Latest Posts by andyrg099 - Page 3

Fanfolks today need to remember how important The Premise was.

Y'all have heard of The Premise, right?

See, historically there have always been people who saw an extra layer of gayness on certain pairs of fictional people (you just thought of several), and people Back Then even wrote their own fanfic (or as they were called at the time, "pastiches"), but the first widespread queer fanwork to really define the fanfiction genre was KIRK AND SPOCK. Kirk/Spock. K/S. The very first slashfics.

Why this work was vastly, overwhelmingly written by straight women is a discussion for another time, but it was, so that's the main perspective I'm gonna consider here.

How do you - a statistically middle-class, 30+, stay-at-home wife and mother - how do you write slashfic ao3-style in the 1960's before the internet?

Carefully.

Through letters with friends, phone calls, pen pals, and sometimes - sometimes - clandestine meetings of small groups. Whole novels were written communally, round-robin style, by sending typed or handwritten additions chapter by chapter to each other. These were all underground, some deep underground; even the early Trekkie fanzines of the time wouldn't touch them.

And keep in mind, few of these stories were explicitly even sexual! But they were all about a very, very close relationship between two men. In the 1960's.

Guess how cool everyone else was about this.

Actually, for their part, Gene Rodenberry and the other writers were fine with it, saying that they had deliberately written the characters to be two halves of a whole, and if you wanna read it that way, yeah sure, go right ahead. Shatner and Nimoy took it all in good humor, and seemingly still do, each guy basically gesturing to the other and chuckling "I mean, who wouldn't?"

(CORRECTION: At least, they did until Nimoy passed away in 2015. Thanks @richie-is-rich!)

But elsewhere there was vicious backlash against The Premise, and not just within the fandom. This was still at a time in the US and UK when various "sodomy" and "decency" laws made no distinction between homosexual sex acts and just, like, directly lighting another man's cigarette with your cigarette in public. (That, sadly, is not a fucking joke.)

It was probably the closest some suburban cishet women came to understanding the pain of being in the closet. They had to protect this secret from their friends and family at all cost. There were cases of divorces where women lost custody of their children because their writing had come to light.

Can you imagine having such a burning desire to write for your OTP that you were willing to lose everything over it? Even if you were never caught, you still had to be willing to wait weeks, months, to receive a letter in the mail that you had to carefully intercept, read in secret, and then add your own chapter t, also in secret, and then send off, perhaps never to be seen again.

These people were goddamn heroes, and they laid the foundation for the world we live in today. A world where we can read, write, comment on, or share - in a matter of seconds! - literature about two background characters from two different franchises enjoying a really specific kink involving vacuums or something. And that's objectively amazing.

Raise a toast to our fanfiction elders, who simped in the darkness so we could simp in the light of day.

rewatching where no man has gone before and it's wild how different spock's characterisation is in this versus the rest of the series. like i know logically (haha) that the episode was so early that the show and nimoy didn't really have a grasp on the character yet (made evident by the "one of my ancestors married a human woman" line), but it also strikes me that this is technically kirk's first episode in timeline (production) order, meaning jim and spock have barely started to get to know each other. it's obvious from the chess game that they're already very close and likely have been joined at the hip since their very first meeting, so i like to think that spock is almost, ya know, giddy at this point, adjusting to the comforting warmth and joy and security he feels just by being around jim all the time because it's all so new, because he's never had anything like this before. spock likes jim so much and so immediately and wants to get to know him better and feels safe enough around him to let jim get to know him better, too. the interaction at the end, "i felt for him, too" and "there might be some hope for you yet, mr. spock." followed by a very not-subtle, fond smile from our dear vulcan first officer, just stands out so much against the rest of the series. young spock and his brand new blossoming crush for his captain and he hasn't gotten to the point where he's afraid of those feelings yet, just basking in how nice it feels to have a proper friend. so damn cute. it fills me with butterflies.

thinking about spock being too human for vulcan, and too vulcan for most humans... and then there's kirk who looks at him with huge homosexual eyes and trusts spock with his life time and time again. and compliments his mind. and compliments the glimpses of his emotions. THEY MAKE ME ILL!!!!

