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.

"don't be stubborn."

"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.

"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.

speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.

"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.

"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"

"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."

-

"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.

"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.

toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.

"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.

"ahh." he instructed.

"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.

"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"

"just let me!!"

"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.

it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.

"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."

it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.

you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.

"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.

-

why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.

you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.

why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.

-

toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.

"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.

seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.

-

you were startled when the door opens.

it was toji carrying a new blanket.

"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.

"what about your work?"

"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.

"oh. thank you."

"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.

"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"

-

"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.

"megumi, don't get to close." you said.

"mama! are you okay?"

"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.

"you said mama is not sick!"

"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.

"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.

toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.

"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.

"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.

"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.

toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.

"i'm sorry." he said.

"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.

"earlier. i didn't mean it."

oh.

"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."

"ha?"

"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.

he was quiet and must be thinking about it.

"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.

"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.

"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.

"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.

you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.

"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.

you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.

"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.

"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."

he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.

he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.

"toji-"

"shh.. i do not regret any of it."

"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."

"but i am resting!"

"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."

"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.

"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."

"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"

"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.

"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.

you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.

"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.

-

"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.

toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.

"when did you found out?" you asked.

"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.

"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.

"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.

"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.

"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.

"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.

"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."

"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.

"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.

"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."

"you don't understand it, toji." you said.

"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.

"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.

when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?

toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.

"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.

you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.

you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.

that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.

-

toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.

"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.

"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.

"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.

"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."

he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.

"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.

he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.

-

"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.

"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.

"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."

"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."

"why'd you even ask?"

"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.

"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.

"my son." you said with a smile.

"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."

"ok, i will."

-

"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.

he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.

"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.

"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."

"why?"

"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.

"it's fine." you said.

toji was watching you and his son interact.

megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.

it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.

-

megumi was running around the house as he call for you.

"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.

"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.

"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"

"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."

"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.

"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."

"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"

"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.

"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.

megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.

-

megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.

"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.

toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.

"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."

"mama get home soon, okay?"

"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."

after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.

-

megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.

"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.

he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.

he was blaming himself.

he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.

is it a right choice to finally love you?

maybe not.

first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.

toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.

toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.

toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.

"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.

"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."

"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.

"it's not if you stop focusing on it."

"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.

"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.

"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.

"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."

"thank you, 'gumi."

"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.

"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.

"why?" you asked.

"papa misses you, mama."

"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.

"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.

-

megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.

he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.

"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.

megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.

"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.

"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."

"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"

"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."

-

"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.

"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.

you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.

why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.

toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.

what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.

you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.

you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?

as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.

"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.

"how are you feeling?"

"nice, i guess?"

"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.

"wow really?!" you said excitedly.

"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"

"they just left."

"call them back so you could finally go home with them."

-

"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.

"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."

"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"

"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."

"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.

"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.

-

toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.

"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.

"i'll just finish this." you said.

toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.

he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.

the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.

but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.

"just take a rest." toji said.

"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.

weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?

"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.

"do you know what you'll do?"

"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.

"okay, let me know if you're done."

-

you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.

that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.

"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.

"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.

"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.

-

you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.

the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.

"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.

"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.

"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.

"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.

"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.

what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.

-

getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.

he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.

"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.

-

you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.

"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.

the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.

"that's–" you gasped.

"no, listen–" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital

you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.

"well, if that's what you want."

"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.

your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.

"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.

"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.

"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.

toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.

"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.

"why?"

"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.

"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.

"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.

"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.

you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.

-

it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.

it suddenly became awkward.

toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.

toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.

toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)

there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.

"can't sleep?" he asked.

"yeah, what about you?"

"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?

"about the divorce-"

"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."

"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.

"was it because you found out i was sick?"

"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"

"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.

"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.

"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.

"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.

"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.

"then that goes the same for me."

-

"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.

"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.

"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"

"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.

"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.

"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.

"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.

"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."

oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.

"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.

family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-

your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.

"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.

"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.

"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.

"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.

"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.

-

"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.

"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.

"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.

"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.

"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.

"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.

"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.

"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.

"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"

"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.

you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.

"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.

"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.

"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.

"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.

"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."

"is that why papa have a scar?"

"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.

unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.

