Why Do People Say Programming Doesn’t Exist And That It Must Be False Memories? /gen

safety planning resources

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave. This plan includes vital information tailored to your unique situation and will help you prepare for and respond to different scenarios suited to your individual circumstances. Including creating an emergency escape plan if you need to escape a violent situation, making your current circumstances safer, making sure your loved ones are safe, etc.

It can be hard to think clearly or make logical decisions during moments of crisis. Having a safety plan laid out in advance can help you protect yourself and others in high-stress situations. (hotline website). Safety planning is a top priority, whether you choose to remain in the home or leave. Making a safety plan involves identifying actions to increase your safety and that of your children. (Western centre for research and education on violence against women and children)

without further ado, here are a list of resources I’ve found especially useful. most of this is not specific to any particular location, although they do come from location specific resources so some parts of the resources may need to be adapted to your particular geographical/sociopolitical location (e.g., legal stuff like laws around bringing children with you, resources like shelters or hotline numbers). but the overall idea should be somewhat consistent.

resources list:

the toronto police victims services website actually had some great resources on safety planning.

complete victim services booklet (pdf)

how to access your safety (pdf)

planning for your children’s safety (pdf)

plan for safety leaving (pdf)

what to take with you when you leave (pdf)

what to put in your go bag (pdf)

plan your safety inside your home (pdf)

plan your safety outside (pdf)

Our Safety Planning Booklet is available in the following translations: Chinese | English | French | Hungarian | Japanese | Korean | Polish | Portugese | Spanish | Tagalog. To receive a copy of the translated Safety Planning Booklet, please contact our crisis counsellors by telephone 416-808-7066 to receive a copy via email or regular mail.

interactive guide to safety planning from the us’ national domestic violence hotline.

safety planning app (canada only)

how to plan for your safety (Canadian government, widely applicable)

the ones above are the ones i found the most useful personally. however, i’d like to add to this resource by providing more that are more location/language/need specific for folks, so i’ll try to come back to this and keep adding to it. if you have any others to add, please do.

women’s aid (uk resource, widely applicable advice)

australia, northside pdf

safety planning booklet (australia, pdf)

safety planning booklet (South Africa, pdf)

Can you explain what a shell alter is and what their purpose is? /gen

Shell alters are a dissociated system member who is fronting all the time, or almost all the time. They often lack elaboration. Shells work as an interface between the rest of the system & the outside world by never leaving front, and having the rest of the system either blending with them temporariality or being forced into co-consciousness. This serves a few purposes; make the system more covert, mask inter-switch amnesia, blunt or filter out emotions/urges/etc. from the rest of the system, and more. It's uncommon, but there can be multiple shells one system, serving different subroles.

In some cases of OSDD-1a, the shell is the "unified" identity. Think like, if the system is made up of "angry Sarah", "scared Sarah", "work Sarah", etc., that shell would be the "Sarah" identity.

They're most commonly seen in OSDD-1a, but can come up in other forms of multiplicity, like DID, but typically when RAMCOA is in the picture. Although it can be daunting, healing with a shell is possible. You can reached out to them, they can be integrated, they gain more elaboration, etc etc. Whatever healing path works for you.

We don't have a shell, but I'm sure some pwDID/OSDD on this hellsite (affectionate) have talked about their experiences with them more in depth. There isn't a ton of research on them — many sites point to Alison Miller's books, but there's no actual like, raw data, just summations of what's she's found in her practice/case studies — so take that as you will.

Each shell is a different, and different systems may use slightly different definitions. Hopefully this was a good overview. -Aisling

Other Personality Disorders

This post is about personality disorders that used to exist in the DSM or ICD but don’t anymore. You cannot be diagnosed with these disorders, as they’re not in any diagnostic manual; you would be diagnosed with Other Specified Personality Disorder (or the ICD-11 equivalent) instead.

Passive-Aggressive / Negativistic (PA/NegPD)

A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

Masochistic / Self-Defeating (Ma/SDPD)

A pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him or her.