I think Andrew's desperation to live is a little overlooked in the fandom. It's not explicitly stated in the books, other than his SH scars, but I honestly think it is so important to understanding him and his motivations.

Did Andrew ever plan to live past graduation? Before Kevin came along and promised his life would have worth? Did he plan on disappearing when Aaron eventually walked away from him? Believing nobody would notice if he was gone?

He clung on purely for Aaron, to make sure Aaron had a bright future ahead and could go live without him. To make sure that Nicky could go back to Erik without worry.

Before Neil, Andrew didn't believe he had anything to live for. He made a very one sided deal with Kevin to find something, anything, to build his life around after graduation, believing his brother would leave him alone once again.

Because at the heart of it all, Andrew doesn't want to die. Not really.

Andrew has chronic depression and he is suicidal. He sits on the edges of roof tops to feel. He puts his life on the line again and again with little regard for his own safety. He makes promises that put him at a severe disadvantage.

His promises are what keeps him alive, what forces him to live. Dying would break his promise, and Andrew has suffered enough from broken promises.

He doesn't want to die. He wants to survive those who beat him down. He wants to move on. He wants to get better. He wants to live.

He just doesn't know how.

Thinking about that one post that was like

"Wade and logan spending multiple life times worth together, going through absolutely everything together to the point seperating them would just be plain cruel because of how soul tagged they are with each other and this just so happens to be the universe where they alone outlive everyone theyve ever known time and time again, so here they are, alone, but in each others arms in an old canadian moutian cabin, their front lawn looking like a grave yard with how many loved ones they kept with them. Theyre both old, wades wrinkles are just the light of this white manned beasts life and yet, they put collars on one another in the most caring and adoring way, caressing one anothers cheeks as Logan gives him not only the best 10 life times but also the gift no one else could bare to give him. Death. Unseathing his claws into his chest as quick as he can. And Wade to him, a knife stabbed critically. The best gift you can give your lover who can't die is the best life, yes, but a peaceful and coddled death is the ultimate goal. To lay there, bleeding out without a care in the world as Logan memorizes those pearl like eyes, and wade imprints the small smirk he has into his memory for eternity.'

And then someone reposted with two skeletons holding each other?

To that, I pitch after the last kiss Wade will ever give him, He smiles, because he knows he's made Wade as happy as humanily possible. Laying there for years or for hours, they're unsure. But they do know one thing.

"See ya at home, bub." He tells him with his last breath, an ungodly amount of blood gushing out the side of his mouth. But he's not sad. No, no neither of them are. They're relieved. Logans last act of service was bringing Wade Home. The place he never really felt right because he knew he was supposed to be dead by now.

And they'd find them in a week.

After the buzzards get loud.

After the insecets have made their claim.

After the foxes has had their taste.

After the raven has had it's say.

Id be home with you, I'd be home wih you.

Id be home with you.

I'd be Home

with

You.

nathaniel, neil, nathaniel, neil. andrew flips the two names around in his head like tossing a coin. heads or tails, the coin always comes up abram. nathaniel and neil are two sides of the same coin; forged in a dark basement, in musty hotel rooms, on the exy court. both hate sweets, love to run, to talk back any chance they get.

some days, the coin lands on nathaniel. jack makes one too many comments at practice and neil - no, nathaniel - has him on the ground, raquet to his neck in an instant. he can't hear what the strikers are saying but through the grate of the helment, andrew sees nathaniel's smile.

others, it lands on neil. andrew finds neil and matt splayed out on the couch, three movies deep into a "pop culture lesson". neil motions for andrew to sit and absently cards his fingers through the blond's hair. matt hides his grin in his sleeve.

but abram; he runs to andrew after each winning game to tap sticks, he sits each friday in columbia, talking about escape routes for an alien invasion, he keeps ice cream in the freezer and cigarettes in his backpocket.

heads or tails, doe or minyard, doe or minyard.

doe was made and unmade in california. 13 homes, 13 film reels constantly playing in the back of his mind, each scene driving the cuts deeper and deeper. andrew doe learns the danger of wanting and vows to keep everyone out.

minyard went to juvie for his brother. he crashed the car to keep him safe. he spent years on medication that sent him up up up to protect his cousin. minyard guards himself with knives sharper than his glare; he protects those that are his and fuck anyone else.