-

toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.

but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?

you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.

you picked it up as you read the note.

'this is for you, i hope you like it.'

you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.

you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.

-

"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.

"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.

"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.

"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.

"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.

"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.

as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."

toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.

"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.

"he recommended me another medicine."

"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.

"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."

"ah, is that so?"

"mhm."

"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.

"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.

"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.

"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.

it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.

toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.

your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.

toji sighed as he closed the door.

"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.

"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.

"have you eaten?" you asked.

"ye-"

"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.

"megumi?" he asked.

"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.

"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.

"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.

"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."

"hurryy."

"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.

"no."

"why are you being clingy?" he asked.

"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.

you didn't even smell like alcohol.

"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.

"alright."

"you didn't answer me yet."

"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.

"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.

toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.

"good night." i love you too.

-

it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.

you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.

"i'm home." toji mumbled.

"welcome back!" you exclaimed.

if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.

it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.

"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.

"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.

"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.

"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.

"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.

-

"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.

"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.

"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.

"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.

"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.

toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.

"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.

"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.

"thank you for the food."

-

another bad day.

you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.

"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.

"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.

"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.

toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.

"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.

"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.

"i can do it myself."

"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.

"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.

-

"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.

"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.

-

thank goodness it was saturday today.

your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.

"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.

"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.

"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.

"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.

"shut up!"

-

"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.

"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.

"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.

after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.

"toji-"

"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.

"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"

"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"

"but-"

"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.

"thank you.. i love it but, why?"

"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.

"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.

"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.

"i understand." you said as you laughed.

"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.

"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.

"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.

finally. it's finally happening.

"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.

it was worth all the wait.

home is where you are

a sweet and sensual toji x reader fluff fic ft. gumi

genre: fluff, domestic romance, light sensuality, family moments summary: after a tiring day, all you want is to unwind, but toji has other plans—plans that involve warm water, soothing hands, and a carefully prepared meal. just when the evening seems perfect, a small, sleepy interruption reminds you that love comes in many forms—some with grumpy pouts and others with tiny hands reaching for comfort. in the quiet glow of home, laughter and warmth intertwine, turning an ordinary night into something unforgettable.

"long day, huh?" toji’s voice was low and warm, his lips grazing your ear as he pulled you against his chest. his scent—earthy, masculine, with the faintest hint of cedarwood—immediately made you relax.

"you have no idea," you sighed, melting into him.

he hummed, pressing a slow, lingering kiss to the side of your neck. "c’mon, let me take care of you."

before you could protest—not that you really wanted to—he scooped you up with ease, carrying you toward the bathroom. the moment he pushed open the door, the soft glow of candlelight greeted you, flickering gently against the tiled walls. steam curled from the warm bath he had drawn, the soothing scent of yuzu and jasmine filling the air.

"you did all this for me?" you asked, touched.

"tch, who else would i do it for?" he smirked, setting you down. "now, strip."

you rolled your eyes but complied, letting the day’s burdens fall away along with your clothes. toji’s gaze darkened slightly as he took in your bare form, his fingers grazing along your arm as he helped you into the water. the warmth enveloped you instantly, coaxing a deep sigh from your lips.

"that good, huh?" he chuckled, kneeling beside the tub.

"mmhmm," you hummed, eyes slipping shut.

toji dipped his hands into the water, trailing them along your shoulders before reaching for a bottle of oil. you shivered when his calloused fingers pressed against your skin, gliding over your shoulders and down your back with slow, practiced movements.

"relax, baby," he murmured, his thumbs kneading into the tension there.

you exhaled shakily as his hands moved lower, working over your arms, your sides, teasingly brushing your ribcage before sliding back up. the heat of the water, the flickering candlelight, and the sensation of his touch had you completely undone.

"toji…" you breathed out his name, head lolling back against the edge of the tub.

he grinned, leaning down to press a kiss to your damp skin. "you sound real pretty when you say my name like that."

you swatted at him weakly, but he only chuckled, his hands dipping lower beneath the water to rub soothing circles over your thighs.

when he finally pulled back, you felt boneless, completely lost in the haze of warmth and his touch. he grabbed a towel, wrapping you up gently before hoisting you into his arms again.