Sadistic (SaPD)

A pervasive pattern of cruel, demeaning, and aggressive behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

Depressive / Melancholic (De/MePD)

A pervasive pattern of depressive cognitions and behaviors, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

Other Personality Disorders

Turbulent

Turbulent PD has never existed in any DSM. It’s part of Millon’s theorised personality disorder taxonomy, but doesn’t appear in any other literature.

It seems to be an alternate way of categorising and defining hypomania & cyclothymic disorder, and is similar to ADHD, NPD & HPD.

Millon classes it on a spectrum from ebullient personality type -> exuberant personality style -> turbulent personality disorder.

Haltlose

Theorised in German, Russian, and French psychiatry.

Haltlose translates to “unstable” (literally, “without footing”) and refers to a “drifting, aimless and irresponsible lifestyle: a translation might be ‘lacking a hold' on life or onto the self)”.

“Those with haltlose personality disorder have features of frontal lobe syndrome, sociopathic and histrionic personality traits”.

Someone with haltlose PD “lacks concentration and persistence”, and “lives in the present only”. They are “easily persuaded, and [are] often led astray”.

Haltlose PD is similar to AsPD as there is “an inability to learn from experience, and no sincere sense of remorse”. They are often described as ‘lovable rouges’.

(Cullivan, R, ‘‘Haltlose’ type personality disorder (ICD-10 F60.8)’, Psychiatric Bulletin, 1998, pp. 58-59).

Immature

Immature PD was mentioned in the DSM-III as a specifier for Other Specified PD, but removed in later editions.

It seems to be a combination of borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, antisocial, dependent, schizoid and avoidant PDs.

Almeida et al. suggest the following criteria for Immature PD: irresponsibility; impulsivity; unreliability; easily swayed; mood swings; expect overindulgence from others; dependency on others; ability for remorse or regret but it’s “light and fleeting”; inability to manage assets; inability to follow plans; quick to lie; unable to delay gratification; quick to frustration; devaluation of others; risk-taking behaviour; unstable relationships and behaviour; feels both entitled and worthless; attention seeking; recklessness; shyness; ungrateful; over-familiar with others; unable to plan for the future; substance use.

They also suggest 3 subtypes of Immature PD: the dramatic and emotional subtype, the shy subtype, and the mixed subtype.

(Almeida et al., 'Immature Personality Disorder: Contribution to the Definition of this Personality', Clinical Neuroscience & Neurological Research, 2019, pp. 1-16).

Eccentric and Psychoneurotic

These two personality disorders existed only as ‘other specified’ PDs in the ICD-10, where no definition is given.

clones and splitting -nightmare (but pink helped at the end)

rusalki are not mermaids. stop translating the word "rusalka" as "mermaid" and stop calling rusalki "slavic mermaids". it's confusing, it's misleading, and it's simply isn't true. the association of rusalka with a western mermaid and undine began in 19th century, when russian empire poets wanted to adapt a popular western motif of a sorrowful water maid that is unrequitedly in love with a mortal man. this literature character of rusalka has nothing to do with actual rusalki folklore and cult.

rusalki are natural undead spirits that are connected to slavic ancestral worship. they don't have tails. they are not in any way connected to the sea: only lakes, ponds, and rivers. often, they're not even connected to water at all: there are forest rusalki, field rusalki, meadow rusalki, etc. they are in close relationships with their human kin: during the spring and summer, they are used in agricultural rites and are believed to help with farming and raising crops. rusalki were sacred to slavic people. the "week of the rusalki" festival, when rusalki are believed to walk on earth and visit their relatives, is celebrated to this day. to call them "slavic mermaids" is very diminutive of their actual role in slavic cultures.

Hello! I keep looking for resources on how to know if you've experienced DBMC but a lot of what I've read so far is confusing or really detailed in what drugs are used but not the aftermath effects for a person who has experienced DBMC.

We're already a C-DID system questioning HC-DID after a subsystem of alters accidentally gave us vague memories that imply DBMC. Could you maybe give insight into what a person would experience after DBMC aside from having alters that behave drugged? Thank you!