heads or tails, the coin starts to come up drew.

it starts small; quick grins in columbia at neil; shared dinners with aaron that don't end in a fight; something like excitment in his stomach before an exy game. when neil is hanging out with the upperclassman, he stays.

heads or tails; the coin lands on growth

hey hold on a sec. we talk about what baltimore was like for kevin, neil, andrew, but can we talk about wymack for a second. Can we just.

the year before the twins and nicky signed at psu, two of wymack's foxes, ian and kirk, died in a car crash.

the next year, kevin day broke his hand and went to wymack, the only person he thought would keep him safe.

the year after that, seth gordon, the only surving member of wymack's original lineup, overdosed after he was so nearly clean, and it almost destroyed allison.

months later, andrew was attacked in columbia and committed to easthaven. aaron killed someone. andrew was gone and the others came back shattered.

then neil claims to go home for the holidays, they don't hear from him all of christmas break, and on new years, neil calls him and asks wymack to pick him up from the airport. he's there instantly and god, he looks half-dead. neil sees the 4 tattoo and tries to cut it off his face. all he can say is that he didn't sign to the ravens.

then there's the blood in the locker room. wymack can't push away the feeling that something's getting closer, something is coming to hurt his foxes and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

then. the game at binghamton. neil looks on edge but wymack doesn't ask what's wrong. neil and andrew are above his paygrade. then the riot. he can't see any of his kids in the crush. he finally pulls them all out, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight–

neil's gone. neil's gone and they can't find him. andrew can't find him. neil got taken by someone. what was that like for david wymack? did it feel too familiar? did he look at his kids and think not again, i didn't lose another one again. does it ever scare him. does it terrify him. when aaron came back from the police station in columbia, twenty four hours in holding and he couldn't look wymack in the eye, did he think what if i can't save these kids? when andrew was lying in a hospital bed, too drugged to react, did he think what if i can't give them their second chance? when neil grabbed that knife, when he fell to pieces on wymack's kitchen floor, when he came back to them in baltimore, bloody and broken, did wymack think why am i always too late?

i'm still not over and will never be over logan practically bounding and slashing the steel door down bc he couldn't let wade die. he couldn't lose him. not after everything they've just been through. not everyone can say they saved the timelines by having a guy rip a door apart piece by piece to hold your hand and become a singular anchor.

I need to start doing things I want to do instead of spending all my time thinking about what I should be doing, or everything will lose its meaning again.

I just got through a bad day by remodeling my tumblr blog. This is my personality now.

I need a fanfic where Wade and Logan are soulmates but they don’t know until Wade kidnaps him from the bar.

Wade is trying to make things work with Vanessa but she knows he doesn’t really want to be with her because there’s someone better out there for both of them and she breaks up with him. Logan goes his entire life thinking he doesn’t have one. He’s been alive for 200 years so surely he would’ve met her by now and he thinks he doesn’t deserve anyone to be happy with after what happened with the X-Men anyway.

Then they meet each other when Wade kidnaps Logan from the bar and they realize that they’re soulmates. It turns out the reason neither of them had met their soulmate yet was because they’re both from different universes. Wade wants to talk about it but but hey the world is ending in three days and this bald lady and this evil British man are both trying to kill us, so we should probably go deal with that first. Wade keeps trying to bring it up as they go on their road trip but Logan doesn’t want to talk about it. After they have their fight in the Honda Odyssey, Logan tells Wade that he doesn’t want to have a soulmate, especially not him.

The rest of the movie happens, they adopt a dog, and after the time ripper blows up B-15 explains that they survived because of soulmate magic or whatever. At the end when Logan gets up from the bench to walk away Wade calls him Logan for the first time then Logan turns around and runs back and kisses him. They go back to the apartment and Wade introduces him to Blind Al as his boyfriend and then they actually have sex in the Honda. The end.