"you really like carrying me, huh?" you murmured, voice sleepy.

he smirked. "love it. you feel good in my arms."

once you were settled in bed, he grabbed a fresh bottle of jasmine-infused oil, warming it between his hands before beginning another slow massage. his touch was more deliberate this time, lingering over the curve of your waist, the dip of your spine, his fingers pressing into your muscles in a way that had you sighing in bliss.

"mm, you should do this every day," you mumbled, half-dazed.

toji smirked, lips brushing against your ear. "that an order, princess?"

"if it was, would you listen?"

"hell yeah," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck. "anything for my girl."

by the time he was done, your skin was soft and glowing, and you felt like you were floating. he pulled you into his arms and carried you to the dining table, where a simple yet beautiful vegetarian meal was waiting.

miso soup, warm and fragrant, sat in small lacquered bowls beside neatly arranged onigiri filled with umeboshi (pickled plum) and shiso leaves. there was a plate of crisp, golden-agedashi tofu, drizzled with a light soy-based sauce, and delicate vegetable tempura with dipping salt on the side. a fresh cucumber and wakame seaweed salad completed the meal.

"you made all this?" you asked, touched.

"yeah, yeah, don’t look so surprised," he grumbled, though the corners of his lips curled up. "told you, gotta make sure you eat right."

you laughed softly, picking up an onigiri and taking a bite. the tartness of the umeboshi balanced perfectly with the fluffy rice. "mmm, this is amazing, toji."

he watched you with lazy satisfaction, stealing a bite from your plate when you weren’t looking. "good, ‘cause i ain’t lettin’ you skip meals anymore."

dinner was warm and filled with lighthearted teasing—toji grumbling when you fed him a piece of tofu instead of letting him steal from your plate, you giggling as he swiped some tempura from yours anyway.

afterward, the two of you curled up in bed, limbs entwined, warmth pressing between you. toji’s rough fingers traced absentminded patterns on your skin as he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a slow, lingering kiss.

just as he was about to deepen it, a small, sleepy voice interrupted.

"mamma…?"

both of you turned just in time to see a drowsy megumi waddling toward the bed, his tiny fists rubbing at his eyes. his hair was a mess, sticking up in tufts, and his little lips were slightly pouty from sleep.

you gasped softly, sitting up and holding out your arms. "come here, baby."

megumi wasted no time crawling into your lap, burying his face against your chest with a little hum. you giggled, cradling him close and pressing a flurry of soft kisses to his chubby cheeks.

"my sweet boy," you cooed, peppering more kisses all over his sleepy face.

toji let out a long, exaggerated groan beside you. "tch. and here i thought i was gettin’ all the love tonight."

you turned to him with an amused smirk. "you jealous?"

"damn right, i am," he muttered, arms crossed. "did all that work just to get ignored."

megumi, still half-asleep, turned toward his dad with a small frown. "you’re too big for kisses."

toji’s eye twitched. "oh, you little—"

you burst out laughing, wrapping an arm around megumi as you leaned into toji. "guess you’ll just have to work harder next time."

toji narrowed his eyes before smirking. "alright, that’s it. you two are ganging up on me. no more nice guy."

before you could react, he pulled both you and megumi into his arms, rolling onto his back so you were both trapped against his chest. megumi let out a tiny squeak, and you shrieked with laughter as toji nuzzled into your neck, grumbling about how unfair life was.

and as you lay there, tangled up in the warmth of your little family, you realized—this, right here, was everything.

dreams of you

genre: soft romance, angst, dreamlike longing

summary: a dream so vivid it feels real—wandering hand in hand, sharing laughter, a quiet moment on a cozy couch, a kiss that lingers like warmth against winter air. but dreams are fleeting, and waking up feels like losing him all over again.

the mall was crowded, voices blending into a dull hum, but all i noticed was him—toji. broad, towering, with that lazy smirk tugging at his lips as he held my hand, his grip warm and sure. in my other arm, i clutched a plushie he had won for me, soft against my chest, but nothing compared to the rough, calloused fingers laced with mine.

we wandered without a plan, stopping occasionally when something caught my eye—though, truthfully, he seemed far more interested in watching me than in anything around us. “cute,” he muttered once when i got distracted by a row of tiny keychains, his voice so casual that it took me a second to realize he was talking about me. warmth crept up my face, but he only chuckled, giving my hand a little squeeze.

eventually, we found a quiet corner with a plush couch, and before i could even sit properly, toji pulled me against him, an arm slung lazily around my shoulders. i fit snugly against his side, the steady rise and fall of his chest lulling me into comfort.

