Sekallman - Some Aroace

I really just wanted to do something random, so I present to you a digital painting. Also you can follow me on DeviantArt @mushyeggplant

#space 

Just a casual aroace doing really random ramblings :)

Hello there fellow people of the internet, I’ve recently discovered that I’m aroace and I dunno why I’m telling you this, but hi. Onto ramblings we go: Whenever someone talks about a romantic relationship I don’t get it, like good for you I guess. I guess I don’t understand, hence the lack of attraction...also it scares me that there are people my age who’ve done it (teens)...like WHAT?! That is probably due to my aceness...although I didn’t think I was ace for a year...until I realized that you can indeed be a disaster aroace. But also I only really understand platonic relationships and I’ve always had some amount of repulsion to kissing/”the deed” scenes...though I it doesn’t bother as much with the kissing scenes, but if someone were to kiss me...like bro...6 feet apart or farther please. Though then there’s some of my aegoness that confuses me and sometimes I do experience sensual and aesthetic attraction, but it’s worse when I get squish...those...those suck, but not in a bad way...but please let me be your friend. I really went from: “Huh I haven’t liked anyone, but I’m touch starved, so I’m just gonna pick someone who’s nice...but I must be pan.” (shoutout to all my panros/pans)....and now I’m like: “Yep...definitely aroace...kinda wish I knew this in middle school...but now isn’t a bad time...NOW TO WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE!”

#aroace #rambles #aromantic #aego #asexual #asexual as fuck #aromantic as fuck #asexual

Well...this was a prompt for inktober and I had way to much fun...and I dunno if anyone’s going to notice this because social media and artists don’t always work out well...especially now...anyways...my art style has changed a lot, but I like a lot better now...and I learned a thing or two about proportions and anatomy since the last drawings I posted. It’d be real cool if someone shared this cause that’s what I want my art to be for. To tell a story.

I dunno if anyone will see this..but hi...it’s been awhile.

It’s funny being somewhat extroverted and being aroace. I love it! I feel like a double agent.

Also the line between romance and friendship is so convoluted at this point that I really don’t see the difference. People kiss their friends. They make out with their friends. I mean people even fuck their friends. So where is the line. I’d say it depends on a) your boundaries, b) how you feel, and c) and where you’re at right now. Basically, all of it is subjective and I can’t tell when people are in relationships, so I always assume that they are friends cause I can’t tell. 

I know it isn’t the best to be “pal paling” people, but I wouldn’t deem it a bad thing. There’s barely any aro-spec representation. Everyone has a story to tell, and perhaps even through little things, you should share your story.

On a side note, I’m literally creating a story because I decided to create my own representation. First it was for gender, now it’s for ma sexuality and romantic orientation.

We're Screwed

Follow the story of two supernatural youngsters, Noel and Ezra, both descendants of the Contradii genus. Now what is a Contradii you ask? Well, read on to find out! A story centred around the teen years, family, some queerness, and magic. Do you dare to turn the page? Read on adventurers! Updates every Friday!!! Interested in my work? Check out my other socials! Tumblr: @piroshki101 DeviantArt:@mushyeggplant

Follow the story of two supernatural youngsters, Noel and Ezra, both descendants of the Contradii genus. Now what is a Contradii you ask? Well, read on to find out! A story centred around the teen years, family, some queerness and magic. Do you dare to turn the page? Read on adventurers! Updates every Friday!!! Interested in my work? Check out my other socials! Tumblr: @piroshki101 DeviantArt:@mushyeggplant Reading this will make your day better. #We're Screwed #webcomic #WEBTOON

It funny how I was able to accept that I was ace, granted I was in denial about it for some time. Then I realized I was aro and was like...”NONONO...I know I have no desire to date anyone, but NONONONONONONOnonono....I haven’t dated anyone...I don’t know what a crush feels like, let alone attraction!!! I’ve never had any fantasies!!! Wait-...people fantasize ABOUT ONE ANOTHER?!! I wouldn’t date any stranger or my friends!!!” and then I had the most funny thought at a certain point (before I knew the term aromantic) and it was, “Well maybe if I move countries I’ll be able to fall in love!!!!”, and meanwhile when romance/sex would show up in media I’d be like “Where is the plot?! Why did we lose the plot?! People actually want this?! WAIT-?! Do people act like this?!”. I also thought people were just deadass lying when they said they experienced crushes in kindergarten, which they probably weren’t lying. I will say though I do love food. I mean pesto is an absolute god. Chocolate is amazing (though if don’t like chocolate that’s cool too, same with any other food). But bread...oh my god! I love naan, rolls, and most breads.

