Do My Friends Know That I Would Die For Them Or Do I Have To Tell Them

if you ever feel bad just remember one time my friends said i'm like an owl because when you first meet me i seem quite smart but when you get to know me i'm actually quite stupid and stubborn

i hope all the tory MPs who voted against free school meals drop dead 💖

at this point in the academic year the only thing left to do is cheat and die inside

slapstick comedy was invented in the 16th century and the world has been going downhill since then and i don’t think that that’s a coincidence 

just 👏 because 👏 you 👏 are 👏 older 👏 than 👏 me 👏 does 👏 not 👏 mean 👏 i 👏 have 👏 to 👏 respect 👏 you 👏 if 👏 you 👏do 👏 not 👏 respect 👏 me

sexual attraction seems weird, like a couple days ago my drama class was watching a movie and the guy took his shirt off and loads of girls were freaking out... like yes the man has titties

ocean salty

put ur hands up if you’re in a new national lockdown worse than last march bc ur pm is an incompetent cunt 🙋🏼‍♀️

i have beven motivated to make a list of the crimes of santa claus. no i will not say why

-promotes toxic masculinity (you better not cry)

-stalking (he sees you when you're sleeping. that's pretty creepy ngl)

-the most common: breaking and entering

-does he pay his elves??? do they have a choice??

-probably doesn't have a license for drivung reindeer

-stealing (takes cookies and carrots. that's very rude)

-forced reindeer to work for like two days nonstop

-favoritism (gives some kids coal and others presents. very rude. it ain't none of your business mr claus)

-doesn't pay rent to live in a whole ass continent. seriously man, you're probably rich, pay your share

-surprising people without permission

-keeping secrets

-not showing his identity (if you know my address & stalk me i deserve to see you)

-forcing people to cheat (i saw my mom kissing santa n. if he stalks people, he def knows she was married)

-on that note, pedophilia (that mom probably wasn't over a hundred years old or sum)

-he also cheated on HIS wife with that mom. why did i like this guy as a kid

-stealing children for help (literally any christmas movie, and you see him kidnapping)

-deception (literally anything he ever does)

-he probably also steals a lot of stuff from us earthlings. where else does he get all that stuff. mans in the north pole

-breaking promises (says he'll get you something for christmas but doesn't)

-probably magics the mailmen. how else do they know where he lives

-forcing those mailmen to go to the north pole coz he was too lazy to come get them. they probably missed dinner too

-reblog with more

masks are going to be very good for ventriloquists