“cozy, huh?” he murmured, voice teasing but gentle.

i nodded, tucking closer. “yeah.”

for a moment, we just sat there, his fingers tracing idle patterns along my arm, the warmth of his body a quiet reassurance. when i looked up at him, i caught him staring, his green eyes darker, unreadable.

“what?” i asked, a little breathless.

he didn’t answer, just reached out, brushing his knuckles against my cheek before tilting my chin up. and then, slowly, he leaned in.

his lips met mine, warm and unhurried. soft at first, testing, before pressing a little deeper. the hint of stubble against my skin sent the lightest shiver down my spine, a contrast to the tenderness of the kiss. instinctively, my fingers brushed against his jaw, feeling the roughness beneath my touch, grounding me in the moment. he made a small noise in response, something close to a chuckle, but he didn’t pull away—if anything, he only lingered longer, as if neither of us wanted to let go just yet.

then—cold.

the warmth vanished in an instant. the pressure against my lips changed, replaced by something smooth, lifeless.

my eyes fluttered open, and the illusion shattered around me like broken glass. my phone rested against my mouth, the dim screen reflecting nothing but the dull glow of my room. the air felt colder, the silence deafening.

he wasn’t here. he had never been here.

my fingers curled, aching to reach out, to feel the warmth that had felt so real just seconds ago. but there was nothing. only the lingering ghost of a dream that slipped further away with every breath.

i laid back down, staring at the ceiling, a bitter emptiness settling deep in my chest.

funny, how even in dreams, he felt real.

but in reality, he was nothing more than a figment of my imagination.

wrapped in sunlight, wrapped in you ☀️

summary: on a crisp winter afternoon, toji surprises you with a picnic by the lake, complete with warm sunlight, soft banter, and stolen kisses. as the breeze grows cooler, his arms grow warmer, and what starts as playful teasing turns into a tender moment wrapped in quiet affection.

genre: fluff, slice of life, romance

toji wasn’t one for typical romantic gestures, so when he appeared in your doorway holding a picnic basket and a folded blanket, you were understandably suspicious.

“did you get possessed by a rom-com protagonist?” you asked, leaning against the doorframe with an amused grin.

he rolled his eyes, pushing past you like he owned the place. “shut up and put on something warm. you’re always whining about how cold you get.”

“and where are we going exactly?”

“out,” he said simply, setting the basket down on your counter.

you stared at him, trying to decipher his tone. “out where?”

he turned to you, raising an eyebrow. “does it matter? i’m taking you somewhere nice. stop asking questions before i change my mind.”

that earned a laugh out of you, and you grabbed your jacket, deciding to go along with it. “you’re lucky i’m curious.”

“you’re lucky i like you enough to put up with your attitude,” he shot back, smirking.

the drive was quiet but comfortable, with toji’s hand resting on the gear shift. occasionally, he’d glance at you, his lips quirking when you caught him.

“you’re staring again,” you said, breaking the silence.

“just trying to figure out why i’m doing this for you,” he replied, though the way his eyes softened gave him away.

“because i’m cute,” you said confidently, earning a snort from him.

“you’re a pain in the ass,” he muttered, but his hand shifted to rest on your knee, squeezing lightly.

when you arrived at the park, the winter sun was shining brightly, casting a golden glow over the bare trees and the quiet lake nearby. it was the kind of day that made winter feel less harsh and more magical.

“you picked this spot?” you asked, surprised as he carried the basket and blanket to a sunny patch near the water.

“don’t make it a big deal,” he said, setting everything down. “you’re always talking about fresh air and sunlight. figured i’d shut you up for a day.”

“aw, toji, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me,” you teased, grinning as you spread the blanket.

“keep it up and i’ll eat all the food myself,” he warned, though the corner of his mouth twitched upward.

the basket was simple but thoughtful: sandwiches wrapped neatly, a container of cut-up fruit, pastries that looked like they came from your favorite bakery, and a thermos filled with something steaming.

