The Weirdest Thing About Online Teaching Sessions Are That The Lecturer Is Explaining This Abstract Concept

I hate your guts but here’s some chocolate flavored Yoplait to help you through it.

“Hey fuckface, get off my property.”

“Not until you return my limited edition Ben 10 watch with the camo strap.”

“Already sold it, what ya gonna do?”

“Hope you like your phone flushed down the toilet.”

Exit stage right.

I’m right and I should say it

Watching big cats meow and purr feels weird because it would be similar to watching mob bosses do the baby voice.

Remember that time in 2012 when we all thought the world was going to end and did some unredeemable embarrassing shit to celebrate the end of times?

Yeah. Same.

Them: Can you check whether this specific transaction would be governed by the donation laws or would it be considered as a loan favourable to our clients?

Me: I’m only on fractions.

That’s it. That’s the joke. Thank you for coming.

Private investigator playing for both sides, I disappear people and find missing people. And sometimes for kicks, I’ll just disappear myself.

Your Tumblr username decides your profession. How is your first day at work?

So yes, I do fully react to fictional characters doing dumb things with incredulity and rage and then turn around and encourage myself to place my hands on a burning stove....what are you trying to say?

Keep hearing about everyone picking up a new skill during the lockdowns and well I’m proud to announce that I can now successfully unravel and re-ravel my self at will.

Good morning to everyone but Wen Chao. He can get his from the Xuanwu tortoise.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I’ll head into the kitchen in the dark, get me a glass of water, sigh and whisper ‘hydrated’ into the empty void.