There are a few studies about this but most of them are about the drug itself. I will continue by pulling from our own experiences and nothing else.

The effects on alters depend on the substance used and for what. Some drugs aid relaxation, some worsen anxiety or pain, some are hallucinogens, and so on. Perps can use these substances in addition to torture, instead of it, or as their own application.

Narco progs are often done with something to sedate the fronter. This could be a drug made for sleep, a medication known to cause that side effect, an allergen that knocks them out after exposure. One purpose can be achieved with whatever they have on hand, and some perps are specific and educated when it comes to DBMC.

Awake progs are the opposite, some kind of stimulant effect. Progs can be mood centric, specific or broad behaviors, anything. Depending on an alter’s use, they may be kept in a substance-specific state as their baseline or be cues into it.

Betas may be constantly bubbly, lacking impulse control, unable to encode memories. Thetas may be cued into trance or out-of-body experiences. Both of these can be done primarily or entirely with substances.

Conditioning could look more like a torture-based route, with a repetitive cue and a release of dopamine upon completion. When drugs are used like torture, they may cause pain that will be stopped upon finishing the task.

The aftereffects of DBMC are different depending on what exactly was done. It can look like alters perpetually in a state, alters with barely any memory of the state, most of the possibilities for TBMCed alters.

This didn’t feel helpful to write, but idk if I can do any better. If you have a slightly different question or something else entirely, I can try again another way. Good luck y’all!

I am seriously thinking about making a big post about this

Can people stop pushing the idea that you shouldn’t share information about RAMCOA at all? Yeah, sharing detailed information about programming publicly or with people who don’t need it can be dangerous, but it’s already such a taboo topic to the point where a lot of survivors feel like they can’t even speak up about what happened to them. And they have the right to, they endured it.

If you’re saying “be careful how much you share about programming” that’s valid. I’ve seen a lot of people saying that and that makes perfect sense. But “don’t talk about RAMCOA” do people not realize that’s what many of the perpetrators of this type of abuse want? They want total silence. They go to insane lengths just to ensure survivors can’t talk about this. They thrive off secrecy. They’re protected by people’s ignorance. This is a widespread issue that requires a societal effort to put a stop to. How will that happen if people aren’t educated on the fact that this happens, at the very least?

I know a lot of people can use this info to hurt people or get some sick pleasure from hearing about the abuse. But that doesn’t take away the need for this to be heard and known about. Stop silencing survivors.

mega-list of ideas for coping with distressing voices

these are only offered as possible things to try if ur hearing distressing voices… everyone is different & everyone’s voices are different. you know you better than anyone else knows you. if you need to modify any of these, or reject any of these as actively unhelpful for you, that’s ok. 💜 feel free to add your own.

use this however is most helpful for you - i’m sharing what helps & has helped for me. so in no particular order:

Name your voices. Sometimes when they’re all just nameless forms, it can be hard to understand what’s going on, and they can feel scarily omnipotent. I found naming mine helpful for kind of containing the experience & getting to know my voices. If you ask some voices will name themselves.

Visualise ‘safe spaces’ for your voices. If you ask some voices might create their own safe place. Otherwise, you can imagine somewhere real, like sometimes I ask one of my voices to go to sleep in certain bits of a room. Or you can imagine . If you really can’t be disturbed for a length of time, you can try leaving the radio on for them, visualising them relaxing, and tell them when you’ll be ‘back’.

Draw your voices. (Or create a pinterest board for them.) One of my voices used to say things that were horrendously graphic and distressing, and I used to try to block her out all the time, so she got more aggressive with trying to get a reaction from me. Drawing her, and everything she said, whilst very difficult to do, helped it feel more manageable, and helped me pick out themes in what she was saying.

Are there any kind voices you can draw on as allies? If you have a voice that’s kind to you, you could try asking them for help. To stand up to other voices, to comfort you afterwards, etc.

Planning in advance what you might say to distressing stuff. Does a specific voice say really triggering, threatening things with an authoritative tone? It might help to prepare for the voice, and how you might respond. Often being aggressive to aggressive voices can trigger more aggression from voices (voices will lash out if they’re insulted) - how can you be polite but assertive? An example I’ve heard is “bless you, but I don’t want to do that” for commanding voices. But your response will be unique. 