“you really outdid yourself,” you said, looking at him in mock awe.

“don’t act so surprised,” he replied, sitting down with a huff. “i’m good at everything i do.”

“everything?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

he smirked, leaning in slightly. “you wanna test that theory later?”

your cheeks went warm, and you swatted his arm. “toji!”

he just laughed, pleased with himself, and unwrapped a sandwich.

as you ate, a small dog wandered up to your blanket, its tail wagging furiously.

“look at this little guy!” you said, holding out a hand for the dog to sniff.

toji eyed it warily. “great. freeloaders.”

“he’s cute!” you said, scratching the dog behind the ears. “he just wants to be friends.”

“or he wants food,” toji said, but he still broke off a piece of his sandwich and handed it to the dog, who took it eagerly.

“aw, look at you, mr. softie,” you teased, grinning.

he gave you a deadpan look. “don’t push it.”

the dog eventually curled up at the edge of your blanket, and toji leaned back on his hands, watching the lake. the sunlight caught in his dark hair, and for a moment, you forgot about the teasing.

“you’re staring again,” he said, not even looking at you.

“just trying to figure out why i like you,” you shot back, though the warmth in your voice gave you away.

“because i’m hot,” he replied easily, smirking when you rolled your eyes.

“so modest,” you said, leaning back beside him.

he glanced down at you, his smirk softening into something gentler. “you don’t mind, do you?”

“mind what?”

“this,” he said, gesturing vaguely to the blanket, the basket, the moment. “the whole… picnic thing.”

“toji,” you said, leaning closer, “i love this. it’s perfect.”

he grunted, but his hand found yours, his thumb brushing over your knuckles.

as the afternoon went on, a breeze picked up, and you shivered despite the sunlight. toji noticed immediately, tugging you closer until you were practically in his lap.

“come here,” he said, wrapping his arms around you. “can’t have you freezing to death.”

“you’re just using me for warmth,” you said, but you nestled against him anyway.

“damn right,” he muttered, resting his chin on your head.

you tilted your head back to look up at him, grinning. “you’re so obvious.”

he smirked down at you, his eyes glinting with amusement. “yeah? you’re lucky i like you.”

you laughed, but your cheeks were warm again, and when he leaned down to kiss you, you didn’t stop him. it was soft, slow, and it made your heart flutter in a way that still surprised you.

when he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours. “you’re cute when you blush,” he said, his voice low.

“you’re impossible,” you muttered, though you couldn’t stop smiling.

“you love it,” he replied, smirking.

“unfortunately,” you said, earning a chuckle from him.

as the sun began to set, casting the sky in hues of orange and pink, you stayed there in his arms, feeling like the world outside your little blanket didn’t exist.

“so,” you said after a while, breaking the comfortable silence. “does this mean i can drag you on more picnics?”

he groaned dramatically. “don’t push your luck.”

but the way he held you tighter told you everything you needed to know.

bunny kisses 🐇 & pancake mornings 🥞 with fushiguro fam 🤍✨

the soft glow of early morning light spilled into the bedroom. mamaguro was still half-asleep, curled under the blanket, when she felt a tiny hand patting her face.

“mama,” came the little voice, insistent but garbled with sleep.

she cracked open one eye to see baby megumi sitting up beside her, his black hair sticking up in every direction like a little bird's nest. he had one of his plushies clutched in his arms—a floppy-eared bunny she’d sewn for him—and his big blue-green eyes blinked at her expectantly.

“good morning, sweetheart,” mamaguro murmured, brushing her fingers through his messy hair.

toji, sprawled out on the other side of the bed, let out a loud snore, earning a giggle from megumi. the little boy turned toward his dad, crawling clumsily over to him.

“papa!” megumi declared, plopping down on toji’s chest.

toji groaned, one eye cracking open to see his son grinning down at him. “gumi, buddy, it’s too early for this,” he muttered, his voice rough with sleep.

but megumi wasn’t deterred. he leaned down, pressing his tiny hands to toji’s cheeks, smooshing them together as he giggled. “wake up, papa!”

mamaguro laughed softly from her side of the bed. “looks like someone’s decided it’s time to start the day.”

toji let out a dramatic sigh, pulling megumi into his arms and rolling onto his back, the little boy squealing in delight. “you’re lucky you’re cute, kid,” toji said, smirking as he tickled megumi’s sides, earning more giggles.

megumi squirmed, holding his bunny tight as he buried his face in toji’s chest. “papa, nooo!”