Okay so recently I’ve been watching shows from the early 2000s and the queercoding is so fucking high. For example, I recently watched Malcolm in the Middle. I mainly talking about Malcolms older brother Reese. The dude married a man at one point and he also brought up that it was cool to have two dads cause some kid had two dads. Oh he also almost married a girl too. Dude’s a bicon or somethin’. I could definitely be overanalyzing and overthinking this, but it’s just a thought. As an aroace I need other peeps’ thoughts because I’m just goin’ off of what I saw in the show.

Toxic Friendships

As the title says I’m going to talk about toxic friendships because they’re shitty as hell dude. Like there were these two people that I knew, well okay we go to the same school and well one of ‘em was possessive of me, and didn’t respect my physical boundaries and he’d always lean on me (without asking mind you) during the classes we had together, and we still unfortunately have those same classes together, but I sit with other people who respect me, which wow...it’s truly amazing. This person and another person put down my art and called it projection every time I would show them a piece and they brought down one of my closest friends. I’m in the midst of relearning some social skill that I had learned from those unhealthy relationships. Also the physical-boundary-person and the rip-my-confidence-for-showing-art-person were really judgemental, not that I’m not judgemental at all, but they for sure clouded my judgement. I hung out with both of them because I was scared and insecure, and then I started loving myself and I started seeing the cracks. Also the symbiote-person liked me at a certain point, making the “affection” make me feel as if I were being taking advantage of because I gave them a second chance, hell I might’ve given him more than he deserved. I understand that they both have shit going on. I GET THAT! I just don’t want them to hurt other people and that includes themselves. They need to grow up for fucks sake! I’m just so tired of having to be sympathetic towards people who hurt me! I know I definitely contributed and I’m sorry that I did! They are like babies (or just middle schoolers...no offence to anyone who’d in middle school)! I’m tired of having to be mature! I’m tired of feeling hurt! I’m tired of seeing their guilty faces! Okay one of them always looks guilty and he also stares at me (symbiote-person) sometimes and it’s creepy as hell! I deleted their contacts because I need to let them go, but it’s so hard because I still feel so hurt and I’m scared that one of ‘em will try to pull me back. I’m so scared. I’m scared to be vulnerable again. I want to be strong, but what if I’m judged so hard. I’m so fucking scared. I wanna be a better friend to other people than they ever were to me. 

A lil’ story

When I was 11 there was some fortune teller that basically told me love life (which none)

He said that I would have a “lover” by the age of 14-15. And then he said I’d have one at 16-17 (I kinda forgot which one or if he said both). And one at 19.

Fortuneteller: Ah yes you will have many lovers

Me, an aroace in my head thinking: Huh...I haven’t any crushes yet...what’s it supposed to feel like? That’s not weird...right?

Later that year I went to a party...I think I was 12 then...and still nobody was “attractive”. 

And I was just waiting and I heard two people telling each other that they liked each other and then one of them was absolutely pissed at me...and I was like “Oh I like said person”...except I did not...I was just really scared. 

I continued to force crushes over the years, and I’m 16 now...and I feel absolutely nothing that people would call attraction. Every time I would tell people, like my friends, the “crush” would just go away (instantly if I may add) and I was like “okay...maybe next time?” but also “Uhm...is that normal...that’s not normal, right?”

Then covid happened and I was touch starved...and there was someone who was nice on the team (not gonna say...okay, but it was a sports team), and I thought: “Wow they’re so nice...maybe my crush won’t vanish!”. Then I told my friends and...it did indeed vanish. I did however want to become the persons friend badly...and that’s not going well, but if they see this...hi..can we be friends?

In conclusion, that fortune teller was talking out of his ass, excuse my language, but he was as I have no clue what a crush is supposed to feel like.

#aromantic #aromantic as fuck #this guy was dead wrong and I dunno why I believed him #Also he thought I was a girl, which...no I’m just non-binary #asexual #asexual as fuck #squish #I kinda wish I knew what aroace was instead of forcing crushes, but I’m glad I know now #aroace

It’s really hard as an aromantic to try and find genuinely kind people (who won’t be attracted romantically). Though I think that this is just hard in general.