I want someone to write what would’ve happened if Logan hadn’t managed to break the door down when he did and Wade did manage to grab the other thingy (my brains blanking pls forgive me) and like Logan having to deal with being the anchor person in a whole new world without anyone again

logan (the worst wolverine) found out he was wade’s best wolverine and decided never to be normal again. oh u want me to move in to ur tiny ass apartment with your blind 80yo skiier of a roommate and a dog? say less. you want me to meet all your friends and family? I will be so behaved. actually hold up let me try n set u up with your ex while giving you heart eyes. like idk what logan will get up to next but it’s going to be out of loyalty & devotion to wade bc that feral beast domesticated himself for that man

when you call my name it's like a little prayer i hear you call my name and it feels like home + "i'll probably see you around?" "probably not. see you, bub." "logan." = crazy they're fucking crazy

something something Logan is the worst Wolverine because he let the world (aka his family) die and he's consumed by guilt something something Wade went through hell and back but what finally, finally broke him was losing Vanessa something something both of them hit rock bottom when their worlds died but none of them can die and they find comfort in the immortality of the other something something they're made for each other and they're so broken their pieces fit together like a little fucked up puzzle

Everyone wants to talk about how they fucked in the Honda Odyssey, but I want to talk about the sloppy makeout they had after destroying the Time Ripper.

Like, I'm sorry but Wade and Logan had a little moment where they each tried to go in to spare the other, and then Logan was yelling for Wade to come back and that he's going to die while banging on the glass desperately??

Wade doing everything he can to keep Logan out of danger, while Logan is using all his strength to get to Wade!?? And them linking hands?? Logan losing his shirt and Wade approving of his abs and v-line.

You CANNOT tell me they didn't crawl out of the rubble into each other's arms and in the heat of the moment sloppily making out because they're both still alive and they're glad the other is alive.

They were committed in that moment and I'm so proud of them.

I love the dramatic, triumphant reveal that wolverine and deadpool survived the time ripper, mainly because i'm 1000% sure wade heard paradox monologuing™️ and was like "nonono hold on we have to wait for the Right Moment" and logan, who is 7 different kinds of exhausted at this point, was like "....yeah ok lol"

which leads to 2 grown ass men hiding behind a corner just waiting to ruin this british man's afternoon? logan really went from “i'll kill u with my teeth” to “yea sure i'll commit to your stupid bit” in like 2 days, honestly what a lad

The way Neil Josten switched into Nathaniel in order to process and handle the abuse and trauma of being found by his father's people and the reality of his looming death will never not fuck me up, he literally said I can't handle this but maybe the Butcher's son could. And then. And then!! The way those two versions of himself coalesce into Neil Abram Josten (legally recognised) after Nathan is dead and the truth is out? The Neil Josten we see in The Sunshine Court has all of the attachments of Neil Josten, the slow unraveling of family and care but all of the hard edges of Nathaniel, unflinching from the reality of the world he lives in and the decisions he has to make to keep his life. Nathaniel would never have stuck around long enough to care about Jean Moreau and call a hit out on his abuser. Neil would never have trusted those resources available to him (or potentially the trail it could leave) in order to deal with the problem in one brutal but efficient move. But Neil Abram Josten reforged could, would and did.

deadpool and wolverine dynamic goes so hard bc despite pretending to give no fucks (wade with his humor & logan with his attitude) they do indeed give a LOT of fucks. the both battle with self worth/esteem issues, they both have unhealthy borderline suicidal tendencies despite not being able to die, they both have/had families they don’t think they deserve. they’re overly violent and brutal and the definition of rated r but they’re also capable of making the choice of ultimate sacrifice time and time again. of such kindness, of holding breakable things gently in their hands (including each others hearts).

"probably not" he is such a liar, logan you were willing to give your life for the happiness of one man, you kept the picture of his whole world in the security of your dearest own, you tear down a reinforced door to try to save his life his world even it means to lose your own and the memories of the x-men

logan wade would have literally found you sleeping on their doorstep if he didn't found the courage to ask you to be a part of his dearest world

contrary to popular belief logan loves physical touch. he wants head scratches and chin scratches and just loves the warmth of somebody else beside him. the first time wade notices is when logan sits down on the couch one day and instead of sitting miles away, he sits right beside him and it’s so close that he’s practically sitting ON him and wade looks at him confused and logan states that he’s only sitting that close because he’s cold. the next time wade notices is when he tries to fix logan’s hair. he starts fixing it and then commenting about how soft it is which ends up with his hands in his hair because wade obviously can’t talk about his fluffy hair without having his hands all up in his hair and logan just goes soft and doesn’t have that frustrated facial expression he always has on. wade then calls him a good boy and in return wade gets a “fuck you” and a punch in the face. and as time continues logan’s hard exterior starts disappearing which leads to the inevitable and it’s all sorts of cuddles and hugs and logan constantly around wade because he’s a literal walking heater (and he’s in love with him). and despite them eventually getting together wade will always get a “fuck you” when he stares too long at logan but he always notices the blush on his face and smile he’s trying to hide