Set a time to listen to your voices. If voices aren’t listened to, they can get louder and more hurtful and graphic to try to get your attention - it can be a vicious cycle. But, if you engage with some voices without support, it can turn into them playing games with you and playing on your insecurities. It might help to strike a balance - set, say, half an hour a day, let the voices speak, and genuinely listen. After the time is up, you go back to doing what you usually do.

Try asking a trusted person to talk to your voices for you (this is a technique called voice dialoguing). Voice dialoguing was honestly the foundations of my recovery, and mostly conducted by my lovely partner. It’s where you sit in a different seat, and someone else speaks to your voices and you tell the person what the voices say, and you often do this multiple times. You decide what feels safe, and you debrief after. The person has to be non-judgemental about voices, and not frightened of voices. There’s information on voice dialoguing here: https://openmindedonline.com/2018/10/14/talking-with-voices-article-and-video/

Try some peer support. Maybe there’s a hearing voices group in your area? https://www.hearing-voices.org/hearing-voices-groups/find-a-group/ If not, there’s a lot of us on tumblr - hit us up and vent here. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Are you listening with anxious intensity bc they’re saying particularly distressing things? When my voices are calling me worthless or useless, or saying graphic things, or telling me a shameful secret only I know, I can completely drop what I’m doing, and LISTEN with such anxious intensity because I NEED to know I’m bad and evil. Sometimes it helps to notice I’m doing this and “let go” of the anxious intensity. I don’t need to powerlessly obsessively listen just because they’re shit talking me.

Physically soothe yourself to soothe screaming voices. Hearing screaming? Try hugging yourself, or giving yourself a face massage, or telling yourself it’s OK, or whatever it is that soothes you. When I soothe myself, I usually inadvetedly soothe the crying or screaming voice. Sometimes overtly comforting the voice helps too, even if it’s coming from very far away.

If you’ve experienced trauma, voices might be carrying memories you don’t remember or don’t feel strongly about, so they can’t be kind to you - you dissociated whilst they (the voice) stayed. Some voices remember things I don’t. Some memories I have I remember, but I don’t feel traumatised by them - but my voices really do. They have to be aggressive and violent towards me, because a) if I got close to them, I would remember too, and they’re protecting me, and b) they resent me for not remembering it whilst they do. Whilst this doesn’t immediately help how cruel they can be, it helps me have some compassion & acceptance. 

Imagine a protective spell. I used to imagine a pink, sparkling sphere of healing and protection around me, and nothing could get in and hurt me. I was totally safe within this sphere. I was really into D&D, so I statted it too - 1000000000 AC, resistant 10000 to negative energy, etc. On my worst nights this helped.

Have a grounding object. I got a stone from an enjoyable vacation I had, and also an amethyst and a teddy, and I used to curl up into the fetal position and GRIP them. If you’re into this stuff, you could charge the objects with healing energy, anything else that makes the object feel more grounding. (This post is about hearing voices but also if you have visual hallucinations & feel brave enough, throwing something through the hallucination can help.)

Experiment with earplugs, sound, and space. Everyone’s voices are so unique - some get louder in big, echoey buildings, some get louder in small spaces, some shout above background noises, some blend in, some get louder with earplugs, some get quiet. Experiment! Go to different spaces and ask the voices if they can talk. Put different (&no) background sounds on. Use earplugs. See if anything feels more or less comfortable.

Experiment with distractions. When I was strugglling 24/7, the only quiet I would get would be during a good film and I NEEDED that. You can’t use distraction all the time - voices will catch up, and ignored voices tend to try to find ways to not be ignored. But I’ve found it necessary to find some breathing space. Films were that for me. There could be distractions that work best for you.

Hide! It’s OK to hide. It’s so OK to hide. It’s not a negative coping mechanism. Under the desk is my favourite place.