“papa, yes,” toji teased, tickling him one last time before letting him go.

mamaguro propped herself up on one elbow, watching the two of them with a soft smile. “you two are a handful, you know that?”

toji glanced over at her, grinning. “you love it.”

“maybe,” she admitted, reaching out to scoop megumi into her arms. she kissed his chubby cheek, making him giggle again.

“mama,” megumi said softly, leaning his head against her shoulder, his little hand clutching her shirt.

toji sat up, ruffling megumi’s hair. “all right, let’s get breakfast going. pancakes, little guy?”

megumi’s eyes lit up, and he clapped his hands. “’cakes!”

“you spoil him,” mamaguro said with a mock sigh, standing up with megumi in her arms.

toji smirked, throwing an arm around her shoulders as they headed to the kitchen. “yeah, but he’s worth it.”

the kitchen was a cozy mess of warm light and the faint smell of coffee. mamaguro settled into a chair with baby megumi on her lap, his bunny still firmly in his grasp. he babbled happily, occasionally pointing at random things on the table.

toji stood at the stove, wearing an apron mamaguro had insisted he buy months ago. it was black with the words "grill master" printed on it—a little over the top for pancakes, but he wore it anyway.

“watch and learn, gumi,” toji said, flipping a pancake with a little too much flair.

megumi clapped his tiny hands together, clearly impressed by his dad’s “technique.” mamaguro hid a smile behind her hand.

“you know,” she teased, “the goal is to keep the pancake in the pan, not send it flying across the room.”

toji glanced back, a cocky smirk tugging at his lips. “have some faith, woman. i’ve got this.”

just as he said it, the next pancake flipped… and landed half out of the pan. toji froze, his hand hovering in midair as mamaguro burst into laughter.

“got this, huh?” she said between giggles.

toji sighed dramatically, scraping the half-flipped pancake back into the pan. “you’re setting me up for failure here. the kid’s watching; he’s gonna think i’m an amateur.”

megumi, oblivious to his dad’s plight, was more interested in chewing on his bunny’s ear.

“i think he’s more concerned about breakfast arriving soon,” mamaguro said, gently bouncing megumi on her knee.

“all right, all right,” toji grumbled, focusing on the pan again. after a few more successful flips, he finally had a respectable stack of pancakes. he plated them with a flourish, adding a dollop of butter and a drizzle of syrup.

“voilà,” he said, setting the plate down in front of mamaguro and megumi. “breakfast, courtesy of chef toji.”

megumi reached for the plate immediately, babbling excitedly. mamaguro grabbed his little hands just in time. “hold on, sweetheart. it’s hot.”

toji sat down across from them, watching as mamaguro carefully cut up a pancake into tiny pieces for megumi.

“you spoil him,” toji said with a smirk, mimicking her earlier words.

“he’s worth it,” mamaguro replied, a playful glint in her eyes as she handed megumi a tiny fork.

megumi managed to stab a piece of pancake and shove it into his mouth, syrup smearing across his cheek. he looked up at toji with wide, delighted eyes.

“good?” toji asked, leaning forward.

“good!” megumi replied around a mouthful of pancake.

toji grinned, reaching over to ruffle his hair. “that’s my boy.”

mamaguro watched them with a warm smile, her heart full as her two favorite people shared a quiet, simple moment together.

after breakfast, the kitchen was a sticky war zone of syrup smears and a plate with half-eaten pancake bits strewn about. megumi, with syrup on his cheeks, hands, and somehow even his hair, sat in mamaguro’s lap, blissfully unaware of the chaos he’d caused.

“you know,” mamaguro started, dabbing at megumi’s face with a damp cloth, “if you’re going to call yourself a chef, maybe you could also learn to clean like one.”

toji leaned back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head. “hey, my job was pancakes. cleaning’s extra.”

she gave him a mock glare, her lips twitching upward in a smile. “extra, huh? should we count how many pancakes landed halfway out of the pan?”

toji grinned, standing and stretching. “fine, fine. i’ll handle it.” he grabbed a towel and started wiping down the counters, glancing over at them as he worked.