Thinking so hard about Logan's faith

He really is a man that has lost everything. EVERYTHING. In every timeline, in every universe. So much loss and betrayal and pain.

This "worst" wolverine has absolutely nothing. No friends, no family, no xmen.

And yet he doesn't think life is unfair. TO HIM. He thinks life has been unfair to all the good and innocent people around him, but not to him. Because unlike him, those people deserved a good, long life that he's been cursed with.

And yet he's not a hopeless man, not really. Because after losing everything, it just takes Deadpool and Laura (two people he didn't previously know!!) to remind him that goodness exists. That purpose is something that he can still have, if he wants it.

And Logan believes. He believes so hard in them because, deep down, something in him knows that humanity is not only worth fighting for, but also that he wants to fight for it.

Deep down, despite everything, he wants be good (which he is, he just doesn't see it)

also. something about the deadpool movies that i really appreciate is that even underneath all the gratuitous violence and the dick jokes, the characters actually give a shit about each other. it's silly and over the top and chaotic but it's still heartfelt. "why would i give a fuck about the world when my entire world is in this picture." laura's quiet pep talk with logan. logan throwing himself into a bolted metal door over and over again trying to save a guy who's been annoying him since the second they met. wade asking the TVA to fix logan's timeline so he can have his family back and then, failing that, inviting him to come live with him. it kills me. twelve years ago i wanted to see superheroes getting shawarma and then actually staying friends afterward and in 2024 deadpool and wolverine finally gave it to me. i love this stupid silly movie so much dude

im not immune to this looney tunes shit

Okay yes we know that Andrew sprinted, dashed, HURTLED even, when he saw Neil on his knees even after blocking 150 + attempts on his goal because he loves that man. But also-

It had been Andrew’s idea to put Neil against Riko in the first place.

For Andrew it was reach Riko or die. (Die knowing that his contributing to exy ended Neil’s life.)

When the moon fell in love with the sun.

I think the most endearing thing about Jean is that he just cares. So fucking much. Not to say that Neil doesn't but Neil had to learn to care and I think it's widely accepted that he cares about a select few people and cares about them fiercely; to the point of kill or be killed.

Jean though? He cares for almost everyone regardless of what they have done to him. He cared for Zane, the man who betrayed him in the most horrifying way for a number, for something Jean had no control over. He cared enough to save his life. He cared for Lucas who brought Jean's abuser right to his gate where he had believed himself to be safe. Not once did he lash out at him because he understood that his actions came from a desperation to know his brother again, the ache of having him near again but not having him at all. He cared for Cody, someone he doesn't even really know; cared enough to ensure they were safe and not being forced into something.

After being beaten down every day, holding on to life out of sheer desperation and perhaps a promise made to a once? friend, Jean still hasn't had his ability to care beaten out of him and it's such a beautiful miracle. He's a little like Andrew in this I think, in that he pretends so desperately to not care under the guise of barbed words and cold shoulders because that's a weakness, a chink in his already dented armour that the monsters can and will exploit with glee. He knows that yet he can't choke that tenderness out of himself.

aftg is the opposite of that one post that's like "love was there, it didn't change anything" because love was there and it changed everything. i will always appreciate nora for believing in her characters' right to find love and heal and get their second and third and fifth chance.

I really want Jean to have a moment where he truly gets over his complicated feelings for Kevin. To accept that things were fucked because there was no other option. That Kevin still cares deeply for him even if he doesn't see Jean that way.

I also want Jean to text Kevin "Had sex with your crush. Die mad about it" and not elaborate.

I'm gonna start going through my Andreil playlist and making more of these

Andrew Minyard Neil Josten