Complete a Maastricht interview. I am continually surprised by how little I know about my voices & how helpful I find it to know my voices more. The Maastricht interview is a series of questions that facilitates more self understanding - it might be triggering, so it might be useful to prepare yourself. Look in your local area to see if you can do it in person. If not, voila! http://www.hearingvoices.org.nz/attachments/article/59/Maastricht_Interview_for_voice_hearers.pdf (fwiw I’ve not done it yet but want to lol & I’ve met voice hearers who it’s helped.)

You’re not dirty or wrong for a voice saying graphic and horrible things. <3 It’s OK to hear graphic and disturbing voices. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s OK and normal to hear these things. You deserve safety & kindness.

If your voices get loud in new or anxiety provoking situations, give them some detailed advanced warning. Voices don’t always know what’s happening, what year it is, etc - they’re not always oriented to our reality. Saying, say, “I am going to a job interview on Saturday. Here is what is going to happen on Saturday: …” can help them, so they don’t get anxious and take it out on you.

Start the small steps of building a collaborative relationship with your voices. Is your voice telling you to kill yourself, others, and that you’re worthless? Obviously, don’t do these things lol - but it might help to ask the voice if it has, say… a preference for a TV show, or a food. Something that doesn’t hurt you to accommodate. It can start the small steps of building a good relationship to take small preferences of the voice on board.

Educate your friends so they can be kinder to you. I like this talk! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw Most of my friends who were frightened of me & my voices were much more understanding after watching this. But you choose your resources. 

Accept that it’s ok to be distressed by them and it’s ok to struggle to cope.. Give yourself as much slack as you can. Hearing voices can be so gruelling. It can be isolating and lonely and PHYSICALLY exhausting. You don’t have to do it all. NONE of us can be ‘super-copers’. It’s OK to need rest, and to cut yourself some slack.

Honourary mentions for https://www.hearing-voices.org/ & https://www.intervoiceonline.org/ & https://understandingvoices.com/ c:

I lost the posts we wanted to respond to, but I think I remember what we were gonna say

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA with vague examples, syscourse?

Highly Complex DID

What “Complex” Means:

From what we’ve read, it seems like Complex refers to the specific disorder’s criteria. C-PTSD is PTSD with a different presentation; in this case, multiple/prolonged trauma causes difficulty tracing symptoms in the same ways as other PTSD cases. C-DID is DID with a different presentation; here it’s more intricate mechanisms that lead treatment down another path. Even CDD, which is dissociation into self-states instead of one dissociating self-state. The C just means that thing, plus some extra. There are going to be cases where a Complex patient is actually more simple to care for than a non-Complex patient — it’s just a matter of narrowing it down with more criteria.

Highly Complex:

As far as I know, there are no other communities that use Highly Complex as a label. It’s a specific word to whittle down the topic even further; C-DID but with more specifiers. For HC-DID, the specifiers are programming and structuring. Every human who experienced programming and lived is a RAMCOA survivor. Not every RAMCOA survivor considers themself a HC-DID system. Some survivors didn’t form systems at all. Others don’t think their system qualifies. Maybe people just don’t want to identify themselves this way. Even if it were a medical diagnosis — it’s not — forcing people to use labels they don’t want is rude at best.

What RAMCOA Is:

RAMCOA stands for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, Organized Abuse. Surviving any of those is enough to belong in the community.

Ritual Abuse - maltreatment (of anyone) including ceremonies or traditions. It can be anything from religious sacrifice to underage marriage.

Mind Control - manipulation of psychological processes. I genuinely don’t know if there has to be negative intent or a specific plan from the abuser to qualify, but even targeted McDonald’s ads make use of mind control (probably not abusively, I’ve never looked into that).

Organized Abuse - maltreatment that involves multiple perpetrators collaborating in their perpetration. If two people meet at a bar and then hurt a child together, that’s enough. It can be elaborate groups like churches or criminal groups, but the only requirement is more than one perp.

It can be one or a mix of any, but it’s still RAMCOA. Usually, the DID community uses RAMCOA to talk about surviving programming (Trauma-Based Mind Control for the purpose of creating a system), and we label our systems Highly Complex.