“you know,” he said, smirking, “gumi’s already showing promise. he liked my cooking more than yours.”

“oh, really?” mamaguro said, raising an eyebrow.

toji pointed toward megumi, who was chewing on his bunny’s ear. “look at that face. that’s the face of a satisfied customer.”

megumi chose that moment to let out a small hiccup, which was immediately followed by a bubbly giggle.

“case closed,” toji declared, tossing the towel onto the counter.

“you’re ridiculous,” mamaguro said with a laugh, standing up with megumi in her arms. she kissed the top of megumi’s head, sticky hair and all, then turned to toji. “your satisfied customer needs a bath.”

“hey, it’s only fair if i made breakfast, you take bath duty,” toji teased, leaning against the counter.

mamaguro rolled her eyes. “it’s bath duty, not a death sentence.”

but toji was already moving toward her, taking megumi from her arms. “nah, i’ll handle it. gumi and i have a system, right, kid?”

megumi stared up at him, blinking slowly before reaching for toji’s nose.

“see?” toji said with a grin. “teamwork.”

the bathroom was soon filled with the sound of splashing water and megumi’s giggles. mamaguro lingered in the doorway, leaning against the frame as she watched them.

toji knelt by the tub, rolling up his sleeves as he carefully poured water over megumi’s head. the little boy squealed, splashing water everywhere, including directly onto toji’s face.

“gumi,” toji said, wiping his face with a hand, “you trying to drown me here?”

megumi just laughed, kicking his legs in the water.

“he’s a menace,” mamaguro said, her voice filled with affection.

toji glanced back at her, water dripping from his chin. “he gets it from you.”

“sure he does,” she said, crossing her arms.

toji turned back to megumi, who was now busy chewing on the edge of a rubber duck. “all right, buddy, let’s finish this up before your mama decides to frame me for war crimes.”

megumi just babbled in response, completely at ease in his dad’s hands.

after the bath, megumi was wrapped in a fluffy towel, his hair sticking up in soft tufts. mamaguro took him from toji and began drying him off, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks as he squirmed in her arms.

“you’re all clean now, aren’t you, sweetheart?” she cooed.

toji watched them, leaning against the doorway with a towel slung over his shoulder. “you know,” he said, his voice quieter now, “we’ve got a pretty good thing here.”

mamaguro looked up, meeting his eyes. there was a softness there, a rare vulnerability that made her chest ache.

“yeah,” she said, smiling at him. “we do.”

toji stepped closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “thanks for putting up with me,” he murmured.

“always,” she said softly, resting her head against his shoulder as megumi yawned in her arms.

it was these small, quiet moments that she held onto—messy, chaotic, and utterly perfect in their own way.

betrayal ft. jjk men

part 2!!

synopsis: after leaving you for another woman, they realize they made a mistake and want you back. little do they know, you moved on…with one of their friends/enemies (set a few months after your breakup)

cw: angst, no comfort, swearing, slut shaming, not proofread

a/n: alexa play karma by taylor swift…requests are open :P

part 1

tags: @mel1mak @elevh-blog @forfaehou @valvoria @dazaisfavgf @monokyubey @ironicsss @zeunys @higuchislut @inoluvrr @ayumigotabittoolonely @lady-of-blossoms @imoutofpot @enchantingkitty @virgothesimp @k1ranishf4 @riwliane @whoreforjjkmen @lorain07 @deaf-yuri-lover93 @rainschnael

betrayal ft. jjk men

with special guest…HIGURUMA

based on this ask

cw: ANGST, no comfort, swearing, slight slut shaming, not proofread

a/n: i'll probably do a part 2 where they regret their decision! requests are open : P

part 2

you’re being mean ft. jjk men

part 2 where the jjk men try apologizing and beg for forgiveness but you aren’t having it

cw: angst, no comfort, swearing, not proofread

a/n: thank you guys so much for the love on the first part <3 part 3 will be out tomorrow (will you forgive them or will they lose you forever?) ! requests are open :P

part 1 part 3

tags: @krispywhisperswhispers @aquamarine001 @american-girl001 @totallygyomeiswife @aikojwhpa