Extra Criteria:

To be Highly Complex, survivors are usually closest to C-DID. But wait, there’s more!

HC-DID systems also receive:

Programming - I only know of TBMC being used to split off dissociative alters, but I’d budge on that if someone knew otherwise. Abusers control the child (body) by causing calculated suffering until they get the results they want. Perps split off alters with goals in mind for them, and continue to break them until they fit the desires of the abusers. This control extends to every other aspect of HC-DID, and is the reason another label exists at all.

Layers - different dimensions of innerworld. Sometimes this looks like literal other realms inside, but it could also be like floors of a building or planets or other separate worlds. Layers are often assigned a name or cue that allows outsiders to maneuver a system’s landscape from the external world. Perps don’t go in as much as they bring out, by assigned alter or other cued manipulations.

Subsystems - alters with alters, except also programmed. Cues are assigned to each subsystem alter as well, usually related to the subsystem as a collective. Just like programmed singlet alters, subsystems can be arranged by outsiders for memories, tasks, etc.

Sidesystems - kind of multiple systems within the metasystem. Groups might be contained in a separate innerworld pocket, unwilling to communicate with other alters, or otherwise unreachable in the same way other groups are. These sidesystems usually have a collective task, or function as a whole other system in the body. Details of what they do and why are also conditioned.

Programs - conditioning attached to cues. Programs might force amnesia, give body memories, set off chains of tasks, or any other typical or atypical system capability. Programs might be perceived as wires and buttons, or files, or whatever else programmers decide.

Not all HC-DID systems will have the same level of programming. Not all programmed systems will be more “complex” that other systems. Having a term to describe our unique experiences helps a lot of survivors to feel understood, especially if they’re already open about their past.

RAMCOA survivors are kept in a strange position online and irl. We’re used as examples of “unimaginable trauma” and “extreme abuse”, but are largely told to sit down and shut up; we’re too dangerous to speak up about what was done to us, too unbelievable, or too much at all. Finding help is a nightmare, sucks butt for everyone involved, and is fairly necessary for long term recovery. Like many systems, we beat the odds time and time again to call ourselves “survivors” instead of “victims”. Like many systems, we are rejected by most of society. Unlike most systems, we are a secret within system communities.

Being Complex is not being special, it’s just a haughty way to say there are extra requirements. Recovery for many systems is already a stretch. For HC-DID systems, we are healing the impossible.

For DID awareness day, I want to bring awareness to the vast spectrum of DID and OSDD symptoms. I feel like the symptoms of these disorders are often misunderstood. Many people assume that DID and OSDD are such extreme rollercoaster disorders when that’s usually not the case for any mental disorder! I’ve also seen others who believe that DID/OSDD are just having alters and not liking them–which is also not an accurate portrayal!

The DSM’s criteria of alters, amnesia, and distress/impairment aren’t meant to be taken at the surface level. These are very simple descriptors for a spectrum of experiences that are the hallmarks of the disorders. Besides that, there are many, many more symptoms that are very common. No two people with DID or OSDD are going to be exactly the same; I think that goes for any mental disorder.

Below, I’ve written up a non-exhaustive list of common symptoms in DID/OSDD. It’s important to know that many of these symptoms can overlap with other mental disorders. DID/OSDD symptoms are always unrelated to other medical conditions or non-disordered experiences, such as substance use or epilepsy. Furthermore, these are common but not required; a person does not need to experience all of these things to have DID/OSDD.

(PLEASE don’t use this list to diagnose yourself. Seek a professional if you are questioning a mental disorder!)

Common symptoms of DID/OSDD:

C-PTSD symptoms

Since DID/OSDD are more complex forms of PTSD, you or other alters might experience the symptoms of complex PTSD. Check this PDF for the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Memory gaps

You might find that your memory is unreliable. You might lose a lot of details or misremember the important bits.

You might have difficulty piecing together a coherent timeline of your life. You might struggle to retell what your childhood or adolescence was like.

You might have moments where you’re unable to remember important life events, such as the day you got married.

You might find that sometimes you can’t remember important information about yourself or about those closest to you. This could include things such as your name or who your family members are.

You might find that you sometimes forget well-learned skills, such as driving or a favorite hobby.

You may find that sometimes you can’t even remember more recent things, such as what you did today or what the last conversation you had was about.

You might have moments where you discover evidence of your memory gaps, such as text messages you don’t remember sending or purchases you don’t remember deliberating.

There might have been times when you ended up in a different place but could not remember how you got there.

Someone might have told you that you did or said something that you don’t recall.

You might have moments where you don’t even remember the times you have forgotten things. Because of this, you may feel like you don’t truly know how much memory loss you actually experience.

Depersonalization & derealization

You might experience moments where you don’t feel in control of what you’re saying or doing.

You might feel like your body is unrecognizable, unreal, or doesn’t reflect who you are.

Familiar places, objects, and people might suddenly become unfamiliar or detached to you. Alters might feel things like “those are the host’s parents, not mine.”

You might have moments where you feel like you are in a dream or a fog. 

There might be times when watching your surroundings seems no realer than watching a movie.

You might have moments where you feel unreal. You might feel like you are invisible, two-dimensional, or a robot.

You might feel numbed to or detached from your body parts, thoughts, emotions, sense of agency, or even your entire self. 

You might sometimes experience heightened or muted visual/auditory distortions with no medical cause, such as blurry vision, muffled sounds, or tunnel vision.

Sometimes might you feel like you are watching yourself, as if you are having an out of body experience.

Being an alter & having alters

You might feel confused or distressed because you do not identify with the things that people associate your whole identity with such as name, personality, opinions, or preferences.

You might feel confused or distressed because you do not identify with the same age, gender, or species as your body.

You might feel confused or distressed that your physical body does not reflect how you feel you should look.

There might be other alters who feel the same way above but differently from you, and this may also confuse and distress you.

You might not be able to access same skills, knowledge, or talents that other alters have.

Others might tell you that you sometimes act very differently, almost like different people.

You might hear voices, such as voices arguing or commenting on your actions.

There might be times when you experience intrusive thoughts, visual images, feelings, or urges that don’t actually belong to you but to another alter.

There might be times where your body seems to be moving and speaking on its own because another alter is controlling it.

You might have moments where you involuntarily switch to a vulnerable alter. Sometimes this may result in an unsafe or distressing situation.

There might be alters who are be unaware of other alters’ existence or refuse to believe so.

There might be alters who struggle to communicate with other alters or refuse to do so.

There might be alters who have suicidal thoughts, physically harm the body, or engage in risky behavior.

There might be alters who dislike or lash out at other alters within the system.

There might be alters who still carry onto memories, thoughts, feelings, or behaviors related to past trauma.

The alters within the system may have contradicting thoughts, preferences, and opinions.

You might sometimes have difficulty making cooperative decisions with your system because of conflicting desires, needs, and perceptions.

You might have episodes where you feel like you don’t know who you are, like you’re a combination of alters, or that you’re just not like yourself.

Somatoform dissociation

You might sometimes experience pain or sensations that don’t have a medical cause, such as “switching headaches.”

You might sometimes go catatonic or become paralyzed without a medical cause.

You might sometimes experience the loss of a physical function without a medical cause, such as your sight, hearing, speech, or feelings of hunger.

Sometimes, it might feel like you are numbing out pain or sensations.

You might experience other conditions without any medical cause, such as pseudoseizures.

Other symptoms

You might experience hallucinations or delusions, usually related to past trauma.

You might feel afraid or shamed of the possibility of others finding out your thoughts.

When someone asks you to describe who you are as a person, you might feel at a loss for what to say.

You might experience mood fluctuations or like your moods sometimes come out of the blue.

You might have difficulty being aware of your own symptoms or describing the severity of them. This might be because you have had them for so long that you are used to navigating life with these symptoms.

Disorders that are commonly comorbid with DID/OSDD:

Borderline personality disorder

Depression

Anxiety disorders

Substance abuse disorders

Eating disorders

Sleep